Common Quiverfull Objections Answered

Especially during this season of expecting our ninth child, I feel a deep and special connection to the topic of having children. Walking the path of surrendering myself to God in this area (as we should in ALL areas of life) has not always been smooth. However, I regard each child God chooses to send us as extremely precious and worth every inconvencience and hardship.

When other women ask me how many children we have and I tell them, their usual response is kind, though perhaps surprised. Thankfully, most people have been courteous toward me, and I haven’t had many experiences with critical and judgmental comments (in person, though online is sometimes a different matter). However, I have noticed that many women do tend to respond by telling me why they feel they couldn’t or can’t continue having children. I’ve always wondered, Why is that? Why do they feel the need to tell me something so personal?

I think it’s because they have a secret longing in their heart for more children, and seeing me reminds them of that. Perhaps they are trying to justify their decision to stop having more children in an effort to help themselves feel better about that choice. Oh, how I wish they could have the peace that comes with letting God have control of this area! Their response shows me, I believe, that they are not truly at peace, no matter what they may pretend to themselves and others.

Sometimes I receive comments on my blog or YouTube channel questioning the biblical validity of the Quiverfull lifestyle. These are not always so kind or courteous. However, to do any justice to those inquiries would require a full post of its own! That’s partly what I hope to provide right now: Basic answers to the most common objections I’ve encountered over the years. Perhaps this will answer some questions you might have, too, whether you currently feel you’re against “leaving it up to God” or are genuinely seeking to submit to Him in this area and just want to find solid biblical & logical support to boost your confidence. If you already believe in having a “surrendered womb,” as I do, I hope these scriptural rebuttals will strengthen your faith and resolve.

Just letting you know: This article is longer than a regular post. It is meant to be a place where you can find the most common questions and their answers all in one, convenient spot. Feel free to skip to the questions that are of most interest to you, personally. If I’ve left out any questions or objections that you feel I should have included, please let me know what they are, and I may be able to add them in later. If you feel you have a better response to any of the questions than the one I gave, go ahead and let me know in the Comment Section (I do ask that before leaving a comment, you review my Comment Policy).

Meaning of the Word “Quiverfull”

QUESTION: Doesn’t the term “Quiverfull” imply that you are intentionally trying to “fill your quiver” with as many children as biologically possible?

ANSWER: I will acknowledge that there may be some couples out there who are trying to have as many children as they can by intentionally doing everything in their power to conceive as soon as possible after every birth. (I can’t say for sure, since I don’t know everybody in the world. I kind of doubt it, though, since most people enjoy a bit of space between children.)

However, speaking specifically for myself and my husband (and probably for many other Quiverfull families), “Quiverfull” — to us — does not mean we intentionally try to have as many children as possible as soon as possible; it means we trust God to bless us with as many children as He would like to give us, in His timing. There’s a difference:

-In the first case, the couple tries to be in control.

-In the second case, the couple lets God be in control.

Saying that all “Quiverfull” families believe the same way about everything is like saying that all homeschool families believe the same way about everything — we shouldn’t make the mistake of arbitrarily putting people into little boxes. One, single shared belief does not mean all other beliefs are held in common.

“Quiverfull” is a term derived from the Bible. It is mentioned in a passage which refers to children being a “heritage” and “reward” from God. It says a “quiver full of them” is something to be “happy” about. It’s up to God the number of children He decides to give us, but however many that may be, we should accept those children as a gift and consider lots of children to be an even greater gift. This is not a fanatical idea — this is a biblical idea:

“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3-5

QUESTION: Okay, I see that in the Psalms, a “quiver full of children” is referred to as something that would make a man happy. But wasn’t that because the people of that time and culture believed that barrenness was bad and fertility was good? Having many children was “good” for them, but maybe having many children isn’t “good” for us. Why assume this passage was meant for us, too?

ANSWER: Well, as we progress through this article, I hope that many of the answers to the various questions & objections will help make this issue more clear. For now, let’s take a look at the passage itself for answers.

The first phrase says, “children are a heritage from the Lord.” The second phrase says, “the fruit of the womb is his reward.” I don’t see anything there about people’s opinions about children, only the bald facts: Children ARE a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb IS His reward. God has already decided that this is a gift worth giving — He didn’t ask us first, “What do you think would be a good gift?” Maybe the people of that time thought the way they did about fertility in part because they believed God’s Word about children. We are the ones who have stopped believing it.

For further reading on my blog:

Is Quiverfull a Cult?

Fertility as Blessing & Barrenness as Curse: Merely Cultural Ideas?

