This past Sunday I cried in church again. The last time was a couple months ago and wasn’t nearly as embarrassing; this time, not only did I have tears running down my face, I actually sobbed. Out loud. I wanted to get up and leave, but that would have created even more of a scene, so I stayed put and did my best to regain control of myself. Why was I crying?
Well, first of all, I’m not usually so emotional in church. Usually, I wait until I get home to vent my emotions; but, right now it seems my emotions are much nearer the surface. It probably has a lot to do with pregnancy hormones; still, I think my reason for crying was valid. I was struck, once again, with the hidden hypocrisy within the Christian church. Despite the fact that the church is doing so much right, Christians are nevertheless going very much the wrong way in at least one, huge area: that of family planning.
One of the leaders in our church began the service with an announcement. Our community is growing at a very fast rate; it is predicted that thousands more people will move here in the next few years. However, there are concerns. Some concerns are serious and involve the availability of water for that many more people (this is not something he mentioned, but that I am nevertheless aware of). Other concerns seem a bit more selfish: the older residents don’t want their small, peaceful community disturbed by an influx of outsiders. This is the concern he brought up. Ridiculing those old-comers (while the majority of the congregation laughed and applauded), he pointed out, “Well, what about before you got here? What if the people who were here before you, had closed the gates to all future residents, claiming that they wanted things to stay as they were? If they had done that, not even you would be here!” Makes sense, though I didn’t necessarily appreciate his approach. Our church is trying to be prepared for all these new people by expanding the campus and by focusing on outreach programs. They are encouraging individuals to extend the love of Jesus to our neighbors. I agree that those are good things.
But let’s amplify that reasoning a bit more. Instead of talking about new people moving into a town, let’s talk about new people moving into a family. As in, new babies coming into a family. How do we react to that? Do we say, “We don’t want our small, peaceful community disturbed by an influx of new people?” Do we close the gate to all future residents, claiming that we want things to stay as they are? Wait a minute — if our parents had done that, not even we would be here! Leaders in the Christian church have a sadly pinched view of how to treat “people.” They encourage us to receive new people into our lives, yet do not think that needs to include new babies. Birth control is the norm in our churches, which ironically, is a rejection of people. They don’t see it that way, because they have been influenced by Margaret Sanger‘s family-limitation and population-control philosophy without even realizing it, but if they would sit down and spend some time really thinking about it, I am pretty sure they would see the weakness in their logic.
This problem in the Christian church is a problem of blindness. Willing, convenient, self-serving blindness. Not in all areas; but in this one. And that’s what made me cry. I’ve cried plenty of times at home, I just didn’t expect to in church. Nobody at church knows the reason why I was crying, and hopefully not many people noticed. It wasn’t something I enjoyed and certainly not something I planned. My feelings of frustration and betrayal by those who should be leading us in the right path but who aren’t (in this area) overflowed and were more than I could bear, at that moment. I also felt that in an area where I and my family should be supported and encouraged, we are not. Our church encourages foster care and adoption, and praises those families who have chosen that path (which is a good thing), but they do not support families in being open to all the children that God may want to send them as part of being fruitful and multiplying. It’s painfully inconsistent.
“This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sins.”
1 John 1:5-7
The tragedy is that even the Catholic Church, which officially calls on married couples to welcome children, in practice condones the sin of contraception.
Following Christ is a package and if people did so in all aspects of their lives Godly marriages would be completely open to children, but children would only be born to married couples and would have the love and support which that brings.
God will decide on what we and he can provide for !
I absolutely agree, Susanne!
As I have said before, God is smart enough for the job, we just have to trust Him.
Jessica
A Catholic woman told me years ago (about 10 years ago) that actual compliance in the Catholic church to the no-birth-control doctrine was reputedly less than 10%, due to laxness of teaching from the pulpit.
