Far too often, I’m surprised at the lack of common sense Christians reveal by their clothing choices. When compared to non-Christians, they don’t seem to be very mentally savvy about this. Don’t get me wrong: non-Christians don’t tend to make highly moral choices when it comes to clothing. However, they do display a knowledge of human nature in an area where Christians are evidently living quite comfortably in naivety. I suspect they live this way on purpose in order to soothe their conscience.
Let me tell you what I mean. Christians will try to justify clothing such as tight exercise leggings in public — even at church — by using fancy-sounding arguments such as, “Well, our culture has become desensitized to this type of clothing since it’s become the norm, so my wearing this won’t create the scandal that it would have a few decades ago. Nobody will think I’m saying something I’m not (for example, they won’t think I’m looking for the wrong kind of attention). So, it’s okay. If you judge me, you’re in danger of being labeled an unloving legalist in my book.”
Whereas, non-Christians aren’t living in La La Land; they’re like, “I wear this kind of clothing because it makes me look good and I like the attention. Why not show off my body? I like looking sexy.” At least they’re honest.
And non-Christians will be realistic when it comes to situations where they do not want people to get the wrong kind of message, like at work (because people can get the wrong kind of message if we’re not careful, right?) For example, my oldest daughter just started a new job at a secular, non-Christian company, and I was both pleased and frustrated to see that their dress code is even better than how the staff and volunteers sometimes dress at our own church! Let’s take a look at it, here:
Associates, including all members of Management, are expected to appear well-groomed and professional at work. Associates should be neat, clean, and always maintain good personal hygiene. Appropriately dressed Associates help enhance the image of the Store and support the Company’s commitment to excellent Customer Experience.
The following items are determined to be inappropriate for our workplace and should not be worn:
- Clothing in poor condition, worn, torn, tight, or cut-off
- Revealing outfits such as:
- Short dresses/skirts — hemline should be longer than your fingers [when hanging at your sides]
- Exposed midsection or low-cut tops, strapless, halter, open-back or off-the-shoulder tops/dresses — unless covered by sweater or jacket
- Sheer clothing
- Leggings without a top that is the length of a skirt
- Shorts
Managers are responsible for addressing any instances where an Associate comes to work dressed inappropriately. Associates who wear inappropriate attire may be asked to leave and change. Serious and/or repeat violations of the Dress Code Policy may result in corrective action.
I did not include every item on the list — only the ones I thought were most applicable to this post. Notice that leggings are not allowed, unless they are covered with a top that is the length of a skirt! And skirts need to be at least longer than your fingers when hanging at your sides. This would cover the entire derriere. Though this is lower than my personal modesty standards, it is higher than what many Christian women wear. Isn’t that sad?
Notice at the top of the policy it says, “Appropriately dressed Associates help enhance the image of the Store.” Basically, they are the face of the company; they are the message the public is getting about what the Company represents. They know the Company through its Associates. How interesting. Are we, as Christians, just as concerned about how we are (or are not) enhancing the image of the One we represent? Or are we more concerned about our comfort and about looking stylish and attractive?
You know, it’s true that modesty standards can be subjective. Muslims think it’s modest to not let any skin show. The other day we saw a Muslim family at the lake. The women and girls didn’t wear skirts and dresses like the females in our family do, but they did have every bit of skin covered up except their faces. Personally, I don’t think people find elbows very sexy, but I can understand how this Muslim family would not want to take any chances.
However, though we Christians may disagree on the particulars of “what is modest?” at times, I think that at the very least we should be able to find common ground on this one, big concept:
God is the “Owner of the Company” (the Church). Are we, the “Associates” (believers), representing Him well? If we think about it deeply, and we find that we are not, then we should make some changes.
“. . . in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation . . .” 1 Timothy 2:9
I’m curious . . .
- Have you ever been uncomfortable with another Christian’s immodesty? What did you do? Did you talk to the person? If so, what did you say and can you give us any pointers on what to do and what not to do in similar situations?
- In the area of your clothing, what was the hardest thing for you to surrender to God? How do you feel about it now? Can you give other women some encouragement and advice who may be struggling to make some necessary wardrobe changes?