Using Our Brains

OBJECTION: I believe we should allow God to guide us in the size of our family, but I don’t think this means we can’t ever restrict pregnancy. God gave us brains, and He gives us wisdom if we ask.

ANSWER: Yes, God gave us brains, and He expects us to “bring[ ] into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). It is not enough to say, “Use your brain”; we must use our brains according to what the Bible teaches is right and true. God’s wisdom will never depart from what His Word already says! And how can we know what it says unless we diligently study it? There will be no need to continue to try and seek wisdom if we have already found it in the Bible.

QUESTION: Isn’t the Bible unclear about whether or not it’s okay to use birth control?

ANSWER: No, it’s not at all unclear. God never once says to use birth control. God never once suggests it as an option. God never once appears to leave it up to our discretion. (I challenge you to find just one obvious and specific verse, then send it to me.) On the other hand, God clearly says to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). He also clearly states that “the fruit of the womb [children] is his reward” (Psalm 127:3), not a burden or inconvenience to be avoided. There are many other clear verses about the blessing of children that are too numerous to quote here.

When we get down to it, if God says that children are a gift from Him, then why in the world would we not want to receive that gift? Think of it: A personalized present from God, and we don’t want it? If we reject His gift through birth control, even if it is for what seems to us a “good reason,” the fact remains that we have refused God’s reward. We have called His gift an unwanted burden. I can’t imagine that sits very well with God.

OBJECTION: Believing that we shouldn’t restrict pregnancy and just “leave it up to God” is an example of an extreme viewpoint. Those who believe this have tried to make the Bible fit their own narrative, instead of letting the Bible speak for itself.

ANSWER: Again, we must study diligently what the Bible says about this topic if we are to arrive at a truthful conclusion. What the world considers “extreme” behavior is much of the time what God considers “normal” behavior for a righteous person. We are to be salt and light in this world (Matthew 5:13-14), meaning we are supposed to stand out from the darkness surrounding us, not blend in to it. When we don’t blend in, it often feels “weird” to us and to those around us. But, we should accustom ourselves to being different: We are called to be holy (1 Peter 1:15-16), not to be non-weird and comfortable.

Historically, Christians have not been accustomed to using birth control. It was only recently (from the early 1900’s onward) that it began to be more and more accepted in our society until it is now seen as a moral “good.” But this was not always so. Christians from just 150 years ago would see using birth control as “extreme” and not using birth control as “normal.” What a long way (downward) we’ve come!

OBJECTION: Not using birth control is just relying on inaction.

ANSWER: No, not using birth control is relying on the wisdom of God. Who better to trust with our bodies and our lives? If we specifically ask Him in faith to take control of this area of our lives, do we honestly think He will deny our request? Trusting God in this area is putting our faith into action.

“But without faith it is impossible to please him [God]: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

Natural Family Planning

QUESTION: You come down pretty hard on NFP (Natural Family Planning), but it’s only a few days per month the couple has to abstain. Why is that so bad, especially in view of the fact that after childbirth, the couple has to abstain for much more time than that? And not all women have strong sexual cravings near ovulation, so perhaps abstaining should not be considered “defrauding” them. Besides, isn’t having sexual self-control good? And shouldn’t we be committed to having an ongoing sexual relationship with our spouse, no matter what time of the month it is, no matter whether we crave sex or not?

ANSWER: The reason NFP is wrong is because it is not the way God designed for us to function within a healthy marriage. The woman’s fertility is part of who God made her — it’s a gift to her, her husband, and their relationship. Within marriage, the gift of our fertility is to be rejoiced in, not rejected. Through NFP, the woman’s gift of fertility to the relationship is rejected. Therefore, part of what makes her a woman is rejected. This is not loving. A husband should accept his wife along with everything that makes her who she is, including her fertility, and she should do the same for him.

In life, many things come up that can impede our ability to have sex with our spouse when we want it. These things naturally lead to our learning to have sexual self-control; using NFP is not necessary for us to learn this.

And yes, we should come together with our spouse not just when we feel like it, but when the other person wants it, too, in order to satisfy each other’s sexual needs and avoid temptation (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). This may or may not be at our fertile time. However, there is a certain injustice that happens while using NFP when the woman is always expected to abstain during what is generally the only time of month she craves sex, whereas the man is almost always craving sex and therefore his desire is capable of being fulfilled at any time. This may not be the case for you, but we are not talking about just you; we are talking about the way God designed women in general.

