The Doctrine of Suffering and How It Relates to Childbearing

Does that sound strange to our modern ears? “The doctrine of suffering”? It might if we are used to thinking that things going smoothly is always a sign of our being in God’s will and things not going smoothly is always a sign of our being out of it. It might if we are used to seeking “a feeling of peace” to know whether or not we are doing God’s will instead of looking for “hard evidence” from His Word. If we have been in the habit of thinking in those ways, then we will consequently assume that hardship must be the result of missing God’s will for our lives. But, the Bible teaches something different.

A Biblical View of Suffering

Though hardship may indeed be a sign that we are in disobedience to God’s will, it is not always.

Let me be even more specific by applying this concept to the area of childbearing: If we obey God by not using birth control (Genesis 1:28) and by surrendering our bodies completely to Him as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1), why do we think we will never have trouble? Why do we think, if we do start to have trouble, that we might not be doing God’s will? Why do we determine our level of obedience based upon our situation and our feelings, instead of on the timeless Word of God?

Because the truth is, obedience is not a guarantee of this world’s comfort or brand of success. To the contrary, obedience may be accompanied by tests, fiery trials, and valleys of the shadow of death. Because of this, we must be ABSOLUTELY sure of God’s will by knowing what His Word says. We cannot trust in a “sense of conviction” or a “strong feeling” we had during prayer. We cannot — and should not — claim that “God spoke to me” when we heard not an audible voice, but instead had a feeling. And, even if we did hear a “voice,” the only way to know if it was God’s is to be absolutely ruthless in comparing it to the Bible! Satan can lie to us. Our feelings can lie to us. And our feelings are subjective and will not sustain us through the toughest and most painful experiences we may be called upon to endure.

Let’s take a look at what the Bible says about suffering:

“Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but ALSO to the harsh. For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were CALLED, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps” . . .

1 Peter 2:18-21

These verses refer to suffering because of a harsh master. Later, the passage moves on to talk about wives being submissive to their own husbands, even if their husbands don’t obey God (how would a man act who is disobedient to God? — he would probably not be a very good husband or father, but God says to submit to him anyway). It looks to me, that if we are told to obey those in authority over us WHETHER OR NOT they treat us well, then it makes sense to conclude that God does not expect us to obey Him only when we feel like it, only when we’re “fulfilled” and “happy” and “stable,” but even when things are looking poorly for us. Obedience is not based on circumstances; it is based on doing what God says. Period.

 “Beloved, DO NOT THINK IT STRANGE concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified . . . Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.”

1 Peter 4:12-14, 19

“In the world you WILL have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I [Jesus] have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

Jesus guaranteed we would have tribulation. When we suffer — if it is a result of our obedience — we suffer “according to the will of God.” Let me say that again: It is sometimes God’s WILL for us to suffer! Not that He delights in causing us pain, but that there is a reason for His allowing it. Furthermore, when we suffer, we are to rejoice, because we “partake of Christ’s sufferings.”  Hardship should draw us closer to Christ; it should help us identify with His sufferings and understand with greater clarity His great love for us. When we suffer, “the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon [us].” Isn’t it wonderful to think that instead of distancing us from God, hardships actually draw us closer to Him?

There are many examples in the Bible of godly people who suffered when they had done nothing wrong: Joseph. David. Elijah. The prophets who foretold the destruction of Israel and Judah. John the Baptist. Jesus. The disciples. Paul. If we think we are better than they — if we think we can somehow escape tribulation even though they didn’t — we’re wrong. They are perfect examples of people who did what was right and then were “punished” for it; but, they didn’t allow their circumstances to deter them from doing God’s will.

See what Paul said about his personal struggles:

“And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

God could have taken Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” away. Paul prayed three times (thrice) for it — but God said, I want you to live with it. There was a reason for this thorn. What was it? It was so Paul wouldn’t “be exalted above measure”; in other words, so he wouldn’t become prideful. Through this experience, Paul learned to rely on God’s strength instead of his own. He learned to rely on God’s grace which is sufficient.

Ladies, what about us?

Pregnancy is hard and so is labor. Caring for multiple children is stressful sometimes. Husbands can be grumpy and so can we. Life throws unexpected difficulties at us . . . and we wonder: Am I doing God’s will? Should we keep on having more children?

