A Must: Self-Care for the Busy Mom of a Large Family

With eight energetic children ranging in age from sixteen to four months, I can attest to the fact that being a mother is sometimes exhausting! It’s a test in patience, a trial of self restraint, and a temptation to self pity — every, single day. I could just throw up my hands and say, “This is too much. I give up. One more step down this path will lead to permanent insanity.” But I don’t. Instead, I do these TEN things:

ONE. Get enough rest. When my body and mind are exhausted, it’s a lot harder to be patient and kind. It’s harder to think. I get grouchy, moody, and even depressed. Discouragement finds an easy perch when I’m tired. So, I try and get to bed at a reasonable hour, don’t wake up terribly early (though it is nice to have a little alone time before everybody else gets up), and take a nap in the middle of the day if necessary.

TWO. Focus on good nutrition. For me, it’s esssential to have balanced meals with plenty of protein, a multi-vitamin/mineral, and lots of water. In the past, I didn’t always take good care of myself in this way. As a result, I was often weak, dizzy, shaky, and totally lacking in patience. It also affected my pregnancies. Now, I spend more food/supplement money on myself and my husband than on our children (though they’re certainly well nourished, don’t worry) because we are older and creakier and need it more. I also include essential oils to boost mood, mental clarity, and immunity, among other worthwhile benefits.

THREE. Go for walks outside. Sunshine, fresh air, healthy blood circulation, and muscle movement are vital. Vitamin D (from a good supplement and from being outside) is important for immunity and to prevent depression. Another good reason to get out of the closed-in environment of the house is for the sake of mental de-stressing. Having a chance to see the big, blue sky (in person, not just from a window), feel the sunight on my face, and breathe in the scents of plants growing helps to “happify” my mindset.

FOUR. Take showers and make time to look nice. A good shower not only cleanses, it relaxes and invigorates. I sometimes feel like a fresh, new creature when I step out of the shower. I also try and look nice (though I don’t aim for perfection), which helps me feel good about myself. I have a go-out-on-a-date-with-my-husband look, and then I have a more natural, everday look, which is much simpler (links go to my YouTube video demonstrations). Picking a matching outift, doing my hair in a classic braid — or even a cute updo with my new LillaRose flexi clip, and taking care of my skin (with a drop of essential oil dabbed on pulse points) all help bump up my morale a notch.

FIVE. Spend time having meaningful conversations. I really enjoy talking to my kids! However, I sometimes need to share my struggles and thoughts with other adults — such as my husband, family, and friends — who understand me. My husband, especially, is my staff of support most of the time. When I go out for a walk every day, we often go together so we can talk during that time. But, even if that doesn’t work out (because it’s rainy or cold), I still like to talk over tea or coffee on the living room couch while the kids are playing.

SIX. Be creative in finding alone-time. Do you know what it feels like to be pulled in ten different directions at once? If you’re a wife and mother, then yes, you probably do! We need to “walk worthy of our calling,” both as Christians, and as wives and mothers (Ephesians 4:1, Titus 2:3-5), so I take my role within the home very seriously. But, here’s the thing: if I don’t get a little respite from my work now and then, I find that I become less and less able to handle the burden. I need to recharge.

What are some ways I do that? I simply take advantage of normal opportunities that pop up. The baby needs to be nursed, so I use that as a chance to sit down, relax, and read a book. I feel like I want to get out of the house for a while, so I have the children play in the backyard while I push the baby in his stroller on the street in front of our house. Even bathroom breaks can be chances to take time out to pray. Chores like folding clothes and preparing meals can turn into sacred times when I talk inwardly with God about the challenges of the day.

SEVEN. Find a chance to work on hobbies. I love my husband and children, and my life’s purpose is divinely wrapped up in cheering them on and helping them be successful. What a privilege to be that “someone” to them! Being their cheerleader doesn’t mean I give up entirely on my dreams and goals for myself, though. Oh yes, my goals have certainly changed; for example, I used to imagine myself becoming an accomplished artist, but now use my interest in art to try and inspire my children to develop their own talents. Yet, I don’t feel that I’m less myself for it. There are many ways I’m able to be myself and use my own talents, within the comfort of our home. Doing those things (writing, teaching — which is something I love to do — decorating, organizing, etc.) energizes me and helps perk me up.

EIGHT. Listen to uplifting music. This might be classical/instrumental music, praise music, hymns, Christian radio . . . anything that is encouraging and turns my heart in the right direction. Music has great power to influence our hearts and our thinking, and we can use that to help cheer ourselves up as we tackle each day’s problems. Much of our struggle is mental, with how we view our problems, and I’ve found that listening to something positive improves my perspective.

NINE. Read the Bible every day. Jesus said that “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). If I go for a day without reading the Bible, I really miss it. The word of God speaks directly to my spirit and feeds my soul. I don’t know how I could manage to keep on facing every day without the hope and truth of God’s word to guide and encourage me.

If I’m having trouble reading my print Bible while holding the baby (though I absolutely love to read the old-fashioned way), I will use the YouVersion App on my phone. It even has a hands-free listening option. There are so many Bible reading plans to choose from; it really makes getting into God’s Word daily super easy!

TEN. Pray/talk to God about everything. I fear God with an intense respect; but, I’m also not afraid to be honest with Him. Nothing surprises Him, so I know that I can share my most idiotic frustrations with Him, things that nobody else might understand, and He gets it. Furthermore, I know that He has compassion on me and that I can count on His loving-kindness to embrace and support me:

I rely heavily on daily communication with my Lord. My life is full of many practical things (such as chore charts and meal plans), which I need God’s wisdom to manage; it’s also full of many spiritual things, which I also need God’s wisdom to manage. All of that stuff is meshed together as a complete package. I could be changing the baby’s diaper (an act of service, like Jesus washing the disciples’ feet) when an older child comes in with a problem they want help navigating (sort of like a counseling session). So, as I’m wiping that little baby bottom, I’m dispensing advice and guiding the growth and thinking of a future mother or father. What an awesome task it is to be a mother! And I realize that I need God’s help every step of the way.

I take many deep breaths throughout the day and ask God for wisdom more times than I can keep track of. If I ever get through to the other side of this being-a-mother thing successfully, it will totally be because of God. I totter and wobble along this path, but I trust that as I hold His strong hand (or maybe it’s that He’s holding mine), I believe that He can keep me from falling (Jude 1:24).

So, those are the TEN main ways I take care of myself while caring for a large family. I think it’s necessary to have a little strategy.

• Would you like to share with us what it is you do to help yourself get through those busy mom days?

• Or, if you’re a mother of grown children, what is it that helped you most to combat the stress when they were younger?

I know your replies will be very helpful to a lot of moms, including myself!

~Jessica