As soon as my husband “hits the sack,” he’s out like a light. He only has about six hours of shut-eye, so he makes the most of them. And he doesn’t let anything get in the way of it — not usually. I put the kids to bed myself a lot of the time. And if the baby cries in the middle of the night, he often lets me be the one to comfort her. This may seem selfish (though he actually does help out when I let him know I really need it, and he does so gladly), but it’s not.
It’s what he needs to do to be able to function as our provider.
He’s anticipating 10 hours of heavy lifting ahead of him, and if he didn’t get at least six hours of sleep (sometimes, he gets less), he wouldn’t be able to get his work done well. He could get injured, or injure somebody else. He could make costly mistakes. He could lose his job.
This man knows how to prioritize. He knows it isn’t selfish to ignore us for awhile, if it enables him to care for us in the long term.
As a full-time wife and mother, I often feel like I always need to be present to help other people and keep the household running. If I’m not, I feel guilty. I feel negligent. And because I am NOT a negligent mother or a lazy housekeeper, it is very hard for me to hurdle that guilt in order to get some much-needed rest.
Can you relate to that feeling?
The stresses of life can really tear us down, especially if we have a large household, foster children, or children with special needs. But we can’t keep on going and going without “filling up our gas tank up” every once in a while.
Recently, as I was steering through some very irritating life-stresses, I felt like I couldn’t manage it anymore. How could I keep going and still remain sane? Something would surely POP if I didn’t make some changes. And then it struck me:
. . . “he giveth his beloved SLEEP” (Psalm 127:2).
God gives rest to those He loves. The whole verse says,“It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.” We can get up before dawn and stay up until after everybody else is in bed; we can go through troubles and trials of all sorts of textures and colors, but it’s vain work without the Lord’s hand in it. BUT, if the Lord’s hand IS in it — if we are TRULY doing His will — we don’t have to have everything figured out and micro-manage every, single detail. We can lay down and get some rest! — without worrying that our household will fall apart without us.
Ahhh, this understanding was like a drink of fresh water to me! It took a gigantic load off my shoulders. Of course! God can take care of things while I sleep. I do my part; He does His. He’s not asking me to be superwoman; He’s just asking me to do what I can when I can and to trust Him. Well, that sounds easy!
-I took a nap.
-Later, I spent thirty minutes or so reading a chapter of the Bible.
-Then, I sipped a hot cup of coffee while listening to a sermon and making dinner.
-The next day, I decided to listen to some Christian songs on CD I hadn’t listened to for a couple of years, while folding clothes.
-Afterwards, I wrote down the lyrics to a beautiful Christian song and had the children sing it together with me the next morning.
-In addition, I added hymn-singing to my quiet time, something I’d never actually done before as part of that.
-When the day had cooled off, I put the baby in her stroller for a pleasant afternoon walk to enjoy the gentle breeze and outside air.
Was it hard to do any of those things? Not really. But did it help me calm down, feel peaceful, and be able to enjoy the Lord and the life He has given me? Absolutely!
The children will always have needs, but as long as those needs aren’t urgent, they can be set aside for thirty minutes while I have some quiet time with the Lord. (It helps to let them know that I’m going to my room to do something important, so they understand they shouldn’t bother me with trivial matters during that time.) When I get done, I will be refreshed, and they will get a mother who is fully prepared to BE the mother they need me to be.
You may enjoy reading this post on specific self-care strategies I wrote for us busy mothers:
A Must: Self-Care for the Busy Mom of a Large Family
~Jessica
“The LORD is my Shepherd . . . He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul . . .” Psalm 23:1-3
I totally can relate to this! I think every mama of many can. Especially this past month since my son was born (eighth child in the home) on May 26. It was my fourth c section and has been more difficult to recover from. My husband has a hard work schedule too and his sleep is essential. We are also adjusting to Alaska and there is no dark part of the day during the summer. So a nap here and there has been essential. And we are surviving. But it is still very hard to do. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Isaiah was born at almost 36 weeks. He was 5 pounds, 6 ounces and 18 1/2 inches long. 😊
Yes, Celina, I agree! Probably every mama of many can relate, ha, ha!
Alaska sounds exciting! Wow! I understand how it must be a huge adjustment to make, especially with a new baby. Those first months after a birth are always so difficult, and yes, naps are very important. I learned quickly that in order to stay sane, I needed to take one every day; sleep deprivation can do horrible things to our emotions, leading to depression, frustration, feelings of hopelessness, and anxiety. But a nap can do wonders to help, plus having the children help with chores, etc., as I’m sure you totally know.
Thanks for the update! I’m sorry to hear your c-section has been difficult to recover from. Baby Isaiah must be a darling! His birth weight and height are just about the same as my first son’s were, except he was born at 38 weeks.
I always love to hear from you! Thanks! (And I’ll keep you in my prayers, friend.)
~Jessica
Jessica thank you so much for this message. And I thank God for laying it on your heart to share it. I struggle with this so much. I tend to be a control freak who thinks nothing can possibly get done without me. It was so bad that it cost me my health in some ways. I am working diligently to correct this and your message was such an encouragement. Thank you for all you do to share with us.
Darlene,
You’re welcome! I can definitely understand what you said about having to counteract the control-freak mentality! Oh yes, I struggle at times with that, too! Though I don’t really consider myself a “controlling” person, I nevertheless want to make sure things get done that need to get done. Because I’ve noticed that they tend NOT to get done unless I make it happen, I do get anxious at times.
I’m sorry to hear about how this has affected your health in some ways, but I’m glad to know you’re working on it (as I am in my own life), and that my message was encouraging to you! I could say the same about your comment!