And then we must consider the question of Why God made the woman this way. Was it a mistake to make her so fertile? To make her crave sex at this certain time of month more than at any other time? I don’t think that’s the picture the Bible gives us. God specifically tells us that one of the main purposes of marriage is to produce “godly seed” (Malachi 2:15). His purpose fits perfectly with His design. Need I say more?

“And did not he make [the husband and wife] one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore [why] one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.” Malachi 2:15

For further reading on my blog:

Why Natural Family Planning Is Not Biblical

Having Enough Time for Your Children

OBJECTION: If you have too many children, you will not be able to take good care of them all. You need to focus first on the children you already have before considering adding more.

ANSWER: I currently have eight children and am expecting our ninth. Yes, it can be a challenge to try and attend to all their needs! However, because I have chosen to be home with them full time I am able to do a lot more than one might think. True, I can’t attend to all their individual needs at the same time, but throughout the day, I can give them attention in turns, or even in groups.

I also designate. They have a chore schedule and a homeschool schedule. The older children help with meals and with their younger brothers and sisters. I do not have to do everything — instead, I can train them to do things for themselves. This relieves a burden off my shoulders and gives me time to focus on individual needs as they arise. This is also good for them, since it helps them learn responsibility and how to be less selfish. And remember, as children age, we do not need to do the same things for them we did when they were younger. I do not have eight three-year-olds all needing to be potty trained at the same time! I have a range of different ages.

Another great point is that because I have chosen to limit outside activities and commitments, we are able to have a relaxed homelife and I am able to be available to my children without the added stress a full schedule of extracurriculars would create.

These are conscious decisions we have made for the good of our family. I do not feel that any of my children are neglected. In fact, many families with only two children spend less time together than we do! Their schedules are too hectic, the mom has a full-time job, and when everyone is finally together at home, they spend it on their phones.

When You “Just Can’t Handle It”

QUESTION: What about those moms who feel they just can’t handle another child because of diffferent problems (varying from high stress loads related to normal stuff, to things like an alcoholic husband, etc.)? Wouldn’t it be better for themselves, their marriage, and the children they already have if they didn’t add another child to the mix?

ANSWER: Yes, I agree that those moms and families need a solution! But it needs to be the right one. Distorting God’s design for marriage and sex through using birth control or getting sterilized is NOT the right solution.

God’s design is clear from four things:

1)His original intention at Creation (“be fruitful and multiply,” Genesis 1:28).

2)The way He made our bodies (His purpose is evident in His design for our bodies to reproduce — we can usually only avoid reproduction through methods which are alien & unnatural to the human body and heart).

3)New Testament command (He tells women specifically in the New Testament to “marry and bear children,” 1 Timothy 5:14).

4)What He says about His sovereign oversight of the making of every child from conception onward (Psalm 139).

God has a unique plan for each child. What that plan is, is something we cannot fully know since none of us has His advanced foreknowledge of the future. We may not understand why a certain child has to come into existence, but if we let God give us another child, and He does, then we can be absolutely sure that it is for a very good reason. It is not to harm us or “put us over the edge.” In fact, as Christians we should acknowledge that the trials of life are meant to help us grow and mature (James 1:2-4).

Perhaps that mom needs to ask for help from others in the church. The church should not look down on those who need help; we are Christ’s body and are supposed to be His hands and feet to those who need it — without judgment. Perhaps she needs to seek mentorship and counseling from a godly, trusted, older Christian woman. She may not be aware of practical things she can do to ease the stress in her life. When she begins to apply godly wisdom to her life, she may begin to feel that she CAN handle the problems she didn’t know how to deal with before. Certain things like quitting a job, canceling outside commitments, not wasting time on social media, eating in a way that is more healthy, exercising (even if it’s just taking a walk), spending time reading God’s Word and in prayer, among other things, can help us manage the everyday trials of life.

In the case of a wayward husband, I understand how that can be very difficult and painful. At first glance, it may seem as if another child would increase the stress (and it temporarily might). It may also make the mother feel alone and vulnerable. However, children are always a gift and we do not know the ways God intends to use this particular gift to HELP us, not hurt us. Why not let Him do His work in our lives without hindering Him? We may understand later on how what we had thought would make things worse (another child) was actually meant by God to bring healing and hope.

Now don’t get me wrong and think I’m saying that a new baby will solve all one’s problems. No, I’m not saying that. It is GOD Who solves our problems. However, He may choose to use a child as part of that solution, and what I am emphasizing is that we should not limit God. And even if our problem doesn’t ever end up getting “solved,” either through another child or through any other means, that doesn’t mean that child’s life was in vain! No one’s life is in vain. We are all here for a purpose.

