Hi, everybody! Thank you so much for your congratulations on our newest pregnancy (#9) and your lovely comments regarding my previous post, Seasons to Rest. I appreciate you all so much!
Well, today’s post has nothing to do with pregnancy but a lot to do with some thoughts I’ve had over the years about dressing modestly. There is this tension that some women experience between wanting to honor and submit to their husbands, and wanting to dress modestly. Apparently (from things I’ve heard other women say), some husbands like to see their wives dress in very tight, revealing clothing, even when not at home. The question is: As women who are committed to submission as part of biblical womanhood, what should we do?
I don’t have this problem with my husband. Thankfully, he is very supportive of my ideas about dressing modestly, just as long as I don’t look “dumpy.” I realize that today’s subject may not be as clear-cut as I attempt to make it, depending on your particular situation and your way of interpreting the Bible. I certainly do welcome all respectfully-voiced (non-argumentative) views.
The Need to Please
Right off, I want to make something very clear: It is very important to please our husbands. Being submissive (when it doesn’t involve clear sin), faithful, sexually available, respectful, kind, encouraging, cheerful, patient, forgiving, and flexible are all crucial toward having a good relationship — and so is looking attractive.
I strongly support having a pleasing appearance. In no way do I think we, as wives, should care so much about being modest that we allow ourselves to look boring and unlovely. The wife has a duty — and privilege! — to satisfy her husband’s visual nature, which is connected to his sex drive.
“Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” Proverbs 5:19
“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
To wear or not to wear?
Now, I have heard that since women are to each obey their own husbands (Colossians 3:18), we should put on whatever type of clothing our husbands want us to wear. I coincide with that — but only to a point.
Sometimes, our individual interpretation of what “modest” and “immodest” mean can vary. Your husband may think that pants can be “modest” while you don’t believe they can. He may like to see you in more fitted (though not hoochy) clothing, while you prefer looser styles.
If your husband disagrees with your wearing skirts and dresses only, then I think it would be appropriate to wear pants as modestly as you can. Maybe you could wear long skirts and dresses on special occasions to show him how beautiful and attractive (to him) you can look while being modest and extra feminine. That may soften his heart toward your wearing skirts and dresses all the time.
But that’s not the issue we’re going to address, here. In this post I will be talking about things that should be clear, because they’re obvious to almost everybody: booty shorts, jeans with large rips in them high on the thigh, blouses that reveal lots of cleavage, crop tops, bikinis, etc. What if your husband wants you to wear very revealing clothing in public that you know is definitely immodest? That’s the question this article is addressing.
If it were me, I wouldn’t do it.
Why not? Because we live in a world where other people exist, and we have to be careful to not cause them to sin in their hearts. If my husband, for example, were to request that I wear very short shorts or a revealing blouse in public, I would calmly decline. Some people might say, “Well, if he requests you to do it, and you do so out of obedience, then he would bear the consequence and guilt before God, not you.” Well, perhaps that is true (again, I welcome your opinion). But, here are some thoughts to consider.
Bible verses for consideration
One of the Ten Commandments is “Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). The punishment for this crime, in a perfectly just system, would be death: “And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death“ (Leviticus 20:10).
That’s pretty serious.
Jesus confirmed the gravity of this sin in the New Testament, going even farther to say, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart“ (Matthew 5:27-28). He goes on to instruct us in how to deal with lust (metaphorically):
“And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”
Matthew 5:29-30
It almost sounds as if Jesus is just as “extreme” here in the New Testament as God was in the Old! — perhaps more so. The contrast is that He says nothing about putting the adulterer and adulteress to death, but instead emphasizes that we each have a personal responsibility to deal with lust in our own hearts and lives. (Later, in John 8:1-11, He demonstrates another valid path to dealing with adultery [other than the death penalty], based on the forgiveness He is able to offer us as our Savior). But that doesn’t get the one who influences the other person to lust off the hook.
“It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor anything whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak. Have thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.”
