I just read an article titled “Twenty Encouragements for First-Time Mothers” in the book Encouraging Words for Mothers, which my husband bought me at Arizona’s recent AFHE homeschool convention. Every tip was very good! Since I enjoyed reading the article so much, I thought I’d make a list of my own “encouragements” based on my personal experience plus advice I’ve received from medical professionals. Here are my 20 Tips to Help You Prepare for the Newborn Season (whether you’re a new mother or have had many children!), divided into four sections:
-Self-care
-Family & Household
-Visitors
-Most Important!
Self-care
1 Rest
Nap when baby naps, even when all you can think about is “everything that needs to get done.” No; the thing that needs to get done most of all is for you to get your rest! At night, you’ll be happy you did!
My husband takes off two full weeks from work to be available to help me. We started doing this with our third baby. By then, I had realized that unless someone from my family was going to volunteer to stay at my house for those two weeks, my husband needed to be there to help me with our other children (and it’s better, anyway, for him to be the one to help, so our family can bond during this precious time). This was a crucial step.
Getting rest helps you heal physically, stabilize hormonally, recover emotionally, produce lots of milk, and bond with your baby. When I’m exhausted, everything upsets me. Normally, I’m a pretty steady person; postpartum, any little thing can cause me to break down in tears. I need to be rested to be able to deal with this unique time.
2 Drink lots of water & eat healthy foods
Lots of water and three good meals a day plus a nice variety of healthy finger foods to snack on is a must for your postpartum recovery, your emotional stability, and your milk production. You should have some snacks already stocked up, or send your husband (or another willing helper) to the store with a request for nuts, yogurt, fruits, protein bars, ingredients for smoothies (which your husband will prepare for you), 100% fruit juice, and anything else you can think of.
3 Take care of yourself
Have your husband or other responsible helper watch the baby while you take a shower. Use a nice-smelling soap and shampoo. Smooth on some moisturizer (don’t forget deodorant). Floss your teeth, brush, swish with mouth rinse. Brush your hair in a simple, pretty way (I prefer a braid). Dab on a touch of your favorite, calming Essential Oil. Do things to help you feel good about yourself! You’ve just given birth to a seven-pound (or more) infant — you deserve a bit of pampering! Go ahead, it’s not selfish; it’s actually necessary for a healthy recovery so that you can be the best you can be for your family.
4 Nurse often
This is a good reason to have no chores and few visitors (which we’ll be looking at soon).
You need to get your milk flowing and your milk production established so your baby can gain back his birth weight and continue to grow afterwards. Nursing your baby also enables him to get a great start in life in general since your milk is full of everything your baby needs, including important antibodies he isn’t producing on his own yet.
This is important for your recovery, too, since milk flow releases necessary hormones which help clamp down bleeding and help you bond with your baby. Make lots of time to just sit (or lay down) and care for your baby. Frequent nursing which empties the breasts may also help prevent mastitis.
5 Prepare your nursing supplies
Before the birth, make sure you have everything you think you will need for nursing: breast pads, nursing bras, nursing-friendly dresses or blouses, breast pumps, nursing covers (for nursing discreetly), a Boppy pillow (circular nursing pillow), etc.
6 Take advantage of nursing to read, pray, and reflect
When is a good time to read the Bible? While nursing! Take advantage of this opportunity to feed your soul with the comfort and wisdom of God’s Word, to pray, and to reflect upon what God is teaching you. Just as your body needs physical nourishment, so your soul needs spiritual nourishment, as well.
I love the Psalms. They’re easy to read and are so encouraging for a mother who has just gone through the hardship of labor and is going through the hardship of caring for a newborn.
“But [Jesus] answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” Matthew 4:4
This is also a great time to read other good books. I usually prefer something light with a positive takeaway, even some childrens’ fiction. My emotions aren’t usually stable enough yet for anything intense, and my mind is not always able to concentrate very well. However, focusing on an encouraging and interesting story helps me not get stuck in feelings of sadness (postpartum blues).
7 Listen to good music
Play hymns, praise/worship songs, or any other type of uplifting Christian music you enjoy. Sing along with them, if you like. You can also listen to classical music or other types of soothing instrumental music. Not only will this be good for you, it will be good for the baby, too.
“But let the righteous be glad; let them rejoice before God: yea, let them exceedingly rejoice. Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: extol [praise] him that rideth upon the heavens by his name JAH, and rejoice before him.” Psalm 68:3-4
8 Talk to your husband about how you’re feeling
I’ve found this to be extremely helpful. My husband, having never given birth to a baby himself, cannot fully understand what I’m going through. That’s why it’s so important for me to gently tell him.
Clearly communicate to your husband any feelings of weakness, anxiety, depression, discouragement, disappointment, fear, or whatever other feeling you may have. You could say something like, “I feel really teary right now, with my emotions going up and down. This isn’t how I usually am, but the midwife (or doctor) told me it’s normal for a woman who’s recently given birth. If you could just hug me without judging and keep things peaceful and quiet as much as possible, I think that would really help. Some chocolates wouldn’t hurt, either!” Give your husband practical ideas for how he can help you. Don’t expect him to just know.
