My Modesty Guidelines for Our Children

Our church has a yearly summer camp, and though our church is not what I would consider “conservative” in clothing standards, I was interested to see their clothing guidelines for the summer camp volunteers and staff:

. . . “Shorts are fine but must extend beyond finger tips when arms and hands are at your side. Modesty is important. Please be aware of how your shorts move/fall and what they expose when you are doing activities (i.e. Rock climbing, cheerleading, sitting on the floor, etc.). Yoga / stretch exercise pants should not be worn. If you choose to wear jeans with tears, the tears must be at the knees or lower.” . . .

My daughter explained to me that the woman who helps lead the camp has some strict expectations. This lady told the female staff and volunteers that if they ever came to camp with “booty” shorts, she has a whole plastic bag full of what she calls “old lady” shorts they can wear, instead. Same thing with jeans with rips above the knee. I guess that was pretty convincing! The girls all exchanged horrified glances, my daughter said.

I like her rules, and I like her expectation that they will be followed–or else. I wish more women in our church had such common sense when it comes to the way they dress and the way they let their daughters dress. Though I believe in wearing skirts and dresses only, it seems to me that if all Christian women would at least follow the above camp guidelines as a bare minimum, we would have a lot more modesty in our church!

If it isn’t unreasonable to have clothing guidelines for camp, or for school, or for work, then it shouldn’t be unreasonable for parents to have guidelines for their children. Each family may differ in specifics, but the main goal should be to protect the dignity and sensitive psychology of our children and respect the conscience and inner purity of others. (More on this in a minute.)

Here are my guidelines for our children.

Modesty Guidelines for Our Boys

Ideally . . .

  • I would prefer for our boys to wear only pants, no shorts. If they were in a situation where shorts were necessary, then they would reach at least to the knee.
  • They would not have any skinny jeans or stretch jeans. Only 100% cotton denim jeans or dress pants.
  • I think it would be best for them to wear white tank tops under their shirts (older boys).

Acceptable

  • They can wear shorts, if they want. If they can’t find knee length, at least they should wear something that is close, that is not so short and loose that it might come high up on the thigh when they cross their legs or move around in them.
  • Their pants can be slim or stretch, as long as they are not too tight.
  • They don’t need to wear a tank top, as long as their T-shirt is long enough to cover their behind when they lean over or squat.
  • I do require a shirt to be paired with swim trunks.

My boys have it pretty easy. They dress much like everybody else does. My girls, though, dress in a way that makes them stand out a bit more. Though it’s not my intention to draw attention to them or to cause them any embarrassment, I’ve decided on some guidelines that I think are biblical and reasonable.

I’ve been saying, “I,” and not, “we,” because my husband has left this mostly up to my discretion. He pays for the clothes; I pick them out.

Modesty Guidelines for Our Girls

Ideally . . .

  • Skirts or dresses down to the ankles or lower to mid-calves.
  • Shirt sleeves down to the elbow or mid-bicep.
  • Neckline at the collarbone.
  • In warm weather, shorts (to the knee; for example, “bermuda shorts”) underneath all skirts or dresses (I think pantaloons migh be great, if we had any). In cool weather, leggings to the ankle or tights.
  • Nightgowns.
  • Full swim dresses, with attached leggings underneath.

Acceptable

  • Skirts or dresses can be to the knee (though not above), but they need to have knee-length leggings or shorts underneath (at a minimum), or full-length leggings or jeggings (if preferred).
  • Shirts can have cap sleeves, but they have to be snug enough to not show the bra/chest area if the arms are lifted.
  • The neckline can be at most 2 finger-widths below the collarbone, but it needs to have a tank top or camisole underneath if it is so loose that it hangs forward when they lean over.
  • Though we don’t have pantaloons, I’ve always thought I’d like to try them; they just seem like such a good idea! Our girls don’t have many store bought knee-length shorts, either. They have some jeggings that I had purchased for colder weather which got holes in them; I cut off the lower portion where the holes were and hemmed them. Now, they are shorts. My girls wear leggings, mostly, whether ankle length, capri, or at the knee (again, a lot of them are cut-offs from full-length leggings that had holes).
  • Though they have nightgowns, I also let them wear loose pajama pants. Sometimes, nightgowns can be irritating when you’re turning from side to side in bed and they keep riding up.
  • I only have a swim dress for my oldest, at this point. For all the younger girls, I bought swimsuits with short sleeves, and then added boys’ swim trunks in a solid color to match. This is a less expensive solution and one they feel comfortable wearing. You can go with a swim shirt paired with swim trunks, but the shirt will come up, and that’s why I prefer the swimsuit with sleeves. If it doesn’t have sleeves, it’s not the end of the world; I would just make sure that they are wide straps and not spaghetti straps.