Romans 14:21-22
At first glance, Paul, here in Romans, appears to be speaking of food and drink, and he is, but notice the little word, “anything” — that means that though the conversation in this passage is primarily addressing food and drink, we could apply it to anything else. The point is that we do not have the freedom to act in such a way that would cause another person to stumble and be made weak. Could our clothing fit into that category? I believe it can.
(Please let me make it clear that I believe in being reasonably modest; I don’t believe burkas are necessary. We women certainly have a responsibility to be modest, but men also have a responsibility to not let their imaginations run away with them. There is a middle ground, a balance.)
If the clothing we wear could potentially cause a man to lust in his heart after us, we are putting a stumbling block in his way. We are influencing him to lust after us. We are inviting him into adultery of the heart, whether we intend to, or not. And God is clear that adultery is a death-worthy crime. God will forgive us when we ask Him to, but that doesn’t take away the gravity of that sin and its potential to destroy.
I don’t know about you, but if my husband requested me to do something that would justify the death penalty from God, and/or that would break one of the Ten Commandments, I would say, “No.” Is adultery of the heart any less damaging than adultery of the flesh, in God’s eyes?
Not only do we have to consider other men, that we don’t influence them to lust after us by the way we dress; we also have to consider their wives and the need to respect them and their marriages; and we have to consider their children and how we can avoid being a bad influence in their lives. When you put it all together, I just don’t see any really good reason why a woman should allow her husband to lead her into sinning in this way, but I see several good reasons against it.
So, here’s what I would do if my husband wanted me to wear obviously immodest, revealing clothing in public. I would tell him, “I will gladly wear the type of clothing you want me to wear when it is just our family together in our home, even though there will have to be a limit to how revealing it could be because of the children. I will happily be sexy for you in the privacy of our own bedroom. But outside of the house, in the yard where our neighbors could see me, or anywhere else that is public, I can not wear obviously immodest, revealing clothing. I take God’s command to not cause someone else to commit adultery in his heart very seriously. Also, I would feel degraded to lower myself in that way in public, as if I were an exotic sexual trophy to be paraded about. I need to feel that you respect me enough as your wife that you would not ever again ask that of me.”
Would that be too honest and blunt for you if you were to say that to your husband? I don’t know; it seems to me that sometimes, loving but to-the-point honesty can be a good thing. I think that if you were an affectionate, respectful, submissive, available wife to your husband all the rest of the time, he wouldn’t take your words too hard. He would know that you would do almost anything for him — but not that.
A common sense approach
In our culture today, many things have come to be accepted as “normal” which for thousands of years in Christian and Judaic culture were seen as immoral. It would be helpful for us to take off our cultural glasses, take a step back, and view the clothing question in light of less changeable, low standards than what the fashion industry has for years been trying to get us to accept. Let’s look at the issue in light of human nature.
God made us to be able to experience sexual feelings, and that hasn’t changed with time. Yes, we can get used to things, and we can become somewhat desensitized to what may appear “shocking” to others. However, there is a place inside each of us where we, as humans, are naturally attracted to the opposite sex. Come on: When are breasts not sexy to a male? (In Proverbs 5:18-19, God says that men are supposed to rejoice in and be satisfied by their own wife’s breasts, which shows that despite the existence of degraded pagan tribal cultures where women wear no tops, God’s ideal is for a man’s relationship with his wife and her body to be unique. Why should we take those degraded cultures as our example? Clearly, they are wrong. And, even given the prevalence of breasts in public, I doubt the native men have no feelings toward breasts, especially young beautiful ones.) When are buttocks not appealing? When are female curves not attractive to any human man alive on this earth, no matter what his age or his culture?
We need to have common sense. We need to be realistic. We need to take sin seriously, even if it’s “only” sin of the heart.
We need to look down the pipeline of time and envision the outcome of our choices, or the choices we allow other people to pull us into. Will we be able to live with that outcome? What if we could know that our clothing choices had been influential in leading another woman’s husband or a young unmarried man down the path of heart-adultery — could we live with that? If we could know that, would we really feel the excuse of “I was just obeying my husband” was good enough?