Sometimes I, too, feel that I “just can’t handle” the different stresses of life, so I know how that is. But, when I give those burdens over to God, choosing to focus on the truth of His Word instead of on my circumstances, I find that His grace is indeed sufficient for me. I find that I CAN do all things through Christ Who strengthens me!

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

“I can do ALL things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13

For further reading on my blog:

When Having Another Child “Doesn’t Seem Fair”

What if Your Baby Might Be Born With Problems?

QUESTION: Let’s say you have had one or more children who have been born with health issues (maybe even severe ones). Shouldn’t you stop having children so that you can avoid the risk of bringing another child with problems into the world? I mean, it would be a hardship for you, your family, those who have to help you, and could perhaps even be considered unloving toward that potential child, who will probably have to live with those problems his or her whole life.

ANSWER: Living with health challenges can be extremely hard. Yes, there is so much sacrifice involved. I can understand how it would make one wonder: Why would I keep on doing this?

Honestly, you can’t know for sure if the next child will have health problems or not. Probabilities are just that: Things we think will “probably” happen, but can’t be 100% sure they will. Maybe your next child will be completely healthy! Doctors and their statistics can be wrong.

Think about it this way: God chooses what He allows. All disabilities, deformities, and health issues of all sorts are sovereignly allowed by God, in order to accomplish His purposes. How dare we pretend to know better than He? I’m not saying God takes pleasure in our pain — No. This world has been broken, and it breaks His heart to see what it does to us. But, He has a plan to fix everything. One day. In the meantime, He lets us experience many difficult things for a purpose. Remember, God our Redeemer redeems our suffering and uses it for good (if we believe in Him and love Him, Romans 8:28). It is never wasted. Not in our life, nor in the lives of others.

If you do have another child with a disability, believe that God has permitted it for a reason. He may want to use this situation to bless others with the opportunity to be His hands and feet to you! Don’t let your pride about not wanting to be a burden (whether financially or otherwise) be an obstruction to what God may want to do in their lives. Believe that your child, though he or she may indeed have troubles of many sorts, is destined by God to bring glory to Him. Will you live in fear of all the what ifs, or will you trust in God’s plan for your life and the life of your child?

All children are precious. Who are we to make judgments about the “quality of life” a child will have? What can compare to the great treasure of life itself? What we view as a handicap might actually be a benefit, in God’s eyes. What we see as distorted may end up being used by God to brings things back into alignment, spiritually.

“And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” John 9:1-3

You may at many points feel that what you are going through is too much to handle. But if God allowed it, He must know something about what you truly are able to handle. And remember that He is always with us, going through our trials right by our side. When we feel too weak to deal with things, He is strong (Philippians 4:13).

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

For further reading on my blog:

The Doctrine of Suffering and How It Relates to Childbearing

Many Needy Children in the World

QUESTION: Isn’t it selfish to continue to enlarge your family when there are so many needy children in the world?

ANSWER: Can I answer that question with another? Is it ever selfish to obey God?

God says in 1 Timothy 5:14, “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house . . .” His will is for women to bear children, if He has blessed them with that ability. If God has given us instructions to live a certain way, how dare anyone say we are being selflish or irresponsible by doing what He commands!

Yes, there are many needy children. We cannot do everything to help everyone. Even Mother Theresa had to focus on just one person at a time. We cannot think it right to help others by neglecting our duty to our own family! If God chooses to make us fertile and have the ability to receive our own, biological children from Him, what right have we to reject them? It is an obvious sign of His will for our life when He sends us new children to fill our womb. We don’t have to wonder, “What is God’s will for me?” We can just wait for Him to send or not send children, and that’s how we know.

If, however, we find ourselves in a situation where God has not sent us children, or has sent us only one or two (without our using birth control — including NFP — or getting sterilized), then perhaps that is a sign He would like us to look into foster care, or adoption, or sending support to a child in a different country. Perhaps our children have all grown up and left the house. Well, we still need to be availabe to help them in any way they may need us; but, we will probably have more time and money to spend on ministering to children at church, or sending to children in need. There are seasons of life. We must wait for the right season.

God would prefer for us to obey His clear instructions than to make a sacrifice for Him (such as choosing to sacrifice our God-given fertility), however noble that sacrifice may seem. Yes, caring for orphans is also a command. However, I believe it’s clear that we must start with & prioritize God’s commands for our own family, and after that expand out to others.

