When our first child became an adolescent, I thought, “Why is this so tough? It must be because it’s our first time parenting a teen, but we can get through this!” Okay, so we did get through it — with a few battle scars to remember it by. Our second child was more docile, though moody at times. I felt sure that we had hurdled the toughest issues with our first and were on to smoother traveling. By the time our third, fourth, and fifth children entered Adolescence I reluctantly came to terms with the reality that the tough times were not over. Adolescence is by nature a season of growth — sometimes painful growth. It’s something each child has to go through . . . and their parents with them.
Whether one wants to, or not.
I went from feeling like, “I can handle this,” to feeling like I wasn’t so sure I could — unless something changed dramatically. Looking back on my early YouTube videos and blog posts, I sense that I was held within the influence of a serene confidence in my ability to know how to be a good parent. Things felt manageable. I went through hard days, sure, but never anything like this — never anything that shook me to my core, that pierced through my heart with such intense pain, or that caused me to wonder what it would be like to give up.
Could that be the reason why some (not all, of course) large-family bloggers quit writing? Did they arrive at a similar crisis? I think I may have been uncompassionate in the past. Forgive me; I didn’t know how hard this can be! Finally, I got to the point where I felt like quitting, myself. I haven’t, but I’ve felt like it. I suspect I’ve been initiated: “Welcome to the group called, ‘Extremely Stressed-Out Mothers of Teens, Etc.'” It took me nine children to finally get to this point — to reach what seemed to be the “end” of myself, the “unsurpassable limit.”
My husband and I needed to change our tactics. Or maybe improve them. Parenting isn’t something you can do sitting down; it’s an all-in-the-game, win-or-die-trying challenge (metaphorically) that requires one’s full attention and active presence. It requires us to humble ourselves and admit our own faults so we can address them. Then, as we address them in ourselves, we will be better equipped to address those same faults in our children. Parenting isn’t just about teaching our children how to change; it’s about letting God show us how to change.
I realized that I needed to take care of some issues in my own life, bad habits I’d developed which I had thought were fine but now realized were not helping things. I needed to clear out my thinking and clarify what God’s will was and is for me so I could move forward in complete confidence, even if that still didn’t mean complete visibility. I received encouragement from this passage of Scripture:
Isn’t it true that as parents, we can sometimes feel that we are “walking in darkness, without a ray of light?” Situations come up that we’re not sure how to deal with — we’re just doing our best, hoping things will turn out right in the end and sometimes despairing that they ever will. But this Scripture encourages us to “trust in the Lord and rely on your God.” Yes; we can do that! However, there is a warning against those who would “live in your own light and warm yourselves by your own fire.” Human wisdom may sound nice, but God’s wisdom, found in the Bible, is much more reliable.
There are those who would say, “If you’re having a hard time raising your kids, you shouldn’t have any more.” Whose wisdom is that? God’s Word says:
It is a blessing when God increases you.
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them . . .~Psalm 127:3-5
I heard on the Christian radio the other day that children are a “heavy blessing.” Yes, that’s true. Gold, for example, weighs a lot and is heavy to carry around. But would we throw our precious gold down because we’re tired of the work? That would be stupid — who would even think of that? But children are even more precious than gold!
For a moment, I felt I didn’t want to have more children, that I couldn’t bear the pain of their adolescent rejection, their waywardness, and the “thanklessness” of an extremely tiring job. I didn’t want to go on. And you know what? I think this feeling had been building over time. I had felt the same way about giving birth this last time. I was “nearing the end of my tether” and was starting to feel outdone by life’s accumulated hardships.
I even prayed, “God, I don’t know if I want more children. I want Your will, but how can I handle more of this? I’m not doing very well. I do believe that if You sent us more children, You would also be with us to help us raise them for You. But I’m just so tired and stressed out that I feel rebellious and like digging my feet in and insisting that No, I won’t do this anymore.” Of course I knew I would, though. Interestingly, I’ve somehow gotten to the point where I’d rather sacrifice myself in living for God than sacrifice God’s will in living for myself. Over the years, it seems, this conviction about the need to cling loyally to God’s Word has become stronger with me. It almost feels impossible that I should give up, even as much as it has sometimes felt I couldn’t possibly move forward. I knew that in the end, I would keep living by faith, even though my feelings were struggling to cooperate.
