I think it may have been because I recently wrote on the topic of cohabitation, or maybe it was due to the fact that I’ve been reading how-to-get-ready-for-marriage books so I can discuss them with our older children (not that they are ready to get married; these are just good things to know in advance), or perhaps it was related to some parenting challenges we’ve been going through — but recently, I’ve really, really struggled with myself and my past.
It’s not that I enjoy looking back; it’s just that sometimes, it seems it can’t be helped. I can’t counsel my children about what to do and what not to do and forget what I myself had done. I see people who were affected by my past decisions, or who at least know about my past, and I wonder what they think of me. The natural results of problems created in the past are still being endured in the present; there are consequences that have to be lived through, even though I know I’ve been forgiven, by God and by others.
Sometimes, it all comes back like a slap in the face.
Now, I’m not the type to wallow in depression. There’s too much to get done and too many people depending on me to indulge in the luxury of a long, selfish wallow in the mud of self-pity. Though I have been depressed, it has not been in a crippling sort of way. I get on with the day-to-day. Yet there has lurked this certain, dark feeling which has stubbornly persisted and which I’ve been wrestling with. Lately, I’ve felt . . . worthless. And that is something that could be crippling, eventually, if I can’t find a way to deal with it.
How I wish I could let all the young people out there know that it is so important to be careful in their decision-making! That the choices they make while young will have very real ramifications, good or bad, for the rest of their lives. If they’re not careful, they could end up with regrets they will still be living with when they’re forty and beyond.
I wasn’t even sure how I could continue writing articles for this blog. I have a blessed life, true — a very blessed life, in a multitude of ways; but I also have problems and messes, as well. What can I write that will be a help to others, but not seem like hypocrisy, or egotism, or denial?
The Accuser
This morning I read:
“Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down.”
Revelation 12:10
That verse reminded me that Satan is the accuser, not God. God is our Redeemer, the Justifier of those who put their faith in Jesus Christ:
. . . “to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.”
Romans 3:26
The Sunday before last, our pastor said that after we believe in Jesus, if we hear a voice of condemnation, it’s not God’s. I remembered that immediately the other day when I felt so many damning thoughts pressing down upon me, I thought I couldn’t bear the hatred I had for myself. I cried out to God. I wept for a long time. And I knew this wasn’t the Lord that would do this to me — it was my own self, and maybe the powers of darkness (Eph. 6:12).
Have you ever felt that way?
I think it’s good to be reminded from time to time that we need God, that we’re nothing on our own. It’s good to be humble. Pride is a very dangerous enemy we must crush underfoot lest it cause us to become self-conceited, then suddenly thrust us from the lofty heights of our arrogance far down into the filth and ruin of sin. We need to remember that we’re sheep . . . and we need a Shepherd to guide and protect us.
But as important as it is to be humble, too much humility (i.e. self-condemnation) can be an affront to the mercy and grace of God. There must be a balance (for lack of a better word) between knowing and admitting who we are and what we have done and still do (acknowledging the truth about ourselves), and knowing and admitting Who God is and what He has done and does for us (acknowledging the truth about God). We are not more special than anybody else — but neither are we less. We must not think of ourselves more highly than we ought (Rom. 12:3) — but neither must we tell ourselves lies about our true worth before God. After all, He sent His Son to die for us, and He’s given His Spirit to help us. That’s big! With His Spirit’s help, we have a high calling to fulfill.
Our Calling
“There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were CALLED in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and IN you all. But to EACH ONE OF US grace was given according to the measure of Christ’s gift. . . .
“And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ . . . that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may GROW UP in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what EVERY joint supplies, according to the effective working by which EVERY part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.”
Ephesians 4:4-7, 11-12, 14-16
Did you see that? We are all one in Christ, if we believe in Him as Savior (there is only ONE faith, not many), and we have been given gifts to help us accomplish our work for the ministry of that body! None of us is left out. None of us is less. None of us is an “extra, unnecessary” appendage. Each of us is crucial. Our past mistakes don’t disqualify us from being able to contribute something meaningful now. God doesn’t want to keep us low down to the dirt — He wants us to grow, to mature, to become edified and to edify others in love!
How does God want me to grow? How does he want you to?
