I Grew Up Homeschooled

Right from the start, some people will probably think they know what I’m going to say: I either loved being homeschooled . . . or I hated it. The answer is: neither — and both.

I didn’t always love being homeschooled; I mostly accepted it as part of life. I mean, what kid always “loves” doing school? Sometimes I loved it, and sometimes it was just work I had to get through. I didn’t really hate, it though, either. Sure, at times I felt like I “hated” math, but then there were those rewarding moments when I understood something after having struggled for awhile; then, I felt a sense of satisfaction and joy at my accomplishment.

So, as I said, I had mixed feelings about it.

Generally speaking, though, I did like homeschooling more than any one aspect of it I may have disliked at the moment (like math). I liked being able to proceed at my own pace; I liked feeling in charge of my own studies; and I liked being able to stay home. Having to go places has always stressed me out, but I appreciate the peace, quiet, and relaxed pace at home.

There were times when I wondered what it would be like to go to a “normal” school, times when I wished I could be like “all the other kids.” But, those feelings were transient. I was smart enough to realize that not all other kids could wake up at 6:30 in the morning to spend an hour reading the Bible (which, by the way, was by choice!), then cook themselves a hot Cream of Wheat breakfast, take it to the table, and savor it along with another chapter of Pride and Prejudice. They couldn’t take their history lesson on a bean bag chair while sipping hot chocolate. They couldn’t take a short nap after lunch. They had to worry about how they looked and what people thought of them, while I was free to focus on my own personal growth and didn’t have to care what other people thought since they weren’t there to distract me. Admittedly, sometimes I wished I could worry about my looks; I thought it would be nice to go back-to-school-shopping for a new wardrobe, do my hair in the latest fashion, wear makeup that would impress the guys (even flirt a little), and have “friends” to hang out with. However, I got over it. Even at a young age, I realized how shallow those feelings really were.

How do I feel now, with the advantage of experience and the benefit of hindsight? Do I think my parents made the right choice in homeschooling me, or do I resent it? Even if I think they made the right choice, are there some things I would still have done differently nonetheless?

As I mentioned at the beginning, I think that people often tend to make assumptions about homeschoolers. Some will assume that if you grew up homeschooled, you probably hated it and were just itching to get out of your parents’ home at the very first chance so you could experience “real” life, uninhibited and unboxed-in by their rules. Or, other people will assume that if you grew up homeschooled and you didn’t hate it, you are probably blind and naive, not having experienced real life and therefore not having any knowledge of what you’re really missing. Poor you.

Still others will be supportive of your parents’ choice. There are different viewpoints and different feelings on this subject. That’s why I thought it a good idea to tell how I feel about my own upbringing. Other adults who grew up homeschooled may feel differently than I do; I can’t speak for them. All I can do is share how I myself view my own life history.

To start off with, it might help for readers to know a few things about my life as it is now.

I am in my thirties (as I write this), and have been with the same man (my husband) for fifteen years. He is many years my senior and comes from a completely different culture, with a completely different upbringing. I have had the privilege of traveling to his hometown and getting to know his family, who were also brought up differently than I was. In order to be able to communicate with my husband, I had to learn a completely different language, which came with its own peculiar nuances of meaning and double meanings. Slang words, regional expressions, bad words: I came to be familiar with all of the most common ones. I also got to know, through my husband and my life with him, more about the life I had been “missing” out on.

At this time, my husband and I have had six children and are expecting our seventh. We have never had an “easy” life, though we have had a fulfilling and good life, with some bad times mixed in. We have had times when we couldn’t pay the bills, and then we’ve had times when God seems to have miraculously provided at just the right time. None of the homes we’ve lived in have been “huge,” but they’ve met our needs, and we’ve creatively managed to make things work out with what we had.

We love our children very much and do not regret having allowed God to give them to us, though we did at first use birth control. We went through a lot of deep thinking and honest discussion to get to where we are now; our decision to leave this matter in God’s hands didn’t come lightly. And with that decision have come many blessings, as well as many challenges. Thankfully, I do not have to work an outside job to help provide for our family. But, in order for us to survive on one income, we have also made sacrifices. We have seen God come through for us, and trust that He will continue to do so in the future, no matter what happens.

Together, my husband and I decided to homeschool our children, after our first two had attended a Montessori charter school for several years. He hardly knew what homeschooling was, having grown up in a culture where it is not typical, but he knew that I had been homeschooled and that I wanted to try it out with our own family. He was willing to give it a shot, if I was. In another article, I want to talk about why we decided to homeschool our children, and what method of schooling we use; but, for the sake of staying on track, I just want to say enough here for readers to be able to see a little of what my life is like now as an adult, in order to provide some helpful context. I want readers to know that though I have not experienced ALL of what’s “out there,” I believe I have experienced enough “real life” in order to be able to analyze my upbringing with some wisdom.

To get to the point then: How do I feel about having been homeschooled?

I don’t regret it for a second.

