I often take walks around our neighborhood. It’s a poor one. Most of the homes are pre-manufactured, and the yards are small. Frisky dogs rush out as I pass by on my walk, pacing energetically in their little dirt driveways behind four-foot, chain-link fences. Our property isn’t much different. We have a humble home and a simple life.
There are people who spend their whole lives running the rat race, trying to keep up with those around them. They work like slaves to earn enough to afford that big house, the nice car, the expensive vacation. Yes, I know people like that — and I don’t envy them. They’re stressed and have little real quality time to spend with their families in those big, beautiful houses.
Some ladies feel they need to work at something other than being a housewife in order to contribute to society. What a lie! How about a change of perspective: we can choose to think biblically and view our husband and children as our work that contributes to society. When we clean, we clean for them. When we cook, we cook for them. We are teaching and training and nurturing the next generation to live for the Lord — what could be more worthwhile than that? We can support our husband in the calling the Lord has placed on his life, in what he feels he must do to care for his family, even if that’s only working in a factory. That is a woman’s full-time job! It may be lowly in the world’s view, but it is high in God’s (see 1 Corinthians 11:9; 1 Timothy 5:14; Titus 2:3-5).
I’m not saying that a woman can’t earn money. There are ways to earn money from home that could be fine, as long as they don’t interfere with taking care of one’s home and family, which is the woman’s main role. And then there are women who have been abandoned, or whose husbands are ill or injured or (sadly) have died, and see working as their only option. I undertand and sympathize with that, but the purpose of this post today does not involve dealing with all the intricacies of those situations. I’m just challenging us to reassess our priorities and ask ourselves if they are based on God’s wisdom, or the world’s foolishness masquerading as wisdom.
Back to my neighborhood. As I push the baby stroller down the street, I look at the mobile homes. Some are trashy, yards full of weeds, trees overgrown, boards rotting. But then, some are nice. Not fancy — but nice. They are clean, the yard is neat, the bushes and trees trimmed, the house in good repair. You can tell the owners take care of their homes and enjoy doing so. I imagine that the people who live there are happy, productive, responsible individuals. They don’t sit around watching TV all day long; they get off their bums and get things done. They take pride, not in a fancy house, but in a well-kept house. These houses remind me that you don’t have to have a lot of money to have a nice life.
I think that simple, humble living can be the best kind of life. You don’t need a great income in order to sweep your patio, rake your yard, or pull the weeds. No money at all is needed to enjoy the fresh air while working in the flower bed. No cash is necessary to keep your floors clean, your bed made, and your windows sparkling. You may not have a large kitchen, but you can cook yummy, satisfying, healthy meals for your family. You can enjoy that family while you take time to eat together at the same table and invest in spontaneous conversations about random but important topics in each other’s lives. And if you are at home most of the time, you can do that a lot, not just on scraps of free time left over after the job has gobbled most of it up.
In fact, I’ve found that as we’ve worked to keep our house clean, renovate this fixer-upper, and go through all the other motions of everyday, simple living, our family has been able to grow closer. I cherish our time together. Why would I ever give that up for something as shallow as a high-powered job working for a big corporation who cares less about my life and family? What emptiness. I feel sorry for those who’ve followed that lie. They may think my simple, poor kind of life is below them. The truth is, they’re missing out on the beauty of it.
You may be interested in reading:
Our Old House: Finding Something to Love in Something Unlovely
(Since I posted that article, we’ve actually made a lot of progress toward renovating our house, which I’m so happy about!)
On my walk today, I saw all those poor houses again. I also saw and thanked God for the good things He’s given even us poor people on a sunny, Sunday morning such as this: the clear blue sky, birds chirping merrily in the evergreen trees, the fresh smell of clean air, the warm yellow sun on my face, a simple life uncluttered by worldly ambitions . . . This life is a real gem, the type that gets passed by and lays unnoticed by those looking for more glitter. But as they say, not all that glitters is gold.
