Modesty is a path we travel on–an attitude we constantly work on, a journey, a progressing. It’s not a static state, as if we arrive at modesty and once there, sit down and we’re done. It’s really a process of becoming. Becoming aware, becoming humble, becoming surrendered, becoming thoughtful, etc. And this is something I repeat every day. I constantly reassess myself: Am I where I should be? Do any changes need to be made? How is my heart?
Modesty is essentially about the heart.
Now, it’s not about the heart in the sense that “only the heart matters, so dress however you like.” No, that’s not what I mean. Modesty is about the heart in the sense that you can’t truly be modest unless your heart is in it. The definition of the word is very instructive:
Meaning of the word Modesty
MOD’ESTY, noun [Latin modestia.] That lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one’s own worth and importance. This temper when natural, springs in some measure from timidity, and in young and inexperienced persons, is allied to bashfulness and diffidence. In persons who have seen the world, and lost their natural timidity, modesty springs no less from principle than from feeling, and is manifested by retiring, unobtrusive manners, assuming less to itself than others are willing to yield, and conceding to others all due honor and respect, or even more than they expect or require.
2. modesty as an act or series of acts, consists in humble, unobtrusive deportment, as opposed to extreme boldness, forwardness, arrogance, presumption, audacity or impudence. Thus we say, the petitioner urged his claims with modesty; the speaker addressed the audience with modesty
3. Moderation; decency.
4. In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor.
[From Noah Webster’s American Dictionary 1828, emphasis added]
It is very clear from this definition that modesty isn’t essentially to be found in a precise length of skirt, a certain type of fabric, or a specific style of dress; modesty, in its elemental sense, is about humility and purity.
- When we have a moderate estimation of ourselves, we don’t draw attention; we don’t show off.
- When we treasure purity (both in ourselves and in others) we don’t behave in ways that suggest impure intentions or inspire impure thoughts.
Webster’s definition is perfectly in line with what the Bible says about women dressing modestly:
“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided [braided] hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” 1 Tim. 2:9-10
The Greek word for modest used in this verse is kosmios and means to be “well arranged, seemly, modest” (Strong’s). The only other time this word is used in the New Testament is in 1 Tim. 3:2 and is translated “of good behavior.”
There is this idea of being humble and having common sense. I guess something “well arranged” wouldn’t slip off your shoulder or gape open to reveal your chest. Something “seemly” would be appropriate for the activity, would fit your testimony as a Christian, and would be suitable for someone desiring to be chaste. A modest woman behaves herself well. She is not obnoxious, brazen, boastful, sensual (unless with her husband in private), prideful, or silly. She’s sensible. She would be ashamed to be seen in clothing that shows off her body in a prideful or sexy way.
That is the definition of modesty. Now, let me get back to what I said at the beginning: “Modesty is a path we travel on–a journey, a progressing.” In what way have I progessed, then, on this journey? Let’s look briefly at this, and then I’ll get into my personal modesty guidelines!
My modesty journey
As a child, I wore what my mother bought for me. She didn’t take us shopping very often, so I never learned to be fussy. My wardrobe consisted mainly of shorts, pants, and T-shirts (I did have a few dresses, too). My parents didn’t approve of sexy stuff, so I never had super-short shorts or crop tops.
As a teenager, I wore basically the same type of clothing I had when I was younger, just a few sizes larger. I wasn’t stylish. I remember reading about dressing modestly in skirts and dresses only in a conservative girls’ magazine my mom had ordered for me (I don’t remember what it was called). I was impressed by this idea and asked my mom if I could start dressing this way. Her response? An emphatic, No. She said that since we are saved by grace and not by works, we don’t have to wear skirts or dresses to please God. I didn’t argue with her, though I thought she was taking it to an extreme. I just wanted to be more modest and feminine, not save myself through my clothing choices! Since she wasn’t open to this idea, I forgot about it for awhile.
As a young adult, I started making a little money, and that is when I began buying my own clothes. Let me give you an example of how I would decide what to buy.
I would find several different pairs of pants at Ross, and I would lug them into the dressing room. One by one, I would try them on. Does this one make my rear look saggy or flat? Out. Does this one bunch up around my crotch? Out. Okay, this one might be okay. I would turn this way and that, observing my profile. I think this one makes me look good. I’ll keep it.
My method of choosing blouses was no better. This shirt makes me look like I have a flat chest. No way. This one makes my chest look droopy; not this one either.