We have each been given distinct gifts; mine is not yours, and yours is not mine. Though there may be some overlap in those gifts which are similar, each of us is our own unique combination of personality traits, talents, abilities, experiences, and knowledge. We each have something to offer.
My struggle has been: But, God, how am I useful to you? Surely I’m nothing. What do I possibly have to offer? But did you notice by Whom the gifts of ministry have been given? Sure, we may not have much to offer — just ourselves, but GOD supplies the gifts. We obey Him, however we are able & with whatever we have, and in that way, we can be said to be doing our share to supply “what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share.”
There must be a good reason why He created me the way He did — just like there’s a good reason why He created you the way He did.
Not only have each of us been created for a unique purpose, we each “own” a unique set of experiences and life circumstances (a combination of both “good” and “bad” stuff) which set us up to fill a unique role in what God is doing in this world.
On our own, we have no power to save ourselves, to make ourselves (completely) into what God wants us to be, or to minister to others (sufficiently) and be to them (totally) what they need us to be. That’s why God hasn’t left us on our own.
He came down, so He could pull us UP.
The Accuser wants to remind us how stupid and miserable we are; the Justifier wants to remind us how cherished and gifted we are.
Which voice will we choose to listen to?
A Revelation
These past few weeks, I felt like I was stuck in a deep valley of sadness. One day, a thought came to mind (was it from God? — my husband has been a huge help to me, for sure!):
Even though I’ve done many things wrong, I’ve also done some things right!
Yeah, I know that doesn’t sound like much of a revelation, but it was to me in my darkest moments of self-reflection. Like what things?
- I had the chance to leave the man I was living with (my future husband), but I didn’t. I was faithful. Should I have left him? Some might debate that I should have. Fair enough. But I knew that if I left, I would abandon him and what we had started. We couldn’t just erase what had already been done by leaving. The after-effects would still have to be dealt with. I also knew that I didn’t want our son to have another father — I wanted him to have his father. And I felt that I wouldn’t be able to marry a good man who would care to have a woman with a past and a son that wasn’t his to raise (though I think there actually may be some of those good men in existence . . . ). I knew I wasn’t willing — not anymore — to settle for just anyone to fill a gap of loneliness in my life; I wanted a true man who would love me and value me. Despite all the negatives, I still had hope that I could find that man in the one I had already chosen to be with (which turned out to be true, thanks to God’s grace!). So, there was some wisdom and depth of thought present within me, even at that young age, and even after all my stupid choices.
- I didn’t allow myself to get stuck in depression. I didn’t give up hope. I kept trying. I tackled the task in front of me.
- I loved my children. I was willing to have more, after God touched my heart on this topic. I was willing to homeschool them. I trusted my husband to provide. I tried my best to be a good wife to him. I kept on reading the Bible and praying. I went to the church my husband wanted us to go to (this was later on, after we had both come to repentance). I began to dress more modestly in skirts and dresses and to wear a headcovering to cover my “glory” and remind me of my feminine role (even though I was the only one at our church to do so — and still am, as far as I can tell). I have persevered in continuing to do all the above things, without giving up, even when I sometimes felt like it.
- I was willing to be honest about my issues.
- I’ve been good at making a lot out of a little, of using what resources are available to me to make our humble home work successfully for our family. I’ve been pretty well-organized, in general.
- I’ve been committed to personal growth. I don’t want to just “not do those bad things again”; I want to become all that God wants me to be right now in this season of my life. When I have a bad day, I get right back up; I don’t stay defeated.
Now I’m impressed that I’ve been so smart! I haven’t been such a huge idiot after all!
How interesting: my perspective about myself changes so dramatically, depending on the thoughts I choose to emphasize. Have I always known those positive things about myself? Yes. And sometimes, when I’m in a happy, confident mood, I remember them easily; but when I’m sad, all I seem to see are the failures.
What sort of positive things do you remind yourself about yourself when you feel tempted to listen to self-condemning thoughts?
So, on the one hand, I will sometimes focus on the bad stuff until I feel that’s all there is, and I need the reminder that there’s good in me. On the other hand, though, I can’t live in La La Land, where I magically manage to develop amnesia about the bad and forget it ever existed.