How about you: I feel very disrespected when other women (especially in church) dress immodestly in tight and revealing clothing. It’s so common, most people don’t seem to think about it, but I know my husband is just a man. Do these women honestly think that men don’t notice thighs and butts and crotches? I just can’t hardly believe the extent of their foolishness, shallowness, and hard-heartedness. I sometimes feel very angry with them for not caring very much about how the way they present themselves in public might affect my husband, or any other man, in his heart. How about my sons? How about the bad influence it is on my daughters? And why do their husbands not put a stop to it? What’s the matter with the men?
I bet that most of the time, it’s not really that the husband insists on his wife wearing tight, revealing clothing; it’s that the wife does what she wants, and he just goes along with it. If Christian wives were to respectfully state their desire to dress more modestly, I think most Christian husbands would allow it. Perhaps, they would not want their wives to wear skirts or dresses only, but they would understand and support their wife’s conviction to not wear revealing clothing styles. Most Christian men, I believe, would actually appreciate more modesty in their wives! To know that their wives want to be sexy exclusively for them would probably make most Christian men feel very special.
If you would like to find resources for modest dressing, check out my About/Resource page:
Find more blog articles about modesty:
Modesty | Skirts + Dresses Only
~Jessica
Another great, thought-provoking, post, Jessica.
I am very fortunate that my husband has never asked me to wear anything revealing, but I have had two friends whose husbands do expect that of them. One, wanted his wife to dress and make herself up in a way I would have found degrading – but after the kids went to bed. The other (a pastor, no less) has wanted his wife to dress immodestly in public – his thinking being something along the lines of “be proud of how God made you.”
I completely agree with your argument against causing men to lust and about being considerate to the wives of the men our attire impacts, but I also have two other thoughts:
My primary duty is to God – even before my husband. (Indeed, I obey my husband *because* God tells me to. My obedience to him is a direct result of my obedience to Him!) So, I can never concede to any sin my husband would ask me to commit. I cannot sign a fraudulent tax return. I could not have an abortion. I could not lie in support of him. (Sapphira comes to mind here.) Praise God, my husband wouldn’t ask me to do any of these things, but just as I would not agree to any of these sins, I would not agree to dress immodestly – because God, who trumps my husband, has commanded me to dress modestly.
The other thing that comes to mind – specifically as I think about my two friends whose husbands have asked them to dress (and sometimes behave) immodestly, is that to do so is to not only sin, but it also encourages their husband’s sin. I cannot think of a single reason a man would want his wife to dress immodestly in public that doesn’t involve sin. And in the case of the friend whose husband wanted her to dress and act a certain way after the kids were in bed, he specifically wanted her to look like a prostitute. While there are many things that are appropriate between a husband and wife behind closed doors, desiring your spouse to look and behave like someone committing a sin leading to death can is not one of them. Whatever reason he has for wanting his wife to look like someone doing something God condemns cannot be godly – and to encourage it is not good for either one of them – in this life or the one to come.
To me it seems pretty straightforward:
For me to dress immodestly is a sin, so I cannot do it.
For me to tempt men to lust after me is a sin, so I cannot do it.
For my husband to desire me to sin is sinful, so I cannot indulge that.
For my husband to harbor sinful thoughts (whether the sin be pride or lust, or something else) is sin, so I cannot encourage that.
SBS,
Very well put! Yes, I agree with everything you said. In each scenario you brought up, my thoughts line up with yours. Yes, God comes first. It is only in blurry areas, where there is room for different possible but equally valid interpretations, that I think we should defer to our husbands’ judgment. But in very clear situations where a woman’s husband is requesting her to do something OBVIOUSLY sinful, the right thing to do is refuse. I agree that we must not encourage sinful behavior. We may not be able to change our husband’s behavior, but at the very least we should not condone it and further it in any way.
I feel the same way about husbands who want their wives to use birth control, especially when it comes to hormonal birth control. It’s wrong to reject God’s gift of life, but it’s even more wrong to use a b.c. method that could put a newly-conceived life at risk of death. We can’t control it if our husbands decide to get a vasectomy or use withdrawal, for example, but we are responsible for our own actions, and we should certainly not encourage our husbands in what is wrong by going along with it as if it’s okay. We would be cheering them on down the road of perversion. (In cases where the husband insists on using a method of b.c. I recommend NFP as a compromise.)