Was modesty a big standard for me? No. Though I avoided being extreme, I wasn’t aspiring after godliness. I wanted to make my body look good so I could be admired. Admired by who? Guys, who would hopefully be attracted to me; and girls, who would be driven to envy by me.
That was my mindset for many years. And then, that changed.
The change didn’t begin with my clothes, though. I believe it started years before I became skirts-and-dresses-only, when I re-surrendered my life to Christ. Gradually, I began to care more and more about living for God. He began to transform me, starting with the most urgent things, first: Repentance from major sins in my life, a renewed desire to go to church, a fresh interest in the Bible, a longing to be a good wife and mother. I don’t think modesty–as a lifestyle–began with clothing; it began with giving my life over to God, and that was, and has been ever since, a process.
When I was ready for it, when my heart had been prepared for it, God dropped the seeds of modesty into my life. I realized in a sort of step-by-step revealing that modesty is important. This came after I understood more clearly that purity and loyalty to your spouse are important; otherwise, modesty wouldn’t have made much sense to me, and I wouldn’t have cared.
“. . . cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.” Matthew 23:26
Modesty came first as a choice to not wear blouses which might show my chest when I bent over. I stopped wearing short dresses and skirts (above the knees). I still wore tight pants, though.
After that, I began looking for looser pants.
Then modesty involved the choice to wear skirts and dresses only. This was probably the biggest step for me since it was so counter-cultural. I suspected that I would be criticized for it–if not openly, at least in people’s minds. It would set me apart in a very obvious way from the rest of the women in my family and church. And then you know what I said to myself?
I said, Who cares.
Not in a mean, cheeky sort of way. No. I said it in my heart in a “let it be as it will be” sort of way. God had to come first. I couldn’t let my fear of man get in the way of my obedience to God.
“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
Since Spring of 2012 (nine years ago at the date of this post), I have only worn modest skirts and dresses. Throughout the years, I have made a few small changes to my standards, which I continue to refine, though they largely remain stable. What are those standards? Here’s the list, along with tips for cheap modesty hacks I’ve discovered. I hope you enjoy looking it over!
My personal modesty guidelines | Modesty essentials
Upper Body
- The shirt must cover the flesh of my chest, when seen from the front. At most, the neckline can be 2 finger-widths below the collarbone. Any shirt that is lower than that needs an undershirt. This isn’t just some random rule I came up with; I noticed in the mirror that when I lean over, anything lower than 2 finger-widths gapes open to reveal my chest.
- TIP: Wear a tanktop, turned backwards, under your blouse. Many tanktops don’t have tags; if yours does have a tag, carefully cut it off (along with the thread it’s attached with).
- TIP: Cut the sleeves off a solid-colored T-shirt or thermal undershirt, just below the seam where the arm and shoulder meet. This will provide you with a wide-shouldered, sleeveless undershirt.
- TIP: Find a sleeveless blouse and use it as an undershirt.
- TIP: Buy an undershirt from a place like KosherCasual. I have several of their layering tops, which work great.
- TIP: This is from Christine, a reader of this blog: “Here is a trick that can help with necklines that gape when you bend over: take a long piece of twill tape, sew the middle securely (use small stitches by hand so it doesn’t show on the outside) to the lowest part of the neckline. Lead the 2 ends back around your body; you can either tie them or trim shorter and attach either Velcro or a snap fastener to each end. If the tension is right, it will hold the neckline against the body in front, but still be quite comfortable to wear.”
- The shirt must cover the flesh of my chest, when seen from the sides. If the arm openings are too short and too loose, my chest will be visible from the sides when I lift up my arms. Ideally, I like sleeves to be 3/4 or elbow length. However, I will wear mid-bicep length, or even cap sleeves. But, the cap sleeves need to be snug enough to cover the area under my arms and next to my chest when I raise my arms.
- TIP: If you have a blouse you really love, but it is sleeveless or the sleeves are too short, wear a shrug, sweater, or loose button-up shirt over it.
- TIP: If the sleeves are not super short but are still loose enough to show a bit of your bra when you lift your arms, wear a tank top underneath.
- The shirt must form a modest “tent” over my chest instead of a “celophane wrap.” It must camoflauge the intimate details. Now, I’m a woman and have a woman’s body, and I think it’s reasonable for that to be evident; I don’t wear potato sacks. However, there is form-fitting, and then there is tight-fitting. Loose is better.
- TIP: Buy your blouse one size larger than you normally would if it is too tight.