I should add that I’m not as strict with toddlers, and I dress babies in whatever is comfortable. However, I never let any of my children go around naked or half dressed! We, as mothers, should ask ourselves: Are we training our children to be more comfortable with nakedness, or are we training them to be more comfortable with clothing on? Children grow up the way we train them!

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

What Else Does Modesty Entail?

So far, I’ve talked about coverage; but modesty involves more than that. I warn my children against being “fops” (focusing overly much on fashion and appearance, to an exaggerated degree). I tell them not to do anything that will draw extra attention to themselves (a lot of jewelry, excessive makeup, unnatural hair colors, or tattoos [when they’re older). By dressing modestly, yes, we can sometimes draw attention to ourselves, but this is not a bad kind of attention; it’s a good kind:

“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

Why I Impose These Guidelines

Just like the lady who helps run the summer camp at our church, I have rules for our children that I believe make sense, and I expect these rules to be followed. These guidelines are both for their good and for the good of others. They are not as strict as some other families’ guidelines, but they are probably stricter than others’. Though these rules impose “limitations,” not all limitations are bad; many limitations exist so that everybody can have a truly good and safe time without problems. When one person’s freedom damages another person’s conscience, then that freedom is not freedom, but “selfish ambition”:

“Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit [My note: How many clothing choices are rooted in vanity?]. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:3-4

This is what I’m trying to help my children do. I want to train them to take thought to other people and consider how what they do affects others.

Should Parents Make Their Daughters Wear Skirts and Dresses Only?

Answer #1: I think they have that right as parents, and that they should.

As I mentioned before, childlren have a “sensitive pyschology” (yes, I know this term may not be scientifically accurate, but I think you get my point). Their minds and feelings are very soft to what goes on around them. If, for example, their mother dresses immodestly or in a manly way, it damages their tender sense of “what is right.” It may cause them to see her as less virtuous, and all children have a desire and need to view their mother as virtuous. The mother should be a good example to her children of virtue, modesty, and femininity. She then leads her daughters in the same path, for it’s a path that makes sense and that will help them, in turn, be living examples of virtue to their own children.

Girls should be brought up with the knowledge that they are girls. A dress or skirt is a very tangible reminder of this. Also, a dress or skirt forces the wearer to move in a different way than pants or shorts do. It causes girls to move more like ladies.

When their brothers see them dressing this way, it sends a powerful message to the boys that they need to treat their sisters differently: with honor, care, and protection. Will siblings still fight? Probably, yes. But, will this visual distinction help them appreciate the differences between boys and girls more profoundly? I think that it will.

Answer #2: It depends on what your husband wants.

Your husband might say, “If you want to wear skirts and dresses yourself, that’s fine with me. But I don’t want to force our daughters to do the same thing. Let them make their own choice. As long as they aren’t dressing in a super revealing way, I think they’re fine.” If that’s his stance, okay; help your daughters choose clothing that is as modest as possible while wearing pants and shorts. Choose pants that are loose (NOT jeggings or tight skinny jeans) and shorts that go to the knee. Don’t let them wear tight shirts, or ones with a low neckline. They can still wear skirts and dresses, but keep these for certain occasions, or for just when they feel like it.

Of course, some girls may want to follow their mother’s example. It would be helpful to clarify what your husband’s expectations are: Is he truly wanting your daughters to make their own choice, even if that is wearing skirts and dresses only? Or, is he wanting your daughters to look like everybody else? Whatever his answer is, try your best to respect it.

