My daughter, Nayla, who is seven, has an inborn sense of rhythm and an instinct for artistic movement. As I watch her leap, spin, bounce, and pose, I see myself at a much younger age. I used to love to dance (I still do), and I had a knack for it (though I’m now a little — okay, maybe a lot — out of practice). Seeing Nayla reminds me of the dream I once had to dance for the glory of God. But here I am: a wife, a mother, and a housekeeper. Did I leave behind something glorious . . . for something mediocre? Have I wasted an opportunity for “something more” by choosing the confinement of home instead?
The world tells us that it’s not enough to be “just” a woman at home. Even Christians, if they allow themselves to be influenced by the world, can fall into the trap of thinking this way. Christian women can feel that their talents and gifts are not being used to their full potential if they spend most of their time in their homes focused on matters pertaining to the home and those in it. How tragic that what I believe God meant to be a sacred privilege we often see as a stifling prison.
A Biblical Perspective of Womanhood
While we should certainly exercise our God-given abilities for the benefit of others, and while it is a blessing to be able to enrich both our lives and those of others through healthy and pleasant hobbies, we need to understand the importance of keeping those within context. That context is our womanly role.
A wife, specifically, is supposed to “look well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27). Titus two, verse five says that wives should be “keepers at home,” while in 1 Timothy 5:14 wives are told to “guide the house.”
Single women have more freedom to commit themselves to a life of service, but even then, I think they would do well to remember who God made them to be (a woman), and live as close as they can to the feminine ideal the Bible sets before us (for example: having a gentle and quiet spirit, 1 Peter 3:3-4; honoring and submitting to God’s hierarchy of authority, 1 Cor. 11:2-16, 1 Tim. 2:11-14; caring for the things of the Lord [not having selfish goals] 1 Cor. 7:34-35; valuing marriage, children, and homemaking as something normal and good, 1 Tim. 5:14; etc.).
Whatever our situation, it is my belief that our life’s work is supposed to be targeted on the Home. We are women by nature, and though not all of us are mothers physically, we are all mothers innately, with a mothering instinct inside of us — unless we squash it through habitual neglect. When we reach out to others through our maternal instinct, we can have a huge impact on our families and on the rest of society, as Nancy Campbell from Above Rubies points out:
You have the most important and influential career in the whole of the nation. You are raising the next generation who will determine the course of this nation. The children you raise will be the kind of nation we have! The devil likes to blind mothers to the “amazingness” of their role. In that way he can get them doing other things that are less important rather than focusing on this great mandate that God has given to us. . . .
You may be thinking as you read, what about mothers who are not able to have children? Of course, they are still mothers. God not only created us physically for the great task of mothering, but innately. When women embrace the beautiful instinct that God has divinely put within them and reach out to others with their compassionate hearts, they fulfill their great role of mothering.
God has chosen us as mothers to pour forth His maternal heart to our families and to the world. Let’s be who God created us to be.
The Sad Reality
Sadly, many women do not understand the importance of this role. Being a mother, in whatever form, and being centered on The Home — AT home — are seen as optional to many women, something they do if they want. But it is regarded as too restricting to be an obligation.
Our role as supporter and helper of our husband and of godly male leadership, along with nurturer of new life if God allows (or nurturer of lives that already exist) is minimized and even ridiculed by Feminist culture because they are considered to be oppressive things that keep us imprisoned and tied down.
For many women, the biblical ideal does not fit with their ideal for themselves. They do not want to be feminine, not in that way. They do not want to depend upon anybody, have anyone depend upon them (such as children), or be under the authority of anybody. They want to “fill their place in the world.” Tragically, they don’t understand that God has already made them a place, a special and privileged place where their femininity can be protected and preserved.
Ours is the tender, life-giving role, in which we are meant to be protected and lovingly sheltered at home as we live out our calling as “mother” and “nurturer.” Even women who have no children can fulfill this role. And it is in just that place, if we choose to embrace it, that we have the most power as women, through the strength of a gentle femininity.
Exceptions
Now, I must add one more thing before wrapping up this article, one thing that is needed to say so I won’t seem extreme.
