Should we “prayerfully consider” having children? Since God has already told us what He expects, we don’t need to pray about whether or not to have children; we just need to obey.
If you find that you were triggered by the opening paragraph, please be assured that I’m not looking for a fight; I simply want to share with you what I believe about this. We’ve all heard that some kind of family planning is wise — whether from doctors, midwives, pastors, parents, friends, or even strangers. Well, I’d like to challenge that modern mentality.
As far as I can tell, Christians and godly people before Christ’s first coming generally didn’t try to restrict their family size. This wasn’t from a lack of knowledge, since people have always known of ways to keep from conceiving. This was from a desire to “be fruitful and multiply” as mandated by God.
It sounds very spiritual when modern Christians use words and phrases such as:
“Use discretion”
“Prayerfully consider”
“Seek biblical guidance”
“Seek wise counsel”
“Steward your body”
“Use wisdom”
“Be responsible”
Etc.
But though these expressions bring us comfort, they also misdirect us from the real issue: Obedience vs. non-obedience.
“Obedience?” you say. “Where does God tell us to obey Him by not using our brains?” Well, I’ll put a challenge to you which will require the use of your brain: Where does the Bible say to use family planning? I haven’t found a single verse! But where does the Bible say that God opens and closes the womb? (See the accounts in Genesis about Sarah, the women in Abimelech’s household, Rebekah, Rachel and Leah, and the Israelites in Egypt; see also the stories about Hannah, Samson’s mother, and Elizabeth.) Is there anything in the Bible which says that God is the giver of life? (Acts 17:25) That God forms each person in the womb and calls them before He forms them in the womb? (Jer. 1:5) That we are supposed to be fruitful and multiply? (Genesis 1:28) That multiplication of our family is a blessing from Him, but having fewer children could be a sign of His curse? (Lev. 26:3-4, 9, 14, 22. Those who are struggling with this, please don’t misunderstand me but know that there are also tests that God allows us to walk through.)
By the way, this is just a taste of what the Bible has to say about it. I could have given you so much more information — but then what would be left for you to find out for yourself?
Want more Bible support? Read this article for a brief walk through of the topic: Surrendered Womb
There are many verses which support accepting the blessing of children without hindering their conception. What would you discover if you intentionally read through the Bible again, keeping track of every instance where God mentions anything related to having children? We don’t have to “not use our brains” — we have to use them to study what the Scriptures actually say, and then have faith in God’s wisdom to choose what’s best for us.
Obedience is risky. It hurts sometimes. It leads to roads we never would have chosen. It tests our faith. Why? Because it’s easy to obey when things are going the way we want, but it’s much harder to obey when things are not going our way, when there is danger involved. In fact, obedience under stress, in the face of fear, when it “doesn’t make sense,” when we “don’t feel a peace” about it because it’s totally out of our comfort zone — obedience under these conditions is the real test of whether our faith is genuine.
Genuine faith does the hard thing.
Genuine faith does the hard thing not just because it’s hard, but because it’s in the Bible.
Genuine faith usually comes out of a weak, fragile, scared individual who knows their only hope is to keep trusting in God and to keep following Him no matter what, because in the end He really does know what He’s doing. In the end, He’ll make everything work out and reward us according to His wisdom. The harvest will come to those who do good without growing weary (Gal. 6:9) — even though we do grow weary, but we never quite give up despite our tiredness. The Lord “restores our soul” (Psalm 23:1-3).
Beware of the comfortable way out that uses wise-sounding phrases which mask their real character: disobedience.
How “disobedience”?
Because God told the human race to be fruitful and multiply … without providing a stop date.
Because God made sex within marriage for the purpose of procreation. It’s not mainly for pleasure. Similar to how food isn’t just for the taste of it, but for the nourishment it provides, sex isn’t just for the feel of it, but for the offspring it produces (yes, only under the right circumstances, yet we know our bodies function under the assumption that a new baby is trying to be made nevertheless). It’s biology. And Who created our biology? God. It’s how God made things to be from creation — and it hasn’t changed.
Because life proceeds from God and is a gift, not a curse; a blessing, not a burden.