I think my parents absolutely made the right choice, and if I could live my life all over again, I wouldn’t change their decision for anything.  They gave me time to read lots of good books, time to invest in music and dance and drawing, time with my brother and sister, time to ride my bike down miles of dirt road, time to study the Bible. I’m not so sure I would have been able to do all that, in as relaxed a way as I did, if I had not been homeschooled. In addition to the time I was able to spend reading the Bible on my own, they also gave me the opportunity to form a solid foundation for my spiritual life through homeschool curriculum that was from a Christian perspective, through videos we watched and lectures we attended on the Christian faith, through discussions we had about the Bible, and through allowing me to talk to the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons who came to our door (I’m almost surprised they let me talk to them on my own at the age of sixteen! They must have had confidence in my knowledge of correct Bible doctrine).

True, they weren’t perfect parents. I think that their weaknesses may have played a role in my “abandoning” (for awhile) what I had been taught, during my transition into adulthood. It was a very painful time for me. At one point, I even questioned if Jesus was the Son of God, if the Bible was true, and if it really mattered how I lived my life. Though these are valid concerns that I think everyone needs to deal with at some point (and there are answers!), I recognize that in part, for me at least, they were also rationalizations. It’s not that I didn’t know the answers; my real problem was that I didn’t want to live like those things were true. I wanted to do what I wanted, and I didn’t care who it affected and what the outcome would be. I think I was rebelling — not against homeschooling — but against my disappointment with God. I had expected certain things in my life to happen a certain way, not because my parents had led me to expect those things, but because I, as an immature teenager, had fantasized about them. When life didn’t turn out the way I had hoped it would — I immediately became sour and resentful toward God. I had so little faith, so little perseverance! Though my parents were not the cause of this, they may have made things worse by not being willing (as it seemed to me at the time) to talk with me about my true feelings in a compassionate and understanding manner. Perhaps they felt somewhat overwhelmed, which I think is understandable (I was their first child to move out of the house). Their own upbringing, which they had no control over, may have restricted them somewhat, leaving them unprepared to talk openly about what I was going through. I don’t know. I do love my parents, and though I don’t at all regret being homeschooled, I am also able to admit that they may have done some things less-than-ideally, which hopefully, I will be able to avoid in my relationships with my own children.

As a result of my childish rebellion, I experienced so much heartache! I don’t feel free to mention everything in public, but let’s just say that I was no longer inexperienced or naive about life after a couple years of being independent. And it left me broken, hurt, and sorry. I had wanted to be free from restrictions, but I had ended up putting myself in a hell-like prison instead. My parents hadn’t been wrong about life; I had been wrong.

I had been foolish.

I had been stupid.

I had been wicked.

And I came to that conclusion on my own. I took a long, hard look at myself and my life, and realized that I wasn’t happy. I realized I should have listened to my parents and not done things my own way. Would I have learned all I learned if I had not had those experiences? Maybe, maybe not. I’m sure God could have helped me mature in some other way that didn’t involve messing up my life and the lives of other people. I think I would have been happier with my life if I didn’t have to live with regret. But now, I knew the meaning of that word, with no going back. Yes, I was angry with my parents for a time. I thought that if only they had listened to me better, if only I had had a shoulder to cry on, then things would not have happened as they did. And, as I said, that may have been a factor. But now that I’ve had more time to grow up, I think there was more to it than that. It was mostly my own sinful human nature wanting to take control of things, that got in the way.

Later on, when I finally repented of my rebellion, it was the foundation of truth they had laid for me during my youth that helped me get back on track with God’s will for my life. The English, the math, the spelling, the history, the science: those have all been beneficial to me in many ways. But, it was reading God’s word every day and learning to see life from a biblical perspective that has helped me the most to navigate life as an adult. And I think that homeschooling gave me the best possible atmosphere in which to develop in that area. 

I understand that not all Christian parents will choose to homeschool; perhaps not all of them are even able. However, I think homeschooling is worth serious consideration as a possibility. It doesn’t mean one’s kids will turn out “just right,” though I do believe that if we “Train up a child in the way he should go, [ ] when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).” I traveled a painful detour for a few years, but I’m still not old yet, and have no intention of ever departing again from the way I had been trained (in other words: I have no intention of departing from the Bible’s wisdom). Perhaps that detour could have been avoided, but at least it didn’t last long. My parents weren’t perfect, and I’ve learned to have compassion for their shortcomings, just as I have my own imperfections and shortcomings and am sure that I’ve already made many mistakes in my own parenting journey. And yet, I still benefit from all those years of training even today, and am so thankful for my parents’ commitment to homeschooling me!

Mothers: Whether you homeschool or not, please be encouraged that even though your children may not always seem to be grateful for your efforts at guiding them in the Lord’s ways, they may yet “rise up and call you blessed” (Proverbs 31:28-29) when they are older and more mature and have the wisdom to be able to look back and appreciate all the things you did for them out of love! Just be faithful to keep on training your children still at home in the way they should go, and in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).” The Bible says that if we keep on doing good, we will one day reap the rewards. Things may look bleak for awhile, as I’m sure they did for my parents, but the sky will lighten and the sun will come out. That’s faith speaking!

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

Galatians 6:7-9 

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