Right from the start, some people will probably think they know what I’m going to say: I either loved being homeschooled . . . or I hated it. The answer is: neither — and both.
I didn’t always love being homeschooled; I mostly accepted it as part of life. I mean, what kid always “loves” doing school? Sometimes I loved it, and sometimes it was just work I had to get through. I didn’t really hate, it though, either. Sure, at times I felt like I “hated” math, but then there were those rewarding moments when I understood something after having struggled for awhile; then, I felt a sense of satisfaction and joy at my accomplishment.
So, as I said, I had mixed feelings about it.
Generally speaking, though, I did like homeschooling more than any one aspect of it I may have disliked at the moment (like math). I liked being able to proceed at my own pace; I liked feeling in charge of my own studies; and I liked being able to stay home. Having to go places has always stressed me out, but I appreciate the peace, quiet, and relaxed pace at home.
There were times when I wondered what it would be like to go to a “normal” school, times when I wished I could be like “all the other kids.” But, those feelings were transient. I was smart enough to realize that not all other kids could wake up at 6:30 in the morning to spend an hour reading the Bible (which, by the way, was by choice!), then cook themselves a hot Cream of Wheat breakfast, take it to the table, and savor it along with another chapter of Pride and Prejudice. They couldn’t take their history lesson on a bean bag chair while sipping hot chocolate. They couldn’t take a short nap after lunch. They had to worry about how they looked and what people thought of them, while I was free to focus on my own personal growth and didn’t have to care what other people thought since they weren’t there to distract me. Admittedly, sometimes I wished I could worry about my looks; I thought it would be nice to go back-to-school-shopping for a new wardrobe, do my hair in the latest fashion, wear makeup that would impress the guys (even flirt a little), and have “friends” to hang out with. However, I got over it. Even at a young age, I realized how shallow those feelings really were.
How do I feel now, with the advantage of experience and the benefit of hindsight? Do I think my parents made the right choice in homeschooling me, or do I resent it? Even if I think they made the right choice, are there some things I would still have done differently nonetheless?
As I mentioned at the beginning, I think that people often tend to make assumptions about homeschoolers. Some will assume that if you grew up homeschooled, you probably hated it and were just itching to get out of your parents’ home at the very first chance so you could experience “real” life, uninhibited and unboxed-in by their rules. Or, other people will assume that if you grew up homeschooled and you didn’t hate it, you are probably blind and naive, not having experienced real life and therefore not having any knowledge of what you’re really missing. Poor you.
Still others will be supportive of your parents’ choice. There are different viewpoints and different feelings on this subject. That’s why I thought it a good idea to tell how I feel about my own upbringing. Other adults who grew up homeschooled may feel differently than I do; I can’t speak for them. All I can do is share how I myself view my own life history.
To start off with, it might help for readers to know a few things about my life as it is now.
I am in my thirties (as I write this), and have been with the same man (my husband) for fifteen years. He is many years my senior and comes from a completely different culture, with a completely different upbringing. I have had the privilege of traveling to his hometown and getting to know his family, who were also brought up differently than I was. In order to be able to communicate with my husband, I had to learn a completely different language, which came with its own peculiar nuances of meaning and double meanings. Slang words, regional expressions, bad words: I came to be familiar with all of the most common ones. I also got to know, through my husband and my life with him, more about the life I had been “missing” out on.
At this time, my husband and I have had six children and are expecting our seventh. We have never had an “easy” life, though we have had a fulfilling and good life, with some bad times mixed in. We have had times when we couldn’t pay the bills, and then we’ve had times when God seems to have miraculously provided at just the right time. None of the homes we’ve lived in have been “huge,” but they’ve met our needs, and we’ve creatively managed to make things work out with what we had.
We love our children very much and do not regret having allowed God to give them to us, though we did at first use birth control. We went through a lot of deep thinking and honest discussion to get to where we are now; our decision to leave this matter in God’s hands didn’t come lightly. And with that decision have come many blessings, as well as many challenges. Thankfully, I do not have to work an outside job to help provide for our family. But, in order for us to survive on one income, we have also made sacrifices. We have seen God come through for us, and trust that He will continue to do so in the future, no matter what happens.
Together, my husband and I decided to homeschool our children, after our first two had attended a Montessori charter school for several years. He hardly knew what homeschooling was, having grown up in a culture where it is not typical, but he knew that I had been homeschooled and that I wanted to try it out with our own family. He was willing to give it a shot, if I was. In another article, I want to talk about why we decided to homeschool our children, and what method of schooling we use; but, for the sake of staying on track, I just want to say enough here for readers to be able to see a little of what my life is like now as an adult, in order to provide some helpful context. I want readers to know that though I have not experienced ALL of what’s “out there,” I believe I have experienced enough “real life” in order to be able to analyze my upbringing with some wisdom.
