Soon, my firstborn will be leaving home. My second will perhaps follow not long after that, and so will go the procession. The thought of it makes me nervous, yet at the same time I’m excited for them to enter into the next step of their lives. This article is about one of the ways I’m trying to help them be ready for that.
My experience as a young adult
I remember when I first moved out. There were plenty of things I knew how to do–and plenty of things I didn’t. There are certain things I wish I had been more prepared for. One of those things is cooking.
It’s not that my mom didn’t teach me how to cook; it’s just that I hadn’t had nearly enough practice and I didn’t have any written recipes of the things I had supposedly learned. Now, I could have been more ambitious and made my own recipe binder, but it never occurred to me how much I might need it. So, my first year living away from my parents I mostly survived on macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, fried potates, hot dogs, and the like. Why didn’t I think to check out cookbooks from the library? I don’t know. That’s young people for you, ha, ha!
Fast forward almost twenty years
I want my teens to be more prepared than I was. It’s stressful to try and think of what to make and how to prepare it! I constantly ask myself: How can I help my teens transition successfully into living away from home so that they’re not going crazy trying to remember how to make their favorite meals and wasting a ton of money on junk food, instead?
I want my daughters to be able to serve their future husbands a variety of tasty meals and desserts, right from the start. I want my sons to be able to sustain themselves until they marry; and after they marry, I think it’s good for them to know how to cook so they can help a wife who may be nauseous due to being pregnant.
Toward that end, my oldest teens and I have been putting together their own recipe binders, which they will be able to take with them wherever life leads them next! And even before they leave home, the binders are a handy way for them to easily access our most-used recipes so they can help prepare meals.
Every recipe that I’ve posted so far on this blog, plus several others, have all been printed out for their binders, then placed in clear, plastic page protectors. The two of them designed the cover art.
As we type up more recipes, their binders will become fuller. My teens will also be able to add more recipes of their own, later on. At this point, they have not been using dividers, but once they have more pages, it will probably be necessary to add them to keep things organized and make it easy to find different items. We could label the tabs with names such as this, for a start (they could further divide things, later on):
- Breakfast ideas
- Dinners
- Sides
- Desserts
I think this will make a nice graduation/moving out/wedding gift, don’t you think?
- Do you have any ideas for making recipe binders or other types of recipe storage?
- What are some ways you are preparing/did you prepare your teens for adult life away from home?
- Are there any tips you would you like to share with nervous mamas?
~Jessica
Do you believe daughters should stay at home till married? I’m just so weary of women not being under a “covering” just leaves them so vulnerable to the world.
Hi, Kevin!
I think you may be right. I’ve seen things that have made me think, “If she had just not gone out from the covering of her parents, her church, an older brother, etc. she would not have been in such a vulnerable situation, and that would have saved her from the painful experience she went through.” So, yes, I think in a general sense, it would be wise for a daughter to stay at home till married. But, there may be situations where that might not be workable. If her parents are very hostile toward her being a Christian, for example, and make her life miserable. Or, on the opposite end, if her parents are very controlling and won’t hardly let her out of the house to even be able to meet a guy so she can marry and she’s already 30. Etc. But then, there may be a way for her to enter into a situation where she will still be protected, even if it’s not necessarily with her parents.
What are your thoughts on that?
~Jessica
I was mainly thinking about a good solid Christian home. Sort of like how the Duggar girls are. I just think it’s much better if they stayed home and continued to learn from their mother and under protection/covering of father. In other non biblical families it might be different but overall just look around and see the difference between a woman under male headship and ones that aren’t. They are like sitting ducks for the enemy. Also just thinking deeper if our sons and daughters are raised right why wouldn’t they get married “young”. A biblical woman is attractive a, biblical man is attractive. We know what the purpose of marriage is and don’t have Hollywood expectations. You will never have the perfect spouse it’s all about finding a person you can glorify God with.
All great thoughts, Kevin! I really like to discuss these things and ponder them, since my husband and I need to prepare ourselves for when our own daughters become adults.
Thanks!
~Jessica
Hi again, Jessica!
