Those who have struggled with accepting a small house while receiving more children open-heartedly will probably appreciate the story in this post as much as I did the first time I came across it.
First of all, let me clarify: It is not that I have trouble accepting children; it’s that I have trouble accepting a small house. Surely, I tell myself, God will give us what we “deserve,” a larger, more spacious house for our growing family. I resist our circumstances with the insane hope that somehow they will miraculously change to make room for my wants.
My main problem isn’t a lack of faith (I don’t think) but a lack of contentment. It’s a warped perspective on reality regarding what I truly “deserve” from the Lord. I’m not so sure a bigger house is one of those things, unless He decides that He wants to make that happen, in His wisdom. Maybe what I need to do (actually, what I know I need to do) is make this work.
I don’t know that God promises to expand the walls of our house to make room for more children, though He could, but I do know that He’s promised to take care of our true needs (Matt. 6:25-34), and that He sends us children because He loves us and has a purpose for their lives, and for ours.
“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.” 1 Timothy 6:6-8 (see also, 1 Tim. 6:17)
Food and clothing: that’s pretty basic. It doesn’t say, If we have a 2,000 square-foot house with five bedrooms and three bathrooms, we will be content. Neither does it say, If we have a huge lot with lots of trees and room for the children to run, we will be content. Though God could certainly give us those things, and He sometimes does, He wants us to learn to be content with the basics.
“All these were the sons of Heman the king’s seer in the words of God, to lift up the horn. And God gave Heman fourteen sons and three daughters.” 1 Chronicles 25:5 KJV
The NIV says that “They [the children of Heman] were given him through the promises of God to exalt him.” Not to crush him, not to humilate him, not to harm him. To exalt him.
I also note that it was God Who gave him these numerous children. They were not accidents, nor were they the parents’ “informed, responsible choice” — they were destined by God to exist, Who therefore gave them to Heman and his wife as a gift, who in turn received them, apparently, as such.
Who are we to reject God’s gifts?
One missionary lady that Corrie TenBoom met in her journeys as a “tramp for the Lord” struggled with her circumstances and had trouble receiving children as gifts from the Lord. Here is that story.
Once in a primitive spot in Africa I visited a missionary couple. Their small home was located in a delightful spot that gave a beautiful view of lakes and mountains. They had very little of this world’s goods, but were rich in God’s grace and had been given a homesite that many wealthy people would pay thousands of dollars to have as their own. Crowded into this tiny shack were six children, the youngest just a few months old. “Come with me,” the missionary wife said as she picked up the baby and walked outside. “I want to tell you a story.”
We sat on a bench overlooking an awesome scene of grandeur. Spreading before us was a mighty view of the mountains, covered with deep jungle and spotted with lakes and waterfalls.
“To have many little children can be a burden for a missionary,” she said. “There comes a time when you have to send them to the homeland because there are no good schools here. [My thought: That’s what homeschooling’s for, which is much better than sending your children away to boarding school. I’m glad things have changed for the better.] But while they are small you try to enjoy them.”
She paused and looked down at the sweet baby asleep in her arms. Her voice was tense with emotion as she continued. “But when I learned I was going to have another baby, I rebelled against God. We already had five small children and it did not seem fair that we should have to bear another. My health was not good and I looked upon having another child with great sorrow and unhappiness.”
Tears were streaming down her face as she talked. “Was it not enough to have five children? Oh, how my heart cried out at God and there were times when I wished He would take the baby from me.
“The time for the birth was here. I was very weak and there were no doctors nearby. We had no one to leave the other children with, so my husband put us all in the car and drove us into a town where there was a good mission hospital. There we stayed until the baby was born.”
The tiny child stirred in her arms, stretched her little arms and yawned. How precious she looked! The mother’s voice grew soft. “When we returned to our house with the new baby we learned that in the short days we had been gone the dreaded Mau Mau had come. They had murdered every white person in the entire area. Had we been home we would have all been killed.”
She hugged the little baby to her breast, tears flowing down her face. “This little darling was sent by God to save all our lives. Never again shall I rebel against His ways for our lives.”
-From Tramp for the Lord, by Corrie TenBoom with Jamie Buckingham, pages 121-122, emphasis added.
Isn’t that story amazing?
