Today I have been vividly reminded how much my older children help out and how very thankful I am for it. My two oldest children left for a field trip with their youth group today, and I’m by myself with the younger ones. After finally managing to get the lunch mess cleaned up, I’m typing this out on my laptop. The baby squirms in her crib.
Truly, as I’ve been told over and over again by kindhearted folks who at first appear a bit shocked when I tell them I have not one, not two, but seven children, it is nice to have older children who help out! But it wasn’t always this way.
I remember when I had five children all under ten years of age. Though I was trying to train them to do chores and had even printed out cute little chore lists, they still needed a lot of coaching and oversight. Their efforts were at times sloppy and uninspired. Even on days when they tried their best, basic household duties were performed at a level far below what I would have been able to do myself.
Most of the time I just had to accept that our house wasn’t going to be as clean or picked-up as I would have liked. Despite the fact that I’m a very tidy person, I had to let go of my ideals and settle, for a time, for lower standards.
So, my seven year old couldn’t fold clothes into any shape other than a lumpy form tossed loosely together. And that, despite all my efforts at demonstrating the process. And my nine year old left a scattering of crumbs behind after each time he swept. Of course I would make him redo it. By the time he had finished, the job had taken him twice as long as I thought it should have. The smallest children mostly made messes with their toys, which I had to get them to pick up. Over and over again.
Meal preparation was usually hectic. The baby would be crying and the other kids running wildly about. I tried to keep them out of the kitchen, but they kept meandering back in, pestering me with questions and assailing me with their defense of why it hadn’t been their fault that another child got hurt. Their unruly shouts and pitiful cries could be heard from the other side of the kitchen window.
How have things changed since then? Well, my younger children still have to be taught how to fold clothes and sweep floors, toys continue to be a menace, and mealtime is still stressful at times. But, having older children to help distract their younger siblings has helped immensely. And when the baby cries, they are available to help calm her while I finish cooking food on the stove. Yes, they are a huge help! They, the same ones who used to be the ones who needed so much supervising, are the ones who help me supervise.
I have only gotten to this point of having a semi-organized and peaceful household after years of stress and what at times felt like pandemonium. But patience finally paid off! Young, skill-less children do not remain young and skill-less forever; eventually they mature and learn how to be useful around the house. They were certainly cute while they were little — cute and precious and delightful in many ways. I still appreciate the memory of their smaller selves. I also appreciate the ways they have grown. And the ways I have grown right along with them.
Dear fellow mother: If you struggle with feeling like you can’t get anything done in your home because of the craziness, you are not alone! I have struggled with that feeling, too. I want to remind you today that patience will pay off. Your hard work training and loving your small children will pay off. Your devotion to doing God’s work for wives and mothers in the home will pay off. Be encouraged! If I can get through it, you can, too!
Really, I am not yet on the “other side,” since after counting, I just realized that I still have five children under age ten in our home! Yet it does feel more tolerable, now. And on some days, I might even describe our home life as thriving.
Both younger and older mothers:
- Do you have any home management tips to share?
- What has helped you the most in dealing with the stress associated with having small children at home?
We’d love to hear from you in the comments section below!
~Jessica
Jessica! God bless you and your family! Gosh! Time has flown! Congrats on the newest baby! After a loss we are again expecting, I’m almost 5 months now praise God! Thank you for this post! I needed this! This year has been one of the toughest. Our first year of homeschooling our10 year old, my very sick mother moving in with us, having an almost 3 and 2 year old who need entertaining, being pregnant, and still managing the calling and duty of wife and mother…boy it has been tough! But through it all God has showed me how selfish I still am. How I am not as compassionate as I should be and also, something I don’t like to admit, but I complain way to much while doing my work! Haha! I needed to be encouraged that it’s ok the house is not as perfect as I want it, though I clean over 20 times a day, wash the same dishes for at least between 108-130 meals/snacks a week (I did some rough math lol), and still manage schooling etc, I can feel I am not doing enough for The Lord. Why is my house a mess and I’m not out preaching? But then I remind myself! This is my preaching! This is my offering to God almighty. Working in my home, raising my children for Him and to kno Him, serving and loving my husband, and being submissive to whatever God wishes for me to change myself upon, these things are my work. All mothers and women called to do this work are working…working hard! Praise God for you and your encouraging exhortation! I find joy when I see you have a new post! God bless!
Dear Sheridan,
I find comfort in the fact that you can relate to me! It’s not that we don’t want or try to have a tidy, clean house–it’s that making that happen, realistically, is not as easy as it sounds! As much as I do think that creating a clean and pleasant home is important, it helps to be reminded that teaching our children the word of God is also important, having babies is important, and being available to listen and talk to people is important. So, for some things at certain times we just have to have an, “Oh, well,” attitude. 🙂
I’m so happy to hear that you are expecting! That is wonderful news! 🙂
And I’m also very sorry about your loss of a little one prior to this. You are a beautiful, strong, devoted woman. I admire and appreciate your commitment to the Bible and what it says about our role as women. Your videos on birth control are well-researched and thorough. Oh, and I also saw your article in Above Rubies! Congratulations! What a wonderful testimony!
I was so happy to see your message this morning! It really brought a smile to my face!
God bless you, too, as you care for your mother, your husband, your children, and yourself as you carry a precious little baby in your womb!
~Jessica
Wow! I commend you for strength. I hope to be a good mother and wife some day but I’m just 18 now and I am going to university to be a nurse. But in my heart I prefer to have a family. Do you have a career or did you have one? And how old are you/ how old when you had your first child if you don’t mind me asking?