Thanks for chiming in with your thoughts!
~Jessica
Thanks so much for this article. It’s bad enough out there in the world I’m more saddened it’s in our church. What really makes my upset is the young cheerleaders (elementary aged) wearing gaudy makeup and midriff showing. I’m sure it’s the dads wanting their daughter dressed this way. It’s too many perverse people and too much sex trafficking for us not to protect ourselves and our children. I don’t have daughters only boys but if I did I would not allow them to run around like this. Hope I don’t sound too mean I’m just tired of it and I’m dreading the summer.
ND,
Yes, I can totally relate to what you said. Really good points, and I agree with you. Except, I think it’s the moms, not the dads. I think dads want to think of their daughters as their “little girls.” It’s unsettling for them to see them as sexy women. But, they don’t say anything because they don’t want their daughters to get mad at them and hate them for it. So, they just shrug their shoulders and let them do what they want. The daughters really need the guidance of their mothers, which is sadly lacking in many cases.
You don’t sound mean. I think a lot of us feel the same way: frustrated. What can I say? Human nature is depraved, and our culture demonstrates this. Those of us who know the truth need to keep close to God and keep praying for those things we can’t control.
~Jessica
You knocked it out of the park like always :). Clothes are neither modest or immodest it all depends on the setting. You can wear revealing clothes at home and even more revealing clothes in the bedroom with just you and your husband. Totally agree with disobeying your husband if he asks you to wear something that is “clearly” immodest in public. Grey area clothing submit to your husband’s modesty standards.
Thanks for sharing those helpful thoughts, Kevin!
Hi Jessica! Brian & I have always been in agreement about chaste wardrobe. The only thing my wardrobe really “reveals”’is that I’m gonna be a new mom soon. :). I’m grateful that we’ve avoided this as a conflict.
That’s great, Courtney! It’s always so nice to be in agreement as a couple on these things.
~Jessica
Amen Jessica, thank you for speaking the way you do always using Scripture Praise the LORD. It is very sad to see an elderly church women actually teach that we “are to please our husbands” using (1 Cor 7:34 )that includes dressing, the hair, the makeup just to please the husbands. The transformed wife is very big on this which I believe is wrong seeing that she uses lots of social medias. I told her that if husbands are not happy with the outward appearance of their wives they need to read the Scripture on how husbands ought to love their wives, and stop putting burdens on their wife. And also I believe that the women you see dress in this manner in congregation is because the husbands are not washing them with the WORD. They are NOT submitted to their husbands nor much less to the LORD. I also told the transformed wife that we are to please the LORD FIRST, then we will please our husbands and everything else will fall into place in the home. But of course she has it backwards she says we are to please our husbands first than the LORD…She also teaches that head covering is unbiblical. I prayed for her that the LORD humbles her and she repents of her teachings since many women follow her. How I would like to see more videos of the ones you make for teaching. But I understand that you have a family. May the LORD continue to give you wisdom in your writings.
Hi, Marlen,
Thanks for your kind words to me and glad you liked the post!
I guess I should clarify something. I do believe in pleasing our husbands, even with makeup, hair, and clothes. I think that most husbands are pretty laid back and don’t make demands, but if we love them, why wouldn’t we want to do those things they like? It helps to see it from the opposite angle: We women usually want our husbands to please US, right? I told my husband that I liked seeing him in a beard. Well, he’s had one for something like 5+ years, just to please me. Now, I wouldn’t insist on him having a beard if I knew he hated it, but he doesn’t, and it’s just so sweet to see his willingness to please me. Maybe he’s not in love with beards, but he loves ME. And I think husbands feel the same way (happy, grateful, and loved) when their wives try to please them.
In my article, I address the issue of wearing clothing that is clearly immodest. If something is clearly against the Ten Commandments (and it would need to be SUPER clear), then I believe we can and should disobey. I do believe that God comes first, as you say. And yes, as you said, I also believe that if we have a heart to live for God, then that will spill over into a heart to love others. Of course, if our husbands don’t treat us the way we want to be treated, we have little control over that. We can’t force them to change. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not spend my married years fighting over little things like hair, makeup, and dress. I’d rather just do what my husband wants (as long as it wouldn’t be clearly against Scripture) in order to have a happy marriage and save my energy for the battles that really matter.