~Jessica
But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:1-5
Beautiful and well-written, Jessica! I am a single woman and work full-time with a job that has never-ending demands…I cannot imagine working in my field, and taking care of a family, also. However, most of the ladies, I work with do. To have the mind-set you have, is indeed precious…because it is informed by the Scriptures. I never grew up thinking that I would not work and have a career, but now in my 40s, and born-again, I think you have the best job—hands down! I just knew I would be married and have children, but the Lord has had a different life planned for me…As the Scriptures mention in 1 Corinthians 7:7, each of us has our own gift of God…As a single woman, I support financially, physically, and prayerfully, 6 goddaughters…whose families have so graciously allowed me to be a part of their lives. My oldest 2 , and one now in college, spent so many weekends with me for years…I cherish the memories. I still get to mentor and encourage girls, and am available to elderly members of my family and church. You are definitely a blessed woman. May the Lord continue to be your Joy and Family’s Sufficiency… I am so glad the Lord is mine! Thank you for your witness and testimony.
Hello, Kim! I enjoyed reading about how you have helped your goddaughters and the elderly members of your family and church. That shows a caring heart and demonstrates a very good use of your time as a single woman, I think. It’s lovely to get encouragement from someone who is working as a single woman, to continue to take care of my family at home and enjoy our simple life. That perspective is indeed helpful.
~Jessica
I cherish this article Jessica and it hits so close to home for me. Sometimes I become frustrated in my tiny kitchen and wish for a huge fancy one, as I cook at least 18-20 full meals a week in a tiny one. And then I look at the repairs and old fixtures and plain navy blue “less than pretty” carpet that lines the whole trailer, and sometimes I yearn for more….But! Those thought when they come I suppress them, and beat them down as if beating down the old man. And I thank God for what I have and how I can make the best of things especially when I’m not complaining. I too look at the misery and toiling of others to have it “all” and time is wasted, children and spouses overlooked, and at the end of the day nothing ever seems to be enough. It’s more, more, more stuff to fill the void, more shopping, more fancy this or that, and no true joy. Thank you Jessica for shooting it straight, being honest and humble and encouraging us ladies to do the same. I will definitely remind myself to make a conscious effort to choose gratitude and joy over discontentment and frustration. You couldn’t have said it better “a simple life uncluttered by worldly ambitions”, those are great words to remind ourselves of. God bless!!!
I COMPLETELY agree that you don’t need a house with all the bells and whistles. All you need is family and love.
Dear Sheridan, I was so thrilled to see your comment today! I always love to hear from you since I feel we have so much in common. Yes, I can totally relate to all that you shared. I really loved the way you put it: “Those thoughts when they come I suppress them, and beat them down as if beating down the old man.” Yes, it really is the old man, isn’t it? But, we have the mind of Christ, if we would just give His thoughts a chance to take over the old way of thinking, as we’re conformed to His image by the transforming power of His word.
Thank you!
~Jessica
Loved your post, how true that some women are slaves to their jobs. I watched one of my dearest friends “work her way up the corporate ladder”. She had to work ten hours per day and then take classes at night. She had a very large home that was in total disarray filled with crafts, etc. that she never got to use. One day as we took a small walk together, she mentioned that she had finally “achieved her goal” which was to earn enough to put a million dollars into her bank account for retirement so when she did finally retire, she could do “anything she wanted”.
Sadly, two weeks after that walk she was admitted into the hospital for removal of a fibroid tumor. Behind the tumor they found cancer that spread so quickly she passed away the very next day. I always think about her now and yes, I was so blessed with her friendship but the thought that she never really got to enjoy her life was really a tragedy. She was only 40 years old.
Oh my, Cynthia, what a tragic story! How very sad what happened to your friend. Yes, life is short, and it’s so important that we have our priorities straight and live for what matters in light of eternity. It’s like the story Jesus told of the man who had so much grain left over he had to build another barn just to hold it; but that night, his soul was required of him. Then what happened to all the stuff he had stored up? (Luke 12:13-21) If we would only listen to the words of Jesus . . .
~Jessica
This hit home as a guy who fears not making enough in the future to provide a great life for my future family. Its not about what you have but how you use it. Jesus is known in the high and low places, big and small. Thanks Jessica.