Teach them how to dress as femininely as possible while continuing to honor your husband’s wishes, and to be a feminine woman in all that it means to be feminine (this goes far beyond merely our clothing!):

The way we speak (with sweetness & gentle conviction), greet others (with warmth & confidence but without being manly), walk (with an upright but not haughty posture), and sit (carefully, with legs together);

The way we treat other people in general (are we kind, patient, forgiving, able to listen, not loud or demanding or obnoxious?);

The way we treat the special men in our lives (with respect, honor, and a serving spirit);

Our attitude toward homemaking and being a housewife (do we enjoy creating a clean, tidy, beautiful “nest” for our family? do we make their comfort and well-being our priority?);

Our love for children (do we enjoy them? spend time with them?);

Developing a nurturing, motherly spirit (do we care for the needs of others? do we tend to them with love?);

Being gracious and polite;

Extending hospitality;

Etc.

Here are some tips for those parents who have decided to have their daughters wear skirts and dresses only, or are considering it:

What are the challenges for little girls vs. older girls vs. adult women, and how can we solve them?

Little girls are always moving around, so we need to keep that in mind. Can they run, climb, ride a tricycle or bike in this clothing? What if they fall down–will they still be modest if their skirt or dress comes up? I always make my girls wear some sort of leggings/tights/shorts underneath! (I don’t know about you, but an image from The Sound of Music of the Von Trapp children running around in clothing made of old drapes comes to mind.)

Older girls are developing more mature bodies, so the way they dress has to take that into account. Extra caution needs to be taken for more modesty in the chest area. Thinly padded bras are a good choice (not push up). Tank tops and camisoles (for wearing underneath the outer shirt) are good, too. Dark fabric with patterns on it helps hide bra lines. They can still be athletic, but they also need to start learning that they are growing into ladies. They need to learn how to take extra care how they sit, walk, run, etc. Skorts and athletic skirts with leggings attached can be good solutions for active teens.

Adult women such as myself have to consider such things pregnancy. This adds another dimension to the modesty issue! For more on dressing modestly while pregnant, see my post, “Modest Maternitywear.” I’ll also be writing a post about my personal modesty guidelines, soon! (This will be a more in-depth look at how to dress modestly as a woman, including certain things you’ll want to avoid, and will discuss where to find clothing, plus cheap hacks you can do yourself!)

How can we help our daughters enjoy modesty? Why is it important to start early?

I think there are two things we can do to make modesty enjoyable for our daughters:

  1. Be practical. If they can play in a skirt or dress fairly easily, then they will accept it. My daughters do almost everything their brothers do! They learn to deal with their clothing the same way they learn to deal with long hair, and with so much practice it doesn’t feel like a burden to them; it feels completely normal. This is a good reason to start early.
  2. Help her be pretty. Every girl wants to feel that she is pretty! Take extra care to help her look good, and she will enjoy this way of clothing herself. Also, if we mothers spend time with our daughters picking out their wardrobe, this will form good memories with them. Little girls like to imitate their mother; if they view their mother as beautiful in a dress or skirt, they will want to be like her. Teens are a little different (think, peer pressure and the desire to fit in); but still, if they have grown up this way, and if they have a good relationship with their mother, and if the reasons for dressing modestly in skirts and dresses are carefully and clearly explained to them, they will be more likely to accept it.

How Have Our Children Responded to These Modesty Guidelines?

As I said before, the guidelines for our boys are very normal. I don’t think they’ve ever noticed anything different from the way other boys dress, because there isn’t hardly any difference!

The guidelines for our girls present a more noticeable difference. I’ve never heard them complain, though. Maybe this is due in part to the fact that they know that what I says, goes, and there is no use in arguing. And yet, they (unfortunately) argue about other things (whose turn it is to do a chore, or who hurt somebody else, for example), so I’m not so sure that’s the reason. I think they just enjoy it!