Diana,
I can’t speak but from my own observations. Among my Catholic acquaintances, almost none of them actually adhere to Catholic doctrine in this matter. I’m talking of people I know personally; however, I have interacted with several Catholic women online who DO adhere to the official teaching on this. Those same personal acquaintances who don’t comply are also very lax about going to Mass, etc. They only attend for special occasions, such as a First Communion or Baptism, so I guess it makes sense that they would be lax in this area as well.
I wonder what other women have observed?
Jessica
I think Christian women of all denominations are increasingly coming to the realisation that the culture of contraception and birth control generally runs directly contrary to God’s design.
I suppose you may be right, Susanne. But, it’s hard to detect because the movement against contraception is so broadly spread, it seems to me.
Jessica
Our church also encourages foster care and adoption but is silent on the issue of birth control. Maybe some pastors in general don’t want to step on toes. Or they might feel it’s none of their business. I just don’t know. I would love to hear a sermon on trusting God for your family size. I know there are some pastors who want to be sensitive to those couples dealing with infertility.
Anyway, I’m so sorry you cried in church. If I had been there I would have cried too.
Regina,
Or . . . the pastors themselves are using birth control. How can they condemn something they themselves use?
I appreciate your understanding, friend. 🙂 I’m glad to know you “get me.”
Jessica
Amen a hundred thousand times!! I know that we’ve talked about this before, but this is a huge, huge, HUGE blind spot in the Christian church today.
In some ways, I think that this is one way that the increasing (and coming) persecution of the Christian church in the West will actually benefit the church. As increasing amounts of non-Christian churchgoers leave the church (I’m seeing this in droves), and as the culture becomes increasingly hostile to believers, I think that we will see more of a parting of ways between the church and the culture (instead of being ideologically wedded as they have been for a century or two), as well as a purification of the church and its doctrines.
I also have observed what you mentioned, about the church lauding to the skies families who adopt or foster, but ignoring families who welcome children. I think this is ubiquitous across denominations. It’s sad.
Really, it’s just like feminism in general. Most people (in or out of the church) don’t call themselves feminists… but they espouse all of the views espoused by the early feminists. Most Christians don’t call themselves followers of Margaret Sanger… but they espouse all of her views. In other words, feminism/Sanger won, and in the most insidious of ways.
I do think that this situation will improve, but it’s like battle lines in WWI France – inch by inch by inch by inch. I pray that we see massive improvement in our lifetime. The good thing is that every courageous family who stands up for the message of children as a blessing is an incredible testimony to the world, and to the church! And boy, does the church need it!!
Diana
Dear Diana,
I have little to add to your observations, except . . . YES! I don’t think I could have said it any better than you just did. 🙂
I, too, think there is a time of persecution coming (it’s already here, just in the beginning stages). I believe that this will divide true Christians from fake Christians and others who don’t even claim to believe. It’s a little scary to consider, but God did say He would purify His church.
Jessica
Yes, you are quite right! It’s not a matter of “persecution is coming.” It’s here already, though, as you say, in the beginning stages. And unfortunately, the Christian church is too complacent. As in, “Stuff like that will never happen here” and “We have the Constitution to protect us.” In other words, it will be too late to do anything by the time the church realizes and admits what’s going to happen. But as you say, God is purifying His church, dividing believers from false believers, and the church certainly needs that purification.
Love your thoughts!!
You write exactly how I think. <3 I remember a sermon not too long ago our pastor gave about giving God full control over all areas of our lives, our marriages, jobs, etc. and then he listed "rooms" (as in college dorm rooms, I suppose). For a split second, I thought he said "wombs" but, nope, surely not THAT. Give God complete control, except that. That would be reckless and irresponsible, right? I've heard former and present missionaries speak of birth control in a complete matter of fact way. They saw absolutely no contradiction in dedicating their lives to saving souls and denying their own potential offspring the same opportunity. So so sad. ~Moriah
Moriah,
Thank you. I have heard the exact same thing from different pastors, and I thought the exact same thing you did. Our lives are like a house with many rooms. One room is for finances, another for our job, another for school/education, another for our marriage, etc. Sometimes we surrender one room to the Lord, while continuing to withhold from Him access to other rooms. So, for example, we may “allow” God to take charge of our marriage, but still not trust Him in the area of finances. Really, though, all rooms are interconnected. The goal is for us to give God complete control over the *whole* house, and not just parts of it. So where does conception/having children come in? It’s a “room,” too. I think that God deserves control of this area of our lives just as much as the others. He is certainly wise enough to be trusted with the management of this room in our house.