I should add that there is no reason why we can’t reach out to help needy childen in some way even if we have a large family. It doesn’t need to be either/or, it can be both/and. For many years, we donated to World Vision to help a child in need. Perhaps you can think of ways you can help in your own season of life, ways that are doable for you. One big thing we can do is raise our children to be selfless and kind — who knows how many people will eventually be impacted in a positive way by the ripple effect? In such a way, we may be able to indirectly help more people than we could have helped by limiting our family size.

“And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” 1 Samuel 15:22

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8

Isn’t the World Already Full?

OBJECTION: Don’t you care about overpopulation? You’re contributing to the problem by continuing to have more children.

ANSWER: I care about obeying God. He said to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28) and for married women to “bear children” (1 Timothy 5:14), and I want to do as He says, trusting that He knows what He’s talking about. God never told us when we could stop being fruitful and multipying. To assume that we have now reached the stage where that command no longer applies to us is extremely arrogant, since it is in defiance of God’s clear word. We don’t think that God’s command to “have dominion” over the earth (mentioned in that same verse in Genesis) has expired, do we? Why cherry pick? The only reason we would be so picky is for the sake of our own selfish convenience. Or, perhaps we have noble but misguided notions based on ignorance of God’s word and His will.

God knows this world has a time limit. He alone knows what it is, and we don’t. Jesus may come back within the next decade, and all our worry about “overpopulation” will have been for nothing. Besides, I don’t think the world is really over-populated; that is just an opinion. The world still has a ton of open space and unused resources.

Yes, we have to be responsible with our resources. But that does not, and should not, include rejecting the gift and blessing of children. A good question to ask is: How can we preserve our resources without compromising God’s word and what it says about having children? The truth is, the reason much of the world is in such a bad condition is because of wars and greed. Sin. Men go off to fight and leave their farms to rot. Thieves steal others’ crops. Corrupt governments take from their own people. Limiting children will not really solve all those problems; they will still persist until Jesus comes. It’s sin that has to be dealt with; children are not to blame. Governments that have restriced childbearing, or at least have discouraged it, are now reaping the bitter fruit of aging populations that will have a hard time sustaining the economy in years to come.

Jesus said, “Suffer [allow] the little children to come to me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14). The disciples thought that all the little children being brought to Jesus were wasting His precious time; they thought they were getting in the way of His ministry. They saw them as a nuisance, a hindrance. But Jesus did not agree. To Him, children were vital and precious. We need to ask ourselves if we see children (all children, even those still yet to be conceived) the same way.

“Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth ME: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.” Mark 9:37

Responding to Comments on My Blog

OBJECTION: You just want to surround yourself with people who think like you do, because it makes you comfortable. You’re afraid to be questioned. It makes you feel threatened. That’s why you don’t accept comments that conflict with your views.

ANSWER: Well, I think it’s typical to not enjoy the feeling of being attacked! However, you are wrong that I am afraid to be questioned. I have received so many negative comments over the years that I think I have heard every objection there is to having a surrendered womb and living the Quiverfull lifestyle. Nothing anybody says anymore is a surprise to me; the same old objections just keep on being repeated over and over. I have had ample time to consider all those objections, study what the Bible says (and history shows), and come to my own conclusions and strong convictions.

Many women who disagree with leaving our fertility up to God just want to argue with me. I used to fall into their trap, thinking they were open-minded and wanted to “have an edifying conversation,” but then I wised up and realized that nothing I could say would change their mind. They weren’t on a search for the truth — they were on a quest to bash me and my beliefs.

The reason I don’t accept comments that conflict with the Bible’s views on having children (they’re not just “my views”) is because of the purpose of this blog: To provide an atmosphere of support and encouragement for women who are committed to obeying God’s Word in this area.

Conclusion

I can’t possibly cover every single question or objection related to having a fully surrendered womb in this post, and those questions and objections I have covered I am not able to address as thoroughly as I would like — not enough room! These questions each deserve a post of their own, which is something I will perhaps do in the future, though I have already done so for some of them (see links provided throughout the article).

However, I hope this article has given you some basic answers to your questions about the Quiverfull lifestyle. The goal here is to continue to grow in knowledge and wisdom, guided by God’s Word, instead of by our culture or by our own human ideas; this post is intended as merely a springboard to that end.

If you really want to find answers to questions about having children, the best advice I have for you is to read through the whole Bible book by book, jotting down every verse that says something about sex, marriage, fertility, and having children.

You may want to start here:

What Does the Bible Say About Having Children? GENESIS

I am sure it will be a journey you will not regret, and it will answer your questions much better than I can myself.

May God bless you on your journey to understanding His truth!

~Jessica