- TIP: Look for fabrics which are dark and which have patterns. The patterns could be colored designs (flowers, etc.) on the fabric. The patterns could also be woven designs, in the weave of the fabric itself. Avoid light colors, solid colors (unless dark), and super-thin material.
- TIP: Find shirts with pockets in the front. These provide an additional layer of fabric.
- TIP: If you have a solid, light-colored shirt that you want to keep, wear it with a padded bra for modesty.
- The shirt must cover my abdomen and back. If I lift my arms up, or if I lean over, will any part of my abdomen or back be visible? If so, I simply wear a long camisole or tank top under the shirt. Sometimes I’ll tuck this into my skirt, and sometimes I’ll leave it over my skirt, depending on what looks better.
Lower Body
- The skirt or dress must reach at least to the bottom of my knees, though I strongly prefer calf or ankle length.
- TIP: Wear leggings or shorts underneath all skirts or dresses. Biker shorts can be found very cheaply on Amazon in packs. Knee-length shorts are best, though some biker shorts are hard to find any longer than mid-thigh. You can also make your own shorts by trimming off the bottom portion of old leggings (or jeggings) or thermal underwear, and hemming the bottom with a zigzag stitch (for stretch).
- TIP: Add on a row of additional fabric to the bottom of the dress or skirt to make it longer. This will give it a “peasant-style” look. You can cut off a row from an actual peasant skirt and sew it to your dress. Or, you can cut a long rectangle of matching fabric, gather it, pin it to the bottom of the dress, then sew it on. This takes a little sewing skill, but it’s pretty basic. If you don’t know how to do this, you might look up some videos on YouTube.
- TIP: Sew on a row of wide lace to the bottom of the skirt or dress. Though this will not provide a lot of coverage, it will give just a little bit of extra length to a dress that is almost the length you want it.
- The skirt or dress must not have slits.
- TIP: If you find something you really like that has a slit, sew it up either all the way or most of the way.
- The skirt or dress must be flowy, not tight or clingy. What is too tight? If I look like a runway model with sexy curves, then it’s too tight. My legs should not be super outlined when I walk. Maxi skirts are a great length, but if you’re not careful they can be immodestly clingy. I look for fabric that is 100% cotton or a cotton blend. There are many other fabrics which are smooth but not clingy. Polyester is horrible, as it has a lot of static cling.
- TIP: If you have a maxi skirt or dress that is tighter than you feel is modest, try pairing it with a long tunic shirt that covers your hips and bottom.
- TIP: Wear a cotton or silk slip under a skirt or dress to help decrease its clinging to the body. This can be a great way of dealing with thin fabrics.
How I deal with the immodesty in church
I couldn’t end this article without addressing the issue of immodesty in church. You would think that remembering my own modesty journey would help me be patient with other women at church whose clothing standards are not very modest! However, I have dealt with a lot of inner frustration when it comes to this. Why? I think I’ve figured it out.
Especially when beginning something new, we tend to be very sensitive to our surroundings. It’s like noticing Ford 12-passenger vans: When we were interested in buying a larger van for our family, we suddenly started noticing Ford vans everywhere! Was this because there were magically more of them? No; it was because they were on our brains. Same thing with modesty. When we’re not thinking too much about it, we barely notice the immodesty around us; then, when we start being mindful of modesty in our own lives, we notice the way other women dress a lot more than we used to. It’s pretty normal.
It’s easy to feel resentment when other women are not doing the thing we have finally worked up the courage to do ourselves, when there was a sacrifice involved which we were willing to take, but they weren’t. Naturally, we feel alone, and maybe a little bit betrayed. As Christians, we have the same Bible, and we should all take modesty seriously. But what about those Christians who don’t? Those Christians who let you be the only one taking a stand? The only “weirdo”? Why couldn’t they take a stand, too, and be weirdos along with us? We feel hurt. When we are not supported in our decision to honor the Lord in this, or are even mocked for it, that can be hard to bear.
Also, being aware of the importance of modesty causes us to be more outraged at the temptation that immodest women are presenting to the men and boys around them. There’s a sort of “righteous indignation” at what their clothing choices are doing to the souls of these men and boys. Yes, it’s the man’s duty to control his thoughts, but it’s the woman’s duty to dress modestly. I care about my husband’s soul, and I care about my sons’ souls; but do those girls and women give a care? I wonder.
Perhaps, after explaining myself to you, you don’t think it’s so strange for me to feel frustrated. But let’s end this on a positive note: How have I learned to deal with it in a healthy way?