You’re welcome, Kevin. We’ve never been up there with the stylish folk; we’ve just gotten along as well as we can. And yeah, we’ve been pretty happy with our simple life. I’ve known plenty of Latinos (my husband is from Mexico) living here in the US who are poor, and what I’ve noticed about many of them is that the amount of money they have isn’t what defines them. They are all about family, community, and church. They might live in a tiny apartment, but the wife will make a great Mexican dish (and the other women will help) to share with all their family, and they will sit around the kitchen table telling stories and jokes. There’s a closeness there that I think many well-to-do people would envy.
~Jessica
Thanks and that is so awesome :).
Hi Kevin, just echoing my agreement that He provides for us no matter what. My husband is a school teacher, and we have 2 young children. We expect to fill a quiver, so he’s worried he won’t make enough money. I constantly reassure him they need his love, NOT material things.
Oh wow :). Yeah a pet peeve of mine is the people that say we can’t afford a child. I’m like I don’t think God thinks like that so you shouldn’t either. Be frugal, get on a budget, etc. Trust God and obey Him. Don’t get me wrong I think the man should be working hard to provide biblically speaking but its sooo much pressure these days to make six figures and have this and that. I just want a simple life. There is a secular movie called “The Family Man” (I think) starring Nicholas Cage and that simple family didn’t make much but was so loving, happy, and etc.
Like I have already said a bride should come to her marriage with enough of her own money to simply furnish their house if necessary and pay the first grocery bill. You don’t need all the baby equipment they offer these days-in fact it’s better for a baby’s development if they don’t have all the exersaucers, etc. You can buy one car seat and use it for multiple babies. Barely used cribs , children’s clothes and toys can easily be purchased second hand. You don’t need to buy all these things with every baby although we felt the need to have 2 cribs due to children close in age. Continually keep your eyes open for the next size of children‘s clothes you’ll be needing when you are in the thrift shops. You don’t need to make fancy food when company comes -a warm inviting atmosphere is better then a 5 layered dessert. We want to be good stewards of our money not so that we can buy things we don’t need but so that we can give to the needy and have an emergency fund😁 I have much room for improvement.
Again, that is such good advice, Teann! I agree with you that it’s best to keep things simple when it comes to buying clothes and other things for babies and children.
I liked your suggestion that a bride should come to her marriage with some money to simply furnish their house if necessary. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that she needs to buy all the furniture, but I would say that it would be nice if she could have some things like sheets, towels, blankets, and some other feminine, homemade (if possible) touches ready. In the old days, a girl would have a “hope chest” and would fill it with things she wanted to have ready for her marriage. I think something like that is a wonderful idea; it helps to be able to do something while looking forward to the future, and it gives their first home a special and personal woman’s touch.
You mentioned that you had already said the thing about the bride before, but I don’t recall your having mentioned it before. 🙂
~Jessica
I mentioned this about brides on another post.
Ok? Perhaps it’s in my “culture “ more that the bride (or maybe her parents) finance the furniture… We usually live at home till marriage though and don’t go to college and if we do we are usually in our 20’s at least.
I received low wages, as what I was doing was more of a service then a job, but it was sufficient.
However, I just want to encourage young ladies to save whatever money possible they can so they can contribute financially to their “bridal nest.”
Or sorry I mentioned this about brides on another blog☺️
Dear Teann,
Your comments are so interesting! This is, for me, the first time I’ve heard of what you described (the bride and her family providing certain things for the new couple). I think it’s a nice idea.
Ultimately, it’s the husband’s job to provide for his family. And, brides may not always be able to finance their home’s first furnishings; maybe the parents couldn’t, either, depending upon how well-to-do they are. It could be fun for a newly-wedded couple to go to thrift shops and find their own furnishings together! But, I agree that a “bridal nest” might be helpful, if the bride and her family can manage it. I can imagine how nice it would be to have a few items ready, or money to buy items, for that first dwelling, so she can make it a home right away.
~Jessica
The couple can go shopping together but the bride or her parents pay for the items selected. And yes most likely she would also have her own dishes, some linens, etc. of her own to bring to the marriage. This might not
always be possible for a bride and her parents to provide this, I agree. As soon as I became a wife I no longer “worked.”