I needed to weed out the defeatist thoughts I had been allowing myself to think, for however fleeting a moment (“These kids are driving me crazy,” “I’m so sick and tired of this situation,” “I feel so exhausted,” etc.), and plant seeds of truth from God’s Word. I needed to water those seeds of truthful, victorious thinking, instead of watering the weeds of negative, defeatist thinking. And some practical lifestyle changes would help, as well.
Here are a few of those changes we’ve been implementing successfully . . .
Some things that are helping our family:
- Deciding that this is a house where “we do not yell.” Yes, the kids still yell, but my husband and I are trying to model calmess under pressure and remind the kids of this “family rule” when appropriate.
- Signing the kids up for some additional activities. I firmly believe in the need to simplify one’s schedule, but my husband and I realized that though we may not need the extra activity, some of our adolescent kids do. Of course, we still have to make sure and keep our schedule sane and sustainable, though, to prevent burnout. (Ooh, I like that: “Schedules should be Simple, Sane, and Sustainable.”)
- We’d already been doing this, and we’re continuing to commit ourselves to monthly family outings somewhere fun (and often new). This is usually out of town, though not always.
- Being willing to work with others who are available to help our family in various ways. Learning from them, if we can, anything new that might benefit us.
- Praising the children every time we see them doing something praiseworthy.
Some things that are helping us as a couple:
- While the kids go to a mid-week kids’ activity, my husband and I have been watching parenting videos from Focus on the Family, then discussing them over coffee. This is probably the highlight of my week! We had never done this before, and I’m so thankful that my husband has been open and willing to learn and change, and I’m being challenged, as well.
- We are continuing to go for our daily walks together, which is when we have a chance to be by ourselves (with the baby in his stroller) and talk about important family-related issues.
Some things that I’m doing to help myself:
- Being careful of what I allow into my brain space. Thoughts can be crippling if they are not based on truth, so I’m trying to focus on what is true and in alignment with faith.
- Listening to uplifting Christian music (worship songs or hymns).
- Reading from my Bible app and being encouraged by God’s Word.
- Smiling and being cheerful. (No, it’s not “being fake” — it’s intentionally forming good habits of faith-based optimism that will lead to good physical, mental, and emotional health. They say, “Fake it ’til you make it.” Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be “fake” if we find something we are grateful for, and focus on that.)
- Meeting each new day as a fresh opportunity to try again and do better.
- Praying for God’s help and believing He will give it; thanking Him for all the things I can think of.
- Reading encouraging books for wives and mothers (such as Mother’s Faith: Essays, Lamentations, and Encouragement from a Christian Mother of Waywards, by Mrs. Sharon White).
- Sometimes, just reading interesting books for fun (like the books my kids are reading for school).
- Working in my yard and garden. Admiring all the beautiful flowers.
- Going for walks in the early morning with the baby to get some exercise.
- “Getting deeper into my homemaking” (a concept I appreciate from the book, Dear Kitchen Saints: Letters from an Iowa Housewife, by Connie Hultquist, whose marriage testimony, “Bring Him Home!” was featured in Above Rubies). For example, I’ve really been enjoying hanging the laundry out on the line to dry in the fresh air and sunshine, lately.
- Doing things to help myself look nice.
For the first time in my life, I have felt old. Ugly. I’m not young anymore. I’m on the way down. I feel so sad and ashamed of myself as I admit that I had recently been looking forward to not having babies anymore and “things calming down.” Daily life had been so crazy that I just wanted the hard times to be over and to have some time for myself. I mean, sometimes I don’t even have the chance to take a shower! I have felt so dragged down by life and as if I didn’t have an escape from the daily struggles.
I’ve been so short-sighted and focused on myself! I suspect the enemy has been trying to distract me from this incredibly important and valuable work God has given me to do by attempting to tear me down emotionally and make me feel like a miserable failure — and it worked. I have had to repent and apologize to God for my wrong attitudes.
I shouldn’t be focused on the trial, but on God. Life — normal, everyday life — is full of all sorts of trials; they never end. It’s kind of like dishes: There will always be dirty dishes to wash every day of our lives. There will also be trash to take out, beds to make, floors to sweep, weeds to pull, tables to wipe, and on the list goes. Many tasks of life are not “once and done”; they are constantly demanding our attention whether we want to give it or not. Living for God is like that.