I pray for others, with a caring heart. Perhaps this is an area of temporary blindness or stubborness, which God’s Spirit can lead them out of.
I remember my own process of growth; I remind myself to be patient.
I continue to follow the Lord’s will joyfully. With a smile!
Finally, I focus on the most important things, the things that are of greater priority. Modest clothing is certainly important. But, so is kindness, forgiveness, faith, faithfullness, self control, correct doctrine, understanding God’s grace, outreach, prayer, and unity in the essentials of our faith. Unless we’re going to switch churches (and we’re not, at this point, since there are many good reasons we chose to go to this church, and no church is perfect) then I need to put up with the not-so-good things the best I can, as long as those things do not enter into the category of serious, blatant sin or doctrinal error. God says we are the body of Christ, and we need to learn to live and work together in love; happily, we can do this while continuing to be a beautiful and inspiring testimony of modesty to those around us!
“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. . . . If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain. Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” James 1:22, 26-27
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- Tips! We all love modesty tips. Please share yours with the rest of us!
- How to deal: Do you have any relationship tips to share?
- What are some personal clothing criteria you will not budge on–and why?
Let’s “spur one another on toward love and good deeds”! (Hebrews 10:24)
~Jessica
Jessica, this post is the best I’ve ever read on modesty. I loved every word of it.
I especially appreciated the practical tips, the thoughts at the end about immodesty in church (and that immodesty is an issue, but so is unkindness, unforgiveness, a lack of patience, etc….) but my favorite part was tackling that modesty starts in the heart.
As you note, modesty is a journey, and I came to my current stand over a long period of time. In that time, I read many articles, followed a number of people and blogs who wrote on modesty, and something really jumped out at me: how many Christian women who blog about modesty are covering their skin, but they are definitely drawing attention to themselves with fashion and even an attempt to look attractively modest with form fitting sweaters (that never show cleavage) and pencil skirts (never above the knee) as they poke fun of others. I am thinking of a blog post where the author (a very conservative, Christian woman) inserted numerous pictures of stylishly dressed, very adorned, women not showing inappropriate flesh, and then inserted a picture of some Anabaptist women and criticized their frumpiness. This theme among modesty bloggers was so confusing at first. It felt wrong but I didn’t know why way back then. As the Lord graciously and patiently led me, I began to realize that true modesty is way more than clothing deep – and that it is very hard to weed through our modern culture and find our way to it. That is, many well-intentioned women who wanted to be modest, were still caught up in vanity.
Finally, I have also found great encouragement and conviction in the writings of the earliest Christians. After all, who would better know the teachings of Jesus and His apostles than those who learned from them directly or via one generation of teachers between? What is clear in their writings is that they:
took modesty of both sexes seriously;
considered jewelry and cosmetics to be immodest – because of the inherent vanity involved, and also the expense spent which should have, instead, been given to the poor;
taught against form fitting clothes even if they covered the skin;
abhorred vanity of any kind;
and considered conduct to be as much an issue of modesty as clothing.
The latter point was especially convicting to me because even after I gave up jewelry, cosmetics, and my work-world attire, I still conducted myself audaciously. Having led a non-profit in my career life, I still knew how to “work a crowd” – and did. The early Christians condemnation of women who behaved so boldly was very convicting. I have always found it interesting that the adulterous woman described in Proverbs 7 is further illustrated: “she is unruly and defiant, her feet never stay at home, now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks…”
I think many of us who would never consider adultery have been encouraged by our culture to conduct ourselves in bold and audacious ways that are not in alignment with God’s design for women – that were common among the kind of women who committed adultery. I find it fascinating, humbling, and persuasive that I have much road left on this journey.
I don’t have any modesty tips that you didn’t already share, nor do I think there are clothes I wouldn’t budge on that you haven’t covered. I will say that I have great compassion for women in our world today who are bombarded with the message to look and act a certain way…and many are even persuaded by their husbands or fathers to look that way. I don’t get upset with young women dressing inappropriately because I was there once (for a long time) – and was even encouraged in that by the church all around me. So…I have compassion especially on the younger women. It’s the older women who frustrate me – not that they show a bunch of flesh because in our VERY conservative worship circles the older women don’t – but neither do they model feminine, modest, submissive, Christianity in their walk, talk, haircuts, or conduct. Because they are women who were teens in the 60s and 70s, they are still walking out that era of rebellion – and modeling it for the younger women and I find it so sad and discouraging. However, like the younger women, they are a product of the culture they were raised in and it’s really a failure of the church to teach the truth in the end. I guess that’s where I fall on the relationship part: Our enemy prowls about like a lion seeking someone to devour. My neighbor is not my enemy…she may be a victim of the enemy, but the enemy is who I need to be angry at, not my neighbor.