You made some good points; just thought I’d clarify my position on a few things you brought up. Thanks for taking the time to comment on my post!
~Jessica
Hello, I’ve been a keen reader of the blog for awhile, but first time commenting today.
I’m lucky, my husband is very laid back about how I dress, we are both on the same wavelength regarding clothes, and since becoming a Christian about 10 years ago I have changed how I dress ( higher necklines and lower hemlines), I think if my husband wanted me to wear something more immodest, I would, but in the privacy of our home, however we both think our outward clothes should reflect our faith and be of a biblical standard.
Hi, Claire!
Thanks for your input on this topic. I’m glad to hear you and your husband agree with each other about the need to reflect biblical standards in our outward appearance. That’s great! I’m also glad that you’ve developed a heart for being modest. 🙂
~Jessica
Hi, Jessica!
I am in total agreement with you! In the summer time it is awful here. It’s like the clothing gets really skimpy! Thankfully Carson doesn’t ask me to wear anything different than what I normally do but I am prepared just in case! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
So wonderful to hear that we think alike about this topic, Rosemarie!
Look like a prostitute? So in more revealing clothes? I don’t see anything wrong with this. I can’t say roleplaying is a obvious sin, its more of a grey area matter.
Hello Kevin,
I was the one who mentioned that her friend’s husband wanted her to present herself as a prostitute for him.
Fortunately, that has not been my husband’s interest, but since I am the one who presented the situation as a negative one, I thought I would share why I would have an issue with this particular sort of roleplaying:
-Because prostitution is a sin and because Paul tells us many times that sexual immorality is a very grave sin that prevents the sinner from entering eternal life, I would not concede to acting out that role.
-Because we are told to every form of evil, and to be holy in all our conduct, I would not pretend to be a prostitute.
-Because we are commanded not to participate in the “useless deeds of darkness”…and told that it is disgraceful to even speak of what sinners do in secret, I would not roleplay a sinful role.
-Because I am a member of a “chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession…” I wouldn’t demean myself or offend God by playing a role that He condemns and that sent His Son to the Cross.
-Finally, in one of my favorite passages of Scripture, Paul tells Titus that older women are to be “reverent” in their behavior. I fell in love with the actual word translated “reverent” – because it actually means like a priest going about his sacred office. This realization changed my world when I came made it years ago and would prevent me from roleplaying a sinful woman.
Anyway, as I said, the example was mine but, thankfully, not the marriage situation. I will sum up by sharing a quote that rocked my family’s world probably a dozen years ago. I read it in an article by an apologist named Brad Harrub and it became a guiding principle in our home and, for me, it is a factor in the idea of roleplaying a prostitute:
How dare we be entertained by the things that sent Jesus to the cross.
Amen to that! Yet countless Christians turn on the tv every day and do that very thing! I am always telling my children we should not be entertaining ourselves with the very sin He has told us to forsake. We desensitize our hearts and minds towards sin when we watch it. Psalm 1 comes to mind.
Kevin,
I don’t think it’s the revealing clothes in the bedroom that would be the problem, but the acting out a scenario that in real life would be a sin. Perhaps the woman’s husband said certain things that made her think he was asking her to do more than just look sexy; perhaps it was clear to her that he wanted her to pretend to be a prostitute. I can’t think of any kind of roleplaying in the bedroom that wouldn’t by nature be filthy! Why would anyone roleplay? Why pretend to be anything but what you are? Why the lie? How disgusting!!! It would be a total degradation of the beautiful, holy intimacy between husband and wife. God wants the woman to be chaste, and I think that would include how she acts with her husband in the bedroom.
~Jessica
“I can’t think of any kind of roleplaying in the bedroom that wouldn’t by nature be filthy! Why would anyone roleplay? Why pretend to be anything but what you are? Why the lie? How disgusting!!! It would be a total degradation of the beautiful, holy intimacy between husband and wife. God wants the woman to be chaste, and I think that would include how she acts with her husband in the bedroom.”