Family & Household
9 Wear your nightgown
This is comfortable, easy to nap in, and lets everyone know you are not yet ready to return to “normal life.” Also have ready a robe and slippers. Pick out something you will feel beautiful in!
10 Prepare your postpartum wardrobe
When you do feel ready to wear normal clothes again (not just your nightgown), have some realistic options ready. For a little while, you are going to be about the size you were at six-months pregnant, so save pre-pregnancy clothes for later. It will take several months for them to fit again. I like to move my second-trimester maternity clothing to the front of my closet. These fit me the best.
Even though I’m not ready for my pre-pregnancy clothing, having something to wear other than a nightgown makes me feel like I’m getting back to normal (but only after the first couple-or-so weeks). If I wish to, I can go out of the house in something pretty and that matches. This makes me feel good about myself. I don’t even worry about my pre-pregnancy clothes until about three months postpartum . . . or later.
11 Designate
Chores and meals should be designated to other members of the family. Let them do the work. Your time to help will come . . . but not yet. For now, your work is to take care of the baby and yourself.
12 Pre-plan
If you want the chores and meals to go smoothly without your help, list the chores which need to get done, indicating who will do each one. Make an easy meal schedule, along with a grocery list for each meal. Ideally, you should create this schedule before the birth, giving everyone a chance to practice and get good at it. But even if you forget to do this before the birth, you can still jot something down real quick on a notepaper and stick it up on the fridge with a magnet.
13 Pre-cook
One good idea is to prepare some dinners beforehand and put them in the freezer — at least enough meals for the first week. After that, everyone can follow your meal schedule.
14 Lower your expectations
I have learned that during this postpartum season, I need to lower my expectations a lot. For example, I expect to get very little sleep at night. Because of this expectation, I will take naps in the day, ask my husband to send the other children early to bed, have my snacks and drinks all lined up, my books ready to read, and my spirit prepared for a night of caring for my newborn. This is “night owl” time. Much better to expect little sleep and sometimes be surprised that you got some, than to expect much sleep and be disappointed that you got little!
Don’t expect the baby to sleep peacefully all the time (though he or she will probably sleep a lot). Be prepared for times of crying that will feel frustrating. Don’t worry about it, just know that it will happen. There may be a lot of spit-up to clean, along with loads of dirty laundry to wash. Let your husband take care of the laundry — while you take care of trying to maintain a positive attitude!
This same idea of having low, realistic expectations can apply to many things, including the tidiness of your house, the appearance of your other children, the shape of your body, getting back into homeschooling, etc. Take it calmly one day at a time.
15 Make your bed
I know I said that you shouldn’t do chores, but with this one I would make an exception. It’s not too hard, but if it feels like it is, have your husband help you. Living in a messy room is not conducive to peacefulness. Part of feeling good about yourself involves living in an orderly environment. Diffuse a good quality, pleasant smelling Essential Oil (if you would like to know where to find one, I can help you — just ask!). This is your sanctuary of calm.
16 Change rooms
But, if you stay in your bedroom all the time, you might begin to feel a little crazy. Every now and then, go on an outing to the living room, the dining room, or even outside to the back yard with your robe on. Enjoy the company of your family and the fresh air coming in through the windows, if not too cold for the baby. A change of scenery can be a great mood enhancer!
17 Gently return to married life
According to common doctors’ advice, sexual relations should not begin again until all bleeding has stopped. This will take from four to eight weeks — most likely closer to the latter. In my earlier pregnancies, I took about six weeks. Now that I’m older, I take eight weeks or more.
There is no rush! Rushing is bad for your recovery. You need to heal after the birth. If your husband knows this is “doctor’s orders,” he will be much more likely to comply willingly and respectfully. The first few times you are intimate, it needs to be gentle. Too much force could put back your healing by re-opening freshly-healed areas. It can also be painful. Find ways to cuddle that will feel loving to you both, but that will not be too exciting!
Visitors
18 Strategize a “welcoming plan” for visitors
What will you do when people want to drop by for a visit? Think about how you will do this, and decide on a plan of action with your husband. Don’t worry about needing to have your house perfect.
My personal feelings: Only close family the first week. Other people can drop by after the first week, if you feel up to it (but only 1-2 visits per week, or you’ll get exhausted). Let them know beforehand that these will be thirty-minute maximum visits because you need rest and need to care for the baby. They should not bring children, unless you’re sure they will behave well and there is no danger of catching sickness. If any visitors outstay the agreed-on time, don’t be too shy to let them know you need to have some rest now. If my grandma in a nursing home could do it when she got tired, so can you!
When you’re not feeling up to visiting, ask your husband to let them know they can leave their gifts at the door with him. People do not need to come by just to see the baby, if they’re not close family; they can see photos which you or somebody else sends them and wait patiently until you feel you’re ready.