Again, thank you for the article, Jessica. I will be bookmarking it to reread often and share with others.
SBS! What a wonderful comment! So much depth — it is obvious you have spent a lot of time pondering this issue. I just loved your response, and I agree with it.
Thank you!
~Jessica
Hello Jessica, it brightens my day when I see a post from you. 😊
My tip for necklines is gathering the extra fabric in the center together and using a decorative pin to pull it together.
I have narrow shoulders so even modest necklines slide down. I have several Cameo pins that work well for this.
Linda,
Your comment brightend my day, as well! Thank you for the kind-hearted encouragement, and for the helpful tip!
~Jessica
SBS – I completely agree about the bad example set by many older women, so sadly influenced by the feminist movement in the 60’s and 70’s and especially the rejection of femininity which is often so evident. I also agree that much of the problem generally flows from a lack of modesty, humility and reserve in the wider sense, even among women who profess Christian values who may loosely speaking dress modestly (in terms of coverage) but still put fashion and status above following the role for which God made them.
Jessica I love your point about tops forming a “modest tent” rather than clinging, loose is best, but with at least enough sleeve )to me the inside of the elbow is good) to be modest from all sides – I couldn’t agree more. For skirts / dresses my rule is no shorter than 10cm (4″) above the ankle. That way whatever you are doing and from whatever angle knees are covered. Plus for maternity dresses need to be longer to work modestly when you get bigger.
Thank you, Susanne! I appreciate your feedback on my post!
I was considering your remark about skirts no higher than 4″ up from the ankle, and I must say that I feel much more comfortable in ankle-length skirts and dresses, myself. The only reason I make any exception at all is because it isn’t always easy to find clothing that fits my preferences exactly. I also prefer elbow-length sleeves, as well, but there it is again, that it isn’t always easy. But, yes, I think our preferences very much align. 🙂
~Jessica
Whilst I prefer ankle length I have found that the additional flexibility helps in finding clothes and is more practical in terms of chores around the house and garden. Whilst at the same time being long enough to be modest – especially as with a full skirt the overall appearance is in effect longer.
Now to figure out how to sew …. Loved the idea of adding fabric to make things longer.
YouTube has some fantastic videos and Christian Light Publishers at clp.org has a wonderful homeschool curriculum for learning how to sew. I’m using it to teach myself to sew and I’m 60 years old!
Thanks, Natali! YouTube is a great source for how-to videos!
~Jessica
What a great post! I loved your tips for modesty. Especially the adding fabric to make a dress longer. It looks so cute! For me, I love wearing a thick white camisole under a low cut dress. I personally find white goes more with everything than other colors, but maybe it would be different for others. I like my camisoles skin tight because I am layering them, not wearing them solo, and if they aren’t skin tight, they can bunch in weird ways under the top or dress. Plus they’re less likely to fall open when you bend over if they’re tight. By the way, that picture of you is so beautiful!
Aww, how sweet of you to say that about my picture! Thanks, Elisa!
I think you’re right about needing to have a tight camisole. I like mine to be snug, though not too tight. Your tips were excellent — thank you so much!
~Jessica
Thank you Jessica. Modesty has gone out the window and if teach Christian young ladies and women to be modest, we’re accused of body shaming or men shaming.
As for modesty standards I refuse to change are the length of my dresses. They must be at least to my ankles. I prefer cape dresses for the extra modesty and so if my dresses look outdated and “prairie” looking, oh well
You’re welcome, Regina!
I appreciate your sharing your personal modesty standards. Though I will tolerate shorter skirts (but still below the knee), my preference is for ankle-length skirts and dresses, as well. Have you bought any new cape dresses? I seem to remember that you were talking about getting some more. Oh, and you had mentioned making yourself a jumper! How did that go?
~Jessica
I made two jumpers! I’m happy with the way they came out. I haven’t gotten anymore cape dresses but I would like to tackle making one. I have a pattern and fabric I just need to conquer my fear and make it.
Oh, that’s awesome, Regina! I want to make myself some jumpers, too, and I’ve been meaning to do this for a very long time. One of these days I’ll actually get around to it! I’m so glad yours turned out alright. 🙂
~Jessica
I am no seamstress but my daughter (13) has made so lovely simple modest ‘jumper’ dresses for all of us (my mother, me, her and her younger sisters).