Do I think a woman can be a nurse? Do I think a woman can be a missionary? Do I think a woman can care for underprivileged children and for orphans? Do I think a woman can care for homeless people? After all, some very celebrated and worthy women of the past have done those things, and their efforts have helped many people and even saved many lives (Amy Carmichael, Gladys Aylward, Mother Theresa, Florence Nightingale, etc.). So, the main question is: Does a woman always need to remain at home in order to fulfill her feminine role?
Those are examples I would consider possible exceptions to the rule of the woman staying at home. However, I believe there are several guidelines that should be folllowed:
- She should not in any way neglect her main duty, if married: her husband, children, and home.
- As a married woman, she should not use birth control to keep from having more children in order to “be free to care for other people,” but instead be open to God’s will for her life. She will know His will by whether He chooses to open or close her womb; it’s that simple.
- If she is married but her children have grown up, she must not neglect her husband, her home, or her grown children and her grandchildren and their needs. Her main duty remains the same.
- If she is neither married nor has children, she should carefully consider if her actions are still focused on caring and nurturing and not on a self-serving lifestyle.
- If she is single, she should still seek to honor the male leaders in her life that God calls her “head” (“the head of the woman is the man,” 1 Cor. 11:3)
A woman who commits herself to nursing sick or wounded people, for example, may have to leave home, yes. However, what she does in essence is bring home to them. She carries with her the nurturing and sweetness that God made to be a part of her maternal instinct. Because of this, I don’t think that by going out of the home to care for others she is necessarily revoking her God-given feminine role. We must be very careful with this, though; we must not overextend ourselves into any realm that God has reserved for men and the unique nature that He’s given them.
Functioning Within a Healthy Context
I am raising my daughters with this ancient, home-based wisdom. So, for example, dancing can be a fun and lovely way to express our feelings, as I know well and as my daughter Nayla also appreciates. So can drawing, painting, writing, or playing music. All of those are gifts, and I believe God gave them to us for our enjoyment! As long as they are used within the greater context of our role as women, they can be tools with which we uplift others and give them a message of God’s love for them. It is only when we attempt to use our gifts out of place that they lose some of their power for good, ultimately undermining our efforts.
- In what ways have you had to work to peel off the ideas of Feminism from your thinking?
- What have you learned from God’s word about the role of women that has been especially helpful to you in embracing your feminine role?
Please share with us in the comments section below!
~Jessica
Thank you for an amazing post! I was blessed to grow up in a household where mothering and femininity were cherished. So, I was not as heavily influenced by feminism as many. Still, I had to learn that the work place was not the only place that God could use people for His glory. I had to learn that it is still possible to do science, math, business, etc. from the home. I am still learning what that looks like as someone who loves anything relating to science and medicine. It is definitely more challenging, because everyone is programmed to think that everything meaningful must happen outside the home. They forget, for example, that many of the great inventors invented from home. The family is the basic unit of every society, and every woman was meant to be side by side with her man as his helpmeet. It is an honored place. It does not mean that she is shut away from everything going on in the world. But she is not the focus. She is to give glory to God and serve her family. Woman was not meant to be autonomous. That is the core of why feminism is so wrong. Feminism removes all accountability, both in her relationship to God and man. It is essentially rebellion.
I love how God gave all woman a similar “place of work”, but he makes each of us with a unique destiny inside of that. There is so much for a woman to do from home. I have known of women artists, authors, teachers of women, clothes retailers, and business owners who did all of their work from home. God gives each of us unique talents to use for His glory.
Thank you, by the way, for what you wrote about how all women are called to mother, even if they are not married. I know I cannot be the only single woman who wants a husband and children very badly. I was also reading another post just today from another blog, and she wrote today about the same exact topic, so maybe the Lord is trying to tell me something? Anyway, thanks for the encouragement, and God bless you and your family!
Hi, Elisa!
I’m so glad to hear about your godly upbringing — what a blessing to “grow up in a household where mothering and femininity were cherished”! The thoughts you shared in your comment were very inpspiring, and I agree with them. Thank you!
~Jessica
Jessica I completely agree 100% with your 5 points of principle.
I think if girls do wish to dedicate themselves to a caring career, for example as a doctor, nurse or teacher then that is fine (provided that they have their father’s permission, remain under his authority and do not engage in anything unsuitable in terms of being unfeminine, immodest or not chaste) but if they then marry, they must only continue so far as they have their husbands permission and prioritise their husband and home.
