Dear God, please make this an easy and gentle birth, I prayed in my heart between each contraction. I kept hoping the incredible would happen, in some sort of miraculous, unexpected twist on what had previously been my experience. It didn’t. At least not in the way I had meant.
It wasn’t until after the intensity of labor had subsided and I was holding our precious, newborn baby boy in my arms that I realized what God had done: I personally believe that He had given me the easiest and gentlest birth that was naturally (not miraculously) possible for me; in addition, He had taught me a valuable lesson in what it means to trust in the sufficiency of His grace.
When the apostle Paul prayed for God to remove his “thorn in the flesh” — three times — the Lord’s answer was clear:
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9
To me, something that is “sufficient” is something that is “just the right amount,” “just enough.” So, God provides just the right amount of what we need to get through our troubles. What we need may not be what we think we need; it may not come in the package we expect. For example, I thought I needed a quick and easy birth, but perhaps what I really needed was for my body to labor in the way that it needed to. Thankfully, I had just enough strength to get me through it, as much as I didn’t want to have to “get through it” at all. Additionally, what I needed was to learn how to rest in God’s wisdom for my life (and honestly, I’m not really sure I’ve learned how to do this very well, but it’s a start).
Trusting God and having faith that He can do anything — absolutely anything He wants — doesn’t mean He will do exactly what we ask Him to. I had the faith, right up until the very end of labor when I was pushing the baby out, that God could do a miracle and remove the pain and make this labor different than all my others (though none of my previous births were ever exceptionally difficult). During the nine months of my pregnancy, every time I would feel the panic rising within my chest when I thought of the upcoming birth, I would read out loud verses from the Bible that speak of God’s comfort, help, and strength which are available to us. One of those verses was this one:
Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamaties be overpast. I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me. Psalm 57:1-2
God, I said, my soul trusts in You; You can perform ALL things for me, even a peaceful and pain-free labor. I believe that You can do anything. If it is Your will, please give me this; if not, give me the strength to get through it once again.
But, God’s wisdom is such that what we want may not be what He considers best for us. In Paul’s case it wasn’t. This doesn’t mean He loves us less; it simply means He knows things we don’t — things about the future, about how our lives interlock and interact with those of other people in an undending ripple effect, about what we need to grow spiritually. Perhaps growth can sometimes happen best when things are not easy nor pain-free. And don’t we just hate that? I know I do, as much as I would like to sound mature and say that I don’t. Yet, that’s the way it often is.
I’ve finally gotten to the point — I think — to where I’m now willing to accept that for me, yes, labor is going to be hard. It’s going to be painful and I’m not going to like one second of it. The good thing is, the worst of it will probably only last about four hours, if things follow the pattern of the past; then it will all be over and I can hold my baby in my arms.
[Turns out, I was a little wrong about that. During the next pregnancy, I had the hardest time I’d ever experienced accepting that the upcoming labor was going to be hard. You can read about it in my post, An Unexpected Path: Birthing Baby #9.]
The Birth
All eight of my labors have been pretty uniform in following a typical pattern:
First Six Hours: Dilating to 9 cm
Fairly “easy” at first, though gradually intensifying until I feel I can’t stand the pressure and the pain. By the time I start to feel like that, I’m nearing 9 cm.
Next Four Hours: Continuing to dilate to 10 cm; baby begins moving down the birth canal
Conctractions are intense and harder and harder to bear. I go from being able to breathe through them to feeling like I can’t manage them without making some noise (embarrassing). I begin to bear down with each contraction. Things get markedly more dramatic as the baby gets lower.
Last Half-Hour: Passive and active pushing
The worst. Some of the pushing is what I’ll call “passive” since I’m not really trying to push, it just happens along with the contraction. I only really actively push when I feel the baby crowning. Isn’t that a nice word: “crowning”? A gold crown, resting gracefully upon the top of the head, is so beautiful and delicate. Crowning during labor actually feels like my body is splitting apart. When I feel the baby crowning, I push with all my might because I just want it all to be over.
This most recent labor was no exception to that pattern. I started feeling labor pains early on a Sunday evening, but I wasn’t entirely sure it was “the real thing.” It wasn’t until about ten o’clock at night that the contractions were strong and regular enough for me to be confident. I let my husband know it was “time.” After timing my contractions for a half-hour (they were about six minutes apart), I called the midwife to give her a heads up.
At that point, I was still able to walk around and talk smoothly through a contraction without having to take a break. We got the kids up, still in their pajamas, and loaded them into the van. Thankfully, my parents were able to watch them during this time and for a couple days afterwards, too.