Susanne, I’m so impressed that your daughter, at 13, was able to do that for your family! That’s wonderful!
I LOVE your style and modesty guidelines Jessica! I’ve been following them since I started buying my own clothes in HS. This bemused my parents, they thought clothes were how kids rebelled. I heartily endorse your tips on length and skin coverage. 1 tiny difference between us: I don’t wear tank-tops, I go for maternity bras exclusively.
Thank you, Courtney!
Isn’t it interesting that even though Christian parents generally expect kids to rebel through giving in to sin, they are surprised when their kids go the other direction and “rebel” through becoming much more conservative than they themselves are! I think I fit in that second category, as well, in some things, though I appreciate my parents so much for the many ways they have been a true guide to me.
I wasn’t sure I understood your comment about not wearing tank tops but wearing maternity bras. Is there a maternity bra that can be worn *instead of* a tank top? If so, please tell us where to find these! 🙂
~Jessica
I wear long-sleeve buttondown shirts over a nursing bra.
Thank you, Jessica! Modesty has been important to me for many years, and I taught it to our daughter. Still, she and I both continue to grow in this area day by day. One thing I’ve found for covering cleavage is to buy “breast covers” or “dickies” from Amazon. They are inexpensive, come in packs of 3 colors (beige, white, and black), and snap to your bra straps. I like them, because they don’t require putting on an extra layer under my tops (I get hot flashes!). Thanks so much for your tips!
You’re welcome, Angela!
Oh, yes, I had forgotten to mention those! I have a couple of them, too, and you’re right: they’re great! What a great tip!
It is so lovely to hear that you and your daughter are continuing to seek modesty day by day. It is very encouraging to me to feel that I am surrounded by like-minded sisters! 🙂
Thank you,
~Jessica
Photos of you and dresses which you added cloth and lace by hand are so beautiful and charming! Your daughters are blessed to have you so that they can choose and wear pretty and modest cloths.
My mother is a non christian but she has consevative way of thinking in fashion.
When I was a small girl,she always choose modest and feminine cloths for me.
For she wanted me to be a lady-like girl. But I did not like the style for that it seemed to be too pretty and not to be casual like other girls.As I grew up I became to choose more boyish style fashion. But now I wear dress and skirt mostly.Becoming a christian and then especially after becoming a headcovering christian has made me changed to be pleased to be feminine also in fashion.
Recently I had some trials but this article made me feel encouraged.
Thank you Jessica for sharing your experience and being there always!
You are so very welcome, Sanae! I’m glad my article helped encourage you lately!
I enjoyed reading through your very nice comment. Yes, it sounds like modesty has been a journey for you, too. When I feel the tug of the world to dress like everybody else, it is so helpful to be reminded of the beauty of simple, feminine modesty! How good that your mother helped choose lady-like clothing for you when you were a little girl. Even though my mother didn’t take us shopping often, and even though she didn’t make me wear skirts and dresses only (though I had a few), she wouldn’t let me wear anything sexy or inapporpriate, and I’m so thankful for that. Her influence helped lead me in the right direction. 🙂
~Jessica
Hi Jessica! I really enjoyed this post so much that I have already read it twice!
My modesty standards are very similar to yours. Although shamefully, I compromised on something that I had previously never thought of doing. Later, I came to realize that I was following a trend that was not modest for me.
Let me explain. I never ever liked to wear short (below the knee) straight skirts even if they were a few inches below the knee. I would never think of compromising until one day I was browsing online Christian skirt boutiques. Well, I found a place where there was an app to download to see their live sales. I was curious. The ladies looked fashionable and confident and their live sales were so much fun! Unfortunately, It quickly drew me in with all the fancy dresses and modern skirts. So I purchased a few skirts on and wore them just a few times. Well one Sunday I was walking up the church steps and behind me was my husband, thankfully. He told me when we got home that he could see right up my skirt and that my skirt wasn’t something that really fit who I was! I did have knee length biker shorts on but it didn’t matter for me! My husband later explained that the style skirts were just not me and that he was surprised to even see that I had purchased them! After taking time alone to reflect and think, I concluded that I was done with wearing those style skirts. After some thought about the situation I knew the reason why I felt so different when I put the shorter straight skirts on. For me the feeling was sort of a rebellious,prideful, fitting in with others feeling if that makes sense. Yikes!!! I have never been that way before! After reflecting and searching my heart I repented for compromising my convictions. Needless to say I am back to wearing skirts that I feel comfortable, modest and sure in for the past 25plus years! They are my below the calf or longer length a-line fuller skirts and my much loved long prarie/peasant style skirts! What a journey down the wrong path that was!
