Searching for an Accurate, Biblical Version of the Proverbs 31 Woman

Distinguishing the Various Perspectives

There are different views about who the Proverbs 31 Woman really was. Was she a full-time career woman? Or a busy stay-at-home mom with a home business on the side? Maybe, she was only a homemaker and everything in the passage is metaphorical for how she spiritually nurtured her family and home?

How about these other important considerations:

Did she make household decisions independently, without consulting her husband? Or did she consult him on all the important matters, and in the small matters still respect his authority? Perhaps, she asked him about every, single little thing before making a decision?

Was she a ripped, “tough type”? Or was she physically gentle but strong in character?

Full-time career vs. side home business. Literal vs. metaphorical. Independent vs. under authority. Strong vs. gentle. I see those as our main issues when understanding this passage.

So who was she?

We know that she was a virtuous woman: “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies” (v. 10). But especially relevant to us is the question: How did she live out this virtue in a practical sense? Let’s see if we can’t find out.

This article will explore what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman. It will help you decide which version of the Proverbs 31 woman is the most biblical — and the one YOU will seek to be!

Proverbs 31:10-31 (click here to read full text)

¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

¹¹ The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

¹² She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

¹³ She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

¹⁴ She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

¹⁵ She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

¹⁶ She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

¹⁷ She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

¹⁸ She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

¹⁹ She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

²⁰ She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

²¹ She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

²² She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

²³ Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

²⁴ She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

²⁵ Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

²⁶ She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

²⁷ She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

²⁹ Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

³⁰ Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Full-Time Career vs. Side Home Business

Career Woman

The Proverbs 31 Woman is not a “career woman” in the modern sense of a woman seeking her own identity and fulfillment apart from her family. She’s not a feminist. “She looketh well to the ways of her household” says verse 27, while parts of the passage describe different ways she builds up her home and family members:

Verses 11 and 12: The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Verses 14 and 15: She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

Verse 21: She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

Verse 28:  Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

In contrast, when I think of the “modern career woman,” this is what immediately comes to mind: A woman who is selfishly pursuing her own dreams at the expense of her family’s needs. Think, the editor-in-chief of Runway magazine in The Devil Wears Prada. There are probably many variations of what a “modern career woman” looks like, yet it seems to me that this caricature is sadly true much of the time.

That is not the Proverbs 31 Woman.

In order to be able to do all she does for her family, she must have had to be home a lot of the time, being attentive to the needs of her husband, children, and servants. (I guess for us, “servants” would simply be someone we hire to do work for us, or people who volunteer to help us in some way.)

One of the saddest negative effects of modern female careerism has been a break in the chain of older women teaching younger women how to be women (Titus 2:3-5).

Many young women yearn for guidance in how to find a godly man to marry and how to be a godly wife. They want to be mentored in the most peaceful way to have babies and how to breasfeed them. They are interested in how to successfully cook and care for a home, how to be a biblical parent, how to homeschool, etc. — and often lack an older woman in their life who knows how to do these things herself and has the time to teach someone else. Instead, these younger women find what they can from YouTube or other social media — from complete strangers who are willing to share what they’re learning.

Isn’t that a picture of how pathetic and weak we’ve become in our transmission of female values from one generation to the next? In our culture, almost all we know how to transmit is “go to school, get a diploma, go to college, choose a career, settle down and have two kids ‘when the time is right,’ and thereafter spend the rest of your life trying to stay comfortable.”

And even if an older woman does know how to do these things and is not engaged in a full-time career anymore, she may be too busy “living out her retirement” or “going back to school” for that long-coveted degree. This selfishness and lack of vision creates a deep deficit.

We need virtuous older women who know how to keep a home and have a track record of being a godly wife (though I’m not saying “perfect”) to teach these things to the younger generation. We need older women to purposely guard their time so they will be able to do so. They need to teach us how to be a true Proverbs 31 Woman.

SAHM with a Home Business

So, the Proverbs 31 Woman is a homemaker. ⬅️(Here, you can read my page on being a biblical homemaker, along with resources to help you along the way.)