I also think that being homeschooled helps them not cave in to peer pressure. Yes, they see other girls dressing immodestly at church, or in our neighborhood, or at the store, etc. They even mention it to me sometimes. Maybe they want to see what my response will be; I just tell them that God wants us to be modest and that some people either don’t know this, or don’t care. But, we know, and we care. Sometimes my explanation goes further than that, but that’s the gist of it.

Will they always dress this way, even after they’ve grown up? I cant’ say for sure! What parent could say for sure that their children will do any of the things they’ve taught them? But, I do trust that they will grow up the way I’ve trained them. Even if my girls don’t always wear skirts or dresses only (though I hope they will, but a lot depends on the man they marry), I hope they will always try their best to be modest–thoughtfully, humbly, and respectfully modest.

***

Here are a few questions to jump start the conversation in the comment section (remember: we’re addressing modesty guidelines for children; in another post, we’ll address modesty guidelines for women):

  • Why do you feel it’s important to teach our children to be modest? Do you have anything to add to what I’ve already said?
  • What modesty guidelines have you decided on for your children?
  • How did you approach this with your husband? What was his response, and how would you advise other women to approach this with their husband in a respectful way?
  • What do you think of my list of what it means to be feminine: would you change anything? Add something?
  • Are there any tips you could give us on how to help our children dress modestly and distinctly? Any practical ideas? Links to share? Advice on how to help our children enjoy it instead of reject it?

Thanks beforehand for all your wonderful feedback and support, as always!

~Jessica

Published by Jessica Roldan

31 thoughts on “My Modesty Guidelines for Our Children”

  1. Hi Jessica. I COMPLETELY endorse these modesty guidelines, and plan on enforcing like guidelines with my children.

    Not that it’s an issue in our family, but I do have a question: do you feel it’s appropriate for people to sleep naked? I’ve heard it’s relatively common among younger people.

    Reply

    1. Hi, Courtney, thanks! I’m glad to hear that you’re planning on teaching your children to be modest! 🙂

      Sleeping naked: It depends. What if you have to get out of bed for some reason? Will you have a robe you can grab right away? I think this could be okay for married couples, but it might not be practical, since in my experience you may have to get up at night to take care of children. For singles, it might work if you had your own room and there was no risk of anyone catching you naked. For children, I would say absolutely not.

      But really, why would aybody want to sleep naked? I’ve heard that it helps your body detox; but, couldn’t you just wear a loose nightgown or something similar? I feel like it’s too sensual, and you’re training yourself to feel more comfortable without clothes on than with, which is something I mentioned in my post: just as our children become what we train them to be, we, too, become what we train ourselves to be.

      God put clothes on Adam and Eve, and I think that’s the model we should follow.

      ~Jessica

      Reply

      1. I completely agree and you are right to refer to Adam and Eve. Put simply God has commanded us to cover our nakedness.

        Reply

  3. I love this post! While I flirted (no pun intended) with dresses/skirts only for femininity reasons (for me, personally, whatever reasons I could find, biblically, for requiring skirts/dresses only in for me and my girls, would apply to men too! 😳… so I came to the conclusion that, perhaps, there were other ways to meet those biblical guidelines on modesty for our family that still held true to the spirit and letter, but didn’t put requirements that I couldn’t justify in the Word), that became problematic for us for a couple of reasons:

    1. We run a horse training business, raised cattle until last year, and live on a ranch. While I think it is absolutely possible to do everything we do in skirts or dresses, if it’s not necessary, it seemed foolish to take on unnecessary risk (there is risk involved in flowing fabric where heavy machinery is involved…or climbing through fences …etc…) just for the sake of femininity. (Our family has found that we can be modest in pants and bottom-covering shirts.)
    2. We now live in a ministry situation and next to no other women dress or act femininely. That put a huge damper on things for my girls who admire these outspokenly Christian young women. Every so often, a young adult friend visits who dresses femininely (or, a few years ago, a young Amish woman volunteered here for a year) and my girls are more interested in wearing skirts and dresses. Not only is there a lack of modeling modest femininity in the professing Christians around us, but one young Christian woman who lived here and volunteered for 6 months actually teased the girls a bit about their dresses. And that was the end of that.