Because children are God’s way of extending His influence and His kingdom. Children have to be raised right, it’s true. But, don’t you know we’re all frail, sinful human beings? We’re never going to do everything right when it comes to raising our children. We’re going to mess them up at least a little, and they’re going to need to forgive us for it. We don’t need to “only bring children into the world if you’re going to be able to provide for them, give them a proper education, and raise them up right.” We need to bring children into the world because GOD can do something with their lives. Even after we’ve failed. God just needs us to say yes and give Him the chance. Yes, as mothers we will worry about if we’re doing our job well. But in the end, remember we are giving a child to the Lord. That child was never ours to keep.
Because God uses our weaknesses during pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood to grow us. We avoid growth when we avoid pain. God wants to use children to do something in our lives (and in theirs) but we take away that opportunity from Him when we say no. Did you know that we can say no to God and He often lets us have our way? Yes. There is God’s active will, where He jumps in and makes things happen His way. Then there is His permissive will, where He lets us make mistakes, but then uses them as part of His sovereign plan. But we still bear responsiblity for those mistakes, and we must still come to the awareness that things had been better for us if we had not resisted His will.
Risk is part of the Christian life. And that includes having children. But they’re worth having anyway.
When it comes to “prayerfully considering” whether or not we should use family planning, let’s make sure we’re not “prayerfully considering” a way out of obeying God’s word. Instead, let’s make sure our prayers align with what He has already revealed in His holy word.
This is a tricky subject. What are your thoughts?
And if you’re on Instagram and would like further encouragement, I’ve been following this Christian lady’s account, where she talks often about having a surrendered womb (she has six children):
Lydia Braun https://www.instagram.com/daughterofphilip/
~Jessica
Discover more from The Heavenly Hearth
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
This article comes in God’s timing! I am 2 weeks postpartum with our 8th baby and had postpartum preeclampsia at 8 days postpartum. It is hard to trust and I have had moments of doubt but the Lord is faithful in even in my weaknesses!! Thank you
Hi, Heather!
Congratulations on your newest little one! May the Lord bless you with complete healing as you recover from the birth and the complication you experienced afterwards. Oh, my; that must have been so hard! But your continued trust in God’s wisdom is beautiful. I’m so glad this article came at just the right time.
~Jessica
I wish more people would default to obedience to God’s word, rather than looking for a reason to believe they are the exception. I’m on the other side of things, longing for children and so far not having any. Having to trust God, even as the temptation grows to seek out expensive and morally questionable “fertility treatments”. I believe God opens the womb, and for whatever reason, he also closes it. And no, we don’t have the money or meet all the other requirements in order to be able to adopt either. So every time I hear people say they’re choosing not to have kids, or choosing to limit their family size, it hurts a little, because given the opportunity, I’d love to have all the children God would give me, and trust that He would help us provide for them.
Dear penguinfreely157d78101f,
Your heart’s desire for God to bless you with children is beautiful, biblical, and the way God made us as women to be. How valuable it is in this world to have a heart that seeks God and His good gifts, instead of believing the world’s lies about what will supposedly fulfill us. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us.
Yes, I agree with you about those fertility treatments! I have read that an alternative to those expensive and morally questionable treatments is the natural approach of diet, supplements, and lessening our toxic overload. One lady I follow on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/danellerose_y/ says that she was only able to get pregnant after working very diligently to get rid of anything with perfume and artificial fragrance, synthetic food additives, etc. and using only or mostly natural products. Those synthetics were affecting her hormones and endocrine system and were keeping her from being able to conceive.
I think that God used this journey to teach her about the importance of watching our health. So, yes, He’s sovereign and in control, but I think that the route He chooses for us may be one where we are required to do something to support our health using His natural resources which He’s provided for us.
You are probably already doing that! This is most likely redundant for you. But I just wanted to mention it just in case the reminder would help, and for the sake of any other women who are reading and wondering about what they could try to do in a similar situation. And of course, even after everything we may try to do, it is always still in God’s hands, as you know and believe. His will is always for our good, and never for our hurt. There is a deep and important purpose for whatever trial He ordains us to walk through.
May the Lord greatly bless you for your trust and patience!
~Jessica
God bless you Jessica. I had been checking your blog often to see if you had posted. I’m so glad that you did. You posted on my marriage anniversary. ☺️ Praise the Lord!