It had seemed unfair to this missionary lady that God would send another child into their “crowded . . . tiny shack”; furthermore, the pregnancy might further complicate her health, which was “not good.” She rebelled against it, even wishing that God would cause her to have a miscarriage. Her mental and emotional state was one of heavy discouragement.
And yet, time proved to this family that God hadn’t sent this child to burden them futher, but to save their lives!
Who can understand the ways of the Lord? His ways are past finding out (Rom. 11:33). We can try to project our own imagination onto the future and make our best guess of what will happen if we have another child, but none of us really knows what will happen; only God does.
Therefore, He is the best One to decide when He will send us a new child. Our understanding is too puny for an undertaking of this sort; why even pretend to be smarter than we are?
If God had a special plan for sending this missionary family a new child, and if He loves us just as much as He loved them (and I know He does), then He has a special plan for whatever children He sends into our family, “tiny shack” and all.
Actually, our house is much better than a shack; our American perspective has the proportions way overblown when it comes to what we consider “necessary” for living: Big cars, big applicances, big closets, big beds, big bathrooms, big refridgerators, etc. We’re really spoiled.
The above story challenges that perspective, for me. Do I really need all the things I think I need? Maybe not — probably not. I can find a way to be content, as the Bible instructs us to, in whatever circumstances I find myself in. It will take mental discipline to do that, for sure! However, if I focus intently on trusting in God’s wisdom and love, I believe it is possible!
~Jessica
Hi Jessica! Happy New Year to you and your family. I’m on the opposite end. I have three girls but I really wanted to have many more children but God saw it fit to bless us with three living children. Two He took home through miscarriages. Meanwhile some of my unmarried sisters were having children and the fathers weren’t in the picture. I remember shaking my fist at God and saying ” It’s not fair!”
It took me a few years after I had my hysterectomy to finally be content with only three children. God knew all the things that would be taking place in our lives. He has placed us in this lovely home which I love but I struggle with wishing I had a craft room for sewing or some other craft because my friends have one. I am content though with bringing the sewing machine out to the dining room table. Crocheting can be done sitting in the living room while chatting with my family or watching TV.
Speaking of crocheting, does any of your daughters knit? I have several knitting needles of all sizes including circular and double pointed ones. I also have duplicates of crochet hooks. Would your daughter’s like them? If so let me know and I will get them to you.
Hi, Regina!
Thank you for sharing about your own, unique perspective on the issues I talked about in my post. I think we’re all having to learn how to be content in our individual, often different, situations.
Giselle likes to crochet. She has all the hooks that she needs, I think, but if you are looking to get rid of some that you don’t need, you are welcome to give them to her whenever we see each other next. 🙂
~Jessica
I like to crochet too. I tried knitting and trying to maneuver two needles is not my cup of tea!
I’ll check to see what my duplicate hooks are. Kaitlyn bought me a set of hooks that are padded which are good for people with arthritis.
I hope we can get together sometime. I don’t get out much except for grocery shopping, church and doctor appointments. However me and my girls did go see the new Little Women at The Picture Show on my birthday a couple of days ago.
Regina, I’m glad to hear about your new padded crochet hooks! I hope your arthritis hasn’t been bothering you too much, lately.
I’ve seen the previews for the new Little Women movie, but the movie looked very Feminist to me, even more so than the actual book. Is it? I wonder if I should let my children see it?
~Jessica
I can totally relate to this…but currently find myself in the exact opposite situation. In our earlier years, we had six of us in a two bedroom apartment, using laundromat facilities. We once had eight of us living in a 1,000 sq. ft. “house” with no living room—for three years. In those early years of lots of kids and little space, I would wish God would better our circumstances. Now the eleven of us live in a large house on a beautifully forested hill with acres of forest to explore and plenty of finances to afford more children—yet I’ve been unable to conceive for seven years. I think back on those “hard” years and think I would give anything to have them back. I wish I would have been wiser during that time to really believe those years were fleeting. I don’t understand why the Lord wouldn’t give us more children now that we can afford them and do so much for them…but then I remember that we wouldn’t be the people we are if we didn’t have those times of struggle. Your message blessed me today. Hope you’re enjoying your new year week!
Hello, Sarah!
