Birthing Baby #10: Trusting My Body’s Birth Script

I have a hard time believing it: I’ve really just recently given birth to our 10th baby!

Our little girl, Rowan, was born mid-July a couple days after her due date. For me, that was unexpected, since all my previous births ranged from a couple weeks to just a day before the due date — but never after. Despite being born a bit later, she was petite, at six pounds three ounces. This was probably a result of my battling gestational diabetes while pregnant with her. Thankfully, I was able to successfully control my blood sugar levels with diet. I guess removing all those carbs and sugars caused me to not gain as much weight as I might have otherwise! I did substitute healthy fats, but I didn’t have much room in my stomach, or the desire, to eat a whole lot.

Birth Story

The birth itself was a relief. It wasn’t horrible or very intense. It wasn’t characterized by painful contractions; they were normal and gave me a sore, crampy feeling, but were tolerable. I actually chatted cheerfully with the midwife and her assistant throughout much of the labor!

Though our oldest daughter sadly hadn’t been able to stay with me throughout the previous birth, she was with me this time and even got to cut the baby’s cord later on. I’m so thankful she could be a part of this special experience.

It was a longer-than-usual labor, which began in the early evening instead of in the early morning (though early morning is more typical for me). I experienced mild contractions throughout the night. The midwife came and checked me late in the evening, but told me I should try and get some rest and call her when things felt like they were getting more serious.

Finally, at about 7:30 in the morning, I made the call for her to come check me again. I was at six centimeters dilation. I continued to labor until 12:12 pm, when our little girl was born. During this time, I coped and worked with labor in various ways: taking a warm and soothing bath, sitting and rocking on the edge of my couch, kneeling and rocking on the floor in front of my couch with my head on my arms, walking around, sitting on the toilet, sitting in the birthing pool with one leg bent and the other extended, in the birthing pool sitting on my legs with head resting forward on arms, laying on my left side with my right leg propped up by pillows on the bed, and for the grand finale — holding onto the edge of my bed while standing up as the baby was crowning and then exiting the birth canal!

Near the end, yes, I did feel that things were getting a little intense. But, it seemed to me that the finish line must still be farther away, because I just didn’t feel like it was that bad. Consequently, it came as a bit of a surprise to me when I got out of bed to go to the bathroom and found that the baby was already about to come out!

The midwife reached out to catch her, then held her out to me to pick her up. As I reached down and in front of me to grab her, I noticed that she still had the umbilical cord wrapped around her chest and one leg. And this was after the midwife had already removed it from around her neck. After unwinding the cord, I held my baby up to my chest, then carefully turned around to sit down on the bed.

She was so darling, with soft black hair and large, beautiful eyes. The labor already felt like a distant memory as I held her warm body close and adored her tiny baby self.

Preparing for Birth

Previous to my ninth birth, I had been very nervous. I had allowed anxious thoughts to dominate my mind, instead of focusing on trust — trust in my body’s birth script and trust in God who designed my body to be able to give birth.

After experiencing an epidural for the first time during that birth, I realized most emphatically that the process of labor is (in normal, healthy, physiological births) very straightforward and “easy.” During anesthesia, I could feel the sensation of the baby descending the birth canal and squeezing out through the canal as he was being born, but without feeling the pain of it.

It became exceedingly clear to me that the body does most of the work, with just a little help from the mother through her relaxing, breathing calmly, and positioning her body in ways that facilitate labor. The body already knows what to do; it has a pre-planned, God-designed birth script. This script does not need rewriting; it just needs following.

I began to view labor this way:

Black and white movie = script of birth. This is the progression of labor stages. This happens on its own, though we can help as we let go and surrender to the process and not fight it.

Add color to the same movie = adding the sensations of labor. These can add intensity of feeling, but do not change the script.

We must trust in the script. We should regard sensations as a boost to the experience, as they allow us to fully enter into it. But they do not necessarily determine the experience. The feelings of “pain” are just that: feelings. They do not indicate a problem (not usually). Ride the feelings. Be aware of them. Pay close attention to any difference in feeling, because this can be helpful. See them as aids to labor, not hindrances.

After I began to view labor in this way, and especially after determining to focus my thoughts on all that is good and true, as Philippians 4:8 says to do, I was able to be much more at peace as I waited for the next birth.

Had I really needed that epidural? No. What I had needed to do was focus my thoughts on what was true, instead of allowing fear to control me. I’m not saying that an epidural is never helpful for a woman in labor; I’m simply saying that for me, I came to see that it really hadn’t been necessary. I did learn from the experience, though, and I don’t really regret it, either. It was one way that I was able to have, at least partially, a pain-free birth. I had wanted to know what that felt like. But afterwards I was able to admit to myself — to fully believe once more — that I truly am capable of dealing with those feelings of pain. I knew I could do it . . . and I did, during my tenth birth, with God’s help.

Afterwards : How Do I Cope with Ten Children?

So now that we have ten kids, how do I manage? Actually, our two oldest have moved out already, so we now have only eight children in the home. Still, though, that’s more than most people have at home. And even children who are living in an apartment of their own still need a mother’s involvement and prayer.

I think having ten children to care for is not so different from having ten births: it involves surrender.

I have noticed about myself that I am capable of being pretty selfish. I seems to me that a lot of us suffer from this condition (smile). I don’t want to have to stop what I’m doing to help someone else. I don’t like to be interrupted while listening to a podcast. I cringe at having a messy house. I resent not being able to get as much sleep as I would like. I want things easy. Etc. But (big surprise) when caring for children we have to let go of our selfish desires.

Yes, we need to take care of ourselves! However, selfishness is a different matter: it wants us to feed it continually, like a greedy little monster. We often justify our desire to have things our own selfish way by using excuses like, “I just need to focus on the children I already have instead of adding more.” What we really mean is that caring for these children requires more from us than we are willing to give. We don’t want to have to sacrifice too much of ourselves — our time, our energy, our sleep, our stamina, our fun, our opportunities. That’s me, so much of the time, you guys! It’s common, true. But when I see how selfish I really am, it disgusts me.

I think that God uses children, if we let Him, to test our patience and try our faith. And I’m talking about really having to sacrifice day after day after day, choosing trust over fear, choosing creativity over defeat. It stretches us. It forces us to reconsider our priorities and values. It causes us to lean on God for support.

So, I would say that having ten children has been a very good thing. I believe that God has been teaching me through them how important it is to rely on Him. It really is similar to the process of labor, requiring a similar surrender. During birth, we must trust the script He has designed for our bodies; during daily living, we must trust the script He has designed for our lives.

We must believe that every child He chooses to send us is never a mistake but has been chosen by Him to exist for a specific reason. No matter how hard life feels, we fall back on that solid truth, relaxing and resting in the arms of our Heavenly Father, breathing calmly as we speak words of truth to ourselves, and positioning ourselves in cooperation with His will for us.

And you know what? There’s much, much more to having ten children than just how hard it can be! When I’m undistracted by my selfishness I’m able to appreciate how each of these children is truly a blessing: each one unique, each one special in their own way, each smart in their own way. And while they are also each flawed in their own way and struggle, just like the rest of us, with a sinful human nature, I’m humbled to know how privileged I am that God has entrusted my husband and me (for His own reasons) with their precious lives.

~Jessica