Another thing that I will not budge on is pockets in the back of skirts. For some reason this always reminded me of jeans. That’s just my own conviction of course. I feel like the embroidery or bling or even pockets in general on the back of a skirt can draw attention to the rear and it makes me feel masculine. I also feel immodest with a long slit in a skirt. A definite no for me!
For tops I will not wear sleeveless unless I have a cardigan or jacket over it. I also will not go below the two finger neckline.
As for tips I really don’t have anything to add. Your post was written so well and had a few tips I plan to try!
This week I plan to write all my convictions regarding clothing into my Bible as a reminder not to get caught up in trends of the world!
Posts like yours on modesty and also the comments of other ladies have been such an encouragement to me over the years. As I see the world & other Christians changing to conform to it, I am happy to have found your blog where I can take a deep breath and know that there are other ladies out there who truly value modesty and not trends. Thank you Jessica for investing time writing these blog posts, they are truly an encouragement!
Oh, if it’s ok to mention, I think a post of your current skirt outfits would be fun & encouraging! I really enjoyed the others you have posted in the past.
You are such an encouragement to me, Rosemarie! Everything you said at the end of your comment: that is exactly what I hope this blog will provide, and I’m glad to see that it has been a help to you in that way! I’d like to do a post of my current skirt outfits, I’m just not much of a model. Do you think it would be okay if I took pictures of my outfits hanging up on my closet door (one outfit at at time)?
Oh, I can totally relate to your story! Sometimes I have to pinch myself, too (so to speak), to get myself to wake up to reality and stay on track with my convictions. That’s why I said that “modesty is a journey”! I have to stay on top of it, or I start to drift off with the world. I’m so glad that with your husband’s help, you were able to return to your previous standards. That’s great!
I don’t wear pencil skirts, either, for the reason you mentioned. My shortest skirt is a couple inches below the knee. It’s a “skort,” though, and has long shorts underneath, which makes me feel more modest. It is also not tight. I wear it sometimes, but it’s not my ideal. I have a few maternity dresses that are right below the knee, too, and I like them for their looseness, but again: not my ideal.
I tend to shy away from pockets and bling on the back of skirts, as you do. I think I might tolerate it if the skirt was one that fit me just right, but it’s not my preference.
What a great idea to write down your modesty standards! Your comment was very inspirational; it really gave me a boost today!
Thanks!
~Jessica
Hi Jessica! I think you would model our outfits nicely but just showing your outfits one at a time would be great also!
Jessica, I enjoyed this post very much and appreciate you including photos to illustrate your points. The picture of you at church is beautiful. Your dress looks very interesting, like one I’d like to have several of! Can you tell me more about it? Is it purchased or did you sew it? Is the fabric woven or knit? I couldn’t tell the exact shape of the neckline, or if it buttons down the front, either partially or all the way. The lines also appears to fall straight down without a waist? I’m sorry for so many questions, but it looks like a simple and lovely style that would lend itself well to many different fabrics. Thank you for sharing your convictions and the practical ways in which you live them out.
Hi, Nancy! Thank you! I really appreciate the compliment!
Here is the dress I have:
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3968362/womens-chaps-floral-midi-dress.jsp?prdPV=25
It is longer on me than on the model in the photo, since I’m only 5’4″ (it’s about mid-calf on me). It has a drawstring waist, and buttons down to the waist. I bought it because I thought it would be good for breastfeeding. I don’t normally spend that much money, though!
I’ve been looking recently on Amazon, and I saw another dress which is similar but costs less and comes in different patterns (it just became unavailable, I noticed, but perhaps they will get more in stock, soon?):
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08JDX434Q/ref=ord_cart_shr?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I’m always on the lookout for loose dresses with drawstring waists and buttons! If you happen to come across any, I’d love to know! 🙂
~Jessica
Jessica, thank you for your response and the great information. It helps so much to look at the dress online (it looks like the blue version is possibly sold out). I also liked the Amazon dress you provided the link to. I noticed, too, that it is unavailable, but when I clicked on every color in my size, they still had a few colors in stock. Perhaps this is true for all sizes (I didn’t check). I wish I could be of help in the type of dress you are looking for! I am currently sewing McCall’s 8713 (from 1997, purchased on Ebay). This dress buttons to a raised waist, but the drawstring is, unfortunately, only in the back. Serendipity Studio’s Tara Tank Dress has a drawstring but, alas, no buttons. I will keep my eyes open, though! And thank you again for your kind response.