Your remarks were very encouraging to me! Hearing about how other people have had to learn to live with less-than-“ideal” circumstances really helps me keep my own life in perspective. Thank you for allowing us to benefit from what you’ve learned from your experiences!
~Jessica
Amen, be content. Kids are a blessing and learning to be frugal is so crucial.
Thank you, Kevin!
Hi Jessica! I can relate to this. My husband and I live in a small 2 bedroom mobile home where we home schooled and raised a boy and girl, as well as my sister’s many children (another story).
I remember times where I longed to have my own space, my own closet, and nice furniture that I didn’t have to re furbish with throw blankets and tacks!
My husband and I for so many years slept on the floor in the living room on a double size air mattress (we couldn’t afford a couch) becuase I felt the all the children needed their own rooms being I had both boys and girls (not all mine).
I housed my sister’s children for many years (8 children in all). On bad days I would question the Lord like why is this happening to us?! Only two of these 8 children are ours!
Now 23yrs have past and my children and my sister’s children are all grown into adult hood and we laugh at the past housing situation. The bathroom lines, fights over food, and clothing are all things we chuckle about now lol
Needless to say my husband and I still live in our 1976 two bedroom mobile home. We are slowly but surely making improvements one step at a time. I have my own room with a BED! YAY
It’s so funny becuase my children and neices/nephews tell stories of the “camp outs” we had, the make shift beds, the TV trays for extra eating space, the dreaded shared closet and the funniest being the over turned 5gallon buckets with a chair pad on top as chairs for the littles!!! We always laugh about that!
Anyways a lesson for me when I was going through all this was to be thankful for what I had (material things & my home) even though they were ragged to some. I also give thanks for all the children God allowed me to raise even though they biologically we’re not mine and we didn’t ask for them. This was a test of faith for both my husband and I. Also I feel as though it made all the children realize that less is often times more. It has certainly changed all our perspectives on needs vs wants and also on how God has His plans!
I feel that this all happened to my husband and I becuase we were able to give the children a safe place and present the gospel to each of them which they would not have had or heard in their previous living situation.
I will admit I am patiently awaiting the day that my husband and I can kick our feet up in a new recliner and have a newer fluffy bed with matching bedding oh and fluffy pillows would be a bonus!
Then we can sit back together and give thanks and share testimonies about all the good times we had raising all those little blessings in my tiny home for 23years. Praise God for those times!
Thank you for sharing Jessica! I pray that your family will have a wonderful new year and I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Your articles are always a blessing to me!
Dear Rosemarie,
I am so impressed with how you’ve learned to make the best of your situation over the past 23 years! I can see how God used you and your husband in the lives of the children you raised. I think God cares less about the size of our house than we do; it seems to me that He cares more about our relationships with other people, which can grow and thrive even in a small home — maybe especially in a small home, as your comment seems to indicate! Thank you so much for this reminder!
I hope and pray that everything is going well with you and your family, and with your niece who recently had to go to the hospital.
~Jessica
Yes, my niece is currently home and doing better. Praise The Lord! Thank you for your prayers!
Rosemarie, I’m glad to hear that! You’re welcome; I will of course keep on praying when the Lord brings you to my mind.
~Jessica
I know that people’s personal circumstances can be very different and can change over time. But the unquestionable truth is that God knows best and however difficult it is for us as Christian women, either falling pregnant, failing to conceive or loosing a child in miscarriage (all of which I have experienced) the fact is that we are meant to submit ourselves and our womb to him. However challenging and frankly exhausting it should be every Christian women’s wish to be blessed with all the children God intends for us.
Susanne, I concur with a heartfelt Yes.
~Jessica
What an awesome story! The ways God works really are for our good!
Thanks, Elisa! Glad you enjoyed it!
~Jessica
Thank you for this article. Being content is my struggle, because my house is small and my neighbour are loud and abusive ( not to us) and are always asking for stuff and our fence is slowly falling apart from them. We keep the peace but I regret buying this house. I would love more children for sure and learning to be content is something one needs to learn and pray for. The good thing is I get to witness to those who are less fortunate then we are and that is a great thing about living here.
You’re welcome, Pepalee!
I’m sorry to hear about the hardships involved with living where you do. Yes, let’s encourage each other in having a positive, cheerful outlook, even when things are not as we would like them to be. I struggle just as you do; I’m so glad we can help each other keep things in perspective.