We have to constantly be working on our spiritual lives, watching out for the weeds of wrong thinking, bitterness, unforgiveness, discontentment, etc. And parenting is no different. It demands our attention over and over again. We should expect that this will not change soon — we should expect that our time and energy will be demanded upon constantly, and strategize accordingly.
Through all the hard days, I need to keep holding tightly to my purpose, which is not to preserve my youthful looks, have time for things I enjoy, or be able to say, “I’ve got it all figured out” — my purpose is to love God and do His will, which right now is to raise these children, no matter how messy and exhausting it might be. He has given them to my husband and I as both a gift and a responsibility; they are both our privilege and our duty. He has entrusted us with their upbringing. How foolish of me to complain about this precious, crucial, God-appointed job! I need to remember that . . . “I can do all (ALL!) things through Christ Who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).
It helps to think about things this way:
-If you were a rancher and someone gave you more cattle, it would be a blessing, wouldn’t it? But it would require more work (see Proverbs 14:4).
-A bigger house would be a blessing — but it would need more cleaning.
-A bigger car would be a blessing to someone with a lot of people to drive around — but it would need more gas.
-More orders for a product you create would bring in more revenue, but you would have to work hard to fulfill those orders and make more products to replace them.
And the list could go on forever.
Blessings usually mean more work. They are gifts that need to be taken care of; they don’t magically take care of themselves. I wonder: Could the work be part of the blessing, too, as our character develops and we become less selfish and more dependent on God?
Important Things to Remember When Raising an Adolescent:
- They themselves don’t always understand what is happening to them physically, emotionally, and mentally. We need to help them navigate this confusing new territory, not get mad at them. They are just teens — not crazy.
- They need to have stimulation for their growing bodies and minds. This can be in the form of exciting projects, fun outings, healthy relationships, new experiences, etc. This is the age when they are beginning to form ideas of who they are as individuals, when they are starting to consider what they want to do with their lives when they are adults. We can help guide them safely through this time. We can provide them with opportunities to grow and support their interests, as long as those interests are healthy.
- They need down time, as well. There needs to be a healthy balance between activity and rest. We need to give them plenty of time to relax and ponder things, to play and be goofy, without always having a rigid schedule.
- They need guidance from us, not lengthy lectures. I tend to lecture — and my kids tend to zone out after about five minutes. I’m learning that it is better to keep things short and to the point. It also helps to ask questions (in a non-interrogating way), and listen with interest to their responses. We should be willing to listen to their opinions, even if we don’t agree. They mostly just want to be heard and understood.
- They might not like hugs in public anymore, but they still need our loving affirmation and affection. They need our praise and for us to say, “I’m proud of you!” for things they’ve accomplished, even if that is a “small” thing like controlling their temper instead of engaging in an argument.
You Can Do This . . . Really!
We need to hope in what is on the other side. No, I’m not really talking about graduation from highschool or college. I’m not talking about getting married and having children. Because let’s face it: Though our children will eventually grow up, they will never grow out of having problems. We will always, as mothers, shudder over their mistakes, agonize through prayer over their sinful choices, and be concerned about their well-being. What I mean by “the other side” is what God has in store for those who love Him (1 Cor. 2:9).
We are soldiers of Christ, and a good soldier never leaves his (or her) post! We never relinquish territory to the enemy! We never turn back out of fear or weariness! We hold steady and march onward, through the heat, through the storm, through the aches, until we fulfill our assignment — and for us as mothers, that is not accomplished until we take our last, dying breath. But don’t think that there will be no rest; there will be. In the myriad joys of life, there will be plentiful opportunities to bask in the beauty, to breathe in the fragrance of glory and goodness emanating from God’s closeness as we remain loyal to our task. Yes, we can do this, mothers!
Instead of viewing this stage of life as a trial, we can view it as an age of opportunity. God is doing something great in the lives of our children! Isn’t it wonderful that we get to be a crucial part of that? If we pause and take the time to look, we can see so many beautiful things developing in their personalities. They are individualizing — becoming their own individuals.
Lately, I have been looking for every opportunity to see something to be proud of, and there’s a lot. God has been taking me on this crazy, challenging journey and is showing me that what I had thought was horrible can actually be amazing if looked at from a different angle.
***
- I bet you know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed sometimes! What strategies have you found work well to help yourself pull through?
- Could you share any advice on raising children in the pre-teen and teen stage of life?