~Jessica
This is very true. Dressing nicely also inspires better behavior. I love the dress-code at some of these companies. Yes, being an associate or ambassador of the work of the Lord is important. When one dresses with good standards, it can bring a sense of calm and beauty to the work. I might even say that when one dresses professionally, in what used to be called “Church attire,” in tends to evoke a sense of trust in the person.
Thank you, Mrs. White, for adding your thoughts on this topic! I think you made a very good point about how “dressing nicely inspires better behavior.”
~Jessica
To answer one of your questions: Most people tend to dress in whatever way they want. Personally I wouldn’t make a suggestion to anyone else how to dress, unless it was my own child, grandchild, or close relative. Sometimes, all one can do is be the example of dressing nicely. It is important to offer grace with a spirit of love for others. However, I am interested to read what others think. I will also say that with age, taste often changes. If we have noticed someone dressing in a classy way for years, as time passes, we might start wanting to improve our clothing as well. Thank you for bringing up this important topic.
Dear Mrs. White, Thank you for your answer to one of my questions! Good food for thought. 🙂
~Jessica
Well said Jessica.
As Christian women, and as mothers I strongly believe that wee should be not just modest, but in wearing exclusively feminine clothing show that we embrace God’s design for us as women.
Thank you, Susanne!
Fortunately I have not seen immodest clothing of ladies in my small protestant church. Maybe because missionary of our church(pastor’s wife) had talked about clothing straightfowardly to ladies.
But I think that the most possible reason is that in Japan fashion trend is becoming more modest compared with 80s to early 90s when I was a non christian.We do not see immodest clothing outside much even though 99percent of population in Japan are non christians.
The problem is that many christians select ‘the most same ‘way of clothing with secular fashion trend. Asian countries are commonly more conservative than western ones.But if immodest fashion becomes more popular in the future,what will happen to our church? I am not sure if we can keep our present standard.
We need to think more about clothing.What kind of clothing is best as a daughter of God.
Thanks for sharing about this important topic!
You’re welcome, Sanae! Thank you for sharing your experiences regarding this topic. I wish we had a more modest culture here, too. It seems to me that oftentimes the best we can do is make a stand individually and hope that will inspire others. 🙂
~Jessica
I dress modestly because I believe seeing my body is just for my husband. I find it easy to find chaste wardrobe.
Nice points! Thank you for adding your thoughts, Courtney!
~Jessica
I agree it is not that difficult to find modest feminine clothing, but it is harder (for no reason I can work out) during pregnancy and nursing.
Yes!! Great thoughts. Oftentimes, unbelievers are more honest than Christians. Christians have to lie to themselves to get past the standards that they should have. There are so many excuses regarding modest dress: (1) “Modesty standards are just cultural,” or, more commonly, (2) “Modesty is a heart attitude, and external modesty doesn’t matter if I don’t have the internal attitude, so somehow that totally excuses me from dressing modestly.” Love your thoughts, Jessica!
That is so true. There is an element of appropriateness and fitting in – in dressing modestly but there must be absolutes and saying modestly has cultural elements is so often an excuse for simply not having the conviction to say it is wrong to dress in a certain way. The most obvious example being swim wear.
Thanks, Diana! What a great way you put it!
~Jessica
Thank you, Jessica and those who responded, for these good words.
This is a topic for which I have been praying for years. Did our God in heaven answer? I think He did and still has mercy on us.
To the priests in the old testament it was made the description of the clothes they had to wear with these words:”And you shall make holy garments for Aaron your brother, for glory and for beauty.” Exodus 28 v. 2
Can there be an obligation to wear this or that way? I think there cannot. But I also do think that there is a good way to wear clothes that are also for us who are called to be priests “for glory and for beauty.”
Dear Marguerite,
Those are lovely thoughts; thank you for your comment. I love what you said here:
“Can there be an obligation to wear this or that way? I think there cannot. But I also do think that there is a good way to wear clothes that are also for us who are called to be priests “for glory and for beauty.”
I have been praying for this for years, as well. I am with you in your prayers!
~Jessica
I recently wondered how you deal with ski clothes – especially for small girls while playing in the snow. I searched the internet now and there are actually ski skirts! I never heard about it nor did I ever saw ski skirts till now. Do you use them for yourself or for your children?