I so love how you worded both of these sentiments.
Thanks for chiming in :). I agree fantasizing sin is a sin. Now thinking about it harder I agree role playing isn’t great its playing with fire at best.
I appreciate your remarks, Kevin. Being able to concede a point after further consideration is something I greatly respect in both men and women. Glad we could all have this conversation about an important issue that people probably wonder about. 🙂
~Jessica
The word that comes to mind is: attitude! If my heart is submitted to my husband, to his love for me, his protection and provision in my life, than when I disagree with him on whatever the issue may be , with the backing of the Scriptures, than it should be easier for him to accept my reasonings because of my respectful attitude…..
Anyway, we haven’t really experienced anything like this in our marriage but so much depends on our attitudes toward our husbands and our circumstances in life.
Yes, it can be amusing and cute all the funny little things our husbands do for us cuz they love us and they know we like it! Be sure to thank him for it sometimes! Delight in a dozen roses even though a half dozen would have been sufficient for you, etc. These little things will contribute positively to your marriage and help you to work through differences in a hopefully a more positive manner!😀
Hi, Tea,
You made some very good points! What great advice!
I was thinking about something else today. If my husband ever wanted me to do something that wasn’t necessarily against Scripture but was just something that wasn’t really “me,” he would definitely listen to me and never insist that I do something (makeup, hair, dress, etc.) that I didn’t really want to do. Maybe not all husbands are like this (so laid-back and considerate), but I do think that a lot of them are. It’s not really hard to please a man like that — pretty easy, actually!
~Jessica
Question for the moms here: during pregnancy, do dress to hide or accentuate your bump? I don’t really do either, BUT I’m VERY (probably a little TOO) proud when I have a belly. It shows the world I’m glorifying God by hearing children.
Hi, Courtney, just like you, I don’t try to hide the baby bump, but neither do I actively try to accentuate it.
~Jessica
My sister wore immodest clothing (ex: leather pants and mini skirts) at her husband’s request out in their everyday lives. This is where it led. She shared with me that she had a stalker one time who followed her home from work. (creepy) Her teenage son would bring his friends home. Their response was, Your mom is hot! (these poor young men)
I believe it shows, especially in a Christian man, a lack of spiritual maturity to want other men to covet what you have in an attractive wife. I believe this was my brother in law’s motivation.
My thought is that in the privacy of the bedroom, have fun!! God created sex for procreation but also pleasure. (read Song of Solomon) Definitely protectively guard this area of your marriage though. Just like God is a jealous God in His relationship with us, our husbands need to guard us. The hidden things are the most precious and need the most protecting.
Ruthie,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Your example is perfect, as it illustrates my point exactly. I was thinking as I read it: The Bible says, “Do not covet your neighbor’s wife.” Well, any man who secretly wants other men to covet his wife and asks her to dress provocatively in order to get that result is in direct violation of this command by purposely tempting other men to disobey two of the Ten Commandments (“do not covet,” and “do not commit adultery”). I, as a woman, would not at all feel okay going along with that! In fact, I would refuse. This is one case where I believe submission is not required.
~Jessica
My husband recently requested that I wear dresses (or skirts) only and to grow my hair longer. And while I love wearing dresses, I know it may be a challenge because pants can be such a convenience for me. He doesn’t really ask me to wear anything very immodest in public, he just wants me to look feminine. I never realized how nice it would feel to submit to him in this way, it really has done good things for our relationship. Wearing a dress just helps my mindset to be more respectful and mindful of my womanliness. Now, I don’t really know what to do with all my pants. It seems a shame to just donate them all when they’re perfectly fine clothes…but now they’re just kind of sitting in the back of my closet! I find most of my dresses from thrift stores, Walmart and Amazon, and just recently I found a nice online shop called Catholic Dress Co (I’m Catholic so I love to support business that is in line with my faith). Their dresses are modest and affordable.
alittleflower,
Thanks for mentioning Catholic Dress Co. It’s always helpful to know about additional modesty resources!