    So, while we do not subscribe to dresses/skirts only (though I often wear them) we absolutely subscribe to modesty and femininity- and I loved how your post addressed both of those – as well as being modest about not drawing attention to ourselves. I often ponder Paul’s command that women dress themselves with “aidōs” awe, reverence, or shamefacedness (1 Timothy 2:9) and I look at my own closet (mostly thrift store acquisitions) and ask, does this reflect a sense of awe and reference? I wonder, sometimes, what that even looks like! And, of course, there’s also the topic of conducting ourselves modestly – which you addressed beautifully throughout the post.

    Reply

    1. Hi, SBS! Thanks for your response; you answered my prompt so thoroughly, and I appreciate that so much!

      I think that dressing ourselves with awe and reverence might mean being humble before God so that He may get all the glory. It reminds me of Amy Carmichael, who dressed in a simple sari and didn’t wear jewelry (or was at least very minimalistic). The Indian women had a hard time understanding this, because in their culture jewelry represents social status (it does in ours, too, in a way: think, expensive watches, etc.). But Amy didn’t want to make a social-status statement, she just wanted to share the truth about God. I also think of Mother Theresa, with her simple white uniform. Something else I’m reminded of is when God told the Israelites to remove their jewelrey and wash themselves and their clothes before He spoke to them from Mt. Sinai. What was He saying by that? I think He was just wanting them to be humble before Him.

      I agree that if we were to follow the Bible’s example, both men and women would probably wear robes. A few people have brought this up to me, from the other side of wanting to argue that men should wear tunics or robes. I try and get guidelines from the Bible for *amount of coverage*. Then, when it comes to *style*, I apply that in a way that will be understood in our culture as distinguishing between the sexes. I feel that skirts and dresses for women makes a greater distinction, and therefore, a greater statement in our gender-confused society. In the Bible, trousers/breeches are mentioned in relation to men, but not to women. Also, in 1 Timothy 2:9, women are specifically told to dress themselves in modest “kata-stole” (a long dress) while men are not given specific instructions.

      But, like you, I’m not super strict with the details. As you can see from the pictures, I let my girls wear jeggings under their skirts, which is a form of “pants,” but I do it for practicality and modesty ( I think of them more as “thick tights”). None of the other women or girls at our church wear skirts or dresses only, but I think that learning to resist peer pressure and realizing that it is good to be different makes me and my girls stronger. 🙂

      I can see that you’ve done a lot of thinking on this, which is really impressive. Plus, you have the added concern of work on the ranch. So, I understand where you’re coming from. Actually, I was really intrigued to see how you try and keep your daughters modest on a ranch! What a great addition to the conversation here in the comment section!

      Gratefully,
      ~Jessica

      Reply

      1. Jessica,

        Thank you, again, for this post. I’ve been pondering it this week as we go about our work. Specifically, two things have been on my mind:

        1. The day after I read your post, I was talking to my husband about it when we came in from doing chores. (He irrigates, with one of our kids rotating through to help – and I clean horse pens, with one of our kids rotating though to help.) As I mentioned before, a move to a ministry ranch where the dress is unisex definitely dampened my girls’ dress/skirt wearing – but I hadn’t realized the impact it had had on me. Admittedly, due to being in the middle of a weight loss campaign, my clothing options are more limited – but I have taken to wearing unisex, grubby, clothing when out doing chores. Even choosing not to wear skirts, I can definitely still look feminine while scooping. So, thanks for letting the Lord use you to remind me of that!

        2. Recently a grandparent took one of my girls shopping. Everyone involved was very blessed by that – though some clothing choices were a little disappointing. (Nothing terribly radical – I’m sure that they are considered conservative choices – just not quite to our standards as far as fit and exposure.) Something your post reminded me was to not be completely negative about the clothing – because all of it was absolutely feminine, it just fell a little short of our modesty expectations…nothing a little needle and thread on some items…and layering with other items…won’t fix. Thank you for the reminder to encourage my daughter’s feminine choices – and then just get creative with the items that fell short!