I do not want to make anyone feel bad about my above comments. If someone skimps and saves and still can’t afford to bring to the marriage what I’ve been describing, please don’t feel bad! I suppose the one bit of encouragement I would like to make is that if a young lady can travel to “parts unknown,” have a closet full of brand new clothes, and and the latest model for a vehicle- but then expects her husband to financially support her lifestyle and buy the needed table and couch…well , I think you know what I’m saying😁
For other thoughts and ideas on this subject, you can check out Debi Pearl’s book, “Preparing to be a Helpmeet.”💗
God bless.
Perfectly said, Jessica. Love this.
We have a better house than we could afford on our own, because my parents helped us with that. But our lifestyle is far below most families, and that works out just fine for us. It’s the expectations and the lifestyle that kill (entertainment, travel, etc.). And, as another commenter said, children don’t need to be expensive! They’re really not, as long as one doesn’t get sucked into the buy-every-gadget bit. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this lovely article.
Thanks, Diana. I think you’re right that it’s the expectations and the lifestyle that kill. If we keep things simple, it’s very doable to care for a large family and have a happy home!
~Jessica
The basic lesson here is that values, family and children are far more important than materialistic possessions and an extravagant lifestyle.
I also agree wholeheartedly that children do not need an endless succession of new things and especially not new clothes. Sharing with family and friends, buying second hand and handing down is better.
Amen! So true! Thank you for this post. I just want a simple life too. It is so rewarding.
You’re welcome, Elisa! Glad you enjoyed it!
~Jessica
Thanks for this article! I hope it’s ok for me to share my experience with contentment in what the Lord provided to my family.
When my husband and I were young, after school and then into young adulthood before having children, we both worked physically demanding factory jobs…. In a fish factory. I packed sardines and my husband cut fish and he helped maintain the factory for extra hours. It was a smelly job and very demanding. We worked there for many many years. Our friends and our family laughed at our choices to be factory workers. We didn’t want a college bill and didn’t want to leave our small “impoverished” town to go to a city college. We were thought to be going no where in life. (Most of the family have “professional” jobs and “nice” cars & houses that they are indebted to).
So when we were 21 we proposed to stay out of debt and we purchased our first home a single wide 14ft /52ft mobile home with two very small bedrooms and a tiny bathroom & a bit of land in the Maine woods! We worked feet very hard and paid for it by the time we were in our 30’s.
Our siblings and my mother called us poor country farm folk (somehow that title still sticks in my mind LOL) and our other family members scoffed at us for raising two children in our tiny home. We were all happy and content with what the Lord provided.
As my children got older we took the living room pull out couch and gave them seperate rooms (boy & girl). I home schooled them in my small mobile home and at our picnic table outside on nice days. We were not what people in USA consider wealthy at all and we still are not even with the kids out and on their own.
I stopped working as soon as I found out I was pregnant and as of now I am a stay at home wife with an empty nest. I do have a few at home “side” jobs for extra money since the kids have been out on their own and I can focus my attention to my eBay sales.
The most important thing is we love each other and we all made do with what we had even if it wasn’t high end.
My kids shared excitement when their dad built them bed frames with 2/4’s & we thrifted new to us furniture. Oh and NOTHING in my house matches at all! LOL Most things are thrifted, homemade and mismatch but as long as my home & property is clean, to me it is beautiful and we are so thankful for ALL of it!
Also my husband has a 1988 truck and my vehicle is a 2000 Honda Crv rust bucket with 304,000 miles on it! They get us where we have to go as we are literally miles and miles from stores. (Closest Walmart is 96 miles one way!)
Of course we were and still are the butt end of jokes within the family as being poor country farm folk and sometimes even people in our church have made snide comments to us about us all living in a tiny mobile home! I always told my kids what we have is a gift from The Lord and they understood that even at a young age. We always stressed the importance of not placing our happiness in material things. Also because they seen the stress of their aunts and uncles and grandparents keeping up with the Joneses, they were able to see that flip side of the coin in how all that stuff brings in added stress in life.
Regardless all in all my kids say how thankful they were never and now as adults are not conformed to the worlds idea of wealth. I am thankful that they know that richness is the assurance of our home in Heaven.
Thank you so much for sharing this post. It is nice to know other families put their worth in the Lord and not in riches of the world.
I must also add that there
have been and still are days I do get discouraged and think to myself I would like to be able to have this or that.