We got around the ski wear point by allowing pants but only with long tops which we bought a little oversized to give more modesty.
Hi, Karin!
Our family doesn’t go skiing, and we don’t get a lot of snow, so that’s not a question I can answer very easily, ha, ha! I would say that you could follow one of three possible options:
1) Have your girls wear warm leggings/athletic pants under their regular skirt (not too long of a skirt so it won’t get tangled). When snow boots are worn over the leggings or athletic pants, your daughters will stay pretty warm.
2) Buy the ski skirts you mentioned.
3) Make an exception for skiing and let your girls wear ski pants. Personally, I don’t see a problem with making an exception for an unusual situation, just as long as it doesn’t become the rule.
Hope that helps!
~Jessica
Dear Jessica, thank you very much for your input. I do not have any children yet 😉 but I was interested in your opinion. I always look forward to your blog posts, as mother of 9 children, you can share many experiences.
Out of Topic: Maybe you could write one day a blog post with tips how to manage such a large family. I ask myself for example, if it is difficult to visit people with the whole family, if you need 2 cars, etc.
Thanks to Susanne for her advice too!
Karin,
Those are such good ideas for blog posts; I would of course love to address those topics in the future!
~Jessica
I can completely agree that it can be frustrating (in a sad way, coming from a place of compassion) when other women (and men) who regularly attend church and are well versed in scripture can fully grasp the concept of seemingly everything but proper dress. Another common practice I’m sure we have also all seen are women who deem it important to dress modestly and nicely, and always in a skirt or dress at church but not in everyday life. Very recently I went to the grocery store shortly after leaving church, and ran into my pastor’s family. They all dress like you would expect they would in church, but in less than an hour his two oldest daughters deemed it important to go home and ditch their skirts for tight pants just to go buy food. Situations like these always feel like none of your business, but at the same time I wish conversations around more sensitive topics were more commonplace at church, where at least they can be discussed as a group and may feel less accusatory. On a lighter note I find it funny that women dressing immodestly as a means of getting attention is always brought up, but since I started wearing skirts and dresses only my sophomore year of high school I always got tons of complements everywhere I go on my dresses (even my not so nice and new dresses). Every time I hear someone say “wow, you always wear such pretty dresses” I want to exclaim “Thanks! You know that you can too right?” I wish more girls knew how relieving it feels to not have to be insecure about your body, but to still be seen as and feel beautiful because the garment you are wearing is beautiful and flattering. So many of us are told (and I struggled with in younger years) that if you feel insecure, it means you hate your body or even yourself, and a problem with you that you have to fix by wearing even more revealing clothes in an attempt to force yourself into being comfortable with it. I realized pretty quickly that I was miserable, always trying to hide myself with objects, and that there was going to be no more forcing myself to do anything that I didn’t feel comfortable with. Threw out everything in one night. I have never been happier or more comfortable in my body, and I really hope that when I have children, they’ll all know the joy of dressing in a way that says “every day is a special occasion, and I’m glad I was invited!”. As always thank you for your wonderful blog, and God bless you and your family always.
Beautifully written and well observed. I think most of us who wear skirts / dresses get only a very positive response.
Sadly Churches are pretty much universal in being too afraid of feminist dogma to even suggest that women might look to their dress for either modesty or femininity. I wonder – often – whether in this – as in so much they shy away from mentioning (birth control being the major one for me) women and girls would actually welcome firm Biblical and traditional Christian guidance.
Dear Simona,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I think you made many good points. Yes, dressing nicely/modestly can sometimes get us the good type of attention, where other people admire us and think we look nice (not sexy). And hopefully, the other women and girls will be inspired that they can dress this way, too (as you said). That is what I always hope for!
I can relate to what you said about not forcing yourself to show off your body. I could certainly show off more of my body, but it is not that I am ashamed of my body, it is simply that I want to honor God, and also that I don’t feel the desire to show myself off. We don’t have to do what the culture pressures us to do; we can be different. In fact, God wants us to be holy and set apart!
Thank you for your kind words, and I’m so glad you enjoyed the post!