        Finally, thank you for the reminder about Katastole. At one point (probably when I originally studied dress/skirts only), I came across this fact. I think I need to revisit it. While I suspect that one could potentially (that is to say, I lean this way, but I need to pray and study more) meet this need with either loose-fitting trousers or, perhaps, loose-ish jeans with a long shirt, I think it warrants more prayer and study on my part.

        Thank you, again!

        Reply

        1. You’re welcome, SBS!

          I just love that we can ponder these things together. I was hoping that my comment would not be seen by you as too “pushy,” but that you would view it more as “food for thought.” I’m so glad to see that it has apparently been the latter, for you. 🙂

          I have had that same experience, with a grandparent buying things for my girls that I would not have picked out for them. But, instead of getting upset about it, I just looked for a way to adjust them so they WOULD fit my standards!

          Thank you for your gracious replies! It’s been so nice to get your feedback!
          ~Jessica

          Reply

          1. Hi Jessica,

            As I mentioned in a comment on a newer post, I listened to a great sermon by Matthew Milioni of Followers of the Way (where Finny Kuruvilla – who has the great series on head-covering also worships) on modesty. There were MANY good points (though, he isn’t the most straightforward presenter – be warned) but one that stuck with me because of what I have said about men and women both wearing robes was when he went through the history of women’s dress. When I am sharing with others about headcovering, I often mention that it was practiced in the Christian church until it became unfashionable. When I do that, my point is that headcovering isn’t a new practice…and it wasn’t given up in the 1st century as if it were irrelevant; it was practiced until the world convinced Christian women not to practice it.

            Likewise, Matthew points out that skirts and dresses only were worn until about the time that women also took off their headcoverings. He goes on to point out that it was just as audacious for women to don pants in the 50s and 60s as it is today for men to wear skirts and dresses. We just don’t realize it because we’ve been desensitized.

            Another outstanding point – similar to something you’ve noted in a comment above, is that we live in a very gender-confused society – where outwardly embracing the God-given differences of our genders by how we conduct ourselves and dress ourselves stands out.

            Anyway, the talk had lots of good points and I thought you might enjoy listening to it:
            https://youtu.be/-soB8JxAwwc

  4. Yes,I guess that for boys modest clothing is not too difficult even in this modern times by avoiding ‘extreme clothing’, but for girls(especilally for older girls) it is not always so. Several years ago I saw some christian teen-aged girls whom I know wear very short pants when they go out. When many of their friends wear such clothing as latest fashion, it is not easy even for christian girls to keep modest clothing. I know one mother of the girls was getting angry about her daughter’s clothing,but she could not control the daughter about it anymore.

    Fortunately recent several years in Japan, ‘latest fashin’ is becoming modester
    and more feminine. Long hair,long skirt, loose long pants,one piece dress are well accepted.I want this trend to take hold. For that makes young girls easier to find modest cloths at the stores.

    Surely we christians should not be swayed by the fashion trend in this world.
    Your idea-helping daughters to be pretty by modest clothing is so important.
    Women are beautiful and cute without exposing their skin.I want all christian girls to know that!

    Reply

    1. Hello, Sanae!

      Yes, it can be hard to find modest clothing at the stores, so I am always happy to see styles that can be adapted to create a modest style! It’s hard, but not impossible. I like that stores are coming out with long, tunic shirts to wear over pants. I also see the long dresses and skirts which shoppers can choose from, which is great.

      “Women are beautiful and cute without exposing their skin. I want all Christian girls to know that!”–I loved that statement at the end! I feel the same way.