- What is your best advice for communicating your needs to your husband, in a way that helps him be receptive to what you are saying?
- And finally, are there any resources you’d like to share? Or maybe questions you’d like to get answers to? Let’s support each other through our comments, below!
~Jessica
My father had a book in his home library called, “The Strong Family” by Pastor Charles Swindoll (of Insight for Living). I found it extremely helpful to read as my teenagers were growing into adults. The most difficult aspect of raising children is the culture around us and its strong influence away from traditional, peaceful morals and values. These are hard years but there are so many good times being blessed by our precious children and their days at home with us. The Lord is working in their lives as well as ours! He has a plan. It will always be the best!
Dear Mrs. White,
Thank you so much for sharing your experienced insight, and for the book recommendation! I was greatly encouraged by your wise and caring words.
~Jessica
Hi Jessica! My kids are a ways from adolescence, so I have time. Hopefully Brian & I are successful in guiding our children on a Godly path. The passages you quoted really spoke to me!
I appreciate your kind comment, Courtney. Yes, if you and your husband seek God and His will together, I am sure that even though there will be trials of various sorts, you will get through them alright. 🙂
~Jessica
“I knew that in the end, I would keep living by faith, even though my feelings were struggling to cooperate.” Amen.
Dear Jessica,
What a brave and true soul you are! Your honest and true confession struck a chord with me.
Anne of Green Gables had many children, but in those days, she and others usually had an old lady to help them raise their children and take care of the house. Respectfully, you are raising nine children all by yourself without such an old lady! I really take my hat off to you.
They may not know it now, but later on, your children will realize your tremendous efforts, struggles, tears, patience, faith, love, and forgiveness that are invisible to them, and these things will become intangible spiritual assets that will support their hearts.
I cheer you up!
Dear Kinuko,
Thank you for your message; it truly did cheer me up!
“They may not know it now, but later on, your children will realize your tremendous efforts, struggles, tears, patience, faith, love, and forgiveness that are invisible to them, and these things will become intangible spiritual assets that will support their hearts.” — I hope so, with all my heart.
~Jessica
Awesome article, Jessica. It is shocking how often you and I have parallel thought lives.
Adolescence has been super-hard here. In truth, we’ve only experienced one teen so far, and it’s been tough – even though said teen is a really good kid and a devoted Christian! But the teen issues are still heart-rending and incredibly difficult – and they never seem to end. Our second child (our baby with special needs) will probably never go through anything like true adolescence (time will tell), but our third-born is now a pre-teen, and it’s easy to see that the temps are heating up. As you say, it’s not avoidable. And I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s one of the reason that moms often stop blogging – in fact, I read that idea years ago, and have had lots of time to think about that.
Teen years are a good time for mums to learn humility, that’s for sure. 🙂 If a mum is at all prideful about her parenting abilities, teenagerhood has a humbling effect!!
I also completely follow about feeling tired and at the end of one’s tether. I have really been dealing with that this year. Some hard events helped me to re-set a bit, which has been a blessing. But it’s been very hard to avoid the “please let this journey be over soon” mindset, and I have fallen into it often.
For my husband and me, our twice-daily coffee times are essential to talk over ongoing issues (and we always have issues going on!). Being united and informed has been beyond important. Neither of us could go it alone.
For us, our challenge has been finding a happy medium on how and when to deal with teen issues. I am a worrier, and my weakness is wanting to over-control and over-worry. My husband never worries, and his weakness is being unwilling to deal with issues until they become emergencies. We have to work toward finding a healthy medium.
Thanks for dealing with this topic, Jessica! So many good thoughts here. It’s a tough subject.
Love,
Diana
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Diana! It’s such a comfort to know you can relate to me. Not only have our thoughts and experiences been similar, I think our husbands must be very similar, as well. 🙂
~Jessica
Jessica, it’s like you live in our home. You looked into my soul, because you drew out the very difficulties that I am battling. With a 14yr old and a nearly 13 yr old, ( who confuse the fact that they are taller than me with being wiser than me), I am left wondering what happened to my sweet little girl and boy? They get teen angst that even they can’t account for. My daughter told me she sometimes feels sad for no reason and my son says his body hurts sometimes and he doesn’t know why. They’re both Christians and we have decided to pray together whenever this cloud of despondency begins to rise.