I’m so glad you’ve started wearing skirts and dresses, and having longer hair must feel so feminine! If it were me, I would just take the leap and donate all my pants to a thrift shop. Once they are gone, you probably won’t miss them, you will be so busy loving your new, more feminine style!
~Jessica
I found the article and comments fascinating. Although the headline message is about clothing, what I hear is a struggle with submitting. All through this is the message that people will take into account their husbands wishes but they themselves draw the line. Now obviously it’s the wife’s decision. The bible exalts wives to submit. It doesn’t say husbands force your wife to submit but my concern is, if the wife is focussing on whether to comply or not, is that really submission.
I’m very confused as to what my husband actually wants. He’ll say that he thinks women should dress modestly in public, and wear skirts and dresses, and so on. He’ll point it out if I wear something that doesn’t cover enough. But most of the clothes he buys for me don’t meet his own standards of feminine modesty. I’ll ask where I’m supposed to wear them, and he gives a very confused sounding, “Anywhere,” as if he doesn’t understand why there’d be a problem wearing out in public.
Hi, Lily,
Thanks for chiming in! Clothes tend to look different when we put them on from when they were on the rack, and I suspect that is the source of your problem. Your husband probably didn’t realize those clothes would look immodest on you when he was picking them out at the store. I suggest trying to find ways to make them more modest by adding accessories: leggings, an undershirt, etc. If they’re really that bad, you may have to gently explain why you can’t wear them and suggest that he let you go with him the next time so you can try the clothes on in the store. Or, you could request that next time he leave the tags on and keep the receipt just in case you need to exchange something for a larger size, or it simply doesn’t work out.
Hope this helps!
~Jessica
I expressed to my husband that I was wanting to wear skirts and dresses daily. . I was not expecting such a negative reaction. Any tips, on how to address that? Because I’m feeling a strong conviction to wear skirts and dresses and he has been so mean about the situation.
My husband doesn’t want me to wear skirts and dresses either. He feels looking too feminine or showing anything above the ankle is too sexy and draws attention. You could try showing him pictures from modest clothing websites, particularly of ankle length denim skirts. Point out that the material is thick, not form fitting like pants, and won’t show bounce / movement. Nor can a thick denim skirt blow upward on a windy day. These things might change his mind. But are you OK limiting yourself to denim only? The denim skirts and dresses could be a start that might make him reconsider and be OK with dresses made of different materials in the future.
It depends why he’s negative about it, but if you tried long tunics/tops that go over whatever trousers you’ve formerly worn, or midi dresses that go over full length leggings, then that might work as a compromise and a start. You could look for something you’d expect him to like in every other way; e.g. consider if you can get a style of top he’s complimented in the past in a long version, or find something in a colour he really likes to see you in, to make it clear that you still mind about pleasing him! You might also see how he feels about a divided skirt or pleated culottes.
I appreciate it isn’t the same thing, but even just a long cardigan or coat can give a lot of the modesty and femininity advantages of a dress, without quite such a dramatic change of overall style. Some of the women’s peasant dresses in the Biblical lands in the second temple period seem to have involved a fitted headdress, a blouse, loose (gathered) trousers, and a long split coat that could be tucked up for work – this may have been what some of the woman disciples of the Lord wore on a daily basis, so long tops or coats over trousers or leggings are probably a genuinely logical compromise where the wife is convinced to wear a skirt but the husband doesn’t like it.
If you can establish your husband’s reasoning, that might be helpful (I do appreciate that sometimes people are just being mean, but often people are not understanding the other’s problem because they come from a different place). I’ve more often heard it with headcovering, but I think sometimes men are worried that if their wife dresses conservatively, they’ll be treated as an abusive husband, forcing their wife into these clothes. It’s a crazily twisted judgement when the husband would actually be respecting his wife’s judgement and conscience, but I have the impression it is a real thing in some situations. Of course, I don’t know if it is what is going on in your situation; it’s just a thought as to another possible reason why a man might react negatively.
Anyway, hope this helps rather than otherwise. I wish you well – Christian rebellion against worldly values is generally a rocky path!