To get to the point then: How do I feel about having been homeschooled?
I don’t regret it for a second.
I think my parents absolutely made the right choice, and if I could live my life all over again, I wouldn’t change their decision for anything. They gave me time to read lots of good books, time to invest in music and dance and drawing, time with my brother and sister, time to ride my bike down miles of dirt road, time to study the Bible. I’m not so sure I would have been able to do all that, in as relaxed a way as I did, if I had not been homeschooled. In addition to the time I was able to spend reading the Bible on my own, they also gave me the opportunity to form a solid foundation for my spiritual life through homeschool curriculum that was from a Christian perspective, through videos we watched and lectures we attended on the Christian faith, through discussions we had about the Bible, and through allowing me to talk to the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons who came to our door (I’m almost surprised they let me talk to them on my own at the age of sixteen! They must have had confidence in my knowledge of correct Bible doctrine).
True, they weren’t perfect parents. I think that their weaknesses may have played a role in my “abandoning” (for awhile) what I had been taught, during my transition into adulthood. It was a very painful time for me. At one point, I even questioned if Jesus was the Son of God, if the Bible was true, and if it really mattered how I lived my life. Though these are valid concerns that I think everyone needs to deal with at some point (and there are answers!), I recognize that in part, for me at least, they were also rationalizations. It’s not that I didn’t know the answers; my real problem was that I didn’t want to live like those things were true. I wanted to do what I wanted, and I didn’t care who it affected and what the outcome would be. I think I was rebelling — not against homeschooling — but against my disappointment with God. I had expected certain things in my life to happen a certain way, not because my parents had led me to expect those things, but because I, as an immature teenager, had fantasized about them. When life didn’t turn out the way I had hoped it would — I immediately became sour and resentful toward God. I had so little faith, so little perseverance! Though my parents were not the cause of this, they may have made things worse by not being willing (as it seemed to me at the time) to talk with me about my true feelings in a compassionate and understanding manner. Perhaps they felt somewhat overwhelmed, which I think is understandable (I was their first child to move out of the house). Their own upbringing, which they had no control over, may have restricted them somewhat, leaving them unprepared to talk openly about what I was going through. I don’t know. I do love my parents, and though I don’t at all regret being homeschooled, I am also able to admit that they may have done some things less-than-ideally, which hopefully, I will be able to avoid in my relationships with my own children.
As a result of my childish rebellion, I experienced so much heartache! I don’t feel free to mention everything in public, but let’s just say that I was no longer inexperienced or naive about life after a couple years of being independent. And it left me broken, hurt, and sorry. I had wanted to be free from restrictions, but I had ended up putting myself in a hell-like prison instead. My parents hadn’t been wrong about life; I had been wrong.
I had been foolish.
I had been stupid.
I had been wicked.
And I came to that conclusion on my own. I took a long, hard look at myself and my life, and realized that I wasn’t happy. I realized I should have listened to my parents and not done things my own way. Would I have learned all I learned if I had not had those experiences? Maybe, maybe not. I’m sure God could have helped me mature in some other way that didn’t involve messing up my life and the lives of other people. I think I would have been happier with my life if I didn’t have to live with regret. But now, I knew the meaning of that word, with no going back. Yes, I was angry with my parents for a time. I thought that if only they had listened to me better, if only I had had a shoulder to cry on, then things would not have happened as they did. And, as I said, that may have been a factor. But now that I’ve had more time to grow up, I think there was more to it than that. It was mostly my own sinful human nature wanting to take control of things, that got in the way.
Later on, when I finally repented of my rebellion, it was the foundation of truth they had laid for me during my youth that helped me get back on track with God’s will for my life. The English, the math, the spelling, the history, the science: those have all been beneficial to me in many ways. But, it was reading God’s word every day and learning to see life from a biblical perspective that has helped me the most to navigate life as an adult. And I think that homeschooling gave me the best possible atmosphere in which to develop in that area.
I understand that not all Christian parents will choose to homeschool; perhaps not all of them are even able. However, I think homeschooling is worth serious consideration as a possibility. It doesn’t mean one’s kids will turn out “just right,” though I do believe that if we “Train up a child in the way he should go, [ ] when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).” I traveled a painful detour for a few years, but I’m still not old yet, and have no intention of ever departing again from the way I had been trained (in other words: I have no intention of departing from the Bible’s wisdom). Perhaps that detour could have been avoided, but at least it didn’t last long. My parents weren’t perfect, and I’ve learned to have compassion for their shortcomings, just as I have my own imperfections and shortcomings and am sure that I’ve already made many mistakes in my own parenting journey. And yet, I still benefit from all those years of training even today, and am so thankful for my parents’ commitment to homeschooling me!