Always appreciate your visitors, though. Say Thank You! Smile! Try to have a stack of Thank You cards available (which you’ve purchases beforehand, hopefully; but if not, send your husband to the store for some, and don’t forget the stamps!). Use these to write a quick note of thanks to every visitor, for every gift. In my experience, this is the perfect time to do that, while I’m still resting and not back to our regular schedule yet. Now is when I have a little extra time, when the baby is napping (but I’m careful to not use up all my nap time writing cards). It’s also a pleasant distraction, because it gets my mind off my own set of challenges.
19 Stay home
Don’t feel guilty for missing church or other social functions. You’re not ready for that yet. If someone invites your family to something, politely decline. Or, your husband can take the other children while you enjoy some peace and quite alone with the baby!
I don’t feel ready to go anywhere until after three to eight weeks postpartum.
Most Important . . .
20 Enjoy!
Don’t have an attitude of “I can’t wait to get back to normal.” Embrace this season as a treasure! It won’t last long. Enjoy it as it is, for everything it holds for you and your family. Cherish your new baby, your husband, and your other children.
Say prayers of blessing, quoted from the Bible if possible, for your new baby, yourself, and your family. Focus on your precious role as wife and mother. You are doing what God designed you to do! You are living out your God-given destiny! This job is extremely special and important.
Though you are not a perfect mother, you are the perfect mother for every child God has given you!
Did you find this list helpful? You can either print it out exactly as it appears here (see the “Print” button at the bottom of this post), or download a Free, Condensed PDF Checklist I’ve prepared especially for you!
(If you click on the title below, this will allow you to view a PDF of the article without automatically downloading it. If you click on the “Download” button, this will automatically download the document to your computer; the PDF will show up after downloading.)
If you enjoyed this article, you may be interested in reading a couple more I previously wrote on being the mother of a newborn:
Adjusting to life with a newborn . . . again! — February 14, 2016, Truth at Home. Life after the birth of our sixth baby.
Surviving the Newborn Stage — September 22, 2018, The Heavenly Hearth. Life after the birth of our seventh baby.
- What are some tips you could share for the newborn season? Tips for mothers, for family members, for relatives, for visitors, etc.
- Could you give some encouragement for the mother of a new baby? Going beyond practical tips, what would you like new mothers to know about their special role?
~Jessica
I can’t think of anything else to add other than enjoy your newborn. I used to think early newborns were boring because I wanted them to do something. Roll over, laugh, or mama or dada. Newborns do smile in their sleep which is so sweet!
Thanks, Regina! Good advice!
~Jessica
Jessica – I think this is a wonderful article and a huge help to new wives expecting their first child !
It’s so nice to hear that, Susanne –thanks!
~Jessica
Just coming to add another mention of how PERFECT ALL this advice is! Partly due to Covid, but mostly due to 2 closely spaced siblings, I’ve lived in my maternity clothes. For the better part of 2 years. Brian has been INCREDIBLY helpful with housework while I’ve bee either very pregnant or newly given birth
Thanks, Courtney!
It sounds like you have been blessed with a very kind man. That’s wonderful!
~Jessica
Excellent tips and advice!
If possible enlist a teenage girl’s help for the first weeks or for when after Dad goes back to work. The fee that you pay her is very low (maybe the amount your husband earns in one hour is what you give her for one day) but the experience she receives is (hopefully!) priceless .
Stock up on non-perishable food items, laundry/hand/dish soap, pampers, etc. In the 2-3 months leading up to the birth date.
Make sure everyone has clothes to wear for the first months after baby and have handy lunch items for any lunches you need to make then.
After the baby, consider giving a gift to your midwifery team (if you have one). Gift cards for fast food/coffee shops are sure to be welcomed.
Everyone is different! Some ladies might want to be left alone for the first bit after a birth. The first time that I had a baby in the house I wanted , maybe even needed ,visitors about every day. The adjustment was huge!
Also some ladies thrive on the newborn stage while others just work to survive it. You might thrive on another stage in your child’s life. Don’t think your not cut out to be a mom just because those first 6 weeks are tough. You might really shine and enjoy your 2 year old while your “newborn shining friend “ is facing many frustrations with the toddler stage💗
Thank you for sharing those additional tips, Teann! They’re perfect!
~Jessica
I love this post, Jessica! Thank you for putting it together!
I really agree about having one’s husband stay home as long as possible. With our first, my husband got three days off – including the day we were in labor – and his boss was extremely displeased that he took “so long” off of work. Boo! Since then, we’ve learned to have him take off a minimum of two weeks – preferably three. This time, as my husband is out of work, he helped out for four weeks, which was a huge blessing. I think the traditional six weeks would be the ideal!
The tip about staying in one’s night clothes is one of my biggest self-help tips. It is a reminder to visitors and family, and most importantly myself, that I am NOT on duty. It is so incredibly helpful.
Love these tips!! 🙂
Diana
Diana, Great to hear that you enjoyed the list; it sounds like our experiences in those areas have been similar! How nice it must have been to have had your husband’s help at home for four weeks. That’s wonderful! I hope the baby is growing strong and healthy! I also hope your husband’s work situation turns out okay. 🙂
~Jessica