But at the same time, she does do things to bring in an income:

Verse 16: She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. (This may or may not be an example of a home business; I’ll let you decide. She buys the field herself, so maybe she’s looking to make an income from it. Or, if you’re going with the idea that she simply “aquires” it some other way, it’s still more than a small home garden.)

Verse 18: She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

Verse 24: She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

May I say this without offending stay-at-home moms (of whom I myself am happily one)? It appears to me that the way this is presented in Proverbs 31, generating an income from home is . . . a virtue.

This can look different for multiple situations. For some of us, this might look like a homemade soap business; a headcovering or modest clothing shop online; a photography business; a network marketing/direct sales business; being a doula or midwife; writing online courses or books; using social media to recommend affiliate products; etc. I know women who do these things, and as far as I can tell, they are dedicated homemakers and conservative Christians. Plenty of them homeschool, too.

Life Has Many Vicissitudes

Women may find themselves in a variety of situations where it might be necessary for them to bring in an income (whether part time or full time). Some examples would be:

(1) A wife whose husband has passed away, and whose church and family don’t have enough resources to be able to fully support her and her children. Perhaps there’s a reason she doesn’t want to let them support her, even if they could.

(2) A wife whose husband has left her, and who finds herself in a similar situation to the widow above.

(3) A single woman whose parents have passed away or who are unwilling to have her live at home with them as an adult (and finding a good husband doesn’t always happen right away).

(4) A woman whose husband is disabled, making him incapable of providing for the family.

My kids and I read a book called *Man of the Family, written by Ralph Moody (author of Little Britches). It is the true story of a family in the early 1900’s. The father dies unexpectedly after they move to Colorado. Not knowing how they will survive so far away from family, the mother starts a cookery business selling homemade goods from home, sending her children to take orders and deliver them. After this proves to be more work than it’s worth, she begins repairing, cleaning, and ironing curtains for a hotel. This is again with the aid of her children, who also find other ways to make money doing things like harvesting strawberries and helping herd cattle.

After they finally move back East, mother learns how to press fancy clothing and starts a laundering and ironing business from home, with the help of her oldest daughter. This story is detailed in *Mary Emma and Company. We’re almost done reading the whole series of eight books (on the last one!).

The entire series, if you’re interestested, can be seen here in proper sequence.

However, I would be against a woman working — whether from home or outside the home, whether part time or full time — if it needlessly (key word) stole precious time away from her family and caused her to neglect them. Our work as a wife and mother is crucial, and we should never sacrifice this God-given career for anything less — if we can do anything at all to help it.

It’s been refreshing to see Christian women who are able to keep things in balance. Here’s an example of a couple ladies I know who have had part time jobs without sacrificing family and home. One woman (who was unable to have children) worked a couple days a week at a local grocery store to make money to send to missionaries. She still had time to serve others through a nursing home and music ministry. When her husband came home from work, they spent time together in their garden and in renovating their house.

Another woman worked during “Harvest Festival” season in October to make a little extra money for Christmas gifts, which she and her husband would otherwise not have been able to afford for their children. This was only for one month of the year, and her kids were helping at the harvest festival, too.

And maybe a woman feels like she’s going a little crazy or becoming depressed being at home all the time with noisy children and a messy home that never seems to stay clean. Shifting our mindset toward positive thoughts is definitely important, but sometimes a little change in how we do things can help, too.

👉Erin Harrison, author of the book *Living Virtuously: A Wife’s Complete Guide to Keeping Her Heart and Home, was in a similar situation. She found that starting a photography business transformed her daily home life and homeschooling to where she felt she was thriving again as a homemaker. I enjoyed her guided journey through Proverbs 31, and I think you will enjoy it, too! (Updated version *here, though I haven’t read it yet.)

What is the Ideal?

In many cases, it would be less stressful for a wife if she could eliminate the other demands of life so she could give all her energy to homemaking and tending to the many needs of her family. The ideal may be to be a homemaker at 100% capacity.

This is the job that if we don’t get it right, we’ll regret it for the rest of our lives.

A woman who is having babies would find it especially helpful to be able to stay home, focus on the children, and not worry about making an income. This season of life can be exhausting, and a woman needs a lot of rest to be able to keep up with her body’s needs.

And that’s a good phrase: Season of Life.