Mothers: Whether you homeschool or not, please be encouraged that even though your children may not always seem to be grateful for your efforts at guiding them in the Lord’s ways, they may yet “rise up and call you blessed” (Proverbs 31:28-29) when they are older and more mature and have the wisdom to be able to look back and appreciate all the things you did for them out of love! Just be faithful to keep on training your children still at home in the way they should go, and in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).” The Bible says that if we keep on doing good, we will one day reap the rewards. Things may look bleak for awhile, as I’m sure they did for my parents, but the sky will lighten and the sun will come out. That’s faith speaking!
“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”
Galatians 6:7-9
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Thank you for this encouraging article, Jessica.
It was very interesting for me to read .
In my Country (Switzerland) homeschooling is very rarely done alltough in many cantons it is allowed, while in others parents are required to have a teachers degree.
What i love about the idea is that you have the privilige to teach your children so much more about God
than they would learn at public school.
They are in the safety of the home for a few more precious years.
And as in your case that very foundation may be the corner stone to leading them back to the Lord even if they go astray.
As for our family , our children are currently public schooled but since we live out in the country and in a region where there are many people christians we felt ok. to keep them there.
So far. There are changes coming up tough (new curriculum. ) that we need to monitor closely and that might lead more christians towards home schooling in the future.
A couple questions:
Is your husband teaching too (maybe spanish) or is this your work?
Do you use a christian curriculum and wich?
How do you think will you work out highschool and further education ?
Do you work with the intrenet a lot?
Thank you, Ruth, for telling me about the schooling situation in Switzerland, which I found interesting.
To answer your questions:
-I do most of the teaching. Sometimes I’ll have the younger children read to my husband in the evening, which both he and they enjoy. At other times, I’ll ask him to help them with their math. Mostly, though, I am in charge of everything.
-I use Sonlight, which is a Christian literature-based curriculum. (see sonlight.com)
-For highschool, we will continue using Sonlight (they have programs from preschool through highschool). After that, we will discuss with our children what direction they would like to take — whether college (online, local, or other), trade school, or something else (and for girls, we will help them make this decision with an eye to what the Bible says their role is as young women: to eventually — if they marry — be mothers and homemakers). Colleges here accept homeschoolers who meet certain minimal requirements. I went to a local college full time for a year (with a 4.0 grade point average) and it was no problem.
-We don’t use the internet much. Mostly we use our books.
I am not really an expert on homeschooling, though I grew up homeschooled. I am learning a lot as I raise my own children.
In the future, I hope to write more articles about homeschooling. 🙂
Jessica
Thank you for sharing your story.Christian homeschoolers are so few in Japan(I have heard that 400 kids or so.)and it is precious opportunity to hear homeschooler’s story.
I know that many inborn christian kids experience ‘detour’ before they deepen personal bond with God.It is so blessing that you could know God whom we can always go back through homeschooling.
May God bless you and your family always!
You’re welcome, Sanae!
I think you make a good point about kids having to deepen their own personal bond with God. I think what I went through was a time of testing. I didn’t do very well, but I believe God helped me through it. As a result, my relationship with God did indeed deepen and become more stable, I think.
May God bless you and your family, too! I know you are committed to being a good wife and mother, and I admire you very much!
Jessica
Jessica, I always love reading blog posts from mothers who were homeschooled and are homeschooling their own children.
Thank you for sharing with your readers your experience. I can’t wait for your baby to get here! Your husband doesn’t look that much older than you.☺
Thanks, Regina! Maybe when your daughters are married and have their own children, they will homeschool them, too.
And how nice to hear that you see my husband as being close in age to me — he ages well, I guess! 🙂
Jessica
Oh, I loved this post!! It was so awesome! Thank you so much for this post, and for all your thoughts. It was so interesting to read. There aren’t a lot of second generation homeschool families out there yet, and I love reading thoughts from the ones out there.
My experience was the direct opposite – daycare from two months of age, and public school all the way through college. I used to think, “Oh, it’s a good thing I was in school, because I’m so introverted, and it would have been so much worse if I hadn’t been immersed in a school atmosphere.” But upon further consideration, I have considered the possibility (which I now think much more likely) that the school atmosphere, with its soul-deadening peer pressure and tribe mentality, contributed more to my shyness than being at home would have. I only faced true bullying once, but oh, that peer pressure! And you don’t even (oftentimes) realize it when you’re in it – it’s only afterwards that you can realize how deeply you were affected by it.