Thanks!
~Jessica
Yes,I can relate! As you know, in Japan men useally have to work for very long time to be a provider.Some christian husbands leave church or seldom attend service after their marriage because they are too busy,too tired and having too less time to spend with their family.If their wife is working outside,they have to share housework with wife.Many non christian husbands who have a christian wife do not come to church for the same reason.
My husband is always very busy.I had wondered several times when my son is little. ‘Should I work outside and make money to help my husband?’ But soon I noticed that was not a problem of money.My husband has provided for us enough.The problem is of his workplace environment and mostly of Japanese labor culture.
What I should do to help my husband is taking care of my son at home and make our home comfortable.That is still my conclusion.
Taking care of my hundicapped son was not easy especially when he was little.I needed time to rest only to spend time with my God.I guess all of us need time with God. I still have time just to listen hymns and to pray alone every day.
I know you still have very hectic days with little children.Last sunday missionary of my church said that raising children and telling them about God are very important job.I do agree with this opinion.You are doing a great job for God’s kingdom.
Time of rest is so important.Thank you for sharing what you are doing at your rest time with God.Very nice and encouraging article.
Dear Sanae,
I’m so glad to know you can relate to what I wrote! Yes, it appears that husbands working very hard to provide is a common, cross-cultural theme. I think that when wives stay home instead of getting a job outside the home, they actually make things easier in many ways for their husbands. Their husbands don’t have to help with the housework or the meals; they can come home and relax after a long day at work. The children are also cared for. I agree that this is the best way.
Your encouragement is SO VERY much appreciated! What the missionary said at your church last Sunday was very encouraging to me. I just keep trusting in God that He can and will make something worthwhile come from all my efforts.
Thank you, my friend!
~Jessica
I think a lot of people needed to hear this. I have a very relaxed time right now, having just finished school and slowly getting used to cooking and cleaning, but I will keep this in mind for when life gets more stressful again. I’m glad that now I have plenty of “quiet time” and I’m ashamed to say, I didn’t really take much time towards the end of the school year to read the bible and work on my relationship with God. Somehow, there was always something to do. I hope I can build a strong enough habit now, that it will stay even in more stressful times.
Hi, Erika!
I’m so glad to hear that you’re finally able to relax now that you’ve finished school! I understand what you said about not taking time to read the Bible when you were so busy. There have been phases in my own life when I’ve felt like I had very little opportunity to sit down and read the Bible, for example, right after the birth of a baby. But then, I get through that phase and back into Bible reading as soon as possible. I think it’s more doable when I don’t set huge expectations for myself (like, “read 2 chapters every day”), but just set small goals (like, “read for five to ten minutes while I have the chance”).
You’ll work something out, I’m sure! So nice to get your feedback!
~Jessica
A great article ! After (only) four children I think that the secret is to remember that the priority is the welfare of your husband and children, not being ‘dressed up’ and looking like the swan above water for the rest of the world ! Plus accept any help / time you can get from grandparents and like minded friends.
I pray for more children and (therefore) a greater ‘burden’ but always remember that in the end God provides the time and energy somehow and as a mother he means you to be at home and there for your family.
I absolutely agree, Susanne! (So nice to hear from you!)
There is a movement today to discredit a saying which goes, “God will not let you suffer beyond what you can bear.” This saying is based on a verse from the Bible; in context, God is speaking of temptation and how He will not allow us to be *tempted* beyond what we can bear but will always provide a way of escape. So people say, “Well, we’ve all taken this verse out of context and therefore interpreted it wrong, since there are indeed certain things which we cannot bear.” While I agree that *individually*, this may be true, since as human beings we are weak and often need support, I think that we — through CHRIST — are capable of doing much more than we think we can. Here is why I think that: There is another verse which says, “I can do ALL things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” It’s HIS hidden strength working through me to do what I can’t do on my own. He uses various tools to accomplish this, one of which may very well be other believers responding to His tug on their hearts. But, in the end, we CAN obey Him in every thing He asks of us, even child-bearing.
Thank you so much for your valuable input! I’m so glad we think alike. Hope the family is doing well! 🙂
~Jessica
Hi Jessica – as you know I believe absolutely in what you describe as the “surrendered womb” I also agree that it is for us to trust in him and understand that he will not give us more than we can bare. But I think we have to understand that he has a far bigger picture than we can ever understand and also that so far as I know there is nothing in the Bible that says it will (or should) be easy in the immediate term or even in an earthly life generally.
What is true however is that the more we accept God’s will and don’t fight against him the better it is.
Yes, Susanne, I agree!
As much as we often hate to admit it, pain and hardship can be good for us. Shirking away from obedience won’t bring us the blessings God has planned for us, even if it makes things more bearable for a time.
~Jessica
I can so relate to this, Jessica. Immensely. Especially right now. I’ve really been stressed out of my mind lately, and it just compounds itself as I think, “Okay, if I just get up fifteen minutes earlier… and then another fifteen minutes earlier… and go to bed another fifteen minutes later… and then another fifteen minutes later…” – and then sooner or later, I’m running myself into the ground, and my emotions and physical body are both a mess. I have been having to learn this hard lesson a lot lately.
Lovely article!!! 🙂
Diana
Dear Diana,
Isn’t that the truth for so many of us moms? We have to utilize healthy coping mechanisims so we don’t get burnt out. We need to do things to cheer ourselves up (in the words of another lady I know), to encourage ourselves in our homekeeping/mothering tasks. It seems we are both learning this lesson, lately! 🙂
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been so stressed out; I hope things calm down soon! I appreciate your commenting on my post, despite all the busy happenings at home.
Your friend,
~Jessica