After my husband returned from dropping them off, we started setting things up for the birth (we were able to work it out so that my oldest daughter was with me while he was gone before she, too, was picked up). I was able to help my husband for the first part, then I realized I was famished (this was about 1:00 am) and prepared myself a snack (a banana and peanut butter). I knew I would need this to be strong enough for what would come so I wouldn’t be weak and dizzy with hunger. While I was munching on this (by now, I had to stop chewing while having a contraction since they were getting much stronger), my husband was blowing up the birthing pool in our living room.
With each contraction, I would breathe deeply in through my nose while holding a bottle of Frankincense essential oil in front of me (I love that scent at any time, but it is especially soothing, pleasant, and inspiring to me during labor), then smoothly exhale out through my mouth.
At about 2:00 am, I called the midwife to tell her that I thought I was ready for her to come. After she arrived, she checked me and behold, I was already at 9 cm. I guess I’m getting pretty good at knowing my body’s signs! I think I’ve also gotten better at managing the first stage of labor than in my earlier childbirth experiences, through the use of focused breathing; I believe the essential oils may also have a part to play in my ability to relax.
It seems to me that I used to have a harder time relaxing and as a result, perceived this stage as more painful than I do now. Labor is by no means a walk in the park! (as you will read more about below), but practice does seem to make things more endurable, if not “perfect.” In other words, if I already know what to expect through personal experience, I can navigate through it more smoothly than if it were all a surprise. I learn important things about myself each time I go over the same course — what works for me and what doesn’t work for me.
Though the water in the pool was pleasantly warm, I wasn’t at first sure I wanted to get in. I knew that getting in was basically the same as accepting that the birth was just about to get harder, and I didn’t know if I was ready for that. But, despite my insecurity, the next contraction convinced me that ready or not, the birth was going to get harder and the baby was going to come; better to take advantage of the comforting warm water. I stepped in.
From then until the birth, I struggled through several hours of feeling like a squeezed lemon every time I had a contraction. My body was making the decisions for me, and I had no choice in the matter but to submit. I did my best to relax and loosen up, which I knew was absolutely necessary for my body to be able to do its job properly.
I will not get into the details of those last hours because the things that happened were intense and embarrassing. Childbirth can be a rather humiliating experience. I’m glad my children weren’t there and that I didn’t invite anybody else over to be part of the “fun.” In fact, that’s something we’ve never done, and I have trouble understanding why some people choose to do so. (By the way, if you’ve ever done that, I’m not at all judging you for it. I understand that we feel differently about these things and that there is not one right or wrong way to deal with this.)
Finally, when I thought it couldn’t possibly get any more excruciating, the midwife suggested a change of position. I literally groaned. You’ve got to be kidding, I thought. I said, “I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try.” She thought that the baby may have had trouble descending all the way because my position was blocking him. I turned around from semi-sitting/reclining with my back against the side of the birth pool to resting my forearms on the edge, up on my knees, facing my husband. He grabbed my hands and I grabbed his back tightly.
In this position, I had only two contractions; on the second, the baby was born. Gravity and a more upright body position definitely worked in our favor! It felt like one of the longest contractions ever, as I pushed my hardest to get him out. How long is this baby’s body, anyway? I thought. Most likely, it was his shoulders that were holding things up. I couldn’t see him being born from my position, but I soon turned back around to sitting, carefully avoiding tangling myself up in the umbilical cord. As soon as I (very tenderly) sat down, the midwife handed me the baby.
How full of joy I felt as I held his warm, wet little baby body against my tummy! Everything that had come before was almost completely forgotten as I got to see my baby for the first time. As dramatic as childbirth can be, there is nothing in life that can compare to the absolute rapture of holding your very own, newborn baby in your arms. I’m so grateful that God allowed us, once more, to participate with Him in bringing new life into this world and of helping to build up a culture of life, as opposed to the culture of death that pervasively surrounds us.
Thank you all for your prayers and support! I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to write up this post and that I haven’t responded to your emails very promptly. I never seem to have much of a chance to do anything besides take care of the baby, take care of the other children (they were very excited to start homeschooling again, which we began at two weeks after the baby’s birth), and take care of appointments, etc. Thankfully, my husband has put his heart into helping me in any way I need, mainly by making dinner for us every day. I’m so grateful for him! Our other children love holding their baby brother. I think they really look forward to seeing him smile and laugh and being able to play with him. And that time will come before we know it!
If you haven’t done so already, you might enjoy reading about the previous birth, where I talk about some important things I feel God helped me understand more deeply through the process of labor:
An Outpouring of God’s Grace: Birthing Baby #7
~Jessica
Praise God for a beautiful mama and baby! 🙂
Thank you, Jessica!
Congrats Jessica! God is good.
Thanks, Kevin! Yes, I agree!