Lots of thoughts… my mom didn’t teach me to cook at all, and she also kept a very simple kitchen, rotating maybe 20 recipes total that she could make with her eyes closed. I spent my teenage years collecting international cookbooks and trying really complex recipes, although 99 times out of 100 they totally failed because I had no idea what I was doing! When I got married at 20 I could make scrambled eggs, French toast and fettuccine alfredo. That’s it. Over the next couple of years I self-taught and became a good cook but still chose very complicated cuisine almost every night. As my children have grown and needed more of me, I’ve streamlined my recipes like my mom did, and save the flashy food for holy days or other special occasions.
I think the number one skill I want my children to acquire before leaving home is time management and household management. The ability to use a planner well, to meal plan, budget, understand how finances work, have a set plan for making doctor/dentist/vet/mechanic/etc. appointments, and leave time for hospitality, spiritual pursuits, service to others, and leisure. Hopefully all in a semblance of balance!
My oldest is 9 years old, so we’re not quite to the preparation stage yet. At this point I just want her to absorb the idea that working with our hands is good, that everyone should be always intellectually and spiritually growing in an active way, and that if a woman chooses to marry then she should be at home with her children.
Thanks, Rachel! I really liked all your thoughts on raising children to eventually be ready for adulthood. I also agree that simple meals are often the best!
~Jessica
Same here Jess! I definitely plan to teach Ruth (and her future sisters) go to meals that are easy to cook in advance and in bulk. I ALSO hope to teach my sons appreciation for what their wives do for them.
Awesome, Courtney! I totally agree!
I think it’s good to teach our sons not only to appreciate other people’s cooking efforts, but for them to be able to cook good meals themselves, since many women need the help while they’re pregnant (as I have). It just makes it so much easier if the man already knows how! Plus, some men really enjoy cooking and might become chefs! So, by teaching your sons to cook, you could be preparing them for a career in the food industry, helping them be the future providers for their family. And some guys just like cooking–it’s a relaxing & tasty hobby for them. So, I say, let’s teach both our girls and our boys! 🙂
~Jessica
Wow! I’m almost jealous of your kids for having such a thoughtful mother! One thing I really wish I had been taught, is how to navigate the bureaucracy – which courts/offices/embassies are responsible for what, how to contact them, stuff like that. Now I’m about to get married in less than a week and I’m completely stressed out, among other things because I’m the homemaker in the household I’m leaving behind, and also suddenly everyone expects me to have answers to things I have no idea about. Please pray for this transition to go more smoothly than it has so far. I would much prefer, in what shoild actually be a very happy season of my life, not to cry every day.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding!
Erika, wow! Getting married in less than a week! How exciting and wonderful! I hope everything goes well. Congratulations!!
International stuff can be tricky, for sure. My husband is from Mexico, and I can relate to what you’re talking about! I have had that same feeling of frustration, sometimes. Not only with international issues, but with other life problems I didn’t automatically know how to deal with, too. Yep, I totally get you. When I feel frustrated, my husband tells me to relax and not worry. Keep on trying to find answers, keep on making those phone calls and sending those messages. Eventually, you’ll get the answers you need; eventually, it will work out. Just have patience. And even if it doesn’t work out the way you had wanted, you can just take it from there and figure out the next step. There’s always something that can be done. Take it one day at a time. That advice has helped me, and perhaps it will help you, too! I pray that the Lord will help this transition be smooth and that He would help the both of you meet every challenge with a joyful, patient, optimistic, faith-filled spirit! 🙂
I’m not sure how you could prepare a child/teen for all these things that come up in adult life. But helping a teen learn how to make phone calls, ask questions, investigate stuff, is probably a good way to lay a foundation for them to be able to handle more specific issues later on.
As a side note: I’m sure your dad and brother (am I right about that?) will do just fine! They will miss you, for sure, and they might even start putting the books back in the un-used refrigerator (ha, ha, I think I remember your mentioning that), and the housework will most likely suffer, but they will by okay. You’ll see. This is a great example of why it’s a good idea to teach our sons, and not just our daughters, how to keep a house clean and how to cook!
May God bless you and your upcoming marriage!!