The problem is that we don’t search the Scriptures to know the truth; we search our own hearts. We search other people’s opinions. We try to predict the future ourselves. We make our circumstances the navigator for our lives instead of God’s clear Word. But, if we would take the time to scrutinize the Bible to see what it has to say about having children, there is no doubt: Children come from God and conception is a gift, no matter what the situation.

You don’t believe me? Test it. Read the Bible and see what it has to say on this topic. I have to warn you, though: many people say they’ve already done this when in actuality, they’ve only chosen a few vague verses having nothing to do with having children to support their weak position.

Here is one verse to start you out with, a verse which shows God’s intimate involvement in the process of pregnancy and childbirth:

“By thee [O Lord GOD] have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother’s bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee.”

Psalm 71:6

If suffering should be considered a normal part of life, does that mean we are to go about sour-faced and solemn all the time? No! God says to “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4). In the Psalms, David is very honest about his sufferings; he doesn’t deny them in order to pretend that “everything is just fine.” However, instead of allowing his circumstances to enslave him in depression, he makes the conscious choice to use them as a reason to turn his eyes — yet again — to God for comfort and support. He praises God for His faithfulness and His love! He thanks Him for the salvation that David is confident will be soon in coming. He trusts in God’s goodness and justice. He does not say: “Maybe I was wrong to trust in God. Maybe I should have taken matters into my own hands and killed Saul when I had the chance in order to defend myself.” No, he stuck by his convictions even when it was anything but convenient. He knew that obeying God would prove best — in the end.

And he sang joyfully to the Lord in the meantime!

I encourage you to read Psalm 73:1-28 to see how Asaph dealt with the “unfairness” of being “plagued, and chastened every morning” even though he had committed himself to following God. He asked, Have I cleansed my heart in vain? Have I washed my hands in innocency for nothing? Does God see this? Why do I suffer and the wicked prosper? His answer to this timeless query will encourage you if you are also struggling with something similar.

Getting Personal

I haven’t been through much of what could be termed “suffering.” I live in the USA and have a fridge, a stove, a washer and dryer, indoor plumbing, central heating and cooling, a 12-passenger van, a cell phone, a computer, lots of healthy food, plenty of clothes, and a very loving husband. None of my children have ever died. I have not ever had a cesarean. However, my life is not always comfortable.

Being pregnant is never easy, not for any woman. In my experience, I have had extreme exhaustion for many months, been almost constantly nauseous, and felt super sensitive to everything: lights, sound, movement, smell, taste, touch. Sometimes I have lain in bed, too sick and weak to do anything, and wondered what it would be like to simply pass on to the next life. Perhaps that sounds silly to some of you, but being sick every day, month after month with hardly a break can do things to you emotionally! One further affliction can be when the people who should love and support you criticize you, instead. They could encourage you by sending a card, dropping off some helpful items (frozen meals, etc.), or offering to take your kids to the park — but they don’t. And then comes the birth — not fun at all (total understatement).

I can at least, in some small way, identify with those who have suffered. I don’t know why God didn’t always make things easier for me as I trusted in Him. And yet, there was comfort, too.

I have the best husband in the whole world! I tell him this often. I really cannot imagine that any other woman’s husband could possibly be better (sorry, I know you all love your husbands, too). During my pregnancies, he is always so helpful and caring. He makes me a snack early in the morning before he leaves for work at around 4:30, since he knows I’ll need it before getting out of bed. He will go to the store to pick up anything I crave — orange juice, toaster strudels, donuts, roasted chicken, whatever. He cooks dinner for me (the smells make me nauseous), and helps put the children to bed. I could go on and on. And he does all of it with a loving, patient attitude! My husband is God’s channel of comfort for me.

My wonderful children are another channel of comfort. The older ones help with their younger siblings by getting together easy meals, cleaning up messes, playing with them, and helping them with their schoolwork, when necessary.

I understand that not every woman has an understanding husband, and not every woman has cooperative children (mine are not perfect little angels, either, just to let you know). In that case, perhaps God’s channel of comfort will come through another route: family members, friends, other believers, special help agencies, etc.

If we want to be comforted, first of all, we must believe in God and in His Son Jesus. Christ is the Source of all we need! Jesus said, “But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:14). For us to receive the full benefit of His help, we must surrender ourselves to His Lordship: “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up” (James 4:10).