OMG! What a BEAUTIFUL birth story! I hope my upcoming birth is that wonderful! Congrats mama! How big was he?
So glad you enjoyed it, Courtney! Thanks!
I’m sure your upcoming birth will be just as wonderul in its own, unique way. I have never considered any of my births as “perfect,” since there have always been things that happened that I thought could have been better if they had been different. But, that doesn’t need to take away from the overall awesomeness of the experience! When I look back on the good instead of focusing on the not-so-good, there is so much I can be–and am– thankful for! And even the not-so-good: I think that having to go through such an intense sort of experience has helped to draw my husband and I together, which ultimately, is good.
The baby was 7 pounds, 3 ounces, 21″ long.
I pray that your upcoming birth will go well! So exciting!
Congratulations, Jessica. What a beautiful gift you have been blessed with.
May God bless you and your family, richly.
I have missed your posts and videos. But, we all know how busy you are. Thank you for taking the time to mail.
Thanks, Tina! May God bless you, too!
I miss writing posts and making videos, too, and I look forward to being able to get back to it soon. I sure am grateful for all my supportive online friends!
He’s absolutely perfect! What a miracle of God! Congratulations 🙂 Angela
Hi, Angela! Thank you! I’m always so amazed when I look at him at just how much of a miracle he really is, as you said!
Dear Jessica,
Thankyou for sharing this with us. Praise the Lord on a safe delivery and for a healthy, sweet baby boy!
My grace is sufficient for thee… so true. So many times, if I would just realize that in the middle of life’s circumstances, much less worry and more relying and resting in Him.
Hugs!
Hello, Ruthie! You’re welcome!
Yes, I’m also praising the Lord for a safe delivery and good health for the both of us! I know everybody’s prayers have been “effective in availing much” (James 5:16) in my situation, and I am so grateful for them!
I understand what you say about needing to remember the truth about God’s grace being available to us in the middle of life’s circumstances. Sometimes I re-read my posts and realize that I’m not living up to them as well as I should; what I thought I had learned, I so easily forget. I need to keep reminding myself over and over again. I think that’s one of the reasons God gives us good friends: so we can help each other keep on the right path!
Congratulations! I admire your courage in giving birth at home. To me that sounds so risky, even though I know that’s how people used to do it for most of history.
Thanks so much, Erika!
I have had two hospital births (my first two children), partly because I was nervous about birthing at home at that time, since I was unfamiliar with the birthing process and about how my body would handle everything. It wasn’t until after that, that I was confident enough to try a home birth. At this point, I have now had six home births, and all of them have gone well. And, even if something does happen, my midwife has over thirty years’ experience, and I trust her; plus, the hospital is only about five minutes away. I know that not all women choose to have home births, for various reasons, and that’s okay with me. 🙂
Oh, Jessica, he’s so beautiful! Absolutely perfect! Congratulations on his birth. Thank you for sharing all this with us. And you look really radiant too!
I so appreciate that, Elisa! Thanks!
Thank you for the update and beautiful photos! Your baby seems to be smiling when he look at you. His birth must be so much blessing and joy to you and your family.
Please take care and take your time. Life is beautiful,for He is always with us!
You’re welcome, Sanae!
Yes, his birth was and has been a huge blessing and joy to us! Thank you for your encouraging words!
Congratulations. He is precious and beautiful.
Thank you, Linda! I agree, and I appreciate that you think so, too!
Tears in my eyes! I’m such a sap when it comes to birth stories! Absolutely. Incredible. “My strength is made perfect in your weakness” profoundly ministered to me in my last pregnancy as well.
We are so deeply blessed that the Father chooses us, women, to experience these transcendent events. (Who would’ve thought?? We, the weaker vessel of the two!) I truly believe that birth, a direct result of another transcendent experience–sex :), gives us a glimpse of heaven, of God Himself. (And I am not “spiritual” in that typical charismatic Christian way.) There are mysteries here that we cannot begin to fathom…. her salvation will be in child-bearing…. for now we see through a glass darkly….
While I was preparing for my last birth, (8th baby but first home birth and unassisted at that), I noticed a definite similarity within the “freebirth” community. Even pagan women know that God’s power, provision, and love is experienced in birth. They don’t define it as such; they give it different names. But they know. I’m not sure what bearing it will have on their ultimate salvation, but I found it fascinating nonetheless. God’s truths are all-encompassing. And sometimes can be found in the least likely of places. 🙂
God bless you and your family these next few months as sometimes they can be even harder than the previous. So many new dynamics to transition into.. Hopefully you are better than me at slowing down and relishing the time. I always feel like I have to immediately make up for several months of lax housework. :/
Keep up the great work! I always appreciate your posts.