I definitely didn’t get a great education in the public school system. Sure, I had some good teachers here and there, but there’s only so much that they could do in an institutionalized system and mediocre curriculum. What education I received was mainly due to my parents, and to the voracious reading that I did on the side. Additionally, there was just so much brainwashing and indoctrination going on, that I (again) didn’t realize – feminism, materialism, postmodernism, secular humanism, atheism, macroevolution, you name it. In my late thirties, I am STILL dealing with the effects of trying to deal with all of that educational baggage, because it still affects my thinking, and I only realize it a bit at a time as I peel it back, layer by layer.
You and I have so much in common with our lives. My husband is also far older than I (by 14 years), and I too married into a different “culture” – still American, but marrying a southerner feels like being married to someone from another country! Even after 15 years of marriage, we often come from SUCH different points of view to any given issue. (Speaking of which, you too mentioned 15 years – we must have gotten married pretty close to when you two did!)
I didn’t go through a period of rebelling against my Christian upbringing, because my upbringing wasn’t that Christian (strong in ethics, but short in theology). But I too have gone through intense times of questioning God and doubting just about everything that there is to be doubted. 🙂
All that to say (in a very rambling way), I loved your post – thanks for sharing!!
I’m now compulsively checking your blog for baby news! So excited for you!! 🙂
Diana
I enjoyed reading your thoughts, Diana! Very interesting to see how you view your own (very different upbringing).
When I was growing up, I used to wonder what it would be like to go to public school; I thought sometimes that maybe I was missing out on something. But, looking back I don’t think I missed out on anything essential. As a homeschooler, I got an education in all the basics (obviously I sorta know how to type up essays and can spell decently, ha, ha); plus, despite being at home a lot, I was able to develop enough relational skills to be able to function adequately in a variety of social situations (I’m not introverted). So, what did I really miss out on? . . .
On another note, how neat that we share so much in common! It’s also good to know that I’m not alone in having gone through times of doubt; that’s an encouragement to me. I’m so glad that God helped us get through those times. 🙂
Jessica
I also enjoyed reading this. I was not homeschooled and neither was my husband. We both went through the usual public school system. Neither of us benefited much by it, and no surprise. I have learned a tremendous amount over recent years about our educational system, which is more broadly termed “Prussian-style education,” as it was first developed in Prussia. You might be interested to know that it was then adopted by Nazi Germany and that is what produced a people that would support and even participate in the Holocaust. Then some men decided to bring it over to the US, and, well, you see what sort of a society we got out of it.
Therefore, I am fully convinced that homeschooling is the way to go, as is my husband (his experience with public school was even worse than mine). We don’t have children at this time, but if we ever do have any, we are absolutely going to homeschool, no matter what sacrifices we must make. And it would definitely require sacrifices … as it is, we are already poor because my husband is on disability. But we know God will take care of us no matter what, as long as we remain firmly within His will. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your testimony! It’s very encouraging.
Hi, Amanda!
It’s always intriguing to read about other people’s “educational journeys” growing up. Your comment made me feel even more strongly that we absolutely made the right choice to homeschool our children. Also, the details you shared about “Prussian-style education” were things that I hadn’t heard before. Definitely something I’d like to learn more about, though.
Thank you!
~Jessica
As I mentioned in another comment, the homeschooling movement is something I know only a little about, but as a pubic school educator, I have always been interested in learning more about it and the experiences of others who grew up homeschooled. I attended public school in the 60’s and 70’s before anyone educated their children at home. I feel like my education was quite good with a lot of opportunities to take higher level classes in every discipline.
I also think that public school education varies tremendously in quality in the U.S. I live and teach in a region that very strongly supports good education for all, and I also believe that smaller schools are best for children at every level. When I hear about public high schools in other places of 2,000 to 3,000 students, I realize how lucky I am to work in a small community with small public schools with strong community support. It is important to know something about each student and family in order to be the best teacher I can be to each student, and working in a small school makes that much easier.
I don’t think that one form of education fits everyone, but I am glad that I personally had a positive experience in school throughout the years. I too was quite introverted and a real bookworm. I was also one of those (rare, I think) teens who didn’t really care what others thought, so peer pressure wasn’t something that really affected me in a negative way as others have mentioned here. Fortunately, our daughter is very similar to my husband and me in that way, and got through her years of public school relatively unscathed. She is a very independent 25 year old who knows what is right for her and isn’t swayed by the behavior of others. She was a dream to raise at every phase of her life, and my husband and I realize how lucky we were 🙂
Thank you for sharing so much about your life as a young person. I’m sincerely interested in people who live differently than I do. (I teach two foreign languages and cultures. Maybe that’s why I am curious about other lifestyles.)
You’re welcome, Caroline! I’m glad you enjoyed reading my articles!
~Jessica