Yes, there are seasons of life. In some seasons, we may not feel the need or the desire to do anything related to money-making. But in other seasons, this may fit right into our lives. Whatever season we’re in, it’s always important to remember that family must come first, and to keep things balanced.

We can even decide to continue being a full-time homemaker after our children have moved out. Some women, unfortunately, look forward to getting older as a time when they will no longer be “burdened” with caring for children and can finally focus on themselves. While I don’t have a problem with finding joy in being able to go on long-delayed dream trips and building hobbies, there needs to be a vision . . .

A vision for how these things fit into the life of a woman who should find her God-given work at home the most fulfilling of all her dreams. Homemaking doesn’t end when our children move out. It’s a life-long vocation. We should make it our goal to live in such a way that we will be able to hear — and deserve to hear — these words as an older woman:

Verses 28-29: Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Will Your Husband Feel “Less Than”?

You might want to consider if you’re husband might feel “less than” if you were to bring in an income. Some men don’t feel threatened by this; other men might. Some men may feel it is their sole responsibility to provide — or at least that it is their responsibility to be the main provider (which I’m certainly not contesting, because I believe so, too!). When their wife starts to bring in money, these men may begin to feel like a failure as a man — that they have failed to provide as they should.

Some women might say, “So what, they need to be secure enough in their manhood that they’re not threatened by a wife bringing in an income.” But when it’s the health of your marriage you’re considering, I think it makes sense to take into account the long-term affects of your decisions.

You could expect your husband to just “get over it” — and he may. Your income may feel “needed.” And it may benefit the family in many ways, which will relieve some of the financial stress off of him. But what if it doesn’t happen that way? What if your husband gets depressed and discouraged?

What if he doesn’t feel needed?

On the other hand, some men require their wife to work because they don’t believe they can support the family by themselves. Or, they want to have more money so they can live a more comfortable lifestyle. A wife may decide to pitch in, but I think it’s important to remember that there’s a reason God says a woman should be a “keeper at home” (Titus 2:4-5).

God made marriage in part so the couple can “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). God made the woman to be able to help the man fulfill this mandate by giving her a body with the complete ability to grow and nurture a baby. And this is something that doesn’t jive well with a demanding work environment.

Yes, many women have worked while pregnant. Many women have put their babies in daycare after they were born. But what I’m trying to point out is that it’s definitely not the ideal. God made women for the home, just like He made men for the world of work. Men are built to withstand physical, mental, and emotional stress — while women are the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7).

A man who insists that his wife work when he could just work harder himself, to me, is just . . . unmanly.

Some men play video games all day and refuse to work, while others have jobs and work hard but don’t make much money. If a man plays video games and his wife works because he won’t, she’s just enabling him to continue being immature. She shouldn’t do his work for him. (Though I’m certainly not saying she should let their children starve.)

If a man has a job but it doesn’t pay much, he should man-up and take a second job. This is what my husband has done in the past. He knew it was his duty to do so, just like his father before him. I admire him as a manly man. If there is a way I can contribute financially from home, then great! That will give my husband more time with our family, which is important to me. But my husband has never pressured me to make an income, and he doesn’t now.

If you sense that your husband is discouraged but that he really is capable of supporting the family on his own, and that by helping him financially you’d be sacrificing your own precious work as a homemaker and mother, here’s an idea.

I suggest that you encourage him as a man. Speak uplifting words to him of “you can do this.” Show him that you believe in him. And then quietly resume your home duties. I think that if you were to do that, he would feel his responsibility to his family very strongly, will man-up, and will work harder.

In the old days, Dad would pack up the family and move to a less expensive place, or he would seek out another job. When a family was in dire straits, sometimes the extended family would take them in for a time. No one would ever expect the wife to leave the home and family to take on a man’s job of providing. A wife and mother was cherished at home, and was protected. No one wanted to wear out her strength or take her time away from making home a peaceful haven. No one wanted to lose her constant prayers and godly influence. Mother was valuable and needed at home.