With 6 children, I fear to conceive again because I don’t know that I have what it takes to go there again, but I know that I cannot resist another baby, I love them so much.
We have entered into a season where my resources have run out and I’m literally looking to God for help to get through each moment.
Thank you for rebuking me and pointing me to repentance in this article.
Mother Dearest,
I’m glad you could relate! “We have entered into a season where my resources have run out and I’m literally looking to God for help to get through each moment.” Yes, I know that feeling all too well. And I’m discovering that it is completely normal for pre-teens and teens to go through emotional ups and downs, to be irrational at times, to be dramatic and prone to get offended easily and argue with others. I thought there was something wrong with my kids, but it turns out, this is typical. I just returned from a homeschool convention, and I heard several older mothers saying that when they were raising their adolescents, they had to deal with these same attitudes and problems. It was really a relief to hear that. And if they could get through it, I can, too — and so can all of us! God is faithful, and He will not let us be tempted beyond what we are able to bear. In other words, He knows our true limits, and whatever He chooses to allow is for a reason, and He’ll be there with us to help us get through. We can do this!
~Jessica
Dear Jessica.
And time will go. And children will be grown-ups. And if it will be given to them, they will have a family and children to raise…
That’s what I am facing. Our two oldest grand-daughters , 8 and 9 years old, are invited to come a few days with me to my mother’s house, their great grandmother, where I take care of my mother who is 96 years old. With my husband we hope to have time with our grand daughters, and we hope it will be a good time.
God bless you!
Marguerite
Dear Marguerite,
It’s so good to hear from someone who has raised children and is now enjoying grandchildren! It really gives a larger perspective to the problems we mothers who are still raising our children are facing. Yes, time will go forward, and all too fast. This won’t last forever, even thought sometimes it feels that way. Thank you for that wise reminder. 🙂
~Jessica
Hi Jessica! God bless you and your family. I just want to express that the Lord has used you to teach me things that I never knew or was never taught in the church. I started reading your blogs in March of this year if I recall correctly. I believe that God brought me to your blog because He wanted to minister and continues to minister to my life about bearing children. I have one son who is 10 months old and my husband and I are now expecting our second baby! After God used His Word and your blogs to minister to my life, I became convicted and spoke with my husband about God’s will for us to have more children. That’s when I conceived our second baby in March. I’m 31 and have only been married for nearly two years. Neither my husband or I knew that even NFP is unbiblical and God’s will for christian families is that they bear multiple children. Neither of us learned this in the church. It’s not talked about. Thank you for letting the Lord use you. I’m young and inexperienced, with practically no guidance because most of my family does not serve the Lord and the church doesn’t seem to teach a lot of things. Or maybe the church doesn’t know. However, the Holy Spirit always finds a way to teach us and you have been a vessel He has used to bless my life. God gave me a husband and two children so far. I couldn’t be more filled with joy with the life I love now after living without Christ most of my life. Thank you again and God bless you and your family now and always!
Hi, Jesse!
I was so happy to hear that God used some of the things I’ve written to be a blessing to you! How very encouraging to know that. Congratulations on the new baby you’re expecting! I hope and pray that the pregnancy and birth go well.
One place I have found helpful information is Focus on the Family. They have many good parenting books and resources. However, they are not necessarily approaching parenting from a large-family, trust-God-for-as-many-children-as-He-chooses-to-give-you perspective. For large family inspiration, I like Above Rubies magazine. I have also recently found the blog Raising Real Men, which is a site that addresses child-raising in general (not just boys), from parents who had eight children: https://www.raisingrealmen.com/ They also have a podcast: https://ultimateradioshow.com/making-biblical-family-life-practical/ And some helpful resources: https://www.raisingrealmen.com/shop/
So nice to get your message; I look forward to hearing form you again!
~Jessica
Child is heavy blessing…yes so true.
My son became 20years old but still needs my help for his handicap.
Sometime I feel that parenting may have never ending side of keeping on worrying,hoping children’s happiness and praying. God may see us like that.
And maybe I am learning His heart for us in such way.
Please take care and take time also for yourself Jessica. I respect every God fearing mother .Actually their roles are so precious in His eye,I believe.
Thank you for such sincere sharing.You are always so true and that must have encouraged many other Christian ladies.God bless you
Dear Sanae,
Your comment was very encouraging to me; how wonderful to be able to share our experiences as mothers with each other! We mothers may have different situations, but the one thing that is the same, I think, is our “mother’s heart.” We love our children, want the best for them, and are willing to confront many different hardships in order to help them. Thank you for the reminder of how precious our role is.