It is then I have to try my best to be content and remember where my riches are.
Dear Rosemarie,
Thank you for that wonderful description of your simple, country life. To me, it sounds like you have a very nice life! So much to like! Living in the country, close to the beach, your mobile home paid off, not having any monthly car payments, enjoying your family . . . I very much enjoyed reading about your experience. You are such an inspiration to me!
~Jessica
Hi,Jessica. This article is very beautiful and important.I feel the same.
I think that ‘being available’ when our family needs us is very important value for a wife and a mother. Working outside for long hours too often makes this impossible.I agree with you completely that we do not have to live in much richness and we can enjoy our simple life more by obeying His words.
Nowadays many wives are working outside also in Japan.Japanese christian wives/mothers are the same. Many Japanese husbands ask their wives to work outside to earn money. For their salary average has been decreased in recent decades. This is one of the reason why in our country many ladies hesitate to have kids. But thank God Japanese christians usually know the value of having kids and simple life more than other people even in such atomosphere of society.
I know several Vietnamese cathoric families. In Vietnamese culture,housewife /stay at home mother is very rare(except old ladies). Most all wives in Vietnamese Cathoric community are full time workers, and some of them are working for longer time than their husband. They work hard, give their kids nice cloths and good belongings, help their relatives and friends in need, give money to their old parents.
They seem to be richer than us.But I noticed that they do not have enough time to talk and spend time with their kids. They are so busy and their lifestyle is very stressful. They often prioritize their rest and enjoyment over spending time with their children to keep on such lifestyle.Their children are generally quick to become independent, but are often dependent on friends and look lonely to my eyes.
What should our priority be as a christian,a wife and a mother? Thier way still makes me think about it. Thank you for sharing this encouraging article.
You’re welcome, Sanae!
Thanks for sharing your observations with us. I think that what we’ve noticed is basically the same: working hard to provide one’s family with material things and to boost one’s upward social mobility doesn’t give the sort of benefits that last and that matter the most (speaking of married women with full-time jobs). God’s word helps us set our priorities straight, when it says for the woman to keep her home (Titus 2:3-5). Just as Jesus said, we can’t serve two masters; we can’t serve both “making money” and “keeping the home” (obeying God’s word concerning the woman’s role) and be able to do both things equally well. One of those things will have to suffer, and usually, it’s the home and family. We only get one chance at raising our children. It is so much more important to give them our time than to give them nice things.
~Jessica
Thank you Jessica! I love your little home and I miss being able to visit you and your sweet family. When we bought our house we wanted to avoid a mortgage so we paid for it completely. Though it’s much bigger than our last home it’s still rather simple. Our decor is nothing fancy and I love going to Dollar Tree for decorating our home. I confess I wish we were better at taking care of our lawn but it’s hard and we can’t do it ourselves. I do get jealous of other people’s home that have a family room a formal dining room or a sewing/craft room but again I’m learning to be content with what I have. Our living room functions nicely as a family room or it can be called a family instead of a living room. LOL
I do my sewing in the dining room. I can crochet in the living room and really just make do with what we have.
There are times that I wish weren’t poor and relying on SNAP (Food Stamps) but that’s one expenses I don’t have to worry about.
Anyway, I think I’m rambling. Thank you again for your lovely post!
Hello, Regina! You’re welcome!
Thank you for telling us about your own experience dealing with a small house. I like your little house! I wonder if it would work if you moved the dining room table to the part of your living room which faces the patio in the back yard, and then used your current dining room space for a little table for your sewing machine? It could be a nice, cozy, well-lit niche for your “sewing area.”
Our house is so small, I sometimes feel discontented, too. But then, I go around and think about what I can rearrange, reorganize, or get rid of to make things work better. Sometimes I might be able to buy something that doesn’t cost too much to help organize things more practically. It might cost $40 up front, or something like that, but it might last me for years and be a real help to me during that time, making it a worthwhile investment.
Our yard isn’t all that nice, either, but we’re working on it little by little to make it better. I take one section of our yard at a time to renovate. If I were to try and tackle all of it at once, that would be way to much! When I look at our yard, I try and see past the way it currently looks to the way I want it to look. Actually, I do that with a lot of stuff. And then, I try and figure out a way to make it happen.