–p. 40, *Living on His Income: Remembrances and Advice for The Christian Housewife, by Mrs. Sharon White

Much of the time, a man can work harder (or smarter) to be able to provide; he just needs to be encouraged to do so. It’s those times in life when we feel we’re at the end of our abilities that we discover we have an imagination to help us overcome those challenges in creative ways. It grows us to have to fight back at life. Consider carefully whether you may be robbing your husband of that opportunity.

Literal vs. Metaphorical

Did the Proverbs 31 Woman actually plant a vineyard (v. 16) and sell goods to the merchants (v. 24)? Or is this metaphorical for how she tended to the spiritual needs of her family and others?

You may be interested in watching this YouTube video from “Daughter of Virtue” which encourages this view. I respect this gentle woman and her love for having a biblical homelife, though I don’t think exactly the same way she does on this topic. She makes many good points, though, which I do agree with. Her video is definitely worth viewing!

It appears obvious to me. If we start to allegorize passages of Scripture to suit our tastes, nothing is off limits, and Scripture can’t be trusted to say what it appears to be saying. It’s all up for grabs as far as “what it all really means.”

In my opinion, the Proverbs 31 Woman certainly did purchase a field and plant a vineyard, and really did sell merchandise. However, we needn’t take that as a set pattern for every woman. Yes, she is our example of hard work and ingenuity. Dedication to her family. Energy funneled toward godly pursuits. But not all of us are going to be able to do everything she did.

Some of us are just not physically strong enough.

Some of us are having babies and dealing with nausea, vomiting, extreme exhaustion, or any other kind of pregnancy issue. Selling girdles to the merchants is the last thing on our minds. We literally couldn’t do it.

And some of us just aren’t interested in vinedressing. Crafts is more our thing, or maybe social media to generate an income.

That’s okay. Though I do think this passage is literal, and I do believe it’s our example of a godly and virtuous woman — whose example we should try to follow — at the same time, there is wisdom for how.

How can we, in our own circumstances, be a strong, godly, virtuous wife?

Independent vs. Under Authority

I think the Bible is very clear, in multiple places, that the woman is under the authority of the man. Even if the Proverbs 31 Woman seems at first glance to be very indendent, I’m sure that as a godly woman, she is nevertheless functioning under the headship of her husband. The list of Scriptures below is not exhaustive (and remember that both the Old and New Testaments were “breathed out” by the same Holy Spirit and are consistent):

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” –Ephesians 5:22-24

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands . . .” — Peter 3:1a

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” –Colossians 3:18

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” –Corinthians 11:3

Clearly, the woman is not the leader of the home. She is not making all the decisions for the home independently. In that case, the Proverbs 31 Woman is not scouting out a piece of land (v. 16) without it being okay with her husband. She’s not getting her food from afar (v. 14) and preparing merchandise to sell (v. 18) while neglecting the practical, daily needs of her husband and children.

She’s a full-time homemaker . . . who at times leaves the home to pursue opportunites that would benefit the family. If she seems to make any decisions on her own, I’m sure it’s only because she and her husband have gotten to the point in their marriage where “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her” (v. 11). Therefore, she doesn’t need to consult him on every matter. Some matters, he has apparently delegated to her, perhaps so that he can focus on matters that he is more interested in, good at, and directly responsible for.

If she has a home business, it’s because her husband has graciously allowed it for the benefit of the whole family — not because she’s insisted on maintaining economic independence from him.

Being under authority doesn’t mean the wife is a “live-in maid,” “nanny,” “can’t think for herself,” “incapable of making decisions on her own,” “brainless,” “baby factory,” or anything else derogatory. The Proverbs 31 Woman is a smart, strong, honorable, wise, kindhearted, hard-working, virtuous, deeply-appreciated, God-fearing woman. She’s amazing! And she’s our example of a wife under authority but at the same time not at all dumb or weak. Submissive, but not subservient.

Yes, a strong woman can be submissive and not lose her strong-ness!

👉I recommend the book *My Beloved and My Friend, by Hal and Melanie Young, for a discussion of biblical marriage and true submission. This book is about more than just submission, though; it talks about how to have a happy marriage in which your spouse is both your beloved and your friend! Chapter Four specifically addresses submission and presents the picture of a wife who would “manage things under [her husband’s] authority so that he could focus his strengths in areas he was uniquely gifted and responsible for.”