I used to think (up until quite recently) that I would eventually overcome these struggles, leaving them forever behind in the dust of the past. I would conquer them like the cinematic heroine who turns her back on the ruins of her life and sets her face resolutely toward the future (*dramatic, moving mood music, here*). But, though much has certainly changed and a lot of progress has definitely been made (and it’s important to remember that) things haven’t entirely turned out the way I’d imagined they would.
The truth is, despite how far I’ve come, I don’t think I will ever be able to forget my regrets. There are definitely scars. I’m pretty sure that from time to time, I will remember, and it will still hurt.
Though I do believe there is victory with God (please don’t misunderstand me), I’m coming to see that perhaps, I would do well to accept that these sad memories will be a part of my life for as long as I live, and to come up with a strategy for how to deal with them better.
Strategies for Success
With the help of the Bible, my husband, dear friends, different books I’ve read, and my own experiences, here are several ideas for dealing with regrets that both you and I might apply the next time they hit.
- Choose to be thankful. This is so hard when our inclination is to just sit there and marinate in our disappointments, reliving them again and again in a mind movie, complaining and crying about them until we’ve really worked ourselves up. It takes personal effort and self-discipline to search carefully for and exclaim over something good. But we have to get our minds out of the rut of self pity, and thankfulness is the way to do it. We don’t have to understand why things happened the way they did (thinking too much about that might make us go crazy); we just have to be thankful that good came out of them. That’s enough.
- Sing spiritual songs. Don’t merely listen to them (though that’s good, too); sing them. This effectively turns our thoughts & hearts toward God, His love, and His power to help and to heal. Singing forces us to engage ourselves fully, through the involvement of multiple parts of our body: brain, mouth, ears, lungs, etc. Great for refocusing our attention on the truth and making it a part of ourselves, in a sense.
- Speak truth & pray. Write down Bible verses and post them in conspicuous places. Read them out loud often. Let their truth sink down deep. We can use them as prayers, in addition to our own, personally-worded supplications.
- Make your bed. It is crucial to keep on moving forward with all our daily tasks. We shouldn’t give depression so much power over us that we let it rule our life. It doesn’t rule us; we rule it.
- Rest and get nourishment. So often, a lack of rest and nourishment just makes a bad situation worse. We should find a way to extract ourselves from whatever situation is causing us pain, even if only for a little while, so we can take care of ourselves and be able to deal with it better. Though regrets originate in the past, sometimes present circumstances can reopen those wounds (ones we may have thought were already healed). We shouldn’t minimize the importance of dealing with those feelings; we shouldn’t stuff them down and pretend it’s all fine. Maybe it’s not. What can we do to help ourselves deal with the problem successfully? Some of those ways might be simple things. Getting out and enjoying nature is always restful and refreshing.
- Talk about it. Just saying the name of what’s bothering us, making the effort to verbalize and articulate it, can be so helpful! It’s when we “don’t know” what’s bothering us that we begin to feel like, “I must be going crazy!” But when we can put into words a reason for our emotional state, we may find our feelings to be more legitimate than we had previously thought. It also helps other people know how to help us. And, even if they can’t do much to help us, talking about things with others can be a good way of putting those things into better perspective. It relieves built-up stress. It makes us feel less alone and more able to face life.
- Train your thoughts. As we go throughout our day, if a thought pops up which we recognize as contrary to the truth God has said about us, we can do these four things:
- (1) Identify the lie/dangerous thought.
- (2) Reject it immediately.
- (3) Replace that thought with one that is true and good (it helps to say the truth out loud).
- (4) Make the choice to not go back to the negative thought. Repeat these steps every time it pops up unexpectedly.
- Appreciate God’s work in your life. This sounds like the first item, “Choose to be thankful,” and while it’s similar, it’s also different. How has He used you in the lives of others to benefit them? In what ways have your experiences made you into the person you are today? Are you more compassionate because of them? More understanding? More careful about avoiding temptations? Not only should we thankful for good things, we should be thankful for ourselves, for the masterpiece that God is making out of us, out of our lives.
Is there anything you can think of that you would add to that list? Please share your advice in the comments. We’re all learning important lessons every day — let’s keep learning together!
The Truth About Us
Sometimes, we think we’re the only one who feels a certain way, who has had certain experiences. That thought keeps us trapped in feeling isolated and sorry for ourselves. I’ve been there too many times! I’m pretty sure you can relate. Perhaps you have some past regrets, too. Perhaps you have some present difficulties. Maybe you think I, or somebody else, has such a great life and that yours really stinks. Forget all that! It’s not true!
