Self-Motivated: The Journey Toward Raising Kids Who Can Manage Their Own Schoolwork

Do you know what I think is the hardest part of homeschooling? It’s not choosing a curriculum — though that can certainly get you in a mental tangle, fast. It’s not how to homeschool with babies and toddlers — despite the fact that I sometimes feel as if I’m in a three-way tug of war among the olders, the youngers, and the littlests. No. THE hardest part of homeschooling, for me, is (wait for it) . . .

. . . getting the kids to actually do their work!

You know what I mean, right? Or am I the only mother who’s found her child’s language arts booklet tossed carelessly (or angrily — I’m not sure which it was) on top of the porch roof? Rained on, wind ruffled, dirt stained; I’m amazed it made it through those three months of loneliness all by itself. I’m sure our child was secretly thrilled we hadn’t found it.

But secrets must be found out.

Three months of lost work had to be made up. And we were brought, dramatically, to the realization that kids can be awfully good at avoiding their work and lying about it, if we, the parents, don’t stay on top of things. However, “staying on top of things” can be exhausting work for a mother of nine (or any other amount). As necessary as it is to provide an appropriate level of supervision, help, and encouragement, the goal is to not stay forever in a place of having to check the whereabouts of every single page of paper; it’s to raise children who can be trusted to keep track of their work themselves.

Yes, I hear you saying to yourself — but how?

Excellent question, and one I’m still working on finding the answer to, myself. And yet, I am discovering a few things that seem to be helping. Here are a some ideas.

Train little by little

It’s not reasonable to expect dramatic changes overnight; but, gradual changes are possible over time. Start by requiring independent work in one subject, then bump that up to more subjects over time. On that one subject, check periodically to make sure the work is getting done properly, but don’t helicopter.

Example: Have a child do his math all by himself, reviewing the guide if necessary, watching the instruction video again, re-doing problems, etc. before asking for mom’s help. Make this a consistent requirement. So, you will say to him, “Have you done your best to figure this out by yourself?” asking specific questions to find out the truth before helping that child.

Not only should you gradually add one subject at a time, you should gradually add more time in between checking finished work.

Example: I start out by checking work at the end of every day (or checking the previous day’s work at the beginning of the next). When I can see that the child is doing her daily work well without needing any or much help, then I bump that up to checking every few days. When that is going well, I check work once a week. Then, perhaps every other week. Later, perhaps I review her work only after a whole unit is done (once a month, maybe). Total responsibility is not expected all at once, but is established gradually.

Keep age and maturity level in mind

Younger children can be required to do some independent work, but they will obviously need more guidance. Older children (higher elementary, teens) can be expected to do much more on their own.

Example: With my eight year old, after going over the previous day’s work, I review what she will be expected to do later that day without my help. I tell her how many math pages to do, what pages to finish for handwriting and language arts, which flash cards she will practice, and which readers she will read out loud to a sibling. However, I make sure she understands that if she needs help while I’m with the baby, she needs to ask a sibling (and they have been instructed to pause what they’re doing to help her).

However, my 17 year old does nearly all her work by herself. I only check up on things now and then, giving guidance and helpful input. (Tip: If you have an older student who is still not working well independently, I recommend following the same steps I am suggesting for younger and middle age students. Probably, though, the older child will develop independence more quickly than a younger one would — if you are consistent.)

And then there are the other children in between (10, 12, and 14) who are about half and half. I require them to do most of their work independently, but I still spend time checking their finished work and going over the items they got wrong. I make sure they’re not skipping things. I’ll describe some ways I do that, below.

Find ways to make sure they’re not skipping work

There are various methods I use. Obviously, if we mothers had the time to sit beside our children and observe them as they did their work, we wouldn’t have an issue — but who always has time for that, with a bunch of kids to supervise? Here are some ideas that have worked for me, though they work better for some ages/ levels than for others:

• Have them write summaries. When I couldn’t be sure if they had actually done their reading in certain books, and I didn’t have time to ask for a narration or to drill them with questions on the material, I decided the easiest thing to do would be to require them to write summaries in a notebook, which I review periodically.
  
• Have them do a specified amount of work by themselves, then check before they’re allowed to go on. This is easier than checking their work every day, but still doesn’t allow them to get too far ahead without supervision. For example, require them to do a full lesson in math completely on their own; then, after they’re done, take time to go over it and have them correct the items they missed before moving on. If it’s too much to do this after every lesson, do it for several at at time. I also have them finish a full Lifepac for language arts before reviewing it with them. This is the halfway approach — they’re not fully independent yet, but they’re working toward it.
  