~Moriah
I’m so happy to hear from you, Moriah! Thank you for your heartfelt message!
Yes, I totally agree with you that it is amazing that God has chosen us, women, to bring new human beings into the world. It is as you say, a transcendent experience, and I have always felt very close to God during the event. During childbirth, I feel like I can understand more of His heart toward us than ever.
You’re right about the postpartum period sometimes being harder than the last few months of pregnancy; at least it has usually been so in my experience! Pregnancy can be uncomfortable and tiring; the postpartum period, though, can be exhausting and very emotional, with all the adjustments that need to be made–once again. I, just like you, feel like I need and want to clean and organize the whole house, since while I was pregnant I was too tired to do very much, so I can totally understand where you’re coming from!
And how neat that we’ve both had eight babies! I loved hearing that your most recent birth was an unassisted home birth! I’ve pondered what it would be like to have an unassisted birth, but I’m not sure how I feel about that. Was yours planned that way, or did it happen accidentally?
Hope things are going well with you and your family!
~Jessica
Many congratulations again! He is adorable – I especially like the carseat picture! 🙂
You are such an amazing mother, and I love how you use these times to draw close to God. You are an example to me!! 🙂
Love,
Diana
Thank you so much, Diana! You are so sweet! I really am amazed by you, as well. I don’t know how you do it all, and I am truly impressed. Your encouraging words are so much appreciated! 🙂
~Jessica
I think it’s good to share our experiences somewhat with each other and learn from each other when it comes to natural birth. When I had my second baby my sister-in-law had her ninth baby just a few days later. I commented to her that by now she probably just has her baby like there’s not much to it but she didn’t agree😀 I think I understand abit more now! With my last birth my husband laid his hands on my stomach while I was contracting and that was so helpful but then it seemed like he forgot to breath deeply with me all the time so we will need to renew that method for “next time
😀”Breathing in essential oils was a new one to me. Would any oil work if we like another scent better then frankincense?
So important to keep calm during the birth and moo like a cow and not scream like a pig, says this country gal😀
Hello, Teann!
Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your own childbirth experiences. I agree that it can indeed be helpful to learn from each other. 🙂
You will find out why I love Frankincense so much if you look up all it benefits online or in a reference guide. However, you could use any Essential Oils that you enjoy. Ones with a calming effect would probably be most helpful, at least during the first part of labor. Close to the pushing stage, it might help to have something available that the midwife can apply to certain areas of the body to give you an energy boost. Here is an article on what oils you could include in a “birth stash”:
https://commonscentsmom.com/essential-oil-birth-stash/
~Jessica
Oh wow! That’s a lot of ideas! Thanks!
Teann, You’re very welcome!
~Jessica
Jessica, I wanted to take the time to let you know how encouraging this story was to me. I had my sixth a week ago and much of what you said and experienced seemed much like my own. I approached my due date with that same mixture of dread and joy. Looking forward to meeting this new life but knowing what that would mean. I also deal with concern for right after my baby is born because after my second was born I had a severe postpartum hemorrhage and had to be transported and have an emergency surgery. So I always have a lingering fear that I must fight. I chose to do a homebirth again this time because of all the crazy covid stuff. And I am glad the Lord led me in that because this birth happened to be my most difficult. Baby was somewhat posterior and I felt like I could not make any progress in my pushing. On top of that, the pain in my lower back was excruciating. As soon as a contraction and my pushing subsided, it was replaced by this other pain and I felt utterly exhausted. I, like you, was encouraged by my midwife to change positions, and just the idea of moving felt overwhelming. I cried out to the Lord, telling him I was giving everything I had, and needed him to bring this baby forth. I felt so embarrassed by my inability to control my cries and my position. But God heard my prayer, and when it was impossible in my estimation, he gave the strength that was needed. The midwife and my husband had to help bring his head out (oh my, pain one can not describe) and Elijah Michael was born! So, even though I thought maybe this would be my easiest labor, maybe I could really embrace the pain and “enjoy” the process as some women have claimed, it was not to be for me. And I am okay with that. Jesus suffered excruciating pain to give me life and this gives me just a glimpse of that. I am thankful. All the ways of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness and I trust his plans for me, even when they are difficult.
Hello, Jessica!
I was so very touched by what you shared. The birth of a baby is such a precious event!–and also can be embarrassing, painful, and exhausting, as your story shows. And yet, it truly is worth it for the sake of bringing these extremely valuable children into the world! I was very impressed by what you said at the end of your comment about this.
A hearty Congratulations on the recent birth of Elijah Michael!!! Thank you so much for sharing this joyful news with us! I hope and pray for a peaceful postpartum period and a healthy mother and baby!
~Jessica