Surviving the Newborn Stage

It was my first real outing with the baby since her birth.

We had planned a relaxed Labor Day and were now cruising down the highway toward our destination. Believe me, after five weeks of being almost completely house-bound, I was ready for some fresh air and the chance to stretch my legs while doing more than pacing the bedroom floor at night with a fussy baby! 

I breathed in the coolness rushing through the window. It was a pleasant, cloudy day with a bit of rainy crispness that took the edge off endless days of hot, sweaty weather. The children were excited, too, chattering happily in the back of the van, thrilled to be going on a little mid-day getaway. It was perfect . . .

Then it happened.

I can’t say I didn’t expect it to happen, but it was so sudden it was a little dramatic. The baby started crying. And crying and crying. Actually, it was more of a persistent scream. I heard a suspicious pause, and then a gasping noise — the baby was spitting up, spewing the entire contents of her tiny tummy all over herself and her car seat. Poor thing.

We pulled over to the nearest side road. Just as soon as the van stopped rolling, I and my oldest daughter hurried to remove wet blankets and clothing, extricating an unhappy little baby from the mess. I quickly wiped her down and dressed her in clean, dry clothing. After she had been sufficiently comforted and was much calmer, we put her back in the car seat. I wondered if the next phase of our trip would be more of the same. As we turned cautiously back onto the highway, I glanced back to see if the crying would start up again. She was asleep.

My first real outing turned out to be quite “real” indeed, ha, ha! However, the rest of the day unfolded much more gracefully. It rained a bit while we were out, but only a little. It was so nice to finally be able to enjoy the outside world again! After a full afternoon of walking down quiet wooded paths and picking wild flowers, I felt refreshed and ready to endure another long string of sleep-deprived nights.

(Here are the flowers my sweet daughters gathered for me. The 2-year-old was especially cute, wrapping her little fists around bunches of flowers she then pulled up from the roots; she wouldn’t let those flowers out of her sight the whole time we were there. Even when she decided to get on the swing set, she looked around for a spot to set them, carefully placing them on a nearby bench to wait for her. So adorable!)

I think this story illustrates how unsettled the newborn stage can be, sometimes. Those first few weeks have the potential to be both wonderful — and stressful. Aside from making sure we always have a diaper bag fully stocked with spit-up towels and wipes, what can we do to cope with the unsteady nature of this sensitive time? Here are a few things I’m learning are crucial if I want to make it through with my sanity — and my joy! — intact.

Have no expectations.

Don’t expect anything to be good, and don’t expect anything to be bad. Just accept it for how it is.

If, for example, I have high hopes of sleeping five hours straight at night by week five, and it doesn’t happen, frustration will creep in. If, on the other hand, I have no hopes at all for a good nights’ rest and simply take naps as I’m able, I’ll successfully block frustration at the door before it has a chance to agitate me.

Take advantage of every beautiful moment.

Spit-up isn’t beautiful. But there are so many things about this newborn stage that are! Focusing on the wonderful instead of the horrible has helped me enjoy this season of life as much as possible. I love to cuddle my newborn and feel her soft, tiny body warm against my own. I love to kiss her silky hair. I love to make her smile. It is so special to have a newborn! That’s what I have to focus on and appreciate, remembering that this precious phase won’t last long.

Rest, don’t rush.

Though I certainly don’t know everything about being a mother, by now I feel I’ve finally learned how important this point is. There is always a tendency to want to get back into the routines and regularity of “normal” life. There is also the pressure to return to being involved in one’s social sphere. I’ve learned that sometimes, I just need to say “no.”

I don’t need to go to birthday parties right now; I’ll send them a card, if I can manage it, and if I can’t, oh well. Hopefully, they’ll understand. I don’t even need to go to church, if that would be too stressful. This is a time for resting as much as I can, not for rushing around trying to get things done or for fulfilling social expectations. I have learned not to feel too guilty about this.

(Pictured above is my second time going to church after the baby’s birth. I didn’t even attempt it until she was five weeks old. The first time went without a single hiccup; the second time she did spit up in the foyer. Thankfully, we had gotten there early and there wasn’t hardly anybody around. You may have noticed that I am wearing one of the maternity skirts I showed you in my post, Modest Maternitywear. I still have a poochy mommy tummy).

Let others do the work.

Sounds selfish, doesn’t it? But at least during this season of life, it isn’t. Taking care of the baby and taking care of myself are my main focus. The chores, toy cleanup, and meals can usually be managed successfully by other members of the household right now. True, they might not fold the towels as neatly as I would, but at least the job will get done. This is a great opportunity to train children to help around the house and be responsible (Actually, I have been training them to help out since long before the baby’s birth. I think it’s a good idea to start early so they already know what is expected of them and can perform those tasks well before it becomes an absolutely necessity).

Take a break from school.

This is another one of the benefits of homeschooling: being able to take a break from school when you need it! This time around, I gave my children two full weeks off from their schoolwork. Then at two weeks, I gave them a much-reduced schedule of work they could get done on their own (with the older ones helping the younger ones). And by two months, I plan on having them transition into a fuller schedule. This method has really saved my sanity. (In a future post, I will share my school schedules with you, and you will be able to compare the different levels of work for the different postpartum stages.)

Cherish the whole family.

What a wonderful time to develop close family ties and grow more deeply in affection! While staying at home, not rushing around, and enjoying a reduced school schedule, there is so much opportunity to grow closer together as a family.

I try to appreciate all my children by smiling at them, hugging them, complimenting them, spending time with them when I’m able, and allowing them to help with their new baby sister. This helps them feel that they are a cherished and necessary part of our family. And they are! One more addition does not in any way diminish their value as family members; each child is precious. We treasure them all and want them to know it!

***Ladies, do you have any tips for surviving the newborn stage? Please share them below!***