I can’t give you advice for how to airlift away from your struggles and leave them all behind. We’re kind of like the ones left behind with the Taliban after the last carriers pulled off the runway. Our problems aren’t going to magically disappear, though things might improve with time (I entertain less hope for Afghanistan). The Christian life isn’t, “I came to Christ in repentance (whether as a first-time convert or as a returned prodigal) and now everything’s just dandy.” No. We still have to deal.
Think about it: Imagine your child is now grown, and he comes back for a visit and tells you how terrible a parent you were thirty years ago. What do you do? You can apologize. You can explain, and you can listen. You can be forgiven, and you can forgive. You can say, “That’s the past; let’s work together to move forward.” And you can do your best to heal that relationship. All those would be good responses. But your heart will still feel the pain of sorrow, even after all those years. It’s just part of being human and making mistakes, sometimes terrible ones.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that feeling sorrow is normal. It doesn’t mean we’re not forgiven by God (as believers). It doesn’t mean we aren’t victorious, in an ultimate sense. We are victorious over sin and death, through Christ! We may feel defeated, and that feeling needs to be dealt with, because it’s not in line with truth, with faith, with hope. Should we smile and try to be thankful and cheerful? I believe we should. My point is, though, that to struggle with our emotions is natural, and we don’t need to think we’ve failed if we sometimes feel sad when things happen in life that remind us of our weaknesses, whether past or present. Thinking we need to feel happy and victorious all the time is an expectation we could never live up to.
I’ve realized that even trying to make things right and doing our best to not continue in past sins is often a way we try to “redeem” ourselves, and that’s just silly. We will still continue to fail, just in new ways (aren’t I encouraging?). Is it okay to say, “I know I will keep messing up in some ways, not because I want to but because I’m human, and I believe God’s grace is big enough for that”? “And not only that, but His grace is big enough to handle all the ups and downs of my feelings — even the really ugly ones”?
This blog can’t successfully teach you how to be a perfect modest headcovering wife, homeschooling mother, or housekeeper. This blog can’t successfully teach you how to be a perfect anything — no blog can, because it just isn’t possible. Instead, I see us as a group of imperfect, flawed women who have a few regrets and a few things still to learn — and we’re here to support each other, to minister to each other, and to help each other grow. We’re here to exercise our unique, God-given gifts to help edify the body of Christ, a body that needs edifying because it isn’t yet perfect. I need the benefit of your gifts, and you need mine. In that case, maybe there is some more writing I can do for this blog.
The truth is a balanced picture which includes both our failures and our victories. A balanced person learns to humbly acknowledge both, rejoicing in the good, feeling sorry for the bad, but without overemphasizing any of it to the point where it’s out of proportion. Getting that balance right takes work, and it takes time. More than anything, it takes God’s Word. Our feelings go up and down and all over the place; God’s Word stands firm and immovable. It tells us the truth about ourselves we need to hear — the whole, accurate picture. We can take that truth with us wherever we may be in our heads, whether it’s currently a light and happy place, or a dark and grieving one. In whatever state we find ourselves, that truth will shine light on the right path, and that path will always lead in the right direction.
Thanks for sticking with me as I’ve rambled about my faith journey, including my regrets, these many years. I’m so grateful for your reading my posts, and for being my friend!
~Jessica
“And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”
Hebrews 12:5-11
“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:13-14
I appreciate your writings on this blog very much. You encourage many.
There is an old gospel song that I love. Some of the words are, “I can’t even walk (Lord) without you holding my hand.” We are dependent completely on Him. Remember this more than anything else and that is: He who is forgiven much, LOVES MUCH.
The humble, the ones who are so grateful, have the greatest love for God. God only uses imperfect people to do His work.. That is the only kind of people there has ever been. God bless you!
Mrs. White, your message was so very comforting to me. Thank you! Everything you said was just what I needed to hear. I especially appreciate the reminder that “God only uses imperfect people to do His work…That is the only kind of people there has ever been.” 🙂
~Jessica
Cohabitation problem of christians before marriage exists also in Japan. And in many cases they break up before marriage.Some christian couples marry because of unexpected pregnancy.Nowaday 25percent of marriage in Japan is so called shotgun wedding and 33percent of couples devorce.