I love that you often discuss this very important topic because even in Christian circles, it is rarely discussed. It’s not even spoken about by most pastors today, which is sad. Most women like myself have no guidance because, where are all the Titus 2 older women? Another sad thing.
God teaches me a lot through your blog. I’m 34 and I need this guidance. Thank you. God bless you and your family abundantly.
Jessie
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Jessie! And Happy Anniversary!
Yes, I know what you mean about this topic not getting talked about enough, from a biblical perspective. I think we’ve been influenced by the enemy (without realizing it) to decrease our numbers, which he hopes will give him an advantage. But in the end, God always wins. Even now, He’s winning through the way many Christians are yearning to return to His ways.
I’m so joyful to hear from you that this blog has been a help to you and a source of godly inspiration. How wonderful to know that!
~Jessica
Yes, the spiritual euphemisms that we use to mask the brutal realities of contraceptive philosophy are really awful. They mirror those that are used to mask the realities of abortion. We want to feel comfortable with our own consciences, so we have to invent comfortable ways to mask the things we do that we must know, deep down, are not okay.
Here’s how I think of contraception: God, as an artist, is trying to come to our door to give us a masterpiece that He has created, in His perfect timing. Being open to children means opening the front door and receiving the gift with gratitude. Practicing contraception means locking the front door and sticking a shotgun out the front window – doing whatever we can to make sure that the Artist never gets anywhere close to being able to give us His gift.
If God is God, we can trust Him to give His gifts in His perfect timing, and without having to control His hand.
Great article, Jessica!
Hi, Diana!
That was a great analogy! I feel exactly the same way about this issue. I also agree wholeheartedly with your comments about how we tend to mask our sin through using comfortable-sounding phrases. Spot on!
I’ve heard another analogy from the other side of this issue, which is that when we’re drowning and God sends us a boat, we would be foolish to not get in (use contraception). It’s seen as a “way out” of our health problems, financial problems, patience/energy/time problems, etc. But, was it really God who sent the boat? Think of Jesus, when Peter said confidently that he wouldn’t let Him suffer and die — Jesus rebuked him and said, “Get behind me Satan.”
Sometimes the path God has planned for us is the uncomfortable, painful, dangerous one. The question is how well we know our Bible. If Peter had known his Scriptures better, he would have known that the Christ would have to suffer for our sins. Similarly (though not at the same level!), if we Christians had known our Scriptures better, we would have known that children are a gift from God instead of an accident to be avoided, and we would be willing to accept them from Him in faith.
Thanks, as always, for the support and encouragement!
~Jessica
As with all sin – we have a million reasons to go against Gods plan and his design. Most ultimately selfish and sadly in many instances, Churches (of all denominations) are prepared to justify sin, if they feel it is helpful in keeping more people in Church. But God’s purpose for marriage, for intimacy and for us as women is clear and contraception in any form is a direct rejection of his purpose. It is a sin, as well as being a gateway to a further litany of sinful behaviour. God means us to surrender control, and welcome new life as the blessing it is.
Hello, Susanne!
Yes, I absoluately agree with your assessment that contraception is a sin. Those who use it may see this statement as harsh, because they feel they are seeking a “godly solution” to their problems. But, in the end, it must be a sin, though perhaps an ignorant one in some people’s case, because it is not in line with what the Scriptures clearly teach about the value of human life and the blessing of children.
Children aren’t just a blessing because of some cultural reason (as in, “those people in Bible times saw children as an asset, so that’s why they wanted them so bad, but children aren’t always an asset in our modern times). No — children are a blessing regardless of their being seen as an asset or not, regardless of how the culture views them, regardless of our personal problems and how convenient it would be to not have another one. Children are a blessing because they are created by God, Who is the Giver of new life. Period.
I’m so thankful for your supportive comments on this topic!
~Jessica
Absolutely! Contraception is most definitely a sin.
Thank you for posting this beautiful discussion Jessica! Yes, it is our duty as Godly women to open our wombs to His many blessings, obedience to His Will & design is crucial.
Amen! Yes, Courtney, I agree!
God bless – I agree completely.
Beautiful and true. Children are all a blessing from God.