~Jessica
Hi Jessica:
I have an interesting perspective (I think). I’ve been a public high school teacher for 41 years and feel like I have encountered just about every kind of teenage scenario there is, the good and the bad. My husband and I have also raised a daughter who is now in her 20’s. We were lucky because our daughter’s personality is very similar to ours: calm, deep-thinking, curious, intellectual. My husband and I both felt that we always knew what our daughter’s next move/thought would be in life because so often we had reacted the same way to the world when we were younger. Our secret was to talk about everyday things putting a deeper spin on whatever it was. I also told a lot of anecdotal stories around the dinner table about students and their struggles as a jumping off point for a ‘what would you do?’ situation. We made sure she was aware of the world and what was happening politically and socially. We still have very lively and meaningful discussions about what is current and important to us. We all read a lot and widely, and that is also a great way to start a discussion. We three can always find something to talk about, but it is just as important to listen. Listening to teens especially is essential. Even if their troubles seem minor in the big scheme, listening to them is very important. We always made it a point to not diminish our daughter’s worries about her life or the bigger world of her future. My husband, daughter and I have a wonderful adult relationship even though she has been on her own for a few years. She keeps in touch almost every day in one way or another, and still asks us for advice or our opinions. I’m sure you will have that too when your teens are older. As far as my high school students: My biggest concern in the last 15 years has been the absolute addiction that many of them seem to have with their phones and social media. I know this response is all over the place, but I thought you’d appreciate another point of view.
Hi, Caroline,
Thanks for sharing your experience! Yes, it does make a lot of sense that talking with and listening to teens is very important. What a great point! I’m so happy to know that you and your husband have such a good relationship with your adult daughter; I hope that my husband and I will be able to have good relationships with each of our children as adults.
~Jessica
Thank you Jessica for the resources that you shared with me! Again, God bless you and your family.
Wow! On the one hand it’s encouraging, and on the other daunting to discover that even a Mom of many struggles with the teenage years. My husband and I still don’t have any kids of our own (not giving up hope!), and somehow I just assumed that the secret to having an easy time parenting was to have many kids. I guess it’s not that simple after all, but I definitely agree with your perspective that it’s worth it 🙂
Thanks for leaving your note, Erika! I always hope to present a balanced picture of reality: honest about the hardships of life, but also encouraging that “we can do this!”
~Jessica
Thank you for all of this useful information. What would you recommend for a 15 year old girl who hates to wear dresses and her younger sisters, ages 9 and 4 are copying her behavior? Do i have a right to have any of them wear dresses and skirts if its causing relationship problems?
Hi, Tiffany,
Very good question! Here are a few thoughts which could be helpful:
– It’s important for you and your husband to be a team on this. If he doesn’t think the girls need to wear skirts and dresses, then it wouldn’t do you any good to try and enforce it on your own.
– If you do both believe that this is something you want all the females in your family to practice, I recommend the “soft” approach of showing your girls some acceptable, modest options which you’ve already pre-screened (on Amazon or other websites). Let them pick out what they think they will like wearing. Usually girls like denim, non-fuss skirts that aren’t super long. They want to be able to play/run/do sports in them. And denim goes with almost everything.
– Let them know the new rules. Make the rules clear and be consistent in applying them.
– Also, make sure you provide biblical support. Let them know that modesty and dressing according to our roles comes from God, and even though Christians disagree over the pants vs. skirts and dresses issue, there are good reasons to go with skirts and dresses. Help them know that choosing skirts and dresses doesn’t mean you are shutting off your brain, but that you are actually trying to do your best to think this through and honor God with making a choice that makes a lot of sense to you and your husband.
– If you and your husband decide not to have the girls wear skirts and dresses only, then perhaps helping them choose pants and shorts that are modest is the answer. I like it when I see girls dressed modestly in loose-ish pants (not skinny jeans or jeggings) or loose bermuda shorts (knee length shorts). Culottes also seem to be in style now, which is great. Loose overalls can be cute. And girls look nice in long shirts/short dresses (thigh length or knee length) over (not too tight) skinny jeans or leggings — which just so happens to be in fashion, anyways.
Hope these ideas help!
~Jessica