Christian young people in Japan have been also influenced by such trend for long.For them resisting this trend is not so easy.99percent of our population are not christians and nobody seems to teach young people that cohabitation and premarital sex are sin nowadays. Many of their friends(and in many case,their BF/GF is) are non chrisians.
God forgives our sin and restores us,but ｗe have to reap the seeds we sow.
Regreting ,noticting what we lost for sin etc..
I had a lot of mistakes and sin in my youth.Such sin and mistakes had not been any good to me but there is one thing I could find after I became a christian.
How influence caused by what God tells that is sin is bad.
We can tell about that to our kids ,young people and advice to avoid sin seriously.And we know that Jesus is always there for us even when we mistake
and we can come back to Him.
This article made me surprised by how sincere and true you are.
Thank you for sharing and encouraging! Yes we are imperfect.
But God gives us family,friends and mates to support each other.
He knows what we need.
I guess this article will encourage many christian ladies who have struggle in their mind.
Thank you, Sanae! Your comment highlighted several very helpful things that I needed to remember. I am so grateful for the way you have been an encouragement in my life!
~Jessica
Dear Jessica,
What a beautiful, humble and honest soul! Thank you so much for allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of us. This courageous act of yours helped me to go deep down into my heart (past/present) and reflect on them. The birth of Solomon had not happened without the grave sins of King David with Bathsheba. I imagine that as a mother, whenever Bathsheba saw her son Solomon, there was a joy as well as a grievous pain in her heart. I imagine that as much as she loved his second husband David and was faithful to him, she could not completely leave behind the memories of her first husband and his tragic death. And yet, under His mysterious providence, the birth of Solomon turned out to be a true blessing, not only to her but to humankind for all eternity because from this line, our Savior Jesus Christ was born.
If I was one of your children, I would feel honored to have you as my mother because I can see how you have been striving to be true to God, to yourself and to people around you. I see how you have been trying your best. I would feel glad that you decided to be faithful to the man (your future husband) and allowed me to have my own biological father at home. And most importantly, you welcomed me to come into this world.
I pray that many more blessings come upon you and your family. Thank you for your life-giving sharing, Jessica.
Kinuko, I greatly treasure your words to me. They are a beautiful and encouraging gift, and they have helped me immensely. Thank you so much!
~Jessica
Thank you Jessica! It’s always nice knowing your path. We must all remember: He knows we are imperfect, in fact He designed us that way. He loves you and forgives your genuine repentance.
Thank you for your very kind words, Courtney!
~Jessica
Sorry to be OT, but I have an announcement folks here would love: at Halloween, the smell of the candy was making me nauseous. I took a pregnancy test today. My tie-breaker is on their way! 🙂
Courtney, that is great news! I’m so happy for you!!!
~Jessica
TY Jessica! I saw Kellie today, and she estimated my DD as 6/26/22. I’m currently tandem nursing Sean and Ruth (2-1/2 and 11 months, respectively). If I end up triandem nursing, so be it.
Wonderful! Thanks for the update, Courtney!
The thing about tandem nursing while carrying a third, is that your nutritional needs will be VERY high. I bet it can be done, if you’re dedicated enough and are not losing that nutrition through vomiting. At what age do you think you will wean your oldest? Long-term sustainability is something to consider. Such high nutritional needs, so much time spent nursing . . . that could be very draining, leaving you exhausted. Not that I want to discourage you! I’m just wondering how realistic that would be over an extended length of time (about three decades of fertility)? Certainly, if you end up “tri-andem” nursing, I would love to know how you managed it! You could share tips with those mothers who are also interested in nursing two or three babies at a time!
It seems to me, that if I felt as strongly about tandem nursing as you do, I would gently wean the oldest child over the next few months and continue to nurse the younger child throughout the pregnancy. Then, when the baby was born, I would tandem nurse for awhile, but only as long as my nutritional needs AND those of the newborn baby were being sufficiently met, and I was able to attend to my home and husband, as well. I would be careful to not deplete my body’s stores of needed nutrients by overextending myself. I would remind myself that if I have to wean a certain child a little earlier than I had wanted, that doesn’t mean I’m not doing a good job as a mother.