• Have siblings check each other’s work. You could set aside an afternoon for siblings to check each other’s math work, or language arts work, etc. Just be careful with this one: sometimes the siblings can get lazy and not do a careful job. Or, the two siblings can get in league with each other to let certain things slide. You have to be clear about the rules, and you do have to keep an eye on them. I think the benefit is that they get practice in marking the answers (whether right or wrong), and since it’s somebody else’s work, they are more likely to be strict. They may begin to see that the same standards they expect siblings to adhere to are the standards that they themselves should strive for. They may get frustrated when a sibling is sloppy . . . and realize they do the same thing and want to do better.
  
• Have them check their own work. This one requires some trust! But if you think your child is ready, this is a necessary step toward the desired independence. I let them do a certain amount of checking on their own, then I go over it and make sure they didn’t miss anything. Eventually, the goal is for them to do this completely on their own (like our 17 year old daughter).
  
• Give them a schedule they can mark. I copied the schedule out of our Sonlight instructor’s guide for the kids so they could write their initials over each day they complete (and so I can write notes for them, if needed). This helps them feel a sense of accomplishment and also helps me see where they are in their progress.
  
• Choose a curriculum that is either intended for independent student work (like the Lifepacs), or is at least amenable to it, with some tweaking. The curriculum should also be enjoyable and understandable . . . however, even with the most interesting, clear curriculum, there will come times when the student will struggle. At those times, it will be necessary for him to do his best and push through. This is an important life lesson which will eventually teach him greater responsibility and self discipline. However, it may be necessary for you to give more help during those times, until enough understanding is developed for the child to once more continue work independently.

Administer consquences, as necessary

What if you tell your children to do something, and they don’t? What if all these tips don’t seem to be working for you? It may be necessary to administer consequences.

Example: For work that is done sloppily, I require the child to redo it. Sometimes, he has had to redo an entire month’s worth of work. Yes, this impedes progress in his workbooks and in the schedule — but, it helps develop his character, which is a form of progress in itself (the best kind of progress). The child learns that it takes more time to correct sloppy work than it would have taken to do a good job right from the beginning.

Example #2: For work that is not done at all (disobedience), not only do I require that the work still be finished, no matter how much it sets that child back in the schedule, I also take away a privilege (or more) until all is accomplished to satisfaction. Only then is the child allowed to (for example) spend time playing computer games, go to the park, etc. Yes, the child can take occasional breaks from her work (this gives the brain a necessary rest), but these breaks are for a set amount of time and for a certain kind of activity — then, back to work!

Again, it’s so important to be consistent in our requirements and in the consequences we give. And don’t forget rewards for work done well! That’s when extra computer minutes can be given, special trips to the park taken, a movie watched in the middle of the week, a fun board game played with the rest of the family, a friend can come over, etc.

One extra point on the topic of consequences: I recommend giving a specific and fitting consequence for a specific infraction. Don’t overdo it! For example, for not completing a math page, you could have the child forgo his afternoon fun in order to stay inside and finish the page. However, once the work is done, the consequence is no longer necessary; so, don’t tell your child he is grounded for a week from playing outside if it only takes him one or two afternoons to finish the work.

Let him experience the satisfaction of being able to get back to normal, fun stuff as soon as he accomplishes his work. Let him see that how soon he can do fun stuff is up to him. It’s not really a punishment to have a privilege taken away — it’s simply a way to help him learn responsibility. How quickly he learns, and benefits from it, is up to him. He needs to see that for himself.

And finally . . .

I’ve found that as I’ve had more children and have more to do during the day, I’ve become more relaxed with my expectations. I don’t actually check everything for right or wrong answers; I mostly just want to know they did the work and didn’t skip anything I wanted them to do. If they didn’t get every, single answer correct, and I didn’t manage to catch it . . . oh, well. I’m trying to look at the overall, big picture of how they’re gradually developing into independent learners who care about how well they do their schoolwork.

So, if we don’t manage to stay on top of every item, that’s okay, in my opinion. It’s the larger process of growth that counts.

Bonus practical tips

Below is a video where I show how I tweaked our Sonlight curriculum so that I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed with the amount of involvement I had previously thought was necessary. This was several months ago, but it continues to work out well for our family, except for a couple things I recently changed.

Now, I have the older children (10, 12, and 14) do the read alouds as readers. So, I don’t read (most of) those books aloud to them anymore (unless I choose to read one), but they read them on their own in addition to their regular readers. They seem to be doing well with this, since Sonlight’s books are always interesting! I choose one book (whether from Sonlight’s curriculum or just a general book) to read out loud to everybody, and that’s all I have time for.

However, I do take time to read aloud to the eight year old and those younger, either individually or with them grouped together, since the one book I read to the rest of the kids may still be a little over their heads.

Also, in the video I show how I removed the first page of the schedule for the children to use, but I now simply make copies and keep the original schedule as a master copy.

What about you?

Do you have any additional tips? I’m curious to know what other homeschooling mothers have found useful for helping their children learn to be more responsible and achieve greater independence in their schoolwork. What’s worked for you and what hasn’t?

~Jessica