Very good analogy. 🙂
Jessica
This is a subject very dear to my heart because I think it is absolutely fundamental to Christian marriage and to what it means to be a Christian woman. Not all women are destined for marriage (others may follow a religious vocation) and not all couples are destined to have children (God may have other plans for them) but the overwhelming majority are destined for both and God designed us for that purpose. He also designed a moral and social framework based on that premise.
The use of contraception is very deliberately designed by man to go directly against God’s design, morally, socially, physically and in terms of gender. It is fundamentally an attack on God’s clear wishes for us as men and especially as women.
As it is not for us to preach to men and as this is a woman’s forum we can concentrate on God’s plan for us as women. It is clear, as women we are the vessels of his gift of life, our womb (and therefore our body) is his to command not ours and we should strive in our lives to honour that role and to be physically and spiritually worthy of it. Feminists advocated contraception as ‘liberation’, because it frees women to be sexually available and to put career before family. But we do not have any right to pollute our bodies in fornication, nor to place our career aspirations ahead of the care of God’s children. We have no more right to prevent conception than we do to murder our unborn children.
Susanne,
I entirely agree with every point you made. Motherhood is an honor, a privilege, and even . . . a duty. That sounds weird to modern ears, but I believe that it is true, biblically speaking. If we refuse to bear children, who will? (This should be obvious). In a sense, God NEEDS us to make our wombs available to Him, for Him to accomplish His plans for the continuation of the human race. And, it is especially important for *Christian* families to have the children God wants them to have, so that they may raise them / train them in God’s ways, believe in Jesus as Savior, and eventually shine as lights in a dark place.
Jessica
A question. Do you ladies ever talk to people at church or elsewhere about these convictions. Because if i do i usually get a patient role of the eyes at best. Is it time to stand up and shout Gods truth out loud or do wie need to keep on living such convictions as large families modesty etc. quietly? Church time is cry time for me too. Too often
I usually don’t talk much about my convictions, except in a subtle, natural way. For example, if someone asks us if we plan to have more children, I might respond: “We are waiting to see what God has in store for us. We trust in His wisdom.” End of conversation. Most people just look at me when I say that, and don’t choose to add anything else. The only place I talk openly about my convictions is on this blog and on my YouTube videos.
I’m interested to hear what the other ladies have to say about this . . . 🙂
Jessica
Jessica and the rest of you sisters, I wish I were young again and still had my womb. My husband and I learned about allowing God to plan our family size at an Above Rubies family camp.
Unfortunately I had to have a hysterectomy due to fibroid tumors and I couldn’t hold a pregancy. I’m grateful for the three daughters I was able to carry and are now all grown up. I do long to feel life growing in me again. It’s such a blessing to bring forth life.
I get really angry at ” Christian” women who criticize other Christian women for deciding to be mothers instead of having a career. They act like they know what’s best and that is a slap in the face to women.
Last I checked us SAHMs have done nothing to negatively affect society.
Oh I feel a rant starting. I think I will be quiet now.
Regina,
Thank you for adding your thoughts. I really appreciate your sharing them. 🙂
I’m sorry to hear about your hysterectomy. Since I already knew your feelings about family planning, I figured that you must not have been able to have more children through something unavoidable. I know that things like that happen, and I’m SO sorry that they happened to you and your family. In this fractured and fallen world we live in, our bodies “betray” us; they fall apart and do the opposite of what we want them to do, and that is so hard. But, unfortunately it touches all of us, in one way or another.