I hope things go very well during the pregnancy and that this time of preparing for the new baby is a peaceful, beautiful time for you and your family! Please take my words with a grain of salt, remembering that I am just an older mother speaking from my own experience (though perhaps, it will not be the same as yours) to a younger friend; these are simply my concerns. Thank you for listening! And Congratulations, again!!! 🙂
~Jessica
Hi Jessica,
THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for that beautiful and thoughtful reply! I definitely hope my body adapts well to tandrming during pregnancy. Sean LOVES his booby, so I think he’d balk at stopping. Hopefully he slows down at least a bit. I DEFINITELY welcome advice from my elders! Your advice is invaluable!
You’re very welcome, Courtney!
I’m so glad you have that humble attitude toward suggestions/concerns from others. We’re all here to help each other; though we sometimes have differing perspectives on things, it’s good to have an outlook of trying to learn whatever we can, even from what may be perceived as a criticism. I’m so glad to see your gracious, accepting spirit! It really encourages me!
~Jessica
Jessica, I’ve been thinking about your comment about gently weaning Sean in the near future. While I DEFINITELY don’t want to completely wean him, I suppose gently NIGHT weaning him as these next few months would be ok.
Hi, Courtney!
I weaned all my children by first cutting back nursing to nap time and night time (the opposite of what you are thinking of doing). Night nursing was the last thing we let go of, since it seemed to give them a feeling of security to be with us at night, and it helped them fall asleep. During the day, they were fine with a sippy cup and toddler-friendly foods.
~Jessica
I wouldn’t say it’s tandem nursing I feel so strongly about, I’d say it’s more that I’m dedicated to Child-Led Weaning. BTW: in case anyone wondered, Kellie is my midwife (she delivered Ruth, will deliver (at home) any future babes I am blessed with)
Thanks for the additional info, Courtney! I hope all goes well during this pregnancy. Try and enjoy this beautiful time as much as possible! 🙂
~Jessica
May I also insert big sisterly advice here? Be prepared to quit nursing immediately if your healthcare provider deems it necessary for the sake of your health or that of your unborn baby…
A master herbalist believes that many babies are born too early because they are hungry. Even though I don’t believe that’s why I had a baby come early it’s something for me to remember…
Also if your husbands wants you to wean one or two of your children for any reason, please do so…
I am a successful breastfeeding Mom. Not everyone is for various reasons. I have harboured pride because of this. This is not ok although I believe it’s ok to feel satisfaction and a good thing to be thankful for it. My husband supports breastfeeding but not my pride. He told me this. It’s humbling to receive this correction from my nearest and dearest but his spiritual direction in this matter is actually heartwarming even now much later…
Hi Teann! Brian is VERY loving and supportive of my breastfeeding practices. However, IF Kellie were to advise me to wean Sean (or Ruth) before they’re ready, I would regretfully do so.
Jessica, how old were your LOs when they weaned? Did you do any tandeming?
Sure, Courtney!: They were anywhere from 1 yr 3 mo (the soonest I’ve ever weaned) to 2 yrs 6 mo (the latest I’ve ever weaned). The average has been about 1 yr 6 mo. I’ve never done any tandeming. I’ve always weaned the baby after I became pregnant with the next one. I nurse during the first part of the pregnancy, but decrease the nursings gradually until I completely wean the baby about mid-pregnancy.
The reason I’ve always done it this way: Extreme pregnancy exhaustion! Sometimes constant nausea, too. And having the baby in bed with us at night made it even harder for me to sleep.
~Jessica
Hi Jessica,
Thanks for the reply! I’ve been INCREDIBLY FORTUNATE that I haven’t dealt with morning sickness. My clues that a baby was coming:
Sean: Missed period
Ruth: Breast soreness even after nursing
Baby #3: Queasiness triggered by food
I don’t co-sleep but the youngest is in our bedroom in a bassinet
Have a WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING .
Thanks! We did! I hope you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving, too!
And you’re very welcome for the reply! It’s interesting what signs can lead us to suspect that there’s a baby on the way. I don’t usually pay attention to the signs until they become too strong and consistent to ignore. By then, I know it’s not just “all in my head,” ha, ha!
~Jessica
I’ve been thinking about how I feel about how I’ve ceded certain aspects of body autonomy. Here’s what I feel I’ve surrendered:
Womb: The Lord
Breasts: My children