Something many couples have done for ages is work together. A man would have a vocation, and his wife and children would help him in whatever ways they could to be successful. It was really the family’s success they were after. If the father was successful, the whole family would be successful.

The man is working, but he isn’t alone: he has his wife alongside him. She’s working, too, but not independently from him.

Some women say they couldn’t stand to be around their husband all day if they were to work together — that they would fight all the time. I think that’s not a “work” probem; that’s a marriage problem. The woman needs to learn to respect her husband’s authority, even when she thinks he’s wrong. Even if he really is wrong. Yes, he should be willing to listen to her opinions. But if there is a disagreement, she can persuade him best through a respectful stance.

Strong vs. Gentle

I think the Proverbs 31 Woman literally had strong muscles because she was such a hard worker. She wasn’t lazy. But at the same time, I don’t see her as someone who is so into selfcare that she selfishly spends time neglecting her family and working on her muscles so she will be ripped. That’s so silly. She’s too busy to be ripped.

Her focus is on caring for her home and family. She is wise, kind, and caring. Though she may have strong muscles, I believe she is gentle in character, since God says that a gentle spirit is valuable to Him: “Even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:4).

For those of us who aren’t very physically strong (myself included), I don’t think we need to worry that we’re somehow not living up to the Proverbs 31 Woman ideal. No. It’s okay to be physically weak. The Bible says that we are the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7), and I don’t see this being said in a negative sense, but merely in a realistic sense. Yes, realistically speaking, we women are generally weaker than the average man, and that’s okay.

However, I do think that being healthy and taking care of ourselves is important. We can’t care for others when we’re sick and unhealthy. Selfcare is necessary; it just needs to be balanced. It should not be our main focus in life; but it should not be forgotten, either.

Another thought to consider is that though we may not plant vineyards, we certainly do get a lot of exercise carrying around our babies! Have you ever thought how much energy is expended toting a baby around on your hip all day long? Or constantly lifting your toddler up and down? Or just doing basic homemaking chores? We shouldn’t think we’re not following the Proverbs 31 example if we don’t have farms to tend. Farms are nice, homesteading is great for those who are able — but that’s not the situation for many of us. We can be strong in other ways.

Conclusion

The Proverbs 31 Woman is not really a “career” woman in the modern sense. But she does take advantage of opportunites — some of them monetary — to help her family and build up her home.

She literally does things like buy and plant a vineyard, make and sell merchandise, get her food from afar, have servants and care for them, and help the poor. She is strong and hard working. These are not merely metaphors for her spiritually nurturing her family but are things she actually does as part of nurturing her family in a spectrum of different ways.

However, we should not think that in order to be like her we need to be involved in every activity mentioned in the passage. There are seasons of life. We each have our own unique situations. And the ideal for many families is for the woman to focus specifically on her home and family and leave the providing entirely to her husband. This may be just as true while she is having babies as it will be when she is an empty-nester. The gifts that a woman is uniquely created to provide her family are things that can’t be reproduced by anyone else.

The Proverbs 31 Woman is not independent from her husband, but as a godly and virtuous woman would obviously have been a respectful and submissive wife. However, submission as a wife can involve performing tasks that her husband has delegated to her or allowed under his leadership. This can include having a home business, purchasing property, selling merchandise, etc.

And finally, she is neither better than nor less than her husband. Both husband and wife have extremely important and crucial God-given roles to perform in what should be a beauitful cooperation of unique efforts in tandem.

I hope this has helped clear things up regarding the true nature of the Proverbs 31 Woman. She is definitely someone we should want to emulate — let’s do it in the right way!

• What are your thoughts on who a true Proverb 31 Woman is?
• Do you have any examples of things that are absolutely necessary for us to do in order to be a Proverbs 31 Woman?
• Do you have any examples of things that are not totally necessary for us to do in order to be a Proverbs 31 Woman? (Example: Do you think we need to have a home business or own property?)
• Finally, can you give some encouragement to wives and mothers on practical ways they can be a Proverbs 31 Woman? Though doing everything in the passage may seem unatainable right now, what are some basic first steps?

~Jessica

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