I agree that Stay-at-home-moms are sometimes (or often) made to feel like they aren’t living up to their potential and are somehow putting their families at a disadvantage. But, how does staying at home with their babies and children do anything but HELP society? How is it bad to wipe their own babies’ bottoms themselves, to potty train their own children, to teach their own children their ABC’s, etc. instead of having someone else do it because of having a career? Doesn’t make sense to me, either. That’s MY short rant for now . . . 🙂
Jessica
P.S. I hope your husband’s health is improving, and that you yourself have completely recovered from the flu (I hate being sick . . . )
It is appalling the way the feminist lobby denigrates women who stay at home to look after their children. Women who are preforming the most important task there is and who are fulfilling the role for which God made them.
Would you sisters please pray for me? I will have my doctors appointment tomorrow (june1.), to discuss the reversal of the tied tubes.
I had this done after my 6. Baby was born (2015)and think it was a wrong decisison. I am 38 now and Lord willing there is still time for a couple more babies..
Sincerely Ruth
Dear Ruth,
I’m so happy–and nervous–for you. This is a big step! Please let us know (if you feel like it) what the doctor says.
Regardless of whether or not you are able to have a successful reversal (and I hope that doesn’t sound negative, because I am hoping and praying for the reversal to work out . . .) your attitude is wonderfully inspiring! Many women wouldn’t even consider a reversal at this point, but you clearly are trying to put the Lord’s will above all else. Being open to “a couple more babies” is beautiful and refreshing in our world of women who cry “no more babies!”
*Dear Lord, thank you so much for my friend, Ruth. She has been so supportive and encouraging to me these past few years I’ve known her. Please bless her and her husband with the opportunity to have more children from You. Please open the doors for her to have a successful reversal surgery. And, Lord, please help both her and her husband to accept Your perfect will for their lives, whatever it is. I pray that You would continue to care for, provide for, and protect their family. Give them wisdom as parents to raise/train their children in the way they should go. Please reward Ruth’s attitude of openness to more children and her willingness to obey Your will for her life, as made clear in Your word. In Jesus’ Name.*
Jessica
Prayers for your reversal and I echo Jessica’s thoughts. If it gives hope I am pregnant at 39 nearly 40 !
We’ve seen the doctor.He told us the operation has to be done by a micro surgery specialist in a large clinic. It might be probably doable but it is a difficult surgery because the tubes need to be sewn together as flawless as possible because if not done perfectly the danger of a developing embryo beeing caught in the tubes is high.Fallopian tube pregnancies can be very dangerous.
It will be no guarantie if the outcome will be successfull, and it is of the expense of a months wage maybe even more.
Knowing all this we still consider to move on. In faith. And with prayer.
Be blessed for your support
Dear Ruth,
Thank you for telling us. It does sound risky; I pray that God will guide the process and give you His protection.
I hope it will be successful and with no problems. Please keep me updated of how things go. 🙂
Jessica
Psalm 126 :5 Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
6 Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
How many people you can find who is against birth control?
sadly I can not found not even one in church where I went.
How many people question – does God likes contraception or not?
God bless you Jessica, may He grant you with strenght, power and boldness!
And you are all ready bold and strong!
here is video I HAVE heard and I have to listen again and again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xrk_ogv14c
Hi, Zane Biele,
Thank you for sharing that Scripture with me! It really encouraged me today.
The video you linked to is one I think I’ve already seen — and agree with. I would like to watch it again, though, since it is always so helpful to watch things like that when I feel (as you mentioned) alone in a crowd of church-going people. It’s wonderful to see pastors holding up the truth about this issue, even though it may make them unpopular.