You’re welcome! I’ll have to double-check the Amazon dress, all the colors in my size. Thanks for checking on that, Nancy, and for providing the info on your dress patterns!
~Jessica
Hi Jessica,
I just happened to find your blog when I was doing research after having my devotions today in 1 Corinthians 11. It’s not the first time i’ve gone through that chapter but the longer I’ve been married the more this sticks out. Yes, I’m certainly nervous of the people around me and what they think but the verse reference you made was sufficient to address that. What my frustration is, is finding skirts for my body type that compliment me in the sense where I don’t look like a sack of potatos. I’m bottom heavy, lots of hips lol I love long skirts, but the issue is their usually too thin. I had found my first bunch at Goodwill but no luck since. Are there any stores you know of that specialize in skirts by chance?
Also, I’m curious to know if this has changed your marriage at all, what your husband thought after awhile and what you tell people when they ask you “why do you wear head coverings”?
Hi, AJ! So nice that you found me while doing your research!
You might want to take a look at my resource page on modesty for a list of some online stores that sell skirts (on the main menu, go to “About” then click on “Modesty”):
https://theheavenlyhearth.com/modest-clothing/
Most people don’t ask about my headcovering. I think they don’t want to seem rude. My husband supports me, since he grew up in a tradition where the women covered in church every Sunday, until that changed with time. I think headcovering has helped me be more aware of the need for me to submit. It’s definitely a journey! And one I’m not done with yet. 🙂
~Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Thank you so much for this so good article about modest clothing!
May our God in heaven keep our hearts faithfully clinged to Him, who has loved us first, and created us as women, with a special calling to love, to feed, to do and say good things…
And thank you for your ministry to remind and teach such good things!
Thank you so very much, Marguerite! I truly appreciate your encouraging words! Yes, may we walk faithfully in the ministry God has given us as women.
~Jessica
Great post Jessica. I’m so glad you are teaching about this topic and so blessed by all these other sisters who have the same concerns.
I’ve been living in this jumper the last few months: https://somethingdelightful.com/k2836
Hopefully that leads you to Kwik Sew 2836. Easy to put together, easy to make a completely different looking garment just by switching to a patterned fabric. Can be made in lighter weight cotton or chambray or up to 8oz denim. Very modest even with a short sleeved tee underneath–and comfortable too! The view without the buttons is an easier sew for anyone on the less experienced side. Hope this provides some ideas/inspiration.
Wonderful, Christine! Thank you — that pattern is lovely!
~Jessica
Great content. A woman that is dressed in a classy way is a beautiful thing–it is a different kind of beauty that brings respect as opposed to lustful thoughts.
I recommend similar content “Appearance”
http://sanderson1611.blogspot.com/search/label/appearance
Hello, Levie,
I read Pastor Anderson’s article, and it was good. Thank you for sharing the link!
~Jessica
I do wear pants, but I love wearing long dresses/skirts. In my opinion it is simply beautiful, no matter of religious aspects.
But the problem is, that society objects to women, who wear long dresses/skirts. When I’m wearing long dresses/skirts in public, I’m uncomfortable with it, because I know that some people will look down on me.
In former times, almost all women wore long dresses/skirts and nowadays it’s frowned upon. Feminists are talking of women’s rights and it seems to me, that women are loosing rights they had for centuries.
Hi, Karen,
Thanks for chiming in with your thoughts! 🙂
~Jessica
Thanks, I’ve done the same. A very influential woman in my life always suggests I wear jeans or lipstick in a modest way. I just feel I shouldn’t I tried changing and I felt myself being a bit more prideful. I too want to fit in and have been told what I did to get my husband I need to do to keep him. He doesn’t tell me this plus I wasn’t living as a Christian then either.
Thank you so much for this article. It is a helpful addition to my research on modest dress. I have one suggestion for clingy skirts and dresses (that cling instead of flow). I made myself a petticoat that has split sides, a pleated front and gathered back. I tie it on, slip the dress or skirt on, and the dress or skirt “clings” to the petticoat instead of me. This also helps keep me cool in the summer.
Great idea! Thanks!
~Jessica
Thank you for this post. I was starting to feel like a psycho! Your post also helped my husband understand my frustration as I explain in details and is more simplex. Thank you for pointing this issue back to the Lord and giving me healing in the process.