I can’t see that any serious career or work outside the home (except out of absolute necessity) is compatible with motherhood. And birth control of any kind and with any justification is a sin, a rejection of God’s purpose for marriage and his design for Godly womanhood.
Sorry just to add that for a married woman, submission of the womb to God should be absolute and if God blesses us with life in our wombs then motherhood is the vocation to which God calls us to dedicate ourselves.
Thanks for your comments, Susanne! I like the way you’ve underscored those points so clearly and strongly. I feel the same way; it makes the most sense, doesn’t it?
~Jessica
‘They do not depend upon anybody,have anyone depend upon them..’ Such atomosphere is being not rare also in Japan.In addition many Japanese husbands ask their wife work outside for livelihood nowadays,for their salary is not enough to maintain a home. Men’s average salary is getting decreased recent years in my country.
Many Japanese Christian wives are working outside,trying to obey their husband and take care of their children with godly way at the same time.
I feel that their struggles are very big.I am the only one housewife under 60 in my church.I may be a ‘happy exception’ nowadays.We live in very difficult age.
‘How should we obey God’s words about women’s role while we have to work outside?’ This questioning will be very serious here in the future,I guess.
Dear Sanae,
It’s sad, isn’t it, the way our society (both in the US and in Japan) is becoming degraded because of the way men and women’s roles have become twisted? I think you make a good point, when you mention that some women have to work because they are trying to obey their husband’s wishes. Yes, what a hard place to be in; I would not like to be in that place. I feel grateful that my husband doesn’t insist that I work, and I’m glad that yours doesn’t, either. It almost feels like a hopeless situation, the way the world is going — but, there’s God’s command to bring all our prayers before Him, and He will hear. He is our Champion. We must cling to that hope. 🙂
~Jessica
Yes,truly! And I guess that many Japanese christian husbands must be struggling by the situation( which force them to admit the fact their salary is not enough) at the same time.But I think it is hope that these conservative christian wives are still refusing to be feminist/equalitarian,trying to be a godly wife to obey God.
Recently I noticed that this problem in not only of churches in Japan,but of ones in some other Asian countries.(Taiwan,Vietnam,Singapole,China etc)
I agree with you.Let us have hope! Recently I read one Japanese pastor’s writing clearly saying that first priority of wife is making home.I appriciated that he could share this truth in public.For persistant attack from political correctness is getting seen also in Japan.
It is encouraging to know that you and many home oriented christians in US are saying clearly no to feminism.Thank you Jessica for being there, I think that
many readers are encouraged by your writing.
Sanae,
Thank you for sharing your additional thoughts on the subject!
I think that the role of women is intrincically tied up with two things: 1)the Genesis account of how Adam and Eve were made, and 2)the obvious design of the woman’s body.
To explain further: God said that the woman was made from the man, and for the man. Clearly, her role is supportive, as a suitable helper to her husband. And, lest we begin to think that that role might include “helping” him by having a full-time career and bringing in a paycheck, we must look at the second thing, the design of her body. Her body was clearly made for bearing and nursing children. When a man and his wife are intimate, the natural outcome of that is children. Naturally, a woman would need to stay home pretty much full time if she were to let her body function as God designed it (being pregnant, then nursing a newborn baby from her own breasts, keeping her small children close to her so she can care for them, becoming pregnant again, etc.). Therefore, having a full-time career outside the home was not in God’s plan when He designed the woman to be a childbearer. The only way to escape God’s design is by damaging our bodies through surgery, chemicals, or inserting foreign devices into them. Even if these things were to somehow become “safe,” they would still be unnatural.
I think the answer to the “woman’s role” question should be obvious if we consider it from the standpoint of the two basic points that I brought up. In fact, for much of history, people have taken it for granted that the woman would marry, bear childre, and guide the house, as the Bible says to do. It’s a great condemnation of the Christians of our time that we have become so blinded by worldly thinking that only a few stand up for this truth today. Therefore, I am extremely grateful for men like the pastor you mentioned, who would dare to express the truth so openly.