Through obedience we concieved and our boy was born one month ago. We knew there was a chance of genetic disease. Right now I am in the hospital with him and it seems very possible he has the disease.
I can tell you it makes me doubt my obedience..should I have been more “responsible”? Satan makes me doubt and question. Yet I am thankful for the little sweet boy we received.
Any thoughts on this subject, how to handle these situations in a marriage? I know I am very fertile. Which I still see as a blessing! But also makes me wonder about how to handle this.. please share thoughts or advice and pray for us in this situation.
Thank you very much
Hi, Nadine!
Congratulations on the birth of your sweet baby boy! What a beautiful time of life to be in, though it comes with its challenges.
In answer to your question, I would say that the main issue is this: Who is God?
The Bible says He is the Giver of Life. The Bible also says that defects are used by Him for His glory. In that case, it seems clear to me that it’s not really up to us to make these sorts of decisions, where we’re taking the reigns and deciding for ourselves if a human life is worth conceiving over the chance the baby might have a defect.
Can we let God decide? Is He wise enough? Does He know more about the future than we do? Is He able to get us through whatever challenge He ordains we walk through? Is He able to provide for our every need — whether material, emotional, mental, physical, relational, or spiritual? If the answer to those questions is Yes, then why do we think we are capable of making a better decision than He is? Why not trust Him?
This is not a majority opinion, but I believe this is what the Bible teaches: God is sovereign over human life. No person’s life, and no defect a person has, is ever an accident. Defects happen because of the Fall, yes — but God has a purpose for how He’s going to use them in our lives for good. While it is true that in a general sense as we go through life we should “be responsible,” that doesn’t mean we should try to play God. Some areas of life are best left up to Him. I believe that New Human Life is one of them. It is God who gives breath to every human being:
Acts 17:25 “neither is [God] worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things”
In marriage, the two must be in agreement, especially since the child comes from both of them. It seems to me that prayer, Bible study, and discussion are all very important. We must have patience along the way for the time it takes for hearts and minds to change. I would say that “counsel” is important, but often, even Christian counsel in this sort of situation seems to run counter to Scripture because the church has adopted our culture’s way of thinking to a large degree in this area. But there is always wise counsel in the Scriptures, and many times from people who have already walked this path in surrender and joy. Look for joyful people who love their disabled children and wouldn’t change a thing, even if they could go back and do it all over again. And if we wouldn’t change a thing with the first child, then why would we think anything should be different with a second? The next child’s life is just as valuable and worth it as the first one’s was. It’s logical, right? And if in any way we feel like we just can’t manage, remember that God already knew how hard it was going to be before He gave us the child. He will get us through.
I’m reading Philippians right now, and it says in 1:29 that not only has it been given to us to believe in Christ, but also to suffer for His sake. That’s the Christian life: a mixture of suffering and glory, weakness and power, pain and consolation, loneliness and fellowship, agony and hope.
Not a single trial is ever wasted — not with God. We can be just as sure that He will use congenital defects for our ultimate good as we can be sure that He will use persecution for our ultimate good. We can trust Him.
My heart goes out to you! I sincerely hope that the news is good and that your precious baby doesn’t have any problems. But if he does, may the Lord reach out to comfort you with His supernatural comfort. May He strengthen you and your husband to keep believing and trusting in Him. I pray He would surround you with arms of care and love and support. May He reveal to you and your husband right from the beginning how He plans to use this for His glory. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
~Jessica
Thank you Jessica for very encouraging article(s).
I am Christian and yet to be married but I’m taking encouragement from reading your articles and the replies of your readers to make sure that I reject any form of contraception after I’m wed.
God bless you and your husband – submit to his will !
Thank you SusanneT.
Yes, I will certainly submit.
And I shall be totally rejecting the use of any form of contraception, including NFP.
Sadly I have only ever been subjected to well meaning contraception ‘advice’ whenever I sought information from family, friends or my church. I’m so pleased that I have found this site to help me.
We are to have a godly seed. Arrows unto the Lord are a godly seed, not just any offspring. What is the point of having children that just are going to spend an eternity away from the Lord in hell?
Obeying the Lord in His leading could mean carefully having two children or having as many as our bodies can give us. Both can be godly; both can be of the enemy and our own sinful desires.