~Jessica
Thank you for your kind words! Today I asked to be released from my household duties going forward, so I can focus completely on preparing for the wedding, packing and spending time with my fiancé, whom I haven’t seen in person since November. That’s a relief and it will give the others a chance to ease into taking over when I’m gone.
We’re no longer in the small apartment in Vienna with just Papa, my brother and a refrigerator full of books. Last year we moved to a bigger house in rural Austria with some other members of our church. But being the only sister and aspiring homemaker, the house work and cooking mostly was my responsibility. It’s a lot of work caring for a large house and cooking for several people by yourself, so I’m looking forward to going back to something small 🙂
Erika, you’re welcome! I know everything will turn out alright. You’ll see! I’m excited for your upcoming marriage! May God bless it!
~Jessica
Congratulations Erika! I pray it all goes well for you!
Grocery shopping, in my opinion, is also an art to learn. To purchase good food that has quality nutrients yet doesn’t drain the bank account. To watch for sales and stock up on your most used items as room in your house permits. To not run off to the grocery store for every little thing but learn to substitute the needed ingredients once in awhile too. To not let food spoil. To make double the amount of food while cooking so you have a break the next night 😁 I still have a lot to learn myself!
Such great advice, Teann! Thank you!
~Jessica
To combine the comments between Kevin and Erica ! I very definitely think that the ideal is for girls to remain at home under parental guidance and authority until marriage. It is safer, morally and physically and I believe that as an ideal a Godly woman should always be under male family headship and protection. But it is important as Erica outlines that girls are taught to deal with all the practical issues of dealing with the outside world including bureaucracy.
On the cooking front I have two boys and a girl who all enjoy cooking and are more than capable age 12 onwards of feeding their family or preparing a meal for themselves. We believe very strongly in traditional gender roles and teach them. But boys will need these skills at times, just as occasionally a girl will need to know how to change a wheel.
Yes, Susanne, my thoughts run very much along the same lines. Thanks for chiming in!
~Jessica
What a fantastic idea about the binders! I definitely agree that women if possible should be under a covering at home. I am thankful my mom stressed this with me and my sisters. My father passed away recently (last October), but he always protected us and was a good provider. I do wish we had been taught more about repairing things around the house. It has sometimes been stressful since he is no longer here to take care of those repair jobs. Praise the Lord for uncles. I can cook decently well, but I don’t have a lot of opportunities to branch out because my family members are not adventurous eaters. Oh, and I wanted to thank everyone for your prayers for my mom and sister. They are completely back to normal now!
Elisa, I’m so glad to hear the good news about your mom and sister! What a relief!
Your father sounds like he was a very good man. You were blessed with a father who protected you and was a good provider, plus repaired things around the house. Yes, I don’t know how I’d manage without my “men” (my husband and sons) around to help me. But, it does make sense that just as it would be good for boys to know how to cook, it would be good for girls to learn some practical life skills (how to take care of a car, how to do basic repairs around the house), as well. I hate the thought of having to repair a toilet or unplug a drain, but I suppose if I really had to I could figure it out. That’s what YouTube videos are for, right?
Thanks!
~Jessica
Hi Elisa! So sorry you lost your father recently. Glad your family is recovering well from Covid.
Hi,Jessica! This article is full of love and so heart warming.
Yes,knowing how to cook helps young people so much.
Your kids are so blessed to have you.
Before I married I wrote down my mother’s recipes for myself.
And my mother gave me some of her recipes written by her hand.
I still have and cherish them, cook her recipes for my husband and son.
When I was a young girl, my mother often let me help her cook.I knew that many mothers do not let her daughters help her and just tell them to study more.So sometimes I felt complained secretly about that.But later I did appriciate her so much.
Your recipe binder must be precious tresure for your teens someday.
Not only for practical reason but for your love to them.
Hi, Sanae!
I’m glad your mother let you help her cook and that she wrote down her recipes for you. That’s wonderful! Your comment about how you secretly complained but later appreciated it encourages me. Sometimes my children complain about things I make them do (or don’t let them do), but perhaps when they are older, they will thank me for those things. I hope so!
Right now, my teens are enjoying their recipe binders. It makes it so easy for them to find ideas for when it’s their turn to cook. 🙂
Thank you for the kind remarks!
~Jessica