~Jessica
Years ago when I first switched to wearing skirts over pants I found it difficult to get used to wear skirts for some types of work on the farm.It was a process but now I‘m totally okay and used to . Working on ladders is one of the things that I found don’t really work safely. Also biking is less fun I find. We pin our dresses to our knee high socks just in case a breeze comes up:)
But a commitment to femininity is worth a little bother here and there
Hi, Ruth!
So nice to hear from you! Thank you for sharing with us about your experience wearing skirts on a farm, working on ladders, and biking. Very useful!
I love how you summarized your comment: “But a commitment to femininity is worth a little bother here and there.” Well-said!
~Jessica
Ruth – I love your approach. I am 20 odd years into skirts only and over time I have come to realise that it is largely a matter of attitude.
For millennia women saw modestly and femininity as a natural part of their role and lived very tough physically demanding lives. It is really not so much to ask in our lives.
Soo true!!!
Attitude it is largely!
For instance we have made numerous funny memories with people asking us how we can possibly go for a hike in our dresses and so on.
This asked by people wearing totally insufficient shoe ware for the task or shivering for the lack of a jacket.
Always a little chance to offer a different view:) – or giving a testimony of the „company „we are representing;)
Oh my! A few years ago, I was chatting with a young lady after church. She was shorter than I,and well endowed. Unfortunately, she seemed blind to how revealing her top was and as much as I tried to force my eyes upward to her face, my eyes were being drawn instead to her busy. It was incredibly awkward as I struggled to look her in the face. I avoided telling her she should cover up, and ended the conversation quickly. It was mortifying! But It must of worked, as she never dressed like that again! It was a lesson for me too. If it was a struggle for me to look away as a woman, how much harder is it for men when we dress that way? Yikes!
I am currently trying to build up my collection of headcoverings and looking for modest clothing. ☺️ I’m finding it difficult to find skirts that don’t have a split that goes up to mid thigh.😱
Hi, Megan!
Thanks for sharing your experience; it really helps to be reminded how important it is to keep ourselves modest. Being modest is really about loving and caring for others, isn’t it?
How lovely to hear that you are building up your collection of headcoverings and modest clothing! When I find skirts or dresses with slits, I just sew them closed, by hand.
~Jessica
I love your blog, thank you for sharing. Any encouragement/suggestions in beginning skirts/dresses. I feel a desire to be more feminine in this way, but what others may think does make me self-conscious. I have bought some modest skirts, but I have been wearing pants and shorts. Any tips for beginners ?
Hi, Emily!
I guess I should write a post for beginners — I’m so glad your comment caused me to realize how helpful that could be!
Well, I would say that it’s good to wear things that fit with your personal style. So, if you’re a T-shirt and jeans sort of girl, just switch to a long, or at least knee-length, jean skirt instead. Many dresses can be found at regular stores. Wearing them doesn’t really make you stand out any more than other people. They will just see you wearing a dress or skirt and think to themselves, “Oh, how nice she looks in that dress.” After awhile, you’ll get used to wearing skirts and dresses all the time, and so will your family and friends seeing you in them. Then you won’t feel so self-conscious. It just takes time, patience, and a commitment to not giving up. 🙂
~Jessica
I find myself struggling with this very issue. I’ve always been active and worn boots and jeans. Truthfully, I feel very awkward and self-conscious my skirts and dresses. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️
Thanks for adding your thoughts, Jennifer! If you’re interested in beginning to wear skirts and dresses, you don’t have to wear them all the time, at first; just choose certain days you want to wear them (like on Sunday to church, for starters), and get used to them gradually. I think we should try to make it an enjoyable, fulfilling, and pain-free experience!
~Jessica
Dear Jessica, I don’t know the correct topic für my comment, so I try to post it here: I think it is very difficult to buy modest skirts and dresses to an acceptable price. The “cheaper” shops I found usually hardly offer modest skirts or dresses, either they are to short or they have a deep neckline, a long slit, etc, you know anyway. The expensive shops offer modest skirts/dresses too, but I don’t want to spend so much money .. So my experience. But at “Shein” (Online-Shop) there is so a great selection of modest skirts/dresses and they are very cheap. (among immodest skirts/dresses, which can there be found too). I have to admit, that the quality is not always the best, but I think, it has not always to be the best quality. Love, Karin