And yes, I have deep feelings of grief for those women who long to stay at home and have children but whose husbands don’t want them to. But, as we’ve been saying, there’s always hope in God. 🙂
~Jessica
Yes,I do think that God does not ask us to be like the same as men.Christians in Japan are commonly more positive to have children than most of non christian Japanese I guess,but if ladies have to work outside as a fulltime worker,she have to be careful to have more kids to keep her career.That is very severe fact.
Sometimes I feel that we in developped countries may want too much money,too much convinient life.
The Japanese pastor wrote that earning money is not first priority at home and very busy life destroys many happy marriage.
Our society have tried to lose poverty which causes many tragedy and suffering.But as a result we made other serious problem that women cannot be like womanlike as they are desgined anymore.
Recently two lady members of my church had to keep away from fulltime job for weakness of body.They had worked very hard as fulltime worker,hoping to support their husband.I feel that God may tell us something important now in my church .One lady left her job,other lady has been absent from her workplace, stays home with kids now.Both of them chose that way with agreement of their husband.
May we christians know about God’s creation order more.What you pointed out(desigen of woman body) is very important issue,which we are apt to forget.
Thanks Jessica for sincere responce!
You’re welcome, Sanae!
And I thank you for your thoughtful reply! You made some very important observations, which I appreciate very much.
~Jessica
Great post, Jessica. You have laid out the principles very clearly – love it!
I especially like your “rules for exceptions.” Many times women simply run off to outside jobs without truly thinking about the biblical principles involved, or the long-term consequences. In my life, I have seen a lot of women run to outside jobs as soon as their children graduate from homeschooling. What this means, however, is that they are no longer available to mentor younger women as Titus 2 women, because their free time then becomes devoted to all of the “after work” duties. I believe that this is a serious consequence of older women working. Younger women desperately need older women who are available to them, both for help and for advice, but in shutting down that vital communication pathway, younger women tend to turn to unhealthy places for support and parenting advice (mommy groups, online forums, self-help books).
Great post! Merry Christmas! 🙂
Diana
Diana! I got your letter and Christmas card, which were wonderful! Thank you!
Everything you said in your comment: I totally agree and feel you put it so well! My thoughts exactly!
~Jessica
I am learning to submit to my husband’s request that I work. I’m a teacher, which does allow me more time to raise our son at home, but it is hard to maintain work-life balance during the school year. I need prayers to submit to my husband in my attitude with this and prioritize family and home over work. Thank you so much for your ministry!
Thank you for your input, Diane!
Yes, it can be a challenge to prioritize home and family when we have a job that also needs our attention. I will keep you in my prayers. I’m impressed by your desire to have a submissive attitude toward your husband while both working and keeping up with the home. Maybe, with God’s help, you might be able to make a gentle and logical appeal to your husband to stay home full time? If you show him first how you can save money by staying home, perhaps he will gradually accept it?
Thank you for reading my little blog! God bless you!
~Jessica
I think people here have a wrong idea of feminism. Feminism isn’t about rejecting G-d’s plan for women but about embracing your feminine form. The BIBLE Gives us the right ground for feminism, remove that ground and you get pseudo-feminism which is confused with actual feminism.
Hi, Kate,
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I’m not sure I understand your comment. When I say “feminism” I am referring to the generally-accepted definition of that term; I am referring to the movement to achieve “rights for women,” which would include the right to be independent from their husbands by having full-time careers outside the home, leave their children in daycare, use birth control, have abortions, and basically attempt to be everything that men are and do everything that men do, in a practical sense. God’s word does not teach this. Instead, God teaches women to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22), bear children, and keep the house (1 Timothy 5:14). Christian women should certainly embrace their feminine form, since that is the way God designed us. However, that is not called feminism, but “being feminine.” I totally believe in biblical femininity, but I do not align myself in any way with feminism as it is commonly understood.
~Jessica
One of the worst aspects of the “feminist movement” is that at the very least it should support the right of women to follow the role for which they believe God made them. But it does not it regards Biblical Femininity and the Godly role of women and girls as lesser and a betrayal of ‘the sisterhood’. It should support women who wish to stay at home, to priorities home and family, keep themselves for marriage, embrace motherhood and dress modestly – but all these things it ridicules and regards as signs of oppression.
I fully agree, Susanne. It’s so twisted, isn’t it? Feminism should logically support women being women, not try and turn all women into man clones.
~Jessica