Children are a blessing from the Lord but is He blessing the parents who cheated on their spouses and got pregnant. No way. That child is still important but that is not God blessing their sin. In our natural world, natural things happen. Jesus says it is better if Judas would not have been born. We should carefully and prayerfully bring people into this world.
Hello, Susann,
I appreciate the time you took to leave a comment on this post. While most of the women have shared opinions that are similiar to mine, you have bravely stated your own opinion, though it is not very similar. I can admire that bravery.
The example you used about Judas sounds like a useful way to talk about this topic, so let’s go with it. Yes, Jesus said, “it had been good for that man if he had not been born” (Matthew 26:23-25). However, God did allow him to be born, didn’t He? Why? Well, the answer is that God had a purpose for Judas, albeit a negative one. Proberbs 16:3-5 — “The Lord hath made all things for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil.”
How could Judas’ parents have known that he would grow up to betray Jesus? They could not have known, not even in their remotest imaginations. That knowledge was reserved for God alone; only He knows the future. And interestingly, He still allowed Judas to be conceived, to be born, to grow up, and to do the very thing that helped put Jesus on the cross. It was all part of God’s plan.
So this example actually confirms and validates my point: As married people, we have no business trying to play God by deciding when or if to have a child. It is God’s business. He will close and open the womb as He deems right (so many examples of this in the Bible!). Once conceived, He will cause the baby to be born, if it is His will. And He will guide that child’s life to accomplish His sovereign purposes.
Even babies who are born out of wedlock have a purpose. By allowing that life, God is in no way blessing sin; He is blessing life. Life is a blessing. Humans are of inestimable value no matter how they were conceived. So yes, you can certainly say that every child is a blessing because life is a blessing and humans are made in God’s image and are of inestimable value — regardless of how they choose to live their lives later on.
By giving Judas to his parents, God blessed them with life. So, even the betrayer Judas, whose later actions made him unworthy of the life he had been given, was a blessing in that sense.
The Judge of all the earth will take care of everything in the end (Genesis 18:25). It is our duty to trust Him to be the Judge, while we simply obey. And yes, the Bible is clear: “Be fruitful and multiply.” When we decide to pray about something God has been clear about, we are not wise; we are disobedient. We are looking for excuses that will make our lives easier. Then we call it “wisdom” and feel good about ourselves. It’s all backwards.
I sincerely pray that in His abundant love and grace, the Lord would lead you deeper into the truth of His word, and help you to correctly interpret it. I say this with kindness and care. May the Lord bless you, Susann.
~Jessica
Also, I was conceived out of wedlock so I get that all children are valuable but that wasn’t the point in question. People often say “children are a blessing” as if every time someone gets pregnant that is God blesses them. I would argue that certainly is not always the case as many times children are conceived from very sinful situations. Now if the parents sinned but are the Lord’s and repent, maybe he was still blessing them without blessing them sin. I’m not trying to limit sin. But I am saying that people just out there committing adultery etc are not necessarily and are probably not at all in a situation as heinous as that being blessed for sinning.
“Limit God” not “limit sin”
Autocorrection correction.
Hi, Jessica. I don’t see your reply here but I did see it in my email so I guess it is still okay to post it here even if my comments are never approved.
I understand your view and know many people who believe it. I just simply believe that all of us tend to have a hole in our beliefs that we keep continually doubling down on in order to justify our own choices and to feel secure. This constant validation sends us further into it and of course just like anything often hardens our hearts in that one way. But I do also believe that the Lord will lead some to have as many children as they can naturally have because He knows they won’t be lost for eternity. But teaching this view as something for everyone is just very wrong as far as I can tell biblically. The Lord isn’t willing that any should perish. He allowed Judas to be born. He didn’t dictate it. He doesn’t interfere in many of our choices. He then used that for His purpose but He could have used any means. It didn’t require someone perishing for all eternity and I do believe that notion is so awful and unbiblical that I would encourage you to read back what you wrote to me from time to time. The Lord didn’t tell everyone to be fruitful and multiply; that is a misapplied application that is easy to do but it’s quite a reach.