Second of all, we must ask. God may not take away all the hard stuff; but, He will certainly help us through it in one way or another in answer to our prayers:

“Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

James 4:2-3

Part of “asking” may include asking for help from others, too. We can’t hang on to our pride so much that we refuse to seek help when we need it. It’s okay to need help. As believers in Christ, we are part of a body; we were never meant to live life all on our lonesome — we were meant to support and encourage each other! Perhaps, if a believer has troubles (such as problems related to taking care of a lot of children), it is God’s will for other believers to step in and be His hands of help to that person. Instead of criticizing that person for “being irresponsible” and needing help and not being able to manage all on her own, other believers should see those problems as a chance to strengthen the body of Christ!

I am NOT saying that men shouldn’t provide for their own families; they should. I am NOT saying that women shouldn’t do their best to care for their own children; they should. I am just saying that life has “tribulations,” as Jesus said it would, and that we need to be there to comfort each other through them, instead of condemning others for “having too many children.” There is no such thing as “too many children,” since all children come from God!

Why is there so much suffering in the world? Much of it is caused by unbelievers acting like what they are: unbelievers. It is natural for them to sin by doing wrong things that hurt other people. And when believers act like unbelievers, there are also consquences: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Gal. 6:7). Look around you: the pain and suffering in this world isn’t a sign of God not caring, but evidence of a fallen world and a fallen humanity. We will suffer in this world — even when we do right.

The answer to suffering is not to have less children! Some people think that having fewer children will alleviate the problem, but they are applying a Bandaid to a wound which requires surgery. They remove something beautiful out of this life (children) that God meant as a gift to give us joy (Psalm 127:3-5). Yet there is hope for God’s blessing, even in this sometimes horrible world: When we do what is right in obedience to the Bible, God will reward that — not with a perfect life, but with His help to continue to live a holy and spiritually blessed life.

This is not worldly success, it is godly success. Victory is not always getting out of trouble, but overcoming trouble by bravely pushing through it. Trouble will touch us — in very personal and sometimes painful ways — but it will not crush us:

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— “

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Another source of suffering in this world comes from our enemy, Satan. He hates God, and he hates those who believe in God. There is a battle going on for our souls, and Satan will do all he can to ensure that as many human souls as possible will be destroyed forever in hell. He sometimes uses suffering, and he sometimes uses a lack of suffering: he uses suffering to get people to curse God, and he uses a lack of suffering to get people to be complacent and feel that they don’t need God. So, we see that a lack of suffering is not ALWAYS a sign that we are “in God’s will.”

The only way to be sure we are in God’s will is to rely on His Word. 

Christian Testimonies of God’s Purpose in Suffering

I like what is said here about how Joni Eareckson Tada feels about being a quadriplegic for 50 years and what it has taught her about suffering:

“[P]eople will sometimes ask her if they can pray she’ll be healed. She never turns them down. But she also asks them to pray she’ll have a holy heart more than a healed body. Her ultimate hope is in heaven, where body and soul will be healed forever.

“Until then, she’s called suffering a form of sandblasting away her sin and drawing her closer to Christ: ‘My displaced hip and scoliosis are sheepdogs that constantly snap at my heels, driving me down the road to Calvary, where I die to the sins Jesus died for.’

“And she often feels Christ is closest when she’s in pain. ‘I don’t know why, but it seems that God shows us the face of Jesus in those moments,’ she says. ‘And those who refuse to enter suffering, fearing there’s nothing there but darkness — they miss that.‘ ” 

[WORLD Magazine; page 37, “More than Inspirational”; November 25, 2017 — Emphasis added] 

Another person I greatly admire for his endurance while suffering from ALS for 20+ years is Bill Sweeney, author of the blog Unshakable Hope (he recently died, but his wife has kept his blog up). He wrote a very vulnerable and encouraging article about his own experience:

“Why Me?”

These are only two examples of Christians who have witnessed God’s hand in the midst of troubles. They learned that God has a purpose for those troubles — a purpose for us to grow, to learn, to become like Christ, to value the eternal over the temporal. They also learned that trials are not always a sign that we are out of God’s will, but can happen even when we are in the very middle of it. Though hardships may lead us to question God, ourselves, and our decisions, it is so important to look to God’s Word as our guide and comfort in those unstable times. We may go through the storm, but He will carry us through!

~Jessica

“You [O God], who have shown me great and severe troubles,
Shall revive me again,
And bring me up again from the depths of the earth.”

Psalm 71:20