      ~Jessica

      Reply

  5. This is a great post! Sometimes a bit of creativity can help. The daughter of someone I know proudly arrived home with her first ‘unsupervised’ clothing purchase, jeans with rips all the way up the upper leg! The mom wisely decided to turn the unacceptable jeans into a fun lesson and bonding experience, and took the daughter to a quilting shop to pick out pieces of pretty fabric to sew underneath the rips. The daughter was thrilled with her now more-unique jeans and acquired some useful sewing skills.
    Here is a trick that can help with necklines that gape when you bend over: take a long piece of twill tape, sew the middle securely (use small stitches by hand so it doesn’t show on the outside) to the lowest part of the neckline. Lead the 2 ends back around your body; you can either tie them or trim shorter and attach either Velcro or a snap fastener to each end. If the tension is right, it will hold the neckline against the body in front, but still be quite comfortable to wear. And no more worries about flashing the neighbour hood while riding a ten speed bike!

    Reply

  6. We are very conservative about modesty at home. I think that in teaching and setting standards for children there are three principles which we follow.

    Modesty – in terms of respecting their modesty and teaching them to keep themselves modest from infancy. Not changing babies in public not letting toddlers run around half naked etc.

    Differentiation – dressing boys and girls in gender specific clothing from infancy, treating them differently and bringing them up to the roles for which God created them.

    Setting an example – boys and girls always start by wanting to be like their mummy and daddy and older siblings. So it is important as parents to dress modestly yourself and as a mother to set an example of modesty and femininity for your daughters.

    I do actually think that it is better that girls are brought up as far as possible ‘skirts’ only a taught as they develop to behave so as to keep themselves modest so dressed. Little girls should wear appropriately modest underthings, for play but should be aware that these should not be seen.

    Reply

  7. Great post! I too am skirts and dresses only. I guess the only way my modesty standards differ is that I really enjoy wearing cap sleeves as opposed to elbow because I find it makes my dresses easier to layer with cardigans, sweaters, even t shirts for a different look. I also like knee length dresses, though mid calf to ankle is so comfortable! I love a flowy look. Pencil skirts, though not necessarily immodest if they are not tight, just don’t look good on me. My boyfriend loves the way I dress! He said when we get married, he wants any daughters the Lord blesses us with to wear skirts and dresses only too. I’m very blessed.

    Reply

    1. Oh, and Jessica, I did just answer your last question on your other post about whether we set a wedding date. Sorry I didn’t see it before! Basically to recap, we are talking about a date next June because circumstances prevent us marrying sooner, unfortunately. I appreciate your advice always 🙂

      Reply

    2. Thank you, Elisa!

      Your modesty guidelines sound lovely. I’m blessed to have a husband who agrees with our daughters wearing skirts and dresses, as I do. It is indeed a blessing to have that support for being a feminine woman!

      ~Jessica

      Reply

  8. Great post, Jessica! Agree completely. This was a good reminder to me that I desperately need to GO SHOPPING, because a lot of my clothes – besides being worn out! – don’t meet my own modesty standards (I think my standards have improved over the past few years).

    We have insisted on the skirts/dresses-only rule with our only girl, but we’ve run into a ton of resistance with her – not sure why, but it’s something we need to work on.

    Thanks for your willingness to write plainly on this subject, rather than dancing around with it to avoid offense. I appreciate it. 🙂

    Reply

    1. Glad you enjoyed the post, Diana!

      Oh, yes, I understand about needing to go shopping. I am not a lover of going shopping, but I make myself, every now and then. I also buy stuff online sometimes, which is convenient. I’ve found that it helps to buy stuff before the next pregnancy, because for me, being pregnant makes it very hard to shop (and so does having a newborn). By the way, I am so happy about the safe arrival of little baby Dale! I hope you and your family are enjoying this time as much as possible. 🙂

      I have a theory about why your daughter is resisting the skirts and dresses. I think it’s because she has only brothers! Even though she plays with dolls, she still wants to be able to do many of the things they do, and she feels like dresses might get in the way of that. I wonder how she would feel about wearing jeggings or long shorts under a knee-length dress? Nothing frilly. Sturdy material good for playing in, and yet still feminine overall.