I hope you didn’t mind my sharing my homemaking ideas with you–I just love to talk about this stuff!
~Jessica
I am a mother of 11. We are a retired military family and have lived in all sorts and sizes of homes. We have lived in a 4000 square foot home in Germany, and an 1100 square foot home in AZ. (We had 9 children at that point.) I can tell you this…..the smaller ones are best but not why you’d think (less cleaning, smaller monthly payment.) Smallest homes are best because they are easy to hear what’s going on in your home. It was a relief and blessing to be able to hear my children playing (and arguing) in the other room, or the bedroom or playroom nearby, so that I was able to intervene and train when needed. Being together and in close quarters has enabled my three older adult boys to be able to handle the close quarters of military life, which they’ve chosen as their profession. Smaller and closer is better! It’s an excellent training tool, and a great meshing together of family members’ hearts!
Hello, Oliveplantmom!
I really enjoyed reading your comment this morning. What you shared about your life as a military family was both informative and inspiring! Yes, when thinking about the benefits of a smaller house, we do tend to think about obvious things like less cleaning and smaller monthly payments; but, what you mentioned about being able to supervise your children better, and be closer as a family, are also important benefits! I am impressed by the fact that you were able to manage with nine children in a 1,100 sq ft house. You have really encouraged me today!
~Jessica
I think it’s important to consider why some people choose what they do. My mom, my siblings (two sisters and a brother)and I were abandoned by my emotionally WW2 damaged father in the early 60’s – a time when I was the only child I knew, except for my siblings, from a one parent family. My mother managed to keep us together, but it took a toll on her health and was very difficult fianancially. We moved frequently and often didn’t have basic things (enough food, fuel in winter, healthcare). We belonged to a church, but felt very judged rather than helped by the congregation. Society at that time tended to blame women for situations like ours even though my father was the person who shirked his responsibilities as a parent. Needless to say, this was a very dark time in our lives, and all my mother wanted for us was a better life than she had had. She was not able to acquire an education beyond high school, and encouraged all of us to do as well as we could in school in order to go to college. We all did that and all of us have had jobs in the ‘helping professions’ (a social worker, two teachers, and a psychologist). I married my husband when we were both in our mid-thirties, and we were lucky enough to have a daughter a few years later. My husband and I don’t live in a fancy house, but it is comfortable and affordable for our incomes. We both also enjoy doing jobs around the house and in our yard to improve where we live. We were able to save money to help our daughter with her first degree, and she worked hard to pay for as much as she was able. The college gave her a lot of money in merit scholarships because she was an excellent student. As a result, she has a minimal amount of student loan debt (yay!).
When our daughter was growing up we took trips on a budget and had some great learning experiences together. We were careful about money and don’t care that our neighbors have fancier cars or take fancier vacations. I was lucky to have summers off and vacation times that matched my daughter’s school schedule. We were lucky to be able to provide many advantages that I never dreamed of as a child. She was able to become a proficient pianist and a competitive swimmer, activities she still enjoys as an adult and which add beauty and necessary physical activity to her life.
When I was a young person, I wanted nothing more than to learn as many languages as I could and then travel, travel, travel. I was able to do those things through hard work, a higher education, and have learned so much from my 41 years (this year!) as a public school teacher of two foreign languages and cultures. My daughter, who is now in her 20’s and living on her own and working in her first professional job, tells us both how much our work influenced her life in a positive way. She is grateful that our family time was so rich with books and conversation because we were intentional about how we spent the time we had together. (It helps so much to be a teacher, because the schedule really lends itself better than other professions to family life.) The three of us are still very close and live close enough to visit for the day if we want.
I don’t think I meant to tell you my life story, Jessica, but I thought you might be interested in a different perspective. Everyone’s path is different, and we’re lucky when we find our purpose in this life, which to me is mostly about helping as many others along the way as I can (without neglecting my own loved ones 🙂 )
Dear Caroline,
Thank you for sharing your own story. I always enjoy reading about other people’s different experiences; there is so much I can learn from them! How happy I am to hear that you and your husband were able to give your daughter such a good upbringing with healthy and rich experiences (rich in quality). 🙂
~Jessica