~Jessica
Do u have a facebook page that hosts these? Qanna follow ur posts but i dont like email subbing.
Hi, Femi,
No, I don’t have Facebook, though I used to a couple years ago. If you pin a shortcut to my blog on your phone’s homescreen, it will be easy for you to check up on it without having to subscribe for emails.
~Jessica
Hello! Thanks so much for sharing this story. I NEEDED to hear it! God does answer prayers. This evening, just before leaving for work, my husband and I prayed and specially asked God to please give me ideas on how to better manage the house. We live in a three bedroom townhouse, with some hard neighbors who sometimes make life difficult. We have seven children this far, and homeschool for His Glory.
I had all of them via c-sections and I have been praying about how many more c-sections does He have in store for me? Most people around us think that we are crazy and being irresponsible to keep having “ so many kids “, and put my life in danger. We do not see it that way, but are praying for wisdom. I am not an organized person by nature. I was not taught in my childhood. I have had to teach myself in the 13 years of my marriage. By God’s grace, I have made great progress.
Are they any books on home management that you can recommend?
In our circle of friends, my daughters always feel left out because 99.99% of their peers do not value modesty. My prayer is that the Lord will bless us with other families who do.
Again, thanks for sharing! This is the answer to my prayer.
God be with you!
Medja
Hi, Medja!
I was thrilled to receive your comment! It seems we are similar in so many ways. How comforting to be reminded that there are other women who think like I do!
I have heard good things about this site that has chore management charts for homeschooled children (and they have other helpful products, too):
https://www.titus2.com/
Here’s a blog from a mother of a large, homeschooling family, with lots of ideas on how to organize things:
https://www.raisingarrows.net/
And another one:
http://momdelights.com/
Hope that helps!
~Jessica
Love this article! I can only say YES! – and I agree with each point.
Every excuse for contraception boils down to the basic, “God might want to give me a baby, but I know better than God.”
God has reasons for each child. To refuse the blessing of a child is both to refuse the blessing, and to call one’s self wiser than God – and additionally calling one’s own convenience more important than a baby’s life.
I love your boldness in sharing this!
Also, my library has this book! So excited to read it!!
Diana 🙂
Thanks, Diana!
It’s so comforting to hear from you — that you feel the same way I do! Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), I feel very discouraged with today’s Christians and how they seem incapable of seeing this issue clearly. But knowing there are other ladies out there who have allowed God to open their eyes to the truth about this really lifts up my spirit. Thank you for taking the time — really! — to comment on my posts. You are a huge encouragement to me.
You know, just today I was thinking, “So many Christians choose the curse of barrenness over the blessing of their God-given healthy fertility. They don’t see that they have ‘called what is good, bad, and what is bad, good; they have called bitter, sweet, and sweet, bitter.’ They have everything backwards and they don’t see it!” It makes my spirit very, very sad. I cry about it often. I ask God to do a miracle in our hearts and revive our spirits toward holiness. It seems impossible to me, but I know that nothing is impossible with God, and that hope sustains me.
I agree with all your thoughts. I understand when there is a truly life-threatening situation and people feel like their only chance for saving the woman’s life is to have a surgery to cut off one of the spouse’s fertility. But honesty, how often does a woman have a TRULY life-threatening situation? Are we really all that unhealthy? I doubt it. I think we mostly just convince ourselves that we “need” birth control for convenience’ sake.
I’m glad to hear that your library has the book I mentioned. I really enjoyed reading it!
~Jessica
One of the words the Lord dropped into my heart at the beginning of this year was ‘contentment.’ I have Timothy 6:6 posted on handwritten signs throughout our home where I’ll see them frequently.
Godliness + contentment = great gain.
To read this post and see that verse used here was so encouraging to me. In a very self-entitled, self-focused world, your perspective and attitude are refreshing, Jessica. God bless you and your dear family.
Thanks, Susan! How neat that we’ve both been drawn to that same verse about contentment this year! It’s definitely one of those things that I need to be constantly reminded of since selfishness seems to come so naturally to me. I wrote it on a notebook/planner which I have propped up on my bedroom dresser so that I’ll see it everyday.
I really appreciate the time you took to leave me a kindhearted note!
~Jessica