I was working in media admin when I met my husband, but had always wanted and intended to be a SAHM. My husband said that he would want me to give up work as soon as possible after marriage and definitely as soon as I was pregnant. As we had a Honeymoon Baby – the two came together !!
Nursing is a very valuable vocation and a suitable one for a Godly woman, but as a wife and mother your place will naturally be at home.
My household stress is more as a single student living with my father (since Mom divorced him) and brother (teacher and studen) with my brother and I both being in our last year at school. We’re all prone to leaving messes all over the place (except my brother cleans up after himself pretty well and is the only one who seems able to keep his room tidy – he even makes his bed!) and none of us have the time to take over full responsibility for household work. To make matters worse, my parents weren’t strict enough in teaching us to do chores and so as kids my brother and I didn’t learn any of that. For a while I was constantly ashamed of our tiny apartment because it was just too dirty and messy for guests. Now I’ve reached a point where I’ve come to accept that this is a temporary tough time which will get better once I’m finally done with school. Until then I take care of my chores as well as I can (and if certain areas don’t get cleaned for two months we all just grin and bear it) and occasionally remind my brother to do his, while Papa does most of the cooking and laundry for now. I guess this is good practice though.
Thanks for sharing that, Erika!
I understand that sometimes we can find ourselves in a season of life where keeping things tidy and clean is more difficult than usual. We need to have grace for ourselves in those situations, just as you say. 🙂
I’ve found that even in (or maybe especially in) busy seasons of life, it helps to take a section of the house at a time, and declutter and clean just that area. I don’t organize everything at once. I just take one kitchen cabinet at a time, one dresser drawer at a time, and get rid of all the stuff I don’t need and try to streamline my organization. If I keep up with it, in 30-minute segments every day, or every other day, I’m able to gradually get things picked up and keep them in a state that is easier to handle. Furthermore, it lends much toward a peaceful state of mind.
I wonder if once you pass from this stage of life into the next, it will be any less busy? Life, it seems to me, just passes from one busy season to another, ha, ha! Just with different “hues” of business. 🙂
I’m so glad you “get” me and we can exchange thoughts on housecleaning! I also appreciate all your other comments and likes. I’m so glad to have met you!
~Jessica
Sheridan, I too am pregnant after a loss. I am two months along. I can totally relate to your experience.
Jessica, I think the one thing I have learned in my experience (this is my 12th pregnancy, but will be number 8 at home)is to do the best I can and not sweat what I can’t do. Right now I am in the throws of morning sickness so my days are extremely variable. Yesterday I caught up on all the dishes and did several hours of productive schoolwork and today I could barely eat my breakfast without losing it and wasn’t able to set foot in the kitchen at all. I can either stress about whatever I cannot do and have no peace, or I can do what I can, rest as needed, and catch up more the next day. I just try to have a continuum of things I do. I aim for two loads of laundry per day 5-6 days per week. Sometimes I have to catch up on folding. Other times it’s dishes or the bathrooms. But I try always to address the most pressing needs first. Also we try to do a general tidy up each evening before family worship so that overall things are tidy. Everything else gets done the next day. Housework and school are continuous. Even if you completely catch up one day there will be more to do tomorrow. Little ones will undo the work you just finished. And other days they’ll be quite helpful.
I have 5 under ten, a ten year old and a twelve year old. And it does get better. My oldest daughter is a great help to me. She cooks, cleans, changes diapers…and she’s still growing and doesn’t do everything perfectly but I didn’t either at 12. I’m thankful for her willingness to help!
Like you said, there’s chaotic days and there’s days where you get a glimpse of what your children are becoming and it’s encouraging. I think we must just continue pressing toward the mark of raising a Christian family and have peace that as we do our best Christ is working in the hearts of our little ones.
First thing first, Celina: Congratulations! I’m thrilled to hear about your new pregnancy! 🙂
I like what you said about “addressing the most pressing needs first.” Yes, that’s what I try to do, too. And it’s so true that housework and school are continuous–I totally agree with that, ha, ha!
And yet, as you say, we must keep on pressing toward that mark and have peace that we are doing our best.
How neat that your whole family has a time of worship every evening! I have devotions/Bible lessons with the children every day, but we haven’t yet gotten to the family worship every evening. It’s something that I was trying to make happen, but it didn’t go well. As you said, we can only do our best. Maybe I will figure out how to make it happen later on. 🙂
As always, thank you for your insightful and helpful comments! I am continually so impressed with your experience and knowledge!
~Jessica
I loved this post, Jessica! I had to print it off for my parenting notebook. It was so encouraging.
Right now our 12yo is very helpful, but the rest of the crowd is still in the “teaching and training in the HOPES that they will someday be helpful” stage. (Our 9yo with special needs will always be a baby; our 6yo is gradually transitioning into the sometimes-helpful-sometimes-not stage.) So we’ve got a foot in both worlds. It is lovely to have one child who at long last can work independently and be truly helpful – I look forward to having more! 🙂
It is so difficult to give ourselves grace. I want beautifully behaved children (all the time), and a beautifully neat and clean house (all the time), and a perfectly ordered schedule (all the time). Despite my best efforts, not one of those has ever happened. It’s a matter of priorities, and in doing our best but not expecting perfection.
Thanks again for this post! As you see, I am ever-so-slowly working my way through your posts!
Love,
Diana
Diana,
Your hopes for your children, house, and schedule mirror exactly my own, ha, ha! I feel the same way!
I love what you said here:
“It’s a matter of priorities, and in doing our best but not expecting perfection.” Yes, so true. 🙂
Now, just as you are working your way through my posts, I am planning on responding to your email! I’m rather slow, but I look forward to replying to you soon, my friend! Thank you for everything!
~Jessica