Hi, Susann,
To clarify for both you and other readers: I don’t at all believe that it was God’s plan for Judas to perish for all eternity. I didn’t actually say that. Judas grew up and made choices. Those choices led him to betry Jesus. The betrayal of Jesus was part of God’s plan. Someone was going to do it, and that someone happened to be Judas. Free will coincided with God’s sovereignty. I don’t pretend to know more about this than all the highly intelligent theologians who have discussed election and predestination for hundreds of years.
My point was simply that it wasn’t up to Judas’s parents to pray about whether or not he should be conceived. How they raised him, we don’t know. He could have had very godly, loving parents. But his destiny was ultimately tied to his personal choices.
We can’t know what choices our children will make when they’re older. Adam and Eve didn’t know Cain was going to kill his brother. When Cain was born, Eve said she had gotten a man from the Lord (Genesis 4:1). She had been told to be fruitful and multiply (I don’t think you can deny that command was certainly meant for her, even if you disagree about how far down the line of descendants that applies). And it turned out tragically. But was God wrong to say to Adam and Eve “Be fruitful and multiply”? Did they misunderstand Him? Doesn’t seem like it. It’s just that sometimes God allows things to go a certain way for a reason. And people grow up and make their own choices, even when they have parents who love them and try to raise them the right way.
When that happens, it’s not our fault because we supposedly didn’t have the right amount of children (because we didn’t pray about it and ended up having too many, or had ones that were destined to perish). It seems to me that you are saying my belief is wrong because (in your view) we could have children by accident that we shouldn’t have had. And I think your view is unkind because it blames parents for their children’s future choices. In my way of thinking, trusting God to know the future and leaving it in His capable hands is what will give us the most peace (and this is biblical). But if we all thought as you did, can you imagine the guilt? To think that if we had only prayerfully considered how many children to have, we might have avoided some of them going to hell. What a horrible thing to live with! And I don’t believe that God wants us to live with guilt for something that is not our fault.
No where in the Bible does it teach some of the things you believe. This is not my stubbornly wanting to maintain my belief (as you implied earlier); this is logic speaking. I have never seen God say anywhere in the Bible that we need to pray about how many children to have, or that it is up to us to only have children that will not go to hell. I have never seen anywhere in the Bible where it is said that being fruitful and multiplying doesn’t apply to everybody. I have never seen God say we should use birth control of any sort to limit children. These things you’ve said simply can’t be backed up by Scripture. If there is a specific verse that contradicts what I just said, please point me to it. I’m not looking for an argument, so I will simply stop here. I don’t think you are, either. You merely want to share your opinion, which is good. Thank you for doing so.
For readers who want to know more, please see my page (on the main menu) titled “Surrendered Womb,” plus my blog posts in that category.
~Jessica.
No, I certainly wouldn’t apply this to Cain since we don’t even know when he was born nor does it necessarily mean that he was lost for eternity. We are told he was to wander the earth. So, no, I don’t think any of this would have applied to Adam and Eve in the same way since there were one couple that was told to be fruitful and multiply and they even existed in a time at first before sin. The main point here is that it just seems a far reach to say all must keep having as many children as they can get pregnant with… certainly the Lord leads us in more than just letting what fall what may fall naturally. I don’t mind at all that you have as many children in that way but it just seems that some of your posts are quite severe in teaching others which often can point to something unhealthy somewhere.
I would encourage to just look at all the verses on prayer. I would say the answer is yes, with such a heavy responsibility of bringing people into the world, we shouldn’t just think of them as cute little babies but as souls who will age and make choices and die. Yes, we should be in great prayer over every child even before they are born. And then and always Conroe walking in faith. The issue becomes that many might say “the answer is clear” and then no longer walk in humility and prayer and just decide, no more children or just keep having as many as possible. Two common extremes among Christians. Just as the Bible might not say prayer over which house you live in or what job you get or who you marry, it’s clear in that we need to be in constant prayer and submit our requests to the Lord.
I just believe some are taking it too far, I’ve seen many big families do this, especially when their older children start walking away from the Lord or their children have no children because they grew up having to take care of younger children. If this is you right now, and it could be if you are at that age, then just be in constant prayer for them. Of course these may just be staged of growing for them. If you brought hem up sincerely in the Lord they may indeed find their way back. They will remember and not find something that replaces that hole that is left without the Lord and His people.
https://www.openbible.info/topics/prayer