Jessica
Very nice blog Jessica. May our Heavenly Father continue to bless you in your desire to follow Him. As fallen mankind we can and often do find any reason to justify not following His will. The use of contraceptions of any kind simply removes the authority of the Most High and show our lack of trust in Him to care for us and our children. He makes good ALL things for those who love Him Ro. 8:28. I didn’t know this while going through the childbearing years of my life. I had 3 beautiful daughters and went to work when the youngest was in school full time. I regret that I didn’t seek His guidance early on. Had I done so I would have been a full time stay at home mom raising my children according to His Word and teaching my daughters modesty, humility, and loving graciousness that all women were intended to be. The mother is the queen of the household. So few realize her high calling, duty and great priviledge to raise up for our Redeemer an army of truth seeking people who desire to bring honor and esteem to our Creator and King. May He continue to smile on you and your ministry, Marchita
Thank you so very much, Marchita!
I agree with your comment. Even though there may be many good things we are capable of doing “out there,” our husband, children, and home are our greatest responsibility. They are our main ministry, and it is a privilege to serve them! Thank you for sharing your experience; it really does inspire me to keep on persevering as a full-time wife and mother at home!
Jessica
Marchita that’s a lovely post and I 100% with your sentiments. Especially about the need to teach our daughters to be Godly Christian women who look forward to marriage, motherhood and homemaking.
Hi ladies,
I’ve been reading through the comments and thought maybe you could offer some friendly wisdom. My husband and I would love to start a family (we’ve been married exactly two years) but our situation is not exactly ideal…we both have disabilities that affect our everyday lives immensely. My husband is blind and had to leave seminary bc they couldn’t accommodate his vision needs. He hasn’t been able to find work since we’ve been married bc he can’t do most regular jobs with his vision. He has been trying to get a job in his original degree field (computer science) but has been out so long that they don’t consider him relevant enough anymore. He still tries his hardest to find something though. He does get SSD but it doesn’t cover half our living costs. Meanwhile, I am home full-time bc of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, etc. (Yes, I am very young for that…25). I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and homeschool many children. My husband loves that idea. However, we are so torn with the thought of it being very irresponsible right now to bear children when we can’t even cover half of our bills. We live very simply and will always do so bc of our convictions on materialism, but do you have any insight on what to do in a situation like ours? The Bible says a man needs to provide for his family…we think maybe we should wait to start one until he can. Thoughts?
Thanks for reading and not judging…
Katharyn
Dear Katharyn,
Thanks for your question.
Perhaps the other ladies will venture some advice. For now, here is what I think, which may or may not help you.
First of all, the decision to have children is a joint one, between husband and wife. So, whatever we personally may want as wives, we have to take into consideration what our husbands want, too. Obviously, we can’t force them to do something they don’t feel ready for. However, if we find ourselves in the situation of wanting children when our hsusbands don’t, we can pray for God to give our husbands wisdom and guidance. God can change hearts; with Him, nothing is impossible. My concern would be to avoid methods of birth control that could potentially abort an early pregnancy; so, hormonal/chemical birth control such as the birth control pill, the IUD, etc. are methods that I consider unethical. For more info, you might want to read the book Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions?, by Randy Alcorn. You can find a free downloadable version on his website, epm.org or you can purchase the paper version for $4.
As for your particular situation with having physical difficulties, I don’t know that I have an answer for you. My gut instinct is to tell you that obedience comes first, and understanding comes later. We walk by faith and not by sight. If the Bible says that children are a blessing, and that we should be fruitful and multiply, then we should just let God be God, and not worry about the details. God designed sex for a purpose and He never intended for that to include birth control (since it is never advocated, not even once, in the Bible). Even if things are hard (or painful), that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth it. That’s what I feel like saying. But, I’m not you, and I’ve never been in your place. The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is thoroughly research (along with your husband, if possible) what the Bible says about how God views having children, and then come to your own conclusions. Pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you as you read His word, so that He may give you understanding. 🙂
Please know that I do truly sympathize with your situation, and feel no judgement at all toward you.
May our Lord guide you in His Best for you and your husband,
Jessica