      Thanks for your input! I really appreciate your taking the time, even though you’re busy with a newborn!
      ~Jessica

      Reply

  9. Hi Jessica,

    I really enjoyed your post! I would love to send you some bloomers to try out with your girls if you are interested. Just send me and e-mail with their sizes, and I’ll send some to you. 🙂 They are so great for helping to keep active girls modest! 🙂

    Reply

  10. Very, very interesting post, Jessica, thank you so much.
    With my husband we wanted our two girls to wear a long shirt above their trousers, we liked the word “tunique”. They wore dresses and skirts on Sunday and holiday.They went with their three brothers to public school.
    I do like how you teach your daughters. We now have 6 great daughters.
    Their mothers have other principles. I like to say:” history, and our story is not finished.”May God bless the testimony of your beautiful family!
    Marguerite

    Reply

    1. Hello, Marguerite!

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! Though I strongly support skirts-and-dresses-only for girls and women, I think the idea of wearing a long, tunic shirt (at least mid-thigh to knee-length) above trousers, for those parents who don’t feel the need to have their daughters wear skirts and dresses all the time (except for church and holidays) is a step above pants and a regular T-shirt. I certainly appreciate the effort at modesty! 🙂

      Thank you for your encouraging words! Yes, God is still working in our lives and in the lives of our families! What a good reminder! 🙂
      ~Jessica

      Reply

  11. Hi Jessica! This was such a lovely post! I just have a few questions!

    1. Do you or your girls have any websites and/or items they recommend?
    2. What age do you think girls should start head covering?

    Reply

  12. I find this very interesting. I agree that there are sound reasons to suggest that Christian girls and women should dress in only or mostly skirts and dresses, but I also think that when the matter is thought around, it is probably less helpful to actually insist on this when dealing with children, than to accept their preferences within reason.

    I think it is entirely true that parents need to set boundaries, set a good example, and teach good principles. But there is some tension between the first and last duty: if boundaries regarding what is allowed are set too tight, that means that the child never has any chance to exercise principle, which requires freedom of choice. (If they are set too loose, the child is likely to be lost and confused, and do things which close the doors of good future choices). It would seem to me that the girl who has been quietly allowed to wear trousers when she really wanted to “so long as they’re modest and you’re also wearing something feminine” as a kid, is far more likely to come to an appreciation of the value of the principles that point towards dresses, than the one who has been frustratedly constrained to wear dresses she dislikes , at a stage of development where she is not yet able to understand the principles involved. Her associations with dresses are not going to be good ones.

    Moreover, a child constrained too much on things that are not real essentials may well reject all Christian values in one lump as an adult, because they have not been given the tools to distinguish between things that it is seriously sinful to breach and lifestyle choices that often help. If parents are relaxed about a girl experimenting with trousers, if the mother says to her fourteen-year old in the tone of speaking to an adult friend, “Well, no, I don’t really think girls should wear trousers, but you’re growing up and it’s becoming between you and God,” I think this is probably better conveying the overall sense of Christian values and principles, than requiring the girl to wear a dress until she’s of an age were it is impossible to actually force the matter.

    I also think it is extremely important that girls are not dressed in a way they find makes it difficult for them to play and develop physically. I would be very keen on the idea that a pre-teen girl should normally be dressed in a way in which it is not merely possible but EASY to climb a tree, jump on a trampoline, play hand-and-knees tag, or do a handstand. I don’t know how you solve this one with actual skirts except for accepting shorter, knee-length skirts (for pre-teen) and that it’s ok if shorts/leggings worn under a skirt show while a girl is moving?

    As a woman who has happily climbed trees in a maxi-skirt (and was surprised it surprised people!), I am nevertheless aware that it would not have been possible for me in earlier stages of physical development. Physical capacity develops at different rates. I am dyspraxic, and I had a lot of trouble with modesty when I was seven or eight, because I was old enough for it to matter but still not physically able to be aware of things like how I was sitting (oversimplification, but think age 8 with typical 4-year old level physical skills). It does seem to me it is better to look to adjusting a girl’s clothing so it doesn’t matter in that sort of case, than to keep nagging the girl to do something she simply isn’t able to do yet!

    Reply

    1. Flowering Tree,

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I can tell that you have thought this through carefully, and you have given me